Anonymous wrote:It’s part of growing up. Start to host better. Both you and the husband.

You get 0 extra points for ruining your holidays by spending them unhappy. Life is too short to waste the precious holidays with young children by exhausting yourself and missing the magic.

Do what works for you and your kids. Host who you actually want. Everyone else can see you in 2024.

It’s part of growing up. Start to host better. Both you and the husband.

Sounds to me like they do alternate. And she just wants to remove her in-laws from the rotation.

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Anonymous wrote:I think unless your in laws are toxic, abusive, extremely demanding and difficult people, you do have to suck it up sometimes and host them every once in awhile. completely reasonable that you don’t want to travel to them and also completely reasonable to ask them to stay at a hotel or Airbnb instead of in your home. But suck it up and host a holiday meal (ok if it’s just a restaurant or Wegmans meal and not homemade)

Host a holiday meal every year for 20+ years is not “sucking it up sometimes” it’s acting like your kids are a life sentence to wait on your in-laws.

Did I say every year? I thought OP indicated they alternate years w her parents? So in laws is every other year. Also, having in-laws stay at a local hotel/Airbnb and ordering take out or wegmans meal really isn’t much hosting…

It does not sound like they alternate.

It’s also possible— and perfectly polite— to want a Christmas only with people who add to your joy. I don’t think taking one year off from both traveling and hosting is a mortal sin, especially since OP has spent the last several years either traveling in the worst times or hosting people who don’t cook and clean for themselves.

No one is harmed if OP gets the Christmas *she* wants once every three or four years. You could even consider it part of a rotation— one year with her parents, on year with his parents, one year the way the couple actually wants it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think unless your in laws are toxic, abusive, extremely demanding and difficult people, you do have to suck it up sometimes and host them every once in awhile. completely reasonable that you don’t want to travel to them and also completely reasonable to ask them to stay at a hotel or Airbnb instead of in your home. But suck it up and host a holiday meal (ok if it’s just a restaurant or Wegmans meal and not homemade)

Host a holiday meal every year for 20+ years is not “sucking it up sometimes” it’s acting like your kids are a life sentence to wait on your in-laws.

Did I say every year? I thought OP indicated they alternate years w her parents? So in laws is every other year. Also, having in-laws stay at a local hotel/Airbnb and ordering take out or wegmans meal really isn’t much hosting…

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Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine being so lazy with kids. Christmas is about them. I go all out and it’s the thing my kids remember the most about holidays.

My parents do help me cook when they visit and my in-laws dont, but that’s because I like cooking with my mom and my in-laws instead play with dh and the kids.

I do refuse to travel for Christmas though. Other holidays are fine to travel.

Agree. Not sure why some of these people even have kids.

To have kids.

The people showing up at their home demanding to be waited on? Not kids. No one has kids thinking “at last! I can wash dishes while my in laws sit on the couch!”

I am truly sad for you that you can imagine any value in extended family holidays.

I can— and do. I don’t see value in exhausting myself to wait on people. My children won’t have holiday memories of an exhausted mother.

If that’s the only way you can picture it happening, you’re doing it wrong.

It’s how the OPs holidays keep happening and she’s the expert here. I don’t blame her for wanting a holiday season where she doesn’t have to travel and is treated like the help.

The help? You sound insane.

Maybe you didn’t read the OP. What she specifically says is that she doesn’t want to:

2) cook and clean for 8 people during the holidays

So obviously these aren’t people who pitch in at clean up.

Thank goodness for OP her own mother doesn’t have this attitude!

Why? Without her in laws there…there won’t be eight people. And if her mother did have that attitude, that’s down to four people.

Maybe this is the wake up call the in laws need to pitch in a little.

OP has no trouble treating her parents like the help. Read the OP.

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Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine being so lazy with kids. Christmas is about them. I go all out and it’s the thing my kids remember the most about holidays.

My parents do help me cook when they visit and my in-laws dont, but that’s because I like cooking with my mom and my in-laws instead play with dh and the kids.

