I can speak to this. I’ve done 6 rounds of IVF with OE and 2 with DE and have never had success. I have one final DE embryo remaining and if it does not work, my journey will be over. I have never considered using a surrogate simply because I can’t afford it.

The vast majority of women will never be in my position, so they really can’t know how they would or would not react.

Nobody makes these decisions all at once. It happens bit by bit and as you go through the process, your heart aches more each time, you feel “wronged” a little more each time, and the sunk costs become more and more of a propellant to keep you going in the hope that you will finally succeed and it will have been worth it.

My DH and I did pursue adoption midway through this journey. We realized that it would be more expensive, more heartbreaking, and more ethically complicated than the path we already were on, so we went back to IVF.

Of course I’m sad that any child we potentially might have will not be genetically related to me. Then again, who is to say my genetics are so hot? After all, I’m infertile.

To me, the opportunity to raise a child, love them, and help them flourish seems like the greatest privilege there is. I hope I can be a part of that. The joy would outweigh the sadness of not having a genetic link to my child.

I wouldn’t wish this heartache on my worst enemy. I may end up with nothing to show for it except a lack of a retirement fund and a whole lot of tears. For those of you who cannot help but judge, please remember that nobody WANTS to make these choices. We are always choosing the least bad option that we feel we can live with. After so much pain, at least I won’t be left with any regrets about what more I possibly could have done. I hope you all count your blessings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is not a solution to infertility and is riddled with human rights abuses.

+100

I hate that I don't respect adoptive parents anymore, but I don't.

That's a rather broad brush statement. I know two couples who adopted children from the foster care system and provide a wonder family life.

The purpose of foster care is to reunite families. Clearly they didn't support the parents in that effort.

And at some point the best interest of the child becomes more important than an unalterable "purpose" of foster care.

Anonymous wrote:Adoption isn't the same, though. It comes with considerably more emotional strings and issues, and it relies on the cooperation of a third party you know nothing about.

Surrogacy and egg donors also come with emotional strings and issues, and require 3rd and 4th parties you know little about. As for the kids themselves, they tend to have the same emotional issues that many adopted kids do.

I would not pay $200k even for my bio baby!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is not a solution to infertility and is riddled with human rights abuses.

+100

I hate that I don't respect adoptive parents anymore, but I don't.

Wow.

Glad my adopted child and I are the same race so that we don’t stand out to you as an adoptive family. You have NO idea why they were available for adoption. None. Feel free to take it up with their extended birth family on both sides who chose to not adopt.

I’m also an adoptee so feel free to disrespect that as well.

Adoption is often a permanent solution to a temporary problem. An expectant mother may be very excited to be a mother, but only lack financial resources. Somehow, the only way for her to get the basic level of care an expectant mother really needs is for her to agree to put her future child up for adoption. The resources that an expectant mother temporarily gains access to from a prospective adoptive couple are NOT resources that someone should have to put their child up for adoption to get.

The expectant mother is often lied to by adoptive couples and adoption agencies about her rights, and adoptive couples are allowed to cut off contact with her after agreeing to openness in the adoption.

Truly disgusting that a woman should have to sell her child.

Seconding there are plenty of supports for low income families. Addiction isn't a temporary problem its a long term one. This is a completely ignorant statement. Just because a child is born to an addict does not mean they deserve to be raised in that chaos. And for those that say only extended family adoptions, where do you think this addict's pain came from? Sometimes a clean break is best.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is not a solution to infertility and is riddled with human rights abuses.

+100

I hate that I don't respect adoptive parents anymore, but I don't.

Wow.

Glad my adopted child and I are the same race so that we don’t stand out to you as an adoptive family. You have NO idea why they were available for adoption. None. Feel free to take it up with their extended birth family on both sides who chose to not adopt.

I’m also an adoptee so feel free to disrespect that as well.

Adoption is often a permanent solution to a temporary problem. An expectant mother may be very excited to be a mother, but only lack financial resources. Somehow, the only way for her to get the basic level of care an expectant mother really needs is for her to agree to put her future child up for adoption. The resources that an expectant mother temporarily gains access to from a prospective adoptive couple are NOT resources that someone should have to put their child up for adoption to get.

The expectant mother is often lied to by adoptive couples and adoption agencies about her rights, and adoptive couples are allowed to cut off contact with her after agreeing to openness in the adoption.

Truly disgusting that a woman should have to sell her child.

This isn't true as low income mom's can get all kinds of benefits. It's not often a temporary problem. And, not all adoption are via agencies.

Yes a bunch of welfare queens. It’s 1985 after all. You’re right, not all adoptions are through agencies; some are through Facebook.

They are called private adoptions. Attorneys are usually involved.

Anonymous wrote:Nope. I would accept my infertility and move on with my life.

You dont know this until in the position.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is not a solution to infertility and is riddled with human rights abuses.

+100

I hate that I don't respect adoptive parents anymore, but I don't.

Wow.

Glad my adopted child and I are the same race so that we don’t stand out to you as an adoptive family. You have NO idea why they were available for adoption. None. Feel free to take it up with their extended birth family on both sides who chose to not adopt.

I’m also an adoptee so feel free to disrespect that as well.

