Anonymous
07/18/2023 10:37
Subject: Staying Pretty
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m 45 and married. Most of my friends have stayed attractive. I don’t necessarily the time and effort makes someone more pretty. I have a few friends who seem obsessed with beauty routines and I don’t like to hang out with them as much. You can take good care of yourself without telling others. If I am annoyed hearing about it, I’m sure a guy would be more turned off. They want to think you are just attractive.
DH earns a seven figure income and I don’t work. I can spend as much time and money as I want on myself. I also spend 4 hours on skincare/spa per week but no one needs to know or care. I work out daily. I have friends who just don’t eat a lot or drink tons of water and don’t go to the spa and they look fantastic.
I’m not sure why you need to tell these guys how much time and money you spend on your beauty. It makes you sound vain.
Same here. No one on my circle goes on and on about our beauty routines. If anything, we downplay our efforts. You can also divorce the idea of exercise from beauty and just do it because it makes you feel good, which is something you shouldn’t apologize for or over explain.
You downplay your efforts? So you feed into the myth of "natural" aging and that looking effortlessly good comes with minimal effort?
NP here, and I also don’t bore others by droning in about my beauty and fitness routines, even though I spend a lot of time and money on looking good. In the first place, it’s boring and tone-deaf: nobody wants to hear about what I did at the gym or what I’m doing to my skin. In the second place, it is insensitive. Not everyone has the time or money to spend on that kind of routine, and some of my friends struggle with their weight. My best friend thinks our other friend is targeting her when the woman talks about her diet and routine, and…it kind of does look that way. Just really immature and thoughtless. I would rather talk about books or politics or shared experiences, not force a captive audience to hear what I do for vanity (I am vain).
Anonymous
07/18/2023 10:33
Subject: Staying Pretty
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:All guys want women who look great while making it look effortless. All of them.
And women feed into that too by saying that OP shouldn't say she's going to the gym? Who says that to a 20-something? No one. At a certain, we are expected to hide all the effort while looking effortlessly your best.
Well OP is the one choosing to date lazy fat men. These things clearly don't have value to them. Why should she bother them with the details?
Anonymous
07/18/2023 10:30
Subject: Staying Pretty
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m 45 and married. Most of my friends have stayed attractive. I don’t necessarily the time and effort makes someone more pretty. I have a few friends who seem obsessed with beauty routines and I don’t like to hang out with them as much. You can take good care of yourself without telling others. If I am annoyed hearing about it, I’m sure a guy would be more turned off. They want to think you are just attractive.
DH earns a seven figure income and I don’t work. I can spend as much time and money as I want on myself. I also spend 4 hours on skincare/spa per week but no one needs to know or care. I work out daily. I have friends who just don’t eat a lot or drink tons of water and don’t go to the spa and they look fantastic.
I’m not sure why you need to tell these guys how much time and money you spend on your beauty. It makes you sound vain.
Same here. No one on my circle goes on and on about our beauty routines. If anything, we downplay our efforts. You can also divorce the idea of exercise from beauty and just do it because it makes you feel good, which is something you shouldn’t apologize for or over explain.
You downplay your efforts? So you feed into the myth of "natural" aging and that looking effortlessly good comes with minimal effort?
Anonymous
07/18/2023 10:29
Subject: Staying Pretty
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How much time is this taking?. Looking good is nice but if it takes away time from getting to know you as a person. Is it really worth it.
And no one wants to hear about your very special diet and the million things you can't eat.
Basically by middle age most people are looking for depth not just looks when it comes to long-term
On a weekly basis I spend 5 hours at the gym, 2 hours at yoga, 4 hours on skincare and nails.
How does yoga help you lookswise?
Yoga helps maintaining a strong core. 5 hours in a gym is not a low. I spend 10/week (2-3 workouts) and also on a strict diet (only salad at night. no bread, sugars, alcohol). It take a great will to preserve body and looks after 40 for women
It takes a lot for men too.
But the men don't talk about it. If they do, we'd roll our eyes. I recently brought to my DH's attention that most of the middle aged men around him are dyeing their hair and going to the gym daily. He did not even notice. He thought he was aging prematurely.
Men who dye their hair are weird.
My DH will pay you for this statement
All the men over 45 in my family dye their hair. Even my uncle in his 70s dyes his hair. Lol Nothing too dark, so it does not necessarily stand out.
I want my DH to dye his beard like John Travolta. A medium brown beard and his bald head...DH thinks I am too vain.
I think a bit of grey hair looks nice. Too much of it makes you look terrible. George Clooney looks horrible these days.
At what point is it okay to be your natural self? (By the way, I agree with you that there are more men that dye their hair than I realized prepandemic).
Anonymous
07/18/2023 10:28
Subject: Staying Pretty
Anonymous wrote:All guys want women who look great while making it look effortless. All of them.
And women feed into that too by saying that OP shouldn't say she's going to the gym? Who says that to a 20-something? No one. At a certain, we are expected to hide all the effort while looking effortlessly your best.
Anonymous
07/18/2023 10:06
Subject: Staying Pretty
All guys want women who look great while making it look effortless. All of them.
