Anonymous
Post 11/21/2023 16:04     Subject: I think I win the Thanksgiving 2023 petty vents already
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Tea and cheese poster here. I am glad I entertained you all but sorry I inadvertently derailed the thread somewhat.
All I wanted to say that it’s not too much to welcome the guests (even if they are early! Which is, I agree, a major inconvenience, but they are old!) and offer them tea or coffee or whatever. Then it is perfectly fine to retreat!
Offering lunch would be nice, but not expected from a typical “modern woman”.
Did the ILs commit a faux pas? Yes. Did they do it on purpose? I doubt it! They are old and anxious. OP might be there one day as well.



My parents are in their late 70s and know to call if they are going to change plans. There is no excuse to be rude to your hosts when they are graciously opening their home to you for a visit and are cooking you a holiday meal.


All I am saying is that even though they weren’t perfectly polite and considerate, they do deserve basic politeness.
I don’t think anyone expected OP to do more than the basic greeting ritual?


A “greeting ritual” when I am not expecting you and I am working from home, on the clock, is: “Come on in, Mary and Jo. You’re welcome to get yourself settled and help yourselves to anything in the kitchen. I’ve got some meetings and a lot of work today, but I’ll get the kids after my last meeting so they can spend more time with you.”
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2023 16:04     Subject: I think I win the Thanksgiving 2023 petty vents already
Tea & cheese lady, the reason it’s not ok is that these are working parents with young children. For people with stressful jobs, thanksgiving is stressful because there are still deadlines. The federal government is open Friday. OP or her husband may be seriously under a lot of work stress and ILs early arrival plus knowing that now she won’t have the time to finish up the things she needed to do for their arrival probably makes it hard to concentrate on work.
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2023 16:01     Subject: I think I win the Thanksgiving 2023 petty vents already
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Tea and cheese poster here. I am glad I entertained you all but sorry I inadvertently derailed the thread somewhat.
All I wanted to say that it’s not too much to welcome the guests (even if they are early! Which is, I agree, a major inconvenience, but they are old!) and offer them tea or coffee or whatever. Then it is perfectly fine to retreat!
Offering lunch would be nice, but not expected from a typical “modern woman”.
Did the ILs commit a faux pas? Yes. Did they do it on purpose? I doubt it! They are old and anxious. OP might be there one day as well.


You also inferred that it's the womans job to host her ILs, even if she's working. That doesnt make someone a "modern woman" it makes your brother a lazy POS.


+1, I can almost guarantee that tea and cheese’s SIL’s obvious deferral to her husband to offer refreshments is the direct result of a pattern of previous cases where she was forced to shoulder the burden of hosting her in-laws and that she is finally taking a stand.
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2023 15:57     Subject: I think I win the Thanksgiving 2023 petty vents already
Serving the tea is just putting the kettle on and then plopping a tea bag into a cup (if that), come on.
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2023 15:55     Subject: I think I win the Thanksgiving 2023 petty vents already
I think if you serve the tea, then a slightly sweet cracker, the cheese could work.
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2023 15:54     Subject: I think I win the Thanksgiving 2023 petty vents already
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Tea and cheese poster here. I am glad I entertained you all but sorry I inadvertently derailed the thread somewhat.
All I wanted to say that it’s not too much to welcome the guests (even if they are early! Which is, I agree, a major inconvenience, but they are old!) and offer them tea or coffee or whatever. Then it is perfectly fine to retreat!
Offering lunch would be nice, but not expected from a typical “modern woman”.
Did the ILs commit a faux pas? Yes. Did they do it on purpose? I doubt it! They are old and anxious. OP might be there one day as well.



My parents are in their late 70s and know to call if they are going to change plans. There is no excuse to be rude to your hosts when they are graciously opening their home to you for a visit and are cooking you a holiday meal.


All I am saying is that even though they weren’t perfectly polite and considerate, they do deserve basic politeness.
I don’t think anyone expected OP to do more than the basic greeting ritual?


Stop digging the hole, Tea & Cheese! Put down your shovel and make yourself some tea!


I am glad I made you feel happy and victorious
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2023 15:54     Subject: I think I win the Thanksgiving 2023 petty vents already
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't your DH be the one to "deal with them" anyway? When my MIL comes to visit, the timing etc doesn't stress me because she is DH's cross to bear. Makes her sound like a bad thing, I know, which she's not. She's just his responsibility rather than mine.