Adoption is often a permanent solution to a temporary problem. An expectant mother may be very excited to be a mother, but only lack financial resources. Somehow, the only way for her to get the basic level of care an expectant mother really needs is for her to agree to put her future child up for adoption. The resources that an expectant mother temporarily gains access to from a prospective adoptive couple are NOT resources that someone should have to put their child up for adoption to get.

The expectant mother is often lied to by adoptive couples and adoption agencies about her rights, and adoptive couples are allowed to cut off contact with her after agreeing to openness in the adoption.

Truly disgusting that a woman should have to sell her child.

This isn't true as low income mom's can get all kinds of benefits. It's not often a temporary problem. And, not all adoption are via agencies.

Yes a bunch of welfare queens. It’s 1985 after all. You’re right, not all adoptions are through agencies; some are through Facebook.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is not a solution to infertility and is riddled with human rights abuses.

+100

I hate that I don't respect adoptive parents anymore, but I don't.

Wow.

Glad my adopted child and I are the same race so that we don’t stand out to you as an adoptive family. You have NO idea why they were available for adoption. None. Feel free to take it up with their extended birth family on both sides who chose to not adopt.

I’m also an adoptee so feel free to disrespect that as well.

Adoption is often a permanent solution to a temporary problem. An expectant mother may be very excited to be a mother, but only lack financial resources. Somehow, the only way for her to get the basic level of care an expectant mother really needs is for her to agree to put her future child up for adoption. The resources that an expectant mother temporarily gains access to from a prospective adoptive couple are NOT resources that someone should have to put their child up for adoption to get.

The expectant mother is often lied to by adoptive couples and adoption agencies about her rights, and adoptive couples are allowed to cut off contact with her after agreeing to openness in the adoption.

Truly disgusting that a woman should have to sell her child.

This isn't true as low income mom's can get all kinds of benefits. It's not often a temporary problem. And, not all adoption are via agencies.

Be gone with you, little troll person. Phwoosh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is not a solution to infertility and is riddled with human rights abuses.

+100

I hate that I don't respect adoptive parents anymore, but I don't.

Wow.

Glad my adopted child and I are the same race so that we don’t stand out to you as an adoptive family. You have NO idea why they were available for adoption. None. Feel free to take it up with their extended birth family on both sides who chose to not adopt.

I’m also an adoptee so feel free to disrespect that as well.

Sure. I'll disrespect you here for buying a baby all I want. It's human trafficking, and I would never associate with someone who did it, even though it was because of their own adoption trauma - you're not entitled to a child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is not a solution to infertility and is riddled with human rights abuses.

+100

I hate that I don't respect adoptive parents anymore, but I don't.

That's a rather broad brush statement. I know two couples who adopted children from the foster care system and provide a wonder family life.

The purpose of foster care is to reunite families. Clearly they didn't support the parents in that effort.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is not a solution to infertility and is riddled with human rights abuses.

+100

I hate that I don't respect adoptive parents anymore, but I don't.

Wow.

Glad my adopted child and I are the same race so that we don’t stand out to you as an adoptive family. You have NO idea why they were available for adoption. None. Feel free to take it up with their extended birth family on both sides who chose to not adopt.

I’m also an adoptee so feel free to disrespect that as well.

Adoption is often a permanent solution to a temporary problem. An expectant mother may be very excited to be a mother, but only lack financial resources. Somehow, the only way for her to get the basic level of care an expectant mother really needs is for her to agree to put her future child up for adoption. The resources that an expectant mother temporarily gains access to from a prospective adoptive couple are NOT resources that someone should have to put their child up for adoption to get.

The expectant mother is often lied to by adoptive couples and adoption agencies about her rights, and adoptive couples are allowed to cut off contact with her after agreeing to openness in the adoption.

Truly disgusting that a woman should have to sell her child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is not a solution to infertility and is riddled with human rights abuses.

+100

I hate that I don't respect adoptive parents anymore, but I don't.

That's a rather broad brush statement. I know two couples who adopted children from the foster care system and provide a wonder family life.

It's not just about providing a wonderful life. It's about ethics and how the adoption was done. Were the birthparents given enough services and support during the reunification process, for example?

I don't know all the details but in both cases the birth mother had drug problems, didn't want the child, and had ample opportunity to change her mind. It was a long road for my friends as foster parents before they could adopt. I am confident that this all worked out in the best interest of the children and shudder to think what life could have been for them otherwise.

That's not how foster care generally works. Except if they agree, which is very rare, their right are terminated and they don't get an opportunity to change their mind. But, there are lots of different ways to adopt.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is not a solution to infertility and is riddled with human rights abuses.

+100

I hate that I don't respect adoptive parents anymore, but I don't.

That's a rather broad brush statement. I know two couples who adopted children from the foster care system and provide a wonder family life.

It's not just about providing a wonderful life. It's about ethics and how the adoption was done. Were the birthparents given enough services and support during the reunification process, for example?

I don't know all the details but in both cases the birth mother had drug problems, didn't want the child, and had ample opportunity to change her mind. It was a long road for my friends as foster parents before they could adopt. I am confident that this all worked out in the best interest of the children and shudder to think what life could have been for them otherwise.