Anonymous
Post 08/18/2024 23:56     Subject: What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?
Anonymous wrote:Side question- I was recently invited to a wedding where the bride and groom have a honeyfund registry. I assume that the website takes a cut so if I give the couple a check, that’s more advantageous to the couple, right?

Yes, this is why those websites are stupid. Just give cash. I always just give a card with cash in it.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2024 23:54     Subject: What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m going to a wedding later this summer and on the wedding website was asked that in lieu of a gift, the couple would like guests to contribute funds for their honeymoon/so they can make improvements to their house. Keep in mind the couple is in their thirties and both work full-time. I find this incredibly, incredibly tacky and tasteless.


Well, we did this. I guess I find the whole wedding and general gifting culture gross and I would have rather done something with the actual home I live in rather than get some vases that would never be used. I buy many of my things secondhand which I’m sure is considered gauche by you but ultimately I care more about my contribution to making my wedding hoopla as sustainable as I could.


I’m PP you’re responding to, and I understand the utility and universality of cash, but still find the actual asking a bit tacky. Did you have a page on your wedding website that explicit asked for money, or was it implied (eg no registry?). I think it’s the asking that bothers me. Most people give cash/a check anyway.


We said “no boxed gifts.” We did end up with about 25% of our guests that gave nothing which was a bit annoying at the time (since we were plenty generous for their weddings) but understood we didn’t have a registry. I did google a former friend and saw she had a Venmo listed which I thought was pretty bold.


So tacky. No manners.


Yes you are tacky, not to mention ignorant and culturally insensitive. "No Boxed Gifts" is THE most common way of asking for cash in Asian and South Asian cultures. People can interpret it however they want - give cash, don't give a gift at all. Just don't bring something in a box that takes up space. White people and their registries, geez!!!
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2024 23:53     Subject: What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?
I find no boxed gifts extremely tacky.
Basically asking to give cash right up- who likes to give $50 even if thats all they can afford?

I also find honeymoon funds very tacky.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2024 23:52     Subject: What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?
Gifts only, DO NOT ASK FOR CASH OR HONEYMOON MONEY. And please make sure there are several items under $50. Once, as a poor grad student, 6 of us had to go in together to buy the cheapest reasonable item on a friend's register - a $300 pot. It was either that or we each buy individual forks - I am not kidding.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2024 23:20     Subject: What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m going to a wedding later this summer and on the wedding website was asked that in lieu of a gift, the couple would like guests to contribute funds for their honeymoon/so they can make improvements to their house. Keep in mind the couple is in their thirties and both work full-time. I find this incredibly, incredibly tacky and tasteless.


Well, we did this. I guess I find the whole wedding and general gifting culture gross and I would have rather done something with the actual home I live in rather than get some vases that would never be used. I buy many of my things secondhand which I’m sure is considered gauche by you but ultimately I care more about my contribution to making my wedding hoopla as sustainable as I could.


I’m PP you’re responding to, and I understand the utility and universality of cash, but still find the actual asking a bit tacky. Did you have a page on your wedding website that explicit asked for money, or was it implied (eg no registry?). I think it’s the asking that bothers me. Most people give cash/a check anyway.


We said “no boxed gifts.” We did end up with about 25% of our guests that gave nothing which was a bit annoying at the time (since we were plenty generous for their weddings) but understood we didn’t have a registry. I did google a former friend and saw she had a Venmo listed which I thought was pretty bold.


So tacky. No manners.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2024 20:06     Subject: What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:All of them. We eloped. Registries are gift grabs.


Thank you, Captain Obvious.


You are most welcome, Private.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2024 13:30     Subject: What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?
What about asking for charitable donations? I know people don't like being told what organization to donate to, so you could offer a variety of options?

This is one example:
https://thegoodbeginning.com
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2024 13:29     Subject: Re:What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?
Pretty much all registries are tacky. If it’s a young couple fresh out of college and has not had a place of their own- fine, that makes some sense. They literally have nothing to sleep in or cook in.
Otherwise it’s just rude and crass. Don’t expect gifts and ask for donations to the local food bank.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2024 13:25     Subject: What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?
Anonymous wrote:I think we should just go to “no gifts” weddings. I know it’s not going to happen though and as a guest I don’t care really. Whatever as long as it’s convenient meaning I can do it online.


This is how it used to be. Wedding gift giving as we know it now didn't really start until the late 19th, early 20th Century.

And technically, including by current etiquette standards, no gift is necessary to attend a wedding.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2024 13:10     Subject: What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?
I think we should just go to “no gifts” weddings. I know it’s not going to happen though and as a guest I don’t care really. Whatever as long as it’s convenient meaning I can do it online.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2024 12:32     Subject: What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?
Anonymous wrote:I judge honeymoon registries. Harshly.


Same. I judge any and all direct asks for cash. It’s tacky.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2024 12:26     Subject: What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?
Anonymous wrote:I am getting married later this year and feel kind of...strange setting up a registry. Both my fiance and I are in our 30s and have lived on our own for years, but don't live together, so we're mostly registering for "upgraded" household goods (e.g., a nice set of dishes, matching glassware set, etc.) We are not doing any sort of cash fund and aren't adding "unusual" items that aren't really for the house.

Are we good? What kind of registries do you think are tacky?


I think all registries are tacky.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2024 10:32     Subject: What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?
Anonymous wrote:I judge people who register at WalMart, or like. Gus' Guns and Lube or somewhere super trashy. I also judge people who only register for expensive things. Your public school teacher friends and bartender friends want to get you a gift too!


There are some things at Walmart that are also sold at Macy's but cost considerably less. Fortunately, I knew no one who would desire anything from Gus'Guns!
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2024 10:04     Subject: What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?
Anonymous wrote:Sounds totally fine but I wouldn’t hesitate to add cash funds either. Some on dcum will say they are rude/trashy but they are the norm — I’m 32 and literally all weddings I’ve been to of people in my age group the past few years have had them.


Asking for money is trailer park trash. If you need to ask for money because you can't afford it on your own them find a place that you can afford. I refuse to give cash.