Anonymous
07/18/2023 10:06
Subject: Staying Pretty
Anonymous wrote:I’m 45 and married. Most of my friends have stayed attractive. I don’t necessarily the time and effort makes someone more pretty. I have a few friends who seem obsessed with beauty routines and I don’t like to hang out with them as much. You can take good care of yourself without telling others. If I am annoyed hearing about it, I’m sure a guy would be more turned off. They want to think you are just attractive.
DH earns a seven figure income and I don’t work. I can spend as much time and money as I want on myself. I also spend 4 hours on skincare/spa per week but no one needs to know or care. I work out daily. I have friends who just don’t eat a lot or drink tons of water and don’t go to the spa and they look fantastic.
I’m not sure why you need to tell these guys how much time and money you spend on your beauty. It makes you sound vain.
Frankly I think we need a lot more honest discussion about "natural" aging.
Anonymous
07/18/2023 10:03
Subject: Staying Pretty
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OPA here. To answer some questions….I don’t really talk about my routines much on my own accord. It comes up in dating because often when men like me they want a lot of my time. I can’t regularly give them the amount of time they want without giving up my routines so I’ll talk about it…..i.e. I have to head out at this time so I can go to the gym, I can we go to this restaurant instead it has more (healthy) options for me, I can’t meet up until after yoga class, etc. I look naturally attractive, but it isn’t natural at this age . I have to work hard, but may not seem like it because I wear very little makeup and no fake nails or lashes, etc. the guys who complain about the time I put into fitness and beauty are the same ones who gush about how gorgeous I am. It’s a catch 22
This is interesting OP. These guys who complain, are they fit and do they eat healthy? Are they well groomed and well dressed? How do they not know (or at least have an idea) by middle age what it takes to look the way you do? Are these guys who’ve never been married or had serious relationships with women?
The guys are never fit and healthy. I love to have that, but I'm middle aged and pickings are slim. Some dress nicely.
Anonymous
07/18/2023 10:01
Subject: Staying Pretty
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How much time is this taking?. Looking good is nice but if it takes away time from getting to know you as a person. Is it really worth it.
And no one wants to hear about your very special diet and the million things you can't eat.
Basically by middle age most people are looking for depth not just looks when it comes to long-term
On a weekly basis I spend 5 hours at the gym, 2 hours at yoga, 4 hours on skincare and nails.
How does yoga help you lookswise?
Yoga helps maintaining a strong core. 5 hours in a gym is not a low. I spend 10/week (2-3 workouts) and also on a strict diet (only salad at night. no bread, sugars, alcohol). It take a great will to preserve body and looks after 40 for women
It takes a lot for men too.
But the men don't talk about it. If they do, we'd roll our eyes. I recently brought to my DH's attention that most of the middle aged men around him are dyeing their hair and going to the gym daily. He did not even notice. He thought he was aging prematurely.
Men who dye their hair are weird.
My DH will pay you for this statement
All the men over 45 in my family dye their hair. Even my uncle in his 70s dyes his hair. Lol Nothing too dark, so it does not necessarily stand out.
I want my DH to dye his beard like John Travolta. A medium brown beard and his bald head...DH thinks I am too vain.
I think a bit of grey hair looks nice. Too much of it makes you look terrible. George Clooney looks horrible these days.
Anonymous
07/18/2023 09:55
Subject: Staying Pretty
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How much time is this taking?. Looking good is nice but if it takes away time from getting to know you as a person. Is it really worth it.
And no one wants to hear about your very special diet and the million things you can't eat.
Basically by middle age most people are looking for depth not just looks when it comes to long-term
On a weekly basis I spend 5 hours at the gym, 2 hours at yoga, 4 hours on skincare and nails.
How does yoga help you lookswise?
Yoga helps maintaining a strong core. 5 hours in a gym is not a low. I spend 10/week (2-3 workouts) and also on a strict diet (only salad at night. no bread, sugars, alcohol). It take a great will to preserve body and looks after 40 for women
It takes a lot for men too.
But the men don't talk about it. If they do, we'd roll our eyes. I recently brought to my DH's attention that most of the middle aged men around him are dyeing their hair and going to the gym daily. He did not even notice. He thought he was aging prematurely.
Men who dye their hair are weird.
Anonymous
07/18/2023 09:50
Subject: Staying Pretty
Anonymous wrote:OPA here. To answer some questions….I don’t really talk about my routines much on my own accord. It comes up in dating because often when men like me they want a lot of my time. I can’t regularly give them the amount of time they want without giving up my routines so I’ll talk about it…..i.e. I have to head out at this time so I can go to the gym, I can we go to this restaurant instead it has more (healthy) options for me, I can’t meet up until after yoga class, etc. I look naturally attractive, but it isn’t natural at this age . I have to work hard, but may not seem like it because I wear very little makeup and no fake nails or lashes, etc. the guys who complain about the time I put into fitness and beauty are the same ones who gush about how gorgeous I am. It’s a catch 22
This is interesting OP. These guys who complain, are they fit and do they eat healthy? Are they well groomed and well dressed? How do they not know (or at least have an idea) by middle age what it takes to look the way you do? Are these guys who’ve never been married or had serious relationships with women?
