Anonymous
Post 02/17/2024 11:01     Subject: Re:How to be Petty - SIL Advice
Anonymous wrote:This is a really important time for your DH. Why would you start a family war? That’s not petty. It’s mean - to your DH. Find another time to make your statement.


This.
Anonymous
Post 02/17/2024 10:49     Subject: How to be Petty - SIL Advice
OP, I don’t think you’re a terrible person. The family dynamics sound complex and difficult; I’m sure there’s a lot we don’t know. That said, this boils down to boundaries. You *and DH* decide who and when you invite to your home, for example.

You shouldn’t have called SIL about the surgery. She can’t/won’t help and SIL asked you not to. You get to set boundaries, but you have to accept them as well.

But here’s my biggest question:
Where in the frickity frackin heck is DH? Military wives often have to handle everything at home, but that shouldn’t spill over into IL wrangling. Also, he’s retired. So what does DH have to say.

Ideally, you and DH define boundaries and plans that you can live with, and HE communicates and enforces them.

I’m sorry about your dog and I hope you can address this IL situation so it doesn’t steal any more joy from family events than it already has
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2024 19:37     Subject: Re:How to be Petty - SIL Advice
Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP. This is like the rudest post I've seen in a long time on here. She's your husband's sister yet you treat her like trash. Stop being a mean girl and include her in the family. You are not the ruler of the entire family. She grew up with your husband and it's her family of origin. Why treat her like like a reject? Excluding people is so cruel. Grow up and be a kind person.


Did you not read how she invites herself to visit and makes demands like her own room with two monitors and a desk? I would want her out, too.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2024 17:23     Subject: How to be Petty - SIL Advice
Anonymous wrote:"We can't provide the kind of accommodations you want, but the following hotels are near our house, so it will be easy for you to come over as your schedule permits. There's also coworking space at [address]. I know DH would really love it if you could attend, but we understand about work demands"


Bingo.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2024 17:16     Subject: How to be Petty - SIL Advice
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Advice: go back through this thread, where people already gave you advice on how to open your fool mouth and stop acting like a complete doormat. We’re not here to help you again when you are an Ask-Hole: someone who asks for advice and then takes exactly none of it.

You were advised to leave your ILs to your husband. You were advised to set firm boundaries that SIL may not stay in your house. You’ve done none of that, and here you are again. Go away.


OP here. I would do this, but the profound health scare with my elderly FIL has really upset the dynamic where boundaries are much harder to set when mortality is very present. I guess, I answered my own question though. Grandkids get to see grandpa and grandma and aunt, and I am going to suck it up.

You are either a troll or a nutball.


I guarantee this is a troll. She writes just like a troll on a popular mom site. She constantly had long posts that went on forever with updates that were unbelievable.

TROLL.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2024 09:20     Subject: How to be Petty - SIL Advice
Anonymous wrote:OP reviving my thread. After this nightmare here, just 2 weeks later we flew to the west coast as had been planned for 2 years to “celebrate” ILs 50th. It was miserable. We got embroiled in the flight delays and my MIL was mean and SIL maybe spoke 10 words. Limited contact after that trip.
In October, FIL had massive health scare and emergency brain surgery. SIL who lives 3 miles from ILs was in Florida for a Reuben studdard, newsboys, and nick carter (separate) concert extravaganza when this happened. MIL did not tell SIL about the brain surgery to not ruin her trip. I called SIL and told her. She refused to leave Florida. DH could not take leave from work (new job) to go, and I would cause more stress. Got through that. We booked MIL hotel near the hospital (2 hours from their house). And my FIL is doing well.
A few weeks ago my MIL mentioned that they would like to visit here in April if that was ok, and I reiterated she and my FIL are always welcome. I texted MIL on Friday asking if they were still planning this trip (trying to get the sports calendar worked out). And she replies, oh yes we bought newsboy concert tickets for a show in Fairfax, I need to find plane tickets. I am now assuming my SIL plans to come, as my MIL would never want to see the newsboys on her own. I have not responded, as I want to ask if SIL was planning on coming. SIL has not communicated that she plans on heading out here. As my MIL prioritizes my SIL over her grandkids, I do not want SIL here. But if I say so I am back to the bad guy? Advice??


Did you ever tell mil that sil is not invited?

It sounds like you need a come to Jesus with the inlaws.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2024 23:34     Subject: How to be Petty - SIL Advice
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Advice: go back through this thread, where people already gave you advice on how to open your fool mouth and stop acting like a complete doormat. We’re not here to help you again when you are an Ask-Hole: someone who asks for advice and then takes exactly none of it.

You were advised to leave your ILs to your husband. You were advised to set firm boundaries that SIL may not stay in your house. You’ve done none of that, and here you are again. Go away.


OP here. I would do this, but the profound health scare with my elderly FIL has really upset the dynamic where boundaries are much harder to set when mortality is very present. I guess, I answered my own question though. Grandkids get to see grandpa and grandma and aunt, and I am going to suck it up.

You are either a troll or a nutball.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2024 15:43     Subject: How to be Petty - SIL Advice
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Advice: go back through this thread, where people already gave you advice on how to open your fool mouth and stop acting like a complete doormat. We’re not here to help you again when you are an Ask-Hole: someone who asks for advice and then takes exactly none of it.

You were advised to leave your ILs to your husband. You were advised to set firm boundaries that SIL may not stay in your house. You’ve done none of that, and here you are again. Go away.


OP here. I would do this, but the profound health scare with my elderly FIL has really upset the dynamic where boundaries are much harder to set when mortality is very present. I guess, I answered my own question though. Grandkids get to see grandpa and grandma and aunt, and I am going to suck it up.


Cool, if that’s your answer, live your choice, own your choice, and stop bothering us.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2024 14:19     Subject: How to be Petty - SIL Advice
The sil is selfish and enabled. You can't suggest a hotel or it'll be tons more drama. I'd suck it up and feel happy knowing I won't have to deal with her for years to come.