Anonymous wrote:I just got back from a no kids wedding at a vineyard in California.

Weddings used to be about the vows and about family.

Now weddings are about the instagram.

We had 3 days of events. The wedding was on Saturday and went from 3:30 pm until 10:00 pm.
I think these extremely long times are so that the wedding venue can simply charge thousands of dollars more. I prefer 30 minutes at a house of worship. This followed by 15 minute drive to the reception venue followed by several hours at the reception venue.

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Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read most of this but I recently attended a wedding with my two children (1 and 3) without additional childcare. The kids were in the wedding so they had to be there/at all the events. My advice is that regardless of if parents or nanny or OP and her husband are on kid duty, they should scope out playgrounds/toddler-safe playing areas near all the venues of each event. Have the kid(s) make an appearance when necessary/appropriate and the designated adult takes them out to play ASAP when they show signs of impatience with boring grownup things. Plan their outfits accordingly. (In my case I brought play clothes to the wedding itself and the kids changed out of their fancy clothes after the ceremony.) For the one in the wedding, have a goodie bag of quiet fidget toys/coloring things on their seat in the venue so they’re quietly entertained during the ceremony. Much closer to the actual events, look at the times things happen at that the kids are involved in and consider if naps should be shifted and if so how and when to ensure that they’re in a good mood for the important bits. Don’t expect this to be a restful experience.

Hahahahaha you all are acting like you’re about to embark on the most challenging experience of anyone’s lives! It’s absolutely hilarious.

Millions of babies and toddlers have attended weddings, festivals, concerts, games and other joyous events over the years. The mothers all survived, and many didn’t plan them out months and months in advance!

You’ve never been to a wedding/reception in Latin America, obviously. Babies everywhere making all kinds of noise with nobody caring, later sleeping on the floor late into the night at raucous receptions. Now THAT’S fun. THAT’’S a wedding reception. THAT’S a party. You are all so uptight it’s insane.

OP. This is funny because I actually am Latina and don’t even disagree with you. Weddings are better with kids! Doesn’t change the fact that I need to budget this trip in advance and therefore need to figure out what to do.

Anonymous wrote:We’ve taken nannies on trips like this and have a set rate (vs hourly overtime). If it’s a fun tourist destination, as long as they aren’t babysitting the whole time, it can be fun for them, too. Once we flew a friend out for our nanny so they could pal around when she warn working. It was still cheaper than overtime hours.

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Anonymous wrote:Also, the kids will be 2 and 4 at the wedding. Not one and three. Pretty big difference.

Sure, the 4 YO will be easier, but it’s not like the leap from 1-2 is all that much. I say that with a very well behaved kid, even the best behaved 2 YO is going to be a wiggly, show stealing toddler.

It’s easier for a grandparent to deal with a 2 year old than a 1 year old. Ask me how I know.

DP - the OP said that the kids "will be" one and three at the time of the wedding.

Also, plenty of one year olds (true one year olds, not a 19 month old) are easier to manage than a two year old. They're usually less mobile, less tantrumy, etc. My kids were far easier at one year than they were at two years.

Again, I am talking about this from a grandparent perspective, and you are not one.

How do you know that? Are you in PP's living room? Checking out her family tree on ancestry.com?

Snort. I'm the PP in question. I'm not a grandparent, but I also don't see how that matters. The grandparent on this thread doesn't speak for all grandparents; also, not all two year olds are more difficult than all one year olds (again, for all grandparents). That's utter nonsense.

No, THIS is utter nonsense:

“I’m trying to figure out how to deal with childcare. We have a nanny, but it would be super expensive to fly her out and pay all the overtime that would be required. But I think it’s our only real option. I’m not comfortable with hiring someone we don’t know at the location. I don’t think we can have just DH attend the events and have me watch the kids.

Anyone been in a similar situation? Am I missing a potential solution?”

