Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At least two of us have posted about how our parents left us home for 10-15 minutes while they took siblings to some activity or another and we've been completely ignored. Both I and the other PP posted about how scared we were, and she said she never told her mom how scared she was and I didn't either. My mom would say "I'm dropping X off for practice and will be back in 10 minutes. Stand here by the door and wait for me." and I remember standing by the door scared to death that someone would come knock on the door and I wouldn't know what to do, or the phone would ring and I would have to answer it, but I was too young to be able to express this fear to my mother. I can't imagine putting my 7 year old in that situation.

Shame on you all for thinking about "oh no, there wouldn't be an emergency" or "Oh but Larla is so independent she would be fine" and not actually really thinking about your children's feelings.

OP here. I used to walk home from school alone at age 7. My parents left me home alone to go to bible study sometimes and I used to get scared. This was also back in the 80s.

My almost 7 year old is the one who WANTS to stay home when I drop off siblings. If she just gets home from school, she doesn’t want to get back in the car to drive X to sports. Unlike being left alone in the 80s, she has multiple ways of contacting us. She is a well behaved, cautious rule follower.

Our county has to exact law but the guideline is age 8. I probably looked it up for my first and that is why I left him for brief periods at 8. I remember a friend of mine left her 5 and 7 year olds home and she said there is no law and her kids were responsible enough.

Ugh, no. I can’t believe you are trying leaving your 6 yr old home alone by saying you have a friend that leaves her 5 and 7 yr old home with no issues. Both of you are making terrible parenting decisions. If I found out a friend of mine did that, not only would I judge them, but I’d stop trusting them as well.

If you pick her up from school, have other siblings with you and go directly to the sports drop off instead of stopping home first. If she takes the bus, have her get right in the car from the bus stop. I understand that the getting home and settled then leaving soon transitions are a pain with young kids. If you can avoid her coming home in between that would be the best.

No

Anonymous wrote:At least two of us have posted about how our parents left us home for 10-15 minutes while they took siblings to some activity or another and we've been completely ignored. Both I and the other PP posted about how scared we were, and she said she never told her mom how scared she was and I didn't either. My mom would say "I'm dropping X off for practice and will be back in 10 minutes. Stand here by the door and wait for me." and I remember standing by the door scared to death that someone would come knock on the door and I wouldn't know what to do, or the phone would ring and I would have to answer it, but I was too young to be able to express this fear to my mother. I can't imagine putting my 7 year old in that situation.

Shame on you all for thinking about "oh no, there wouldn't be an emergency" or "Oh but Larla is so independent she would be fine" and not actually really thinking about your children's feelings.

OP here. I used to walk home from school alone at age 7. My parents left me home alone to go to bible study sometimes and I used to get scared. This was also back in the 80s.

My almost 7 year old is the one who WANTS to stay home when I drop off siblings. If she just gets home from school, she doesn’t want to get back in the car to drive X to sports. Unlike being left alone in the 80s, she has multiple ways of contacting us. She is a well behaved, cautious rule follower.

Our county has to exact law but the guideline is age 8. I probably looked it up for my first and that is why I left him for brief periods at 8. I remember a friend of mine left her 5 and 7 year olds home and she said there is no law and her kids were responsible enough.

Anonymous wrote:At least two of us have posted about how our parents left us home for 10-15 minutes while they took siblings to some activity or another and we've been completely ignored. Both I and the other PP posted about how scared we were, and she said she never told her mom how scared she was and I didn't either. My mom would say "I'm dropping X off for practice and will be back in 10 minutes. Stand here by the door and wait for me." and I remember standing by the door scared to death that someone would come knock on the door and I wouldn't know what to do, or the phone would ring and I would have to answer it, but I was too young to be able to express this fear to my mother. I can't imagine putting my 7 year old in that situation.

Shame on you all for thinking about "oh no, there wouldn't be an emergency" or "Oh but Larla is so independent she would be fine" and not actually really thinking about your children's feelings.

10/26 10:45 did not completely ignore you.

Some kids are better at expressing their fears or feelings than others. That's not a criticism of you as a kid, and I'm sorry that you were put in an uncomfortable position, truly. But just bc you were scared and felt you couldn't articulate that doesn't mean that's true for all 7yo.

Anonymous wrote:When my husband used to travel a lot for work, I would often leave my four and six-year-olds at home while I went for a 40 minute run. If if they hadn’t been exceptionally well-behaved children, and there hadn’t been good neighbours in our street, I wouldn’t have done it. If they were kids who broke rules or pushed boundaries, I wouldn’t have done it.

If your kid is going to look for matches, climb out the window, go outside into the street, etc,
don’t do it, even if they are 8 years old. Eight years is not a magic figure. You need to use judgement based on your child’s maturity and development.

This is incredibly selfish and so unsafe. You should have bought yourself a goddamn treadmill. People like you who are so addicted to exercise that you'd leave a FOUR YEAR OLD home without adult supervision are CRAZY. Literally crazy. You have a problem.