I do refuse to travel for Christmas though. Other holidays are fine to travel.

Agree. Not sure why some of these people even have kids.

To have kids.

The people showing up at their home demanding to be waited on? Not kids. No one has kids thinking “at last! I can wash dishes while my in laws sit on the couch!”

I am truly sad for you that you can imagine any value in extended family holidays.

I can— and do. I don’t see value in exhausting myself to wait on people. My children won’t have holiday memories of an exhausted mother.

If that’s the only way you can picture it happening, you’re doing it wrong.

It’s how the OPs holidays keep happening and she’s the expert here. I don’t blame her for wanting a holiday season where she doesn’t have to travel and is treated like the help.

The help? You sound insane.

Maybe you didn’t read the OP. What she specifically says is that she doesn’t want to:

2) cook and clean for 8 people during the holidays

So obviously these aren’t people who pitch in at clean up.

Thank goodness for OP her own mother doesn’t have this attitude!

Why? Without her in laws there…there won’t be eight people. And if her mother did have that attitude, that’s down to four people.

Maybe this is the wake up call the in laws need to pitch in a little.

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Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine being so lazy with kids. Christmas is about them. I go all out and it’s the thing my kids remember the most about holidays.

My parents do help me cook when they visit and my in-laws dont, but that’s because I like cooking with my mom and my in-laws instead play with dh and the kids.

I do refuse to travel for Christmas though. Other holidays are fine to travel.

Agree. Not sure why some of these people even have kids.

To have kids.

The people showing up at their home demanding to be waited on? Not kids. No one has kids thinking “at last! I can wash dishes while my in laws sit on the couch!”

I am truly sad for you that you can imagine any value in extended family holidays.

I can— and do. I don’t see value in exhausting myself to wait on people. My children won’t have holiday memories of an exhausted mother.

If that’s the only way you can picture it happening, you’re doing it wrong.

It’s how the OPs holidays keep happening and she’s the expert here. I don’t blame her for wanting a holiday season where she doesn’t have to travel and is treated like the help.

The help? You sound insane.

Maybe you didn’t read the OP. What she specifically says is that she doesn’t want to:

2) cook and clean for 8 people during the holidays

So obviously these aren’t people who pitch in at clean up.

Thank goodness for OP her own mother doesn’t have this attitude!

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine being so lazy with kids. Christmas is about them. I go all out and it’s the thing my kids remember the most about holidays.

My parents do help me cook when they visit and my in-laws dont, but that’s because I like cooking with my mom and my in-laws instead play with dh and the kids.

I do refuse to travel for Christmas though. Other holidays are fine to travel.

Agree. Not sure why some of these people even have kids.

To have kids.

The people showing up at their home demanding to be waited on? Not kids. No one has kids thinking “at last! I can wash dishes while my in laws sit on the couch!”

I am truly sad for you that you can imagine any value in extended family holidays.

I can— and do. I don’t see value in exhausting myself to wait on people. My children won’t have holiday memories of an exhausted mother.

If that’s the only way you can picture it happening, you’re doing it wrong.

It’s how the OPs holidays keep happening and she’s the expert here. I don’t blame her for wanting a holiday season where she doesn’t have to travel and is treated like the help.

The help? You sound insane.

Maybe you didn’t read the OP. What she specifically says is that she doesn’t want to:

2) cook and clean for 8 people during the holidays

So obviously these aren’t people who pitch in at clean up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine being so lazy with kids. Christmas is about them. I go all out and it’s the thing my kids remember the most about holidays.

My parents do help me cook when they visit and my in-laws dont, but that’s because I like cooking with my mom and my in-laws instead play with dh and the kids.

I do refuse to travel for Christmas though. Other holidays are fine to travel.

Agree. Not sure why some of these people even have kids.

To have kids.

The people showing up at their home demanding to be waited on? Not kids. No one has kids thinking “at last! I can wash dishes while my in laws sit on the couch!”

I am truly sad for you that you can imagine any value in extended family holidays.