SIL here. I like to believe I am not high maintenance but I do require being given the sheets and maybe a cup of tea and some food on arrival (o visit my brother once a year).
We always used to have a good relationship with my SIL, but I think she started “making me my brother’s responsibility” lately (maybe for the last couple of years?)
It looks weird and makes her look like a bad host and unfriendly person.
I am not a super hostess myself but it doesn’t bother me to make my guest comfortable and offer tea and maybe some snacks or food. I don’t get it when people act all put out by such huge tasks.

This is not meant as an argument with OP or PP, just an observation. It’s not that hard to be a minimally good host. Not serving hand and foot on anyone but just being friendly and providing initial basic supplies.


Sorry your brother is a bad host! I've dropped the rope with my in-laws for the most part (I do clean the house, make a grocery list for my husband to pick up so we have plenty of food in the house, and help him think through meal planning for the visit), but I'm sure my in-laws think I am a bad hostess. The reality is I can only care so much so I do help with some of the planning that I care about (clean house and a food plan for the visit).


What makes you think my brother is a bad host?!
There isn’t much hosting required in the first place. It’s not like they are providing a three course meal on arrival and a fully ready guest bedroom lol. But even the bare minimum - bring the sheets and make some tea and maybe slice some cheese? Is now demonstratively left to my brother.
I don’t really care, it’s their family, but it just looks funny and eyeroll worthy


Your needs seem very specific. We don’t have tea in our house so if you showed up and “required” tea and cheese, you’d be out of luck.


Who the hell eats tea and cheese slices, anyway? What a putrid combination.


I feel like this is one for the dcum archives…up there with lightly grilled tuna

From now on the height of hospitality is to offer tea and sliced cheese to your guest immediately upon their arrival (but for full points it must be offered by a female)




And freshly sliced off a block. None of those pre-sliced jobbies. I want to arrive and see the cheese being freshly sliced.


High maintenance DCUMer as usual.
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2023 15:53     Subject: I think I win the Thanksgiving 2023 petty vents already
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Tea and cheese poster here. I am glad I entertained you all but sorry I inadvertently derailed the thread somewhat.
All I wanted to say that it’s not too much to welcome the guests (even if they are early! Which is, I agree, a major inconvenience, but they are old!) and offer them tea or coffee or whatever. Then it is perfectly fine to retreat!
Offering lunch would be nice, but not expected from a typical “modern woman”.
Did the ILs commit a faux pas? Yes. Did they do it on purpose? I doubt it! They are old and anxious. OP might be there one day as well.



Except that you also wanted to make clear that it wasn’t enough for your brother to welcome you in this way but rather berate your SIL for not being the one to do it.




That’s your interpretation.
My point is that whoever opens the door won’t die of being polite and maybe even - gasp!- offering tea or coffee!
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2023 15:52     Subject: I think I win the Thanksgiving 2023 petty vents already
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Tea and cheese poster here. I am glad I entertained you all but sorry I inadvertently derailed the thread somewhat.
All I wanted to say that it’s not too much to welcome the guests (even if they are early! Which is, I agree, a major inconvenience, but they are old!) and offer them tea or coffee or whatever. Then it is perfectly fine to retreat!
Offering lunch would be nice, but not expected from a typical “modern woman”.
Did the ILs commit a faux pas? Yes. Did they do it on purpose? I doubt it! They are old and anxious. OP might be there one day as well.



My parents are in their late 70s and know to call if they are going to change plans. There is no excuse to be rude to your hosts when they are graciously opening their home to you for a visit and are cooking you a holiday meal.


All I am saying is that even though they weren’t perfectly polite and considerate, they do deserve basic politeness.
I don’t think anyone expected OP to do more than the basic greeting ritual?


Stop digging the hole, Tea & Cheese! Put down your shovel and make yourself some tea!
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2023 15:52     Subject: I think I win the Thanksgiving 2023 petty vents already
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Tea and cheese poster here. I am glad I entertained you all but sorry I inadvertently derailed the thread somewhat.
All I wanted to say that it’s not too much to welcome the guests (even if they are early! Which is, I agree, a major inconvenience, but they are old!) and offer them tea or coffee or whatever. Then it is perfectly fine to retreat!
Offering lunch would be nice, but not expected from a typical “modern woman”.
Did the ILs commit a faux pas? Yes. Did they do it on purpose? I doubt it! They are old and anxious. OP might be there one day as well.


