If your daughter is not being invited anywhere ever, I would wonder about her behavior. There may be a very good reason for the lack of reciprocity.

"The friends who have younger siblings always come to the playdates, even though the moms don't even ask if that's okay and it annoys my child to have younger siblings trying to play with her and her friend when they want time together."

An only child needs to learn that the world does not revolve around her. She has to be more open to experiences, to play with more than one friend. So do you, quite frankly. Learn to go with the flow.

If I brought my daughters around you and you had that look on your face of "why is the other one here?" and your daughter was mean to my second kid, we wouldn't seek you out, OP.

Learn to be more gracious, and accepting. Teach your daughter that getting annoyed and purposefully working to exclude other kids is very ugly behavior. Tell her: Would you want to be the one who is excluded? No? Then stop doing it to others.

OP, I haven’t read through the second half of this thread, but from the first several pages and your response here’s my hot take:

1. You have a 7 year old. That is drop off play date age. If you expect me to sit at your house while my child plays, and then expect me to host, I’m going to assume that you intend to lurk at my house. Our kids are friends. I don’t necessarily want to spend an afternoon on company behavior entertaining you.
2. If your child comes to my home and has an issue that there are siblings around, spare me the drama. My kids have enough other friends who can handle being around other kids.
3. One of my kids is best friends with a very lovely only child. But the biggest pain in the a$$ is dealing with her insanely neurotic parents. It’s a huge turn off. Don’t be that parent. I would invite the little girl over more often if I didn’t feel that mom expects the red carpet rolled out for her kid. I don’t have that kind of energy.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for these responses, they are interesting and helpful and helping me to see other perspectives.

The main issue is that my child is not invited anywhere by her friends, either to their house or to meetup at a park, etc. DC is always asking, "why doesn't my best friend ever invite me over, they always come here." That's my question too. We host a ton but I'm wondering why it's not reciprocated, and I'm guessing it's mainly because families want to invite over other families with same-aged kids but that just seems a little limiting. When I was growing up my sister had a best friend who was an only child, and when that child came over, I didn't have anyone to play with and that was fine, I just did my own thing because my sister wanted time with her friend solo. It was never an issue the way it seems to be today.

I am sorry, that sounds tough. And the way you are outlining the main issue here, it doesn't seem fair. Likely they just have busier lives than you all or prioritize differently.
However, when I read your first post -- it sounds like you expect people to cater to your kid in ways that are unrealistic for those families. If I sensed that from you, and frankly given your first post seemed really entitled and a bit overly focused on your kid (-- but more importantly, with the expectation that OTHER people, e.g. me, be overly focused on your kid)., MAybe you are high maintenance with your kid and play dates, and I don't feel like coplicating my life in the way you want/can complicate yours... and if you expected me to entertain you while keeping my other kids away from our two kids, I would 100% drop it. here are enough other families I can have my child be friends with at this age. So it could also be that.

This is another quote I agree with "But it's not like playing with your child is some must-have experience"

If you expect a parent (sounds like the mother) to accompany her child to your house for a playdate, but not bring her other children, do you expect that the parents of the other children hire a babysitter or always leave the siblings with the father so as not to cause sibling presence? Playdates then seem really complicated and potentially expensive to other families for no good reason, given that what you are describing would be unusual.

Anonymous wrote:It amazes me how quick posters are to jump on only children and their parents. There is zero in OP’s posts that one could use to extrapolate that her kid is not nice to her friends’ siblings - you all are imparting that to OP’s statement that her kid isn’t often invited for playdates. It is really hurtful to those of us with only children to make negative generalizations about us and our kids, espexially since many of us are not in this position by choice (although many are, too, and my comments are equally applicable). I would never, ever make negative statements about other based on their family size, but for some reason there is free reign to dump on families of onlies.

OP, I think this is just a matter of convenience, not anything personal to your daughter. It is usually easier for parents balancing multiple kids’ schedules to just drop their kid at your house. Be glad kids like coming to your house- hopefully that will follow as your daughter ages and you will be grateful to be the house kids want to hang in when your daughter is middle/hs age .

(Also, minor point but multiple posters have criticized her / her kid for not being inclusive to the older sibling at the zoo playdate - OP said that kid was bored! and it is ridiculous to think a 12 yr old could not stay home alone.)

You clearly don't have a 12 year old, right? 12 year olds get bored anywhere, need to be encouraged to leave the house for their own mental health, change their minds a lot, don't get to do whatever they want, etc. etc.

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids. Happy to drop off one. Can’t really stay without bringing at least one other sometimes. Would never dream the zoo meetup was exclusive of siblings; if it was, I’d assume you would have invited me to drop off my kid. We explicitly invite siblings we like —even for drop off sometimes to give other families a break. My kids like play dates, so the +1 is typically on good behavior in a sibling play date scenario… they know they’re the expendable one. Two of my kids are very social (oldest very socially adept; youngest very friendly) and one isn’t; getting to be the +1 at his older sister’s play dates has been really helpful on teaching him play date etiquette in a less stressful way.

I agree with above. And although I feel like I CAN stay without bringing others at times, why would I? I like being with all my kids, and I think it's good for all of us. I have limited time.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would love for some insight into this issue. I have an only child (age 7) who has been invited to very few (like 2) playdates over the last three years of school. We have invited her friends many times to our house or to meet up at parks, etc. We never meet up with any of her friends unless I initiate and plan the playdate, their moms never reach out to us or invite us. I believe this is because all her friends have either younger or older siblings.

