Anonymous
Post 12/10/2024 10:32     Subject: Beach week house rules contract
Parents have different parenting preferences
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2024 10:07     Subject: Beach week house rules contract
Anonymous wrote:I would say no to the couple retreat not because of the sex reason, but because that's too much emotional intimacy in brains that are still not fully matured. The frontal cortex is still not developed even at age 18. They can spend their time together as a couple the normal way but spending the night or a week together is not okay in my book.

Lol, what do you think happens at college, which is only months away for kids attending beach week? The people twisting themselves in knots to justify why a beach week trip with friends who are dating each other is not ok, but a beach week trip where their kid can sleep with randoms from the bar is ok, are making me laugh.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2024 09:20     Subject: Beach week house rules contract
I would say no to the couple retreat not because of the sex reason, but because that's too much emotional intimacy in brains that are still not fully matured. The frontal cortex is still not developed even at age 18. They can spend their time together as a couple the normal way but spending the night or a week together is not okay in my book.
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2024 22:11     Subject: Beach week house rules contract
Anonymous wrote:My contract:

Don't do stupid shlt.
Don't get drunk
Don't do drugs
Don't drink and drive if you do get drunk
Don't abuse the rental house; it's coming out of your checking account if you do.
Don't f*up your chances at college just for fun for that week

-love mom


This is good, but also, no swimming on the beach without a lifeguard or if anyone is under the influence.
Wear your seatbelt.
Use a condom.
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2024 18:37     Subject: Beach week house rules contract
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The most terrifying thought to me is that all those teen couples parents were “so cool” that the teens thought to ask this in the first place. My teen would know the answer without asking.

Are you someone that would say no to beach week period? If not, why is the trip with other teen couples worse than a trip with a group of teens who aren’t dating?

Anonymous
Post 12/09/2024 18:29     Subject: Beach week house rules contract
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The most terrifying thought to me is that all those teen couples parents were “so cool” that the teens thought to ask this in the first place. My teen would know the answer without asking.

Are you someone that would say no to beach week period? If not, why is the trip with other teen couples worse than a trip with a group of teens who aren’t dating?

I went to beach week myself 30 yrs ago, and if he were trying to actually go to beach week at the same time/place as rest of his school, I would not be struggling this much. I definitely hear you on the "how is it worse" line of reasoning. But truthfully, what they are trying to do is not really beach week. I don't like the idea of them "playing house" for the week. It feels like a couple's retreat, not beach week (they are doing different week/different town than their high school). And though I can see that this scenario may help mitigate some of the debauchery inherent at beach week, it's the pretense of it that I am struggling with. Kind of like the difference between acknowledging and knowing about something vs. giving express approval and facilitating. I guess that may seem like semantics to some, but I see a difference there. I am thinking I will make him foot the bill himself for a separate hotel room (1/4 mi behind the house). I know that this will just be a formality and that he will probably not stay in the hotel at all (heck he may even use it to stay there with his gf some nights), but at least it will cost him more, and we will not be sending him down there with the preplanned, parent-approved logistics of shacking up with his girlfriend in same room for the week. Truthfully, if he would have gone down same time/town with rest of his school and stayed in a separate house from his girlfriend (co-ed or not), I would have paid or at least helped him pay. I won't tell him he can't go, but I can throw up a barrier or two to give weight to my disapproval.
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2024 16:47     Subject: Beach week house rules contract
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Question: my son and his group of friends are all couples that have been dating a long time (6 couples with 2-4 yrs relationships for all). They want to get a beach house during "beach week" together as couples. My husband and I are both from NOVA and we both went to beach week 30 yrs ago (yikes! saying that hurts a little, lol!) These guys are wanting to go down separately (not the same week or even the same beach location) as the rest of their high school. I am really struggling with this. I know they all have sex anyway, but this feels like a bridge too far--sending them off on a couples retreat basically. All the other parents in the group seem to be fine with this and I am frankly left scratching my head. I would be more apt to consider the co-ed situation if they were all just a platonic group of friends, but this is different. Looking for other parent input to determine if I am overreacting. (Please be gentle)


Well, it is nice they have built their own sort of gay community. But I don’t think the couples should get a beach house together unless they are all over 18 and have their own rules for avoiding illegal drinking drugs etc.
since the election things might get dicey for lgbtq as well, they should thoroughly vet out the beach village community first


Sorry, clarification here: I guess my question did not specifically pertain to the topic of "beach house rules contract"--(I was hastily just adding my question to the ongoing conversation with that subject line). To my knowledge, none of the parents are having the kids sign a house rules contract. There will be no chaperone since the house they found does not require one; and yes, one of the girls had her mom sign the rental contract for them. Also, in response to someone's comment to vet the beach for lgbtq safety: these are all heterosexual couples, so the advice is not relevant in this scenario, but I can understand the concern. Thank you all for giving me your feedback. I appreciate being able to examine all sides before making a decision and this was truly helpful. Happy holidays and best of luck to all of you!
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2024 08:57     Subject: Beach week house rules contract
Anonymous wrote:The most terrifying thought to me is that all those teen couples parents were “so cool” that the teens thought to ask this in the first place. My teen would know the answer without asking.

Are you someone that would say no to beach week period? If not, why is the trip with other teen couples worse than a trip with a group of teens who aren’t dating?
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2024 08:32     Subject: Beach week house rules contract
The most terrifying thought to me is that all those teen couples parents were “so cool” that the teens thought to ask this in the first place. My teen would know the answer without asking.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2024 08:09     Subject: Beach week house rules contract
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Question: my son and his group of friends are all couples that have been dating a long time (6 couples with 2-4 yrs relationships for all). They want to get a beach house during "beach week" together as couples. My husband and I are both from NOVA and we both went to beach week 30 yrs ago (yikes! saying that hurts a little, lol!) These guys are wanting to go down separately (not the same week or even the same beach location) as the rest of their high school. I am really struggling with this. I know they all have sex anyway, but this feels like a bridge too far--sending them off on a couples retreat basically. All the other parents in the group seem to be fine with this and I am frankly left scratching my head. I would be more apt to consider the co-ed situation if they were all just a platonic group of friends, but this is different. Looking for other parent input to determine if I am overreacting. (Please be gentle)


You're not overreacting. This would be a no for me. They're still in high school living under my roof, not in their 20s living independently on their own. I'm shocked that all the parents are fine with this.


Me too. The point of beach week is to have one last hurrah with friends, not a couples retreat during a different week. Maybe all the other parents are waiting for someone else to speak up?

Honestly I would be way more concerned from a safety and doing something stupid standpoint with my kid doing the last hurrah with friends trip than this one. It’s a group of 17-18 year olds that have been friends and dating each other for years. They are already having sex. I don’t understand why it’s better to have a last hurrah with friends where it is more likely people are getting completely hammered and hooking up with randoms.