You also inferred that it's the womans job to host her ILs, even if she's working. That doesnt make someone a "modern woman" it makes your brother a lazy POS.


My brother probably does more around the house than you
“The woman’s” job (or really anyone’s) is to show basic politeness when a guest shows up, even if they show up early. If they show up on time that’s even more so.
You are moving the goal posts and making yourself sound ridiculous.
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2023 15:51     Subject: I think I win the Thanksgiving 2023 petty vents already
Anonymous wrote:Tea and cheese poster here. I am glad I entertained you all but sorry I inadvertently derailed the thread somewhat.
All I wanted to say that it’s not too much to welcome the guests (even if they are early! Which is, I agree, a major inconvenience, but they are old!) and offer them tea or coffee or whatever. Then it is perfectly fine to retreat!
Offering lunch would be nice, but not expected from a typical “modern woman”.
Did the ILs commit a faux pas? Yes. Did they do it on purpose? I doubt it! They are old and anxious. OP might be there one day as well.



Except that you also wanted to make clear that it wasn’t enough for your brother to welcome you in this way but rather berate your SIL for not being the one to do it.


Anonymous
Post 11/21/2023 15:50     Subject: I think I win the Thanksgiving 2023 petty vents already
Anonymous wrote:OPs ILs didn't send a text or call because they didn't want to be told to arrive at the agreed-upon time. They executed a sneak attack.

They weren't actually worried about weather or traffic, they wanted to get the visit started early because they are bored and lonely.


Am I the only one now anticipating my ILs arriving early just because? They're absolutely the type to use "oh, we wanted to avoid traffic" for the reason they didn't let us know they were arriving three hours early.

I think THAT is the main issue with OP's story. There was no communication. None before her inlaws left their house and none on their way over. That's rude.
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2023 15:49     Subject: I think I win the Thanksgiving 2023 petty vents already
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Tea and cheese poster here. I am glad I entertained you all but sorry I inadvertently derailed the thread somewhat.
All I wanted to say that it’s not too much to welcome the guests (even if they are early! Which is, I agree, a major inconvenience, but they are old!) and offer them tea or coffee or whatever. Then it is perfectly fine to retreat!
Offering lunch would be nice, but not expected from a typical “modern woman”.
Did the ILs commit a faux pas? Yes. Did they do it on purpose? I doubt it! They are old and anxious. OP might be there one day as well.



My parents are in their late 70s and know to call if they are going to change plans. There is no excuse to be rude to your hosts when they are graciously opening their home to you for a visit and are cooking you a holiday meal.


All I am saying is that even though they weren’t perfectly polite and considerate, they do deserve basic politeness.
I don’t think anyone expected OP to do more than the basic greeting ritual?
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2023 15:49     Subject: I think I win the Thanksgiving 2023 petty vents already
Anonymous wrote:Tea and cheese poster here. I am glad I entertained you all but sorry I inadvertently derailed the thread somewhat.
All I wanted to say that it’s not too much to welcome the guests (even if they are early! Which is, I agree, a major inconvenience, but they are old!) and offer them tea or coffee or whatever. Then it is perfectly fine to retreat!
Offering lunch would be nice, but not expected from a typical “modern woman”.
Did the ILs commit a faux pas? Yes. Did they do it on purpose? I doubt it! They are old and anxious. OP might be there one day as well.


You also inferred that it's the womans job to host her ILs, even if she's working. That doesnt make someone a "modern woman" it makes your brother a lazy POS.
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2023 15:47     Subject: I think I win the Thanksgiving 2023 petty vents already
Anonymous wrote:Tea and cheese poster here. I am glad I entertained you all but sorry I inadvertently derailed the thread somewhat.
All I wanted to say that it’s not too much to welcome the guests (even if they are early! Which is, I agree, a major inconvenience, but they are old!) and offer them tea or coffee or whatever. Then it is perfectly fine to retreat!
Offering lunch would be nice, but not expected from a typical “modern woman”.
Did the ILs commit a faux pas? Yes. Did they do it on purpose? I doubt it! They are old and anxious. OP might be there one day as well.



My parents are in their late 70s and know to call if they are going to change plans. There is no excuse to be rude to your hosts when they are graciously opening their home to you for a visit and are cooking you a holiday meal.