When we meet up with her friends who have siblings, the mom always brings the sibling to the playdate, even if they're different gender and much older. So for instance, last month we went to the zoo with her same aged friend and the friend's older brother, who was 12 and very bored and complaining the whole time. The mom even mentioned that Dad was home at that time, so I'm thinking why didn't she just leave him with Dad instead of bringing him to this outing when of course he would be bored?

The friends who have younger siblings always come to the playdates, even though the moms don't even ask if that's okay and it [b]annoys my child to have younger siblings trying to play with her and her friend when they want time together[/b].

[/quote]

Maybe your daughters lack of social graces and kindness is why you are not being invited. I definitely would be less inclined to invite a child who couldn't play well with both of my kids, or expected to exclude one of them. It makes it more of a hassle for me, because it doesn't keep both my kids out of my hair. And it doesn't set an example of kindness and good social skills. I think your expectations are way out of whack here, OP. [/quote]

+1 I[b]’d worry more about my kid being unable to get along vs trying to make the world more accommodating to my kid.[/b]

And I say this as an only child myself—you’re not doing your kid any favors by aggravating their only child syndrome. [/quote]

This, I was an only myself, and really didn't like playing with my friend's little sister. I didn't get that was the way it worked. It sounds like you don't either.

Anonymous wrote:I’m the mom of an only so I have some perspective. I understand why you are annoyed. I am usually the mom initiating the play date. My son’s friends all have siblings that they play with fairly often so play dates aren’t as much of a priority.

I try to be accommodating and understanding. I have one friend whose husband works many weekends so she is with all 3 kids by herself. I will make an extra effort to go pick up her son, who is my son’s friend so she can have one on one time with her middle child while the baby is napping. I have an extra car seat in my car so I can take a friend with my son on an excursion.

We don’t receive the reciprocation I would like but the alternative is lots of loneliness for my social kid. It is possible that I am a sucker but I will make that sacrifice for the good of my kid.

\

As the parent of multiple kids, here is what you have to understand: you are making this sacrifice for your kid, not for your friend -- or even your friend's kid. Her kid likely has his/her own, built-in playmates typically and there's no real need to create exrtra socializing in the same way there would be as an only. Just because your kid/ you are desparate for a playdate, they aren't necessarily (even if it's nice) and they own you nothing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to host the other kid and not arrange to also have the other mom there.

This. I totally get not wanting to host younger siblings but no, I’m not going to bend over backwards to have a playdate with you/find childcare for my other kids so I can sit in your house and watch one of my kids play. And if we are meeting in a public place like the zoo/a park, of course I’m bringing my other kids!

+100, why on earth would you think this? I see that the kid could stay with dad while the mother is at the zoo, but why? WOuldn't it eb nice for your kid to have exposure to kids of varying ages? f you have more than one kid, the parents sometimes also need a break. Since the other mom is already on mom duty, why wouldn't the 12 year old come along -- because you feel like he doesn't want to?

If the parents are dropping of two kids (your child's friend, plus that friend's sibling) that is rude.

But -- and I really don't like it when people bash parents of single children -- you really, really sound like a bad sterotype of a mother of a single child. you are ornery b/c now the parents' attention is "where it should be" (aka where yours is) which is more fully on the child who is your kid's friend? Do you understand that a lot of kids have built in playdates in the form of their own siblings, and now (when that sibling is at camp) they do not, which is why they are reaching out (as much as you typically do)?

I don't know why 100% but I find you a bit insufferable, sorry, I mean that in a please take a hard look at your self kind of way. Soryr.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always wanted to play with my sibling’s friends. I can totally understand the parents who bring along the other sibling. Especially if both parents work - it gives the other person some time off. I say this as the stay at home parent of an only child.

+1

+2

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always wanted to play with my sibling’s friends. I can totally understand the parents who bring along the other sibling. Especially if both parents work - it gives the other person some time off. I say this as the stay at home parent of an only child.

+1

The point is for the two kids to play together, not to give mom a free babysitter.

. But is it though?

Yes, it is, if Mommy isn’t selfish. But then, this is DCUM.

Dp. No one owes your child a free playmate.

If play date is at the park or at the zoo, OP’s kid needs to be ready to welcome any and all siblings. OP’s child should be friendly and nice to said siblings.
If OP and her daughter want to have alone time with one friend, they should invite the friend alone without the mom.
I have 3 kids who have all been doing drop off playdates since they were 6. If we ever meet friends at a park, museum, zoo then all siblings that are not busy will come.
We have done hundreds of play dates for each one of my kids and the invited guest/s sometime has to play with siblings. Same exact thing happens when my kids are invited to friends’ homes (unless friends are only children).
This is a non-issue OP. Stop criticizing parents with multiple kids. You would be doing the same thing if you had more than one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always wanted to play with my sibling’s friends. I can totally understand the parents who bring along the other sibling. Especially if both parents work - it gives the other person some time off. I say this as the stay at home parent of an only child.

+1

The point is for the two kids to play together, not to give mom a free babysitter.

Says you.

Oh, grow up. It’s a PLAY date, not an I’m Lazy And Sick Of My Kids date.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not gonna read all this thread, but in my experience parents of onliest are more anal in general. Maybe OP should seek out more only child families. Sounds too high maintenance for a typical busy family with more than one kid.

OMG you hit the OP’s problem right on the nose. So true in my experience!!!

Wow.

I’m not going to insert some cruel and lazy generalization about parents of multiples, because I’m not awful. But thanks for reminding me how many awful people there are out there.

Notable that you don’t dispute the “lazy generalization” applies to you…

Because a mature mind doesn't need to argue with people who make crazy statements, maybe??
NP

Nailed it.