I can— and do. I don’t see value in exhausting myself to wait on people. My children won’t have holiday memories of an exhausted mother.

If that’s the only way you can picture it happening, you’re doing it wrong.

It’s how the OPs holidays keep happening and she’s the expert here. I don’t blame her for wanting a holiday season where she doesn’t have to travel and is treated like the help.

The help? You sound insane.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine being so lazy with kids. Christmas is about them. I go all out and it’s the thing my kids remember the most about holidays.

My parents do help me cook when they visit and my in-laws dont, but that’s because I like cooking with my mom and my in-laws instead play with dh and the kids.

I do refuse to travel for Christmas though. Other holidays are fine to travel.

Agree. Not sure why some of these people even have kids.

To have kids.

The people showing up at their home demanding to be waited on? Not kids. No one has kids thinking “at last! I can wash dishes while my in laws sit on the couch!”

I am truly sad for you that you can imagine any value in extended family holidays.

I can— and do. I don’t see value in exhausting myself to wait on people. My children won’t have holiday memories of an exhausted mother.

If that’s the only way you can picture it happening, you’re doing it wrong.

It’s how the OPs holidays keep happening and she’s the expert here. I don’t blame her for wanting a holiday season where she doesn’t have to travel and is treated like the help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine being so lazy with kids. Christmas is about them. I go all out and it’s the thing my kids remember the most about holidays.

My parents do help me cook when they visit and my in-laws dont, but that’s because I like cooking with my mom and my in-laws instead play with dh and the kids.

I do refuse to travel for Christmas though. Other holidays are fine to travel.

Agree. Not sure why some of these people even have kids.

To have kids.

The people showing up at their home demanding to be waited on? Not kids. No one has kids thinking “at last! I can wash dishes while my in laws sit on the couch!”

I am truly sad for you that you can imagine any value in extended family holidays.

I can— and do. I don’t see value in exhausting myself to wait on people. My children won’t have holiday memories of an exhausted mother.

Heaven forfend they see their mother working hard for her family.

Right?! Especially when the alternatives are memories like snuggling with your mother in her bed reading Christmas stories, walking through Christmas lights with her, skating with her, baking cookies with her, having Christmas morning breakfast in bed with her…gosh why would you trade any of those memories for “my mother worked hard at Christmas”?

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine being so lazy with kids. Christmas is about them. I go all out and it’s the thing my kids remember the most about holidays.

My parents do help me cook when they visit and my in-laws dont, but that’s because I like cooking with my mom and my in-laws instead play with dh and the kids.

I do refuse to travel for Christmas though. Other holidays are fine to travel.

Agree. Not sure why some of these people even have kids.

To have kids.

The people showing up at their home demanding to be waited on? Not kids. No one has kids thinking “at last! I can wash dishes while my in laws sit on the couch!”

I am truly sad for you that you can imagine any value in extended family holidays.

I can— and do. I don’t see value in exhausting myself to wait on people. My children won’t have holiday memories of an exhausted mother.

If that’s the only way you can picture it happening, you’re doing it wrong.

Has anyone asked if Op’s parents are manipulative? It seems that by spoiling their dd they practically ensure they’ll be the ones getting all the holidays.

But, as a pp mentioned, what happens to OPs kids seeing this play out?

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine being so lazy with kids. Christmas is about them. I go all out and it’s the thing my kids remember the most about holidays.

My parents do help me cook when they visit and my in-laws dont, but that’s because I like cooking with my mom and my in-laws instead play with dh and the kids.

I do refuse to travel for Christmas though. Other holidays are fine to travel.

Agree. Not sure why some of these people even have kids.

To have kids.

The people showing up at their home demanding to be waited on? Not kids. No one has kids thinking “at last! I can wash dishes while my in laws sit on the couch!”

I am truly sad for you that you can imagine any value in extended family holidays.

I can— and do. I don’t see value in exhausting myself to wait on people. My children won’t have holiday memories of an exhausted mother.

Heaven forfend they see their mother working hard for her family.