Anonymous wrote:

I have a 16 yo DS and I don't drag him to family outings where I know he won't have peers to engage with. I either leave him at home to do what he wants or he makes plans to hang out with his friends.

From your answer, it would appear that you DS lives with you full time.

This girl is 15 and sees her father every other weekend. In this situation, it is NOT, IMO, reasonable to expect her to stay at home alone. It's probable that she can't spend the evening with friends because the friends live near mom, not dad. She may not have any friends who live with walking/biking distance of dad's house. Plus, she's not old enough to drive herself, so she'd have to rely on dad. And if dad wants to have dinner with friends and drink wine, he's probably not going to want to drink and drive back and forth to mom's neighborhood twice in the same evening.

If he does leave her home alone, it's also possible she's going to say "Why do I have to spend my weekend with you instead of with my friends if you're just going to leave me home alone? " It's also possible that her mother will say the same..."Seriously, you insist she has to come to your house for the weekend and then you leave her home alone for 4 hours on Saturday night?"

So, OP can either socialize with dad and stepmom on weekends D is with mom OR be more understanding.

I have a 16 yo DS and I don't drag him to family outings where I know he won't have peers to engage with. I either leave him at home to do what he wants or he makes plans to hang out with his friends.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve experienced this too. Usually the teen is not as precocious as the parents think she and no adults aren’t crazy for not wanting to socialize with a 15 year old for 3 hours.

Anonymous wrote:Wow! I'm so thankful that my friend group enjoys hanging at multigenerational gatherings. When our kids were teens we loved being all together (and with aging parents as well). No that they are older teens/young adults they are even more elusive so it's a real treat when they are in town and we get to spend time with them. Having younger people around offers an opportunity to get to know what's going on for the younger generation and to find out their takes on contemporary issues. It's often eye opening and fun! I guess I also have plenty of opportunity for adult time so it's never been an issue for me.

Anonymous wrote:I mean I don't think a 15 year old would want to play with an 11 year old or younger. Was that the first-time meeting everyone? Maybe she didn't feel comfortable hanging out elsewhere?

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Love how this thread turned into everyone bragging about their ability to socialize with children on a Saturday night and how much they love it …. Post it again in a month OP and say you love hanging out with your friends teens and the same people will come ridicule you for being weird. It’s just about being critical. Next thread

Op here- hahaha yes! Thanks for this!! I honestly can’t believe so many people are getting worked up about this. 15 year olds are fine and all, but they’re not adults and when there are two couples and a 15 year old engaged in a heavy conversational dynamic for 4 hours it does feel forced and awkward.

Also, I realize I was not clear with this piece of info- I did not know that the dad had a teenaged daughter and shared custody. We know the wife through my husband and she recently married him and had a child together. Like I said, we don’t know them well which is why we invited them over for dinner.

Most of our friends have kids our kids ages or younger, it’s normal to feed them first then they run off to play or have a movie night if they want to do that. Our other friends with teens have always left them home, just saying the kids had other things to do or straight up didn’t want to come hang with a bunch of babies. That makes sense 😊

OK, OP, now I am really curious - what kind of topics are you comfortable discussing with people you barely know, but not comfortable discussing with a 15 y.o.?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love how this thread turned into everyone bragging about their ability to socialize with children on a Saturday night and how much they love it …. Post it again in a month OP and say you love hanging out with your friends teens and the same people will come ridicule you for being weird. It’s just about being critical. Next thread

Op here- hahaha yes! Thanks for this!! I honestly can’t believe so many people are getting worked up about this. 15 year olds are fine and all, but they’re not adults and when there are two couples and a 15 year old engaged in a heavy conversational dynamic for 4 hours it does feel forced and awkward.

Also, I realize I was not clear with this piece of info- I did not know that the dad had a teenaged daughter and shared custody. We know the wife through my husband and she recently married him and had a child together. Like I said, we don’t know them well which is why we invited them over for dinner.

Most of our friends have kids our kids ages or younger, it’s normal to feed them first then they run off to play or have a movie night if they want to do that. Our other friends with teens have always left them home, just saying the kids had other things to do or straight up didn’t want to come hang with a bunch of babies. That makes sense 😊

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would prefer my child to be amongst peers, but as long as there was no drinking, drugs, cursing, or adult topics I would be okay. Lots of families socialize like this. Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and any children around.

BOOOOOOORRRRRING!

Anonymous wrote:I would prefer my child to be amongst peers, but as long as there was no drinking, drugs, cursing, or adult topics I would be okay. Lots of families socialize like this. Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and any children around.

Anonymous wrote:In this situation my 15 yr old would gladly stay home and watch Netflix. Either hanging with older adults or with the younger kids would not be fun options. But, I can understand that there may also be some jealously between her and the new wife. She may have inserted herself into that dynamic as a flex, albeit subconsciously. I was extremely jealous of the new wife when my dad remarried and how our relationship changed. I’d offer advice on that and how you can be more supportive, but you are clearly aligned with the new wife. It is clear that the daughter is not going to get empathy from you.

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Anonymous wrote:Another question from OP- obviously, my oldest kid is 11. I don’t know any 15 year olds well at all (no close friends with kids that age). Why would I be expected to know their developmental level and what’s appropriate/typical behavior? That’s literally what I’m here asking about but people are criticizing me for…not knowing what I don’t know? What I came here to ask? Too funny

Bet you have an immature 11 year old boy you don’t enjoy. My teen girls are lovely.

I’m sure they are, but they are not who I look forward to talking to on a Friday night over a glass of wine.

I'm sure they aren't looking forward to talking to you either, but they are doing the best once they are stuck with your unpleasant family.

Thinking that 15 year old wants to hang out with "kiddos" maybe be part of your problem". 15 year olds are becoming young adults.

Young adults who can stay home. Or go out with friends. Or stay in their room and text with their friends. Why was the 15 yr old even there after dinner?

Anonymous wrote:I’ve experienced this too. Usually the teen is not as precocious as the parents think she and no adults aren’t crazy for not wanting to socialize with a 15 year old for 3 hours.