Anonymous
07/18/2023 09:09
Subject: Staying Pretty
Anonymous wrote:I’m 45 and married. Most of my friends have stayed attractive. I don’t necessarily the time and effort makes someone more pretty. I have a few friends who seem obsessed with beauty routines and I don’t like to hang out with them as much. You can take good care of yourself without telling others. If I am annoyed hearing about it, I’m sure a guy would be more turned off. They want to think you are just attractive.
DH earns a seven figure income and I don’t work. I can spend as much time and money as I want on myself. I also spend 4 hours on skincare/spa per week but no one needs to know or care. I work out daily. I have friends who just don’t eat a lot or drink tons of water and don’t go to the spa and they look fantastic.
I’m not sure why you need to tell these guys how much time and money you spend on your beauty. It makes you sound vain.
Same here. No one on my circle goes on and on about our beauty routines. If anything, we downplay our efforts. You can also divorce the idea of exercise from beauty and just do it because it makes you feel good, which is something you shouldn’t apologize for or over explain.
Anonymous
07/18/2023 09:08
Subject: Staying Pretty
My BIL is single and he finds it to be a turn off when the woman doesn’t eat. The last girl he dated pretty much starved herself. He said he didn’t like eating out with her.
I have friends who eat healthy. They don’t talk about it but I can notice that they never eat anything fried, always pick the grilled option and ask for sauce on the side. One friend never says anything, just does and she is very thin. She will eat mostly sad but then have bites of fish or steak. She may take a bite of dessert but never orders. I have another friend who ruins every meal by over talking about her diet and makes it awkward for others who want to eat something flavorful and fattening for dinner or dessert. Another friend straight up criticizes everyone and their food choices. I don’t like eating out with second two.
I have friends who eat healthy. They don’t talk about it but I can notice that they never eat anything fried, always pick the grilled option and ask for sauce on the side. One friend never says anything, just does and she is very thin. She will eat mostly sad but then have bites of fish or steak. She may take a bite of dessert but never orders. I have another friend who ruins every meal by over talking about her diet and makes it awkward for others who want to eat something flavorful and fattening for dinner or dessert. Another friend straight up criticizes everyone and their food choices. I don’t like eating out with second two.
Anonymous
07/18/2023 09:02
Subject: Staying Pretty
I’m 45 and married. Most of my friends have stayed attractive. I don’t necessarily the time and effort makes someone more pretty. I have a few friends who seem obsessed with beauty routines and I don’t like to hang out with them as much. You can take good care of yourself without telling others. If I am annoyed hearing about it, I’m sure a guy would be more turned off. They want to think you are just attractive.
DH earns a seven figure income and I don’t work. I can spend as much time and money as I want on myself. I also spend 4 hours on skincare/spa per week but no one needs to know or care. I work out daily. I have friends who just don’t eat a lot or drink tons of water and don’t go to the spa and they look fantastic.
I’m not sure why you need to tell these guys how much time and money you spend on your beauty. It makes you sound vain.
DH earns a seven figure income and I don’t work. I can spend as much time and money as I want on myself. I also spend 4 hours on skincare/spa per week but no one needs to know or care. I work out daily. I have friends who just don’t eat a lot or drink tons of water and don’t go to the spa and they look fantastic.
I’m not sure why you need to tell these guys how much time and money you spend on your beauty. It makes you sound vain.
Anonymous
07/18/2023 08:59
Subject: Re:Staying Pretty
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m 53 and actually more streamlined in routine than my 20s.
I learned what works. Having olive skin and taking care of it from a young age helped dramatically. In my 20s I learned the healthier and smoother your skin the less make-up and crap you need. I’ve used retin-A since I was 20 and with hats to protect my skin since late 20s.
I have dark hair so I don’t try to be a blonde. The roots get professionally colored every 5-6 weeks (takes 1 hour). I get highlights twice a year. I have long thick hair she only need a haircut about every 5-6 months.
I am a former serious athlete abs have always worked out a minimum 1 hour day. Very easy to fit in n 24 hours. I get a pedicure every 3 weeks.
My 30-year old nephew’s wife tells anyone that will listen that I look “30 years old”.
I have muscle memory—little extra fat. I don’t diet but I moderate. I might have a big Ny strip steak, cocktails and wine on date night but eat less later in the week, etc. It is all very manageable.
One of the things my husband like about me when we met was my love of food and drink…I wasn’t a “salad only” girl. We are both healthy eaters and don’t look physically really any different than our 20s, we still beat 20-30 somethings in the gym/exercise class.
It’s tiresome to hear people talk about their routines and deprivations. Life is short- enjoy it. Have that slice of cake or glass of wine once in awhile!
Yes, it is tiresome to talk about routines yet you just droned on for paragraphs about your routines and how wonderful you are. 🤮
Not to anyone in person, idiot. I’m saying it doesn’t take much time at all.