And she never mentions that her parents have been invited and have even offered to babysit!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read most of this but I recently attended a wedding with my two children (1 and 3) without additional childcare. The kids were in the wedding so they had to be there/at all the events. My advice is that regardless of if parents or nanny or OP and her husband are on kid duty, they should scope out playgrounds/toddler-safe playing areas near all the venues of each event. Have the kid(s) make an appearance when necessary/appropriate and the designated adult takes them out to play ASAP when they show signs of impatience with boring grownup things. Plan their outfits accordingly. (In my case I brought play clothes to the wedding itself and the kids changed out of their fancy clothes after the ceremony.) For the one in the wedding, have a goodie bag of quiet fidget toys/coloring things on their seat in the venue so they’re quietly entertained during the ceremony. Much closer to the actual events, look at the times things happen at that the kids are involved in and consider if naps should be shifted and if so how and when to ensure that they’re in a good mood for the important bits. Don’t expect this to be a restful experience.

Hahahahaha you all are acting like you’re about to embark on the most challenging experience of anyone’s lives! It’s absolutely hilarious.

Millions of babies and toddlers have attended weddings, festivals, concerts, games and other joyous events over the years. The mothers all survived, and many didn’t plan them out months and months in advance!

You’ve never been to a wedding/reception in Latin America, obviously. Babies everywhere making all kinds of noise with nobody caring, later sleeping on the floor late into the night at raucous receptions. Now THAT’S fun. THAT’’S a wedding reception. THAT’S a party. You are all so uptight it’s insane.

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read most of this but I recently attended a wedding with my two children (1 and 3) without additional childcare. The kids were in the wedding so they had to be there/at all the events. My advice is that regardless of if parents or nanny or OP and her husband are on kid duty, they should scope out playgrounds/toddler-safe playing areas near all the venues of each event. Have the kid(s) make an appearance when necessary/appropriate and the designated adult takes them out to play ASAP when they show signs of impatience with boring grownup things. Plan their outfits accordingly. (In my case I brought play clothes to the wedding itself and the kids changed out of their fancy clothes after the ceremony.) For the one in the wedding, have a goodie bag of quiet fidget toys/coloring things on their seat in the venue so they’re quietly entertained during the ceremony. Much closer to the actual events, look at the times things happen at that the kids are involved in and consider if naps should be shifted and if so how and when to ensure that they’re in a good mood for the important bits. Don’t expect this to be a restful experience.

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Anonymous wrote:What are all these events that you can't bring the kids? You've only mentioned the brunch besides the wedding itself. Why can't the kid sit with any of the grandparents during the ceremony? And you can watch the kids yourself at the brunch. What else is going on?

Sounds like a blast. OP can be the only parent on duty in a strange place with toddlers for 4 days while DH hangs with his family. You know someone will call her out if she asks for someone to watch the kids while she uses the restroom. And she can then get more crap for when the kids melt down in their itchy party dress, or stick their finger in the cupcake display, or get cranky when they’re up behind their bedtime (because everyone begs to keep the kids awake).

Anonymous wrote:Why can't your parents watch the kids at the wedding events?

Welcome party - every one goes, whoever wants to dip early takes kids back to hotel/airbnb
Rehearsal day - you/your parents deal with the kids. Are your parents really involved so much as to be needed to "rehearse" anything for this wedding of their childs brother in law?
Wedding day - your parents watch the kids while youre doing hmu, you can trade off during the reception
brunch - bring em

It seems ideal that your parents are invited, IF they are willing to help out with the kids.

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Anonymous wrote:Your nanny is probably the best option (or a parent, as PP said). Or is there a younger cousin or niece/nephew in their late teens/early 20s who will be in town for the wedding but doesn't have a major role who could help (for pay, but not as much as paying all of the nanny OT)?

Unfortunately no. DH’s family is tiny. I could potentially fly my own sister out, it just feels like a big ask for her to take time off work even if I pay all of her expenses.