NO

Anonymous wrote:At least two of us have posted about how our parents left us home for 10-15 minutes while they took siblings to some activity or another and we've been completely ignored. Both I and the other PP posted about how scared we were, and she said she never told her mom how scared she was and I didn't either. My mom would say "I'm dropping X off for practice and will be back in 10 minutes. Stand here by the door and wait for me." and I remember standing by the door scared to death that someone would come knock on the door and I wouldn't know what to do, or the phone would ring and I would have to answer it, but I was too young to be able to express this fear to my mother. I can't imagine putting my 7 year old in that situation.

Shame on you all for thinking about "oh no, there wouldn't be an emergency" or "Oh but Larla is so independent she would be fine" and not actually really thinking about your children's feelings.

BY the way, I'm a child of the 80s. My mom would routinely kick me out of the house to go play with neighborhood kids, and I certainly played in the middle of the street with other kids or even out in the yard all by myself at this age, so this is not about fostering independence. And I'm not saying that I was traumatized by it and it affected the rest of my life, it didn't, I'm totally fine, but I really still do have vivid memories of sitting on the stairway landing inside the front door and staring out the window waiting for my mom to come home, I was SO SCARED.

At least two of us have posted about how our parents left us home for 10-15 minutes while they took siblings to some activity or another and we've been completely ignored. Both I and the other PP posted about how scared we were, and she said she never told her mom how scared she was and I didn't either. My mom would say "I'm dropping X off for practice and will be back in 10 minutes. Stand here by the door and wait for me." and I remember standing by the door scared to death that someone would come knock on the door and I wouldn't know what to do, or the phone would ring and I would have to answer it, but I was too young to be able to express this fear to my mother. I can't imagine putting my 7 year old in that situation.

Shame on you all for thinking about "oh no, there wouldn't be an emergency" or "Oh but Larla is so independent she would be fine" and not actually really thinking about your children's feelings.

I would like to say I'd do it, because I'm all about growing independence and self-sufficiency. However, two specific incidents lead me to wait until at least 8 years old for my kids.
1. A sister-in-law's sister had a child who died of strangulation on window blind cords. I think they were 2 or 3. But just thinking of that tragedy - a child unsupervised for maybe 10 minutes in the other room - lead me to think a lot about little dangers like that. If a child is stuck like that they can't call, run for help - they may be unable to yell.
2. One day I let my 4 year old daughter nap in my bed. I can't remember the occasion, but she had been sick or something so needed to nap when she usually wouldn't. When I checked on her about 45 minutes in, I was shocked. She had opened the window, broken the screen, and chucked random stuff out the 2nd story window. I had been walking past in the hallway, oblivious to all this. I struggle to prevent myself from thinking about what if she actually tried climbing up into the windowsill and fell out. These accidents happen.

So. Long story short... I would not leave any of my kids home alone until at least 8, and I'd probably have a neighbor check in on them periodically.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my husband used to travel a lot for work, I would often leave my four and six-year-olds at home while I went for a 40 minute run. If if they hadn’t been exceptionally well-behaved children, and there hadn’t been good neighbours in our street, I wouldn’t have done it. If they were kids who broke rules or pushed boundaries, I wouldn’t have done it.

If your kid is going to look for matches, climb out the window, go outside into the street, etc,
don’t do it, even if they are 8 years old. Eight years is not a magic figure. You need to use judgement based on your child’s maturity and development.

If this doesn’t count as neglect I don’t know what does. Who leaves a four year old home with no adult or sitter so they can take a run? Why do you think you are above the law?

A selfish monster

DP, but my kids at that age would have watched a video and not even known I was gone. Not that I left them, but they probably would have been fine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my husband used to travel a lot for work, I would often leave my four and six-year-olds at home while I went for a 40 minute run. If if they hadn’t been exceptionally well-behaved children, and there hadn’t been good neighbours in our street, I wouldn’t have done it. If they were kids who broke rules or pushed boundaries, I wouldn’t have done it.

If your kid is going to look for matches, climb out the window, go outside into the street, etc,
don’t do it, even if they are 8 years old. Eight years is not a magic figure. You need to use judgement based on your child’s maturity and development.

If this doesn’t count as neglect I don’t know what does. Who leaves a four year old home with no adult or sitter so they can take a run? Why do you think you are above the law?

A selfish monster

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my husband used to travel a lot for work, I would often leave my four and six-year-olds at home while I went for a 40 minute run. If if they hadn’t been exceptionally well-behaved children, and there hadn’t been good neighbours in our street, I wouldn’t have done it. If they were kids who broke rules or pushed boundaries, I wouldn’t have done it.

If your kid is going to look for matches, climb out the window, go outside into the street, etc,
don’t do it, even if they are 8 years old. Eight years is not a magic figure. You need to use judgement based on your child’s maturity and development.

It’s not all about physical safety, it’s also about emotional security. I’ll bet the younger child was just fine, but you almost certainly put too much of a burden on your older child. Six is too young to be left at home alone babysitting. I don’t care how you sugarcoat it, you caused your child to have unnecessary anxiety. I wouldn’t be surprised if the effects don’t rear their ugly head in years to come. It could be depression or anxiety or other forms of insecurity. It could develop at any point. And all because you wanted a run?

Why not get a treadmill? Shame on you!

She mentioned the neighbors -- it's likely her kid was told "if you have any problem at all, Carol is in her garden right next door and she knows I'm out -- you can go to her for anything."

If a neighbor was around and knew the kids were home alone, the kids were not really home alone and the older one wasn't "babysitting." They were just being given a slightly more advanced level of independence than, say, playing in the yard on their own, or playing upstairs on their own while parents entertain in the kitchen.

You’re making excuses, because none of us want to mommy shame. It’s fine to tell a ten year old that you’re going to step out for a run and to contact Mrs. Smith next door if there are any issues, but it’s not okay for a six year old with a younger sibling.

Do you remember being that age? I was afraid to go to my basement or garage alone, even with everyone in the house. It’s cruel to leave such a young child in charge of a sibling, even with nice neighbors.

Why not just ask the neighbors to babysit? You could get a high schooler or college kid to come every day for an hour while you run.

This is way too much strain for such a young child. Twenty years from now, mom is going to wonder why older kid failed to launch or why he/she has so much anxiety, etc. We’ll, I know why.

You think if PP’s child has anxiety / fails to launch in 20 years, it will all be because her mother left her alone with a sibling for 20 minutes to go pick up milk?!?! Wtf. My kids love watching their cartoons and could care less what I’m doing / where I am.

PP get your kid in therapy now, those 20 minutes apparently just ruined her life.

Yes, those kids will need therapy. I highly doubt her extreme selfishness ends with just the regular 40 minute jogs. It’s so easy to get a babysitter and jog away! PP reminds me of that beotch who left her kids in a hotel room and went out partying with her hubbie in NYC; naturally, he ended up dying from an overdose. And then mommy dearest had the nerve to complain that the hotel called the police because her friend showed up demanding to see the kids.

I’m from one of those cultures that encourages early independence. It does mess many if not most people up and especially when it clashes here in America when you interact with other people who were loved and cared for properly. I cannot believe anyone would think this sort of child neglect is okay. You all are monsters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my husband used to travel a lot for work, I would often leave my four and six-year-olds at home while I went for a 40 minute run. If if they hadn’t been exceptionally well-behaved children, and there hadn’t been good neighbours in our street, I wouldn’t have done it. If they were kids who broke rules or pushed boundaries, I wouldn’t have done it.

If your kid is going to look for matches, climb out the window, go outside into the street, etc,
don’t do it, even if they are 8 years old. Eight years is not a magic figure. You need to use judgement based on your child’s maturity and development.

It’s not all about physical safety, it’s also about emotional security. I’ll bet the younger child was just fine, but you almost certainly put too much of a burden on your older child. Six is too young to be left at home alone babysitting. I don’t care how you sugarcoat it, you caused your child to have unnecessary anxiety. I wouldn’t be surprised if the effects don’t rear their ugly head in years to come. It could be depression or anxiety or other forms of insecurity. It could develop at any point. And all because you wanted a run?

Why not get a treadmill? Shame on you!

She mentioned the neighbors -- it's likely her kid was told "if you have any problem at all, Carol is in her garden right next door and she knows I'm out -- you can go to her for anything."

If a neighbor was around and knew the kids were home alone, the kids were not really home alone and the older one wasn't "babysitting." They were just being given a slightly more advanced level of independence than, say, playing in the yard on their own, or playing upstairs on their own while parents entertain in the kitchen.

It’s really not Carole’s responsibility to watch your kids and handle an emergency so you can go run multiple times a week.

Anonymous wrote:When my husband used to travel a lot for work, I would often leave my four and six-year-olds at home while I went for a 40 minute run. If if they hadn’t been exceptionally well-behaved children, and there hadn’t been good neighbours in our street, I wouldn’t have done it. If they were kids who broke rules or pushed boundaries, I wouldn’t have done it.

If your kid is going to look for matches, climb out the window, go outside into the street, etc,
don’t do it, even if they are 8 years old. Eight years is not a magic figure. You need to use judgement based on your child’s maturity and development.

If this doesn’t count as neglect I don’t know what does. Who leaves a four year old home with no adult or sitter so they can take a run? Why do you think you are above the law?

I find some of the risk assessments on this thread pretty surprising. There is no way I’d have left any of my kids- at age 3- in the house alone while I mowed the lawn. Extremely risky IMO. Not just out of sight but out of earshot, operating loud machinery and unable to hear- no way I would even consider doing that. Ages 1-4ish are such an extremely risky time for accidents, for obvious reasons. I wouldn’t even leave kids those ages with a teenaged sitter- adults only. But a 7yo watching Wild Kratts on the iPad while you run around the corner? Meh. I left mine around 7-8 for a short time in similar scenarios. We lived right around the corner from our elementary school and sports practice fields.