Anonymous wrote:At my DD’s school, the girls pull up a picture, discuss the pros and cons of the girl and then vote. My DD was dropped by the top houses and then the next week gets pulled aside to hear from “friends” that are members of these sororities what the specific pros and cons that were raised about her and also who said it. She also heard how so very sorry they were she was cut. Guess what? She is ready to transfer and is struggling with her mental health A LOT after this experience.

WTH is wrong with those "friends"?!?!?

Seriously, anyone who think telling someone this are so screwed up and just not good people.

I hope your DD can find the help she needs, and yes transfer if needed. Nobody needs to be around people like that.

Anonymous wrote:At my DD’s school, the girls pull up a picture, discuss the pros and cons of the girl and then vote. My DD was dropped by the top houses and then the next week gets pulled aside to hear from “friends” that are members of these sororities what the specific pros and cons that were raised about her and also who said it. She also heard how so very sorry they were she was cut. Guess what? She is ready to transfer and is struggling with her mental health A LOT after this experience.

I’m so sorry. I’m afraid your story is not uncommon - they’re just not shared often. It’s a disgusting system and schools are callous to the mental health effects.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whole rush process is demented. I don't know about SLACs, but I went to UGA 30 years ago, and it was bad then. From what I hear from friend's kids, social media has not made it better/

My DC is at my alma mater (where I was in a sorority) and I can conclusively say that social media has made the entire process much worse. This school (not Bama!) has had some students with fairly high social media profiles and the number of women going out for rush and having their hearts set on the “top” houses has ballooned. What used to be just an informal, niche, rumor mill kind of “ranking” system has become very entrenched and documented on the internet/social media and now everyone thinks they’re a failure if they don’t pledge XYZ house. That thing about having a bid for everyone? Doesn’t work that way anymore. Too many girls. It’s kind of interesting — the boys seem unaffected by it and, if anything, less interested in frats. Guys are still rushing, but numbers are down, and plenty of guys are looking at the pledge process (hazing) and saying “no thanks.” Social media ruins everything.

Agree. At my DD’s school, rush for the girls was the miserable, one bid nightmare the girls fear. Run by a grad student who didn’t care about the girls’ experiences at all. They didn’t open enough spaces for the increased enrollment to intentionally force the one unpopular house to grow, counting on all those one bid girls to settle instead of quit: USING those girls, their first college experience, and their emotions to reach their goals of saving that house.

The boys on the other hand just dirty rush, no formal recruitment. So laid back.

Immature women just love to hurt other women and rush lets them pick “winners” and “losers” and continuing the hierarchy that they claim doesn’t exist but secretly love and take pride in. And all of this misery is endorsed by the school and the directors of recruitment. At this school, it got so bad that mothers were telling their girls to go to a different state U of they wanted to rush.

I went to a big SEC school (not Bama) where Greek life was huge. I was on the fence on rushing and ultimately decided not to do it - I knew myself enough to know I just wasn't mentally cut out for it - but I had many friends who did.

I know this is anecdotal, but I didn't know, or know of, a single girl who didn't get any bid anywhere as long as she went through the whole process. I did have friends who quit when the house(s) they had their heart set on dropped them, and others who accepted bids from sororities they were lukewarm about but ended up giving it a chance and having good experiences.

I though the system was set up so that all girls who rushed would get in somewhere (as long as they didn't drop out before rush was over) so it's interesting to read about the variation in schools. Some of this sounds really brutal and I really feel for these young women who start their college experience on what turns out to be such a sour note.

Anonymous wrote:At my DD’s school, the girls pull up a picture, discuss the pros and cons of the girl and then vote. My DD was dropped by the top houses and then the next week gets pulled aside to hear from “friends” that are members of these sororities what the specific pros and cons that were raised about her and also who said it. She also heard how so very sorry they were she was cut. Guess what? She is ready to transfer and is struggling with her mental health A LOT after this experience.

She should wait a month or two and the anonymously report one of the worst for hazing

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really am enjoying the posters who were never in a sorority tell me about how rush really works. Lots of active imaginations here.

Some of us were in sororities. And guess what your experience 20+ years ago is not necessarily true today. I posted about my DD having just finished rush without individual voting and without judging people on their family wealth. I was in a large National sorority in the late 80/early 90s and also had the same experience. We both were in “mid” type houses, not full of rich kids, just normal girls like most of our daughters.

You just described my daughter’s experience four years ago: photo on the screen and voting. So yes, very much true today. Just not at YOUR kid’s school.

Not just not at my kids sorority, others on campus Do do that, I am not saying it doesn't happen, just that you can't say that everyone does. Find one that has better, more equitable processes which actually base their sisterhood on friendship and commonalities (that are not where you summered) and perhaps your DDs will have a better experience. Its well established that parents on this board (and by extension their kids) are obsessed with prestige in their kids colleges and apparently in their greek houses as well. How DARE you say my precious princess can only go to a mid or god forbid a low tier house??!! How will I explain THAT to the neighbors?

You’re making a ton of assumptions and you sound super judgmental yourself.

If you’re saying I judge girls who only want the “top house”, yep you’re right I do.

That they only wanted a “top house” was your first assumption.

At my DD’s school, the girls pull up a picture, discuss the pros and cons of the girl and then vote. My DD was dropped by the top houses and then the next week gets pulled aside to hear from “friends” that are members of these sororities what the specific pros and cons that were raised about her and also who said it. She also heard how so very sorry they were she was cut. Guess what? She is ready to transfer and is struggling with her mental health A LOT after this experience.

Anonymous wrote:The whole rush process is demented. I don't know about SLACs, but I went to UGA 30 years ago, and it was bad then. From what I hear from friend's kids, social media has not made it better/

My DC is at my alma mater (where I was in a sorority) and I can conclusively say that social media has made the entire process much worse. This school (not Bama!) has had some students with fairly high social media profiles and the number of women going out for rush and having their hearts set on the “top” houses has ballooned. What used to be just an informal, niche, rumor mill kind of “ranking” system has become very entrenched and documented on the internet/social media and now everyone thinks they’re a failure if they don’t pledge XYZ house. That thing about having a bid for everyone? Doesn’t work that way anymore. Too many girls. It’s kind of interesting — the boys seem unaffected by it and, if anything, less interested in frats. Guys are still rushing, but numbers are down, and plenty of guys are looking at the pledge process (hazing) and saying “no thanks.” Social media ruins everything.

Anonymous wrote:Related question. i'm what could best be described as a hippie, earthy mom but my DD recently joined a sorority. I know nothing of this world and want to support aka not embarrass my daughter. In the spring, there there is a "present" day where the girls wear long white dresses and parents are invited to a ceremony. Any idea what the mom's are supposed to wear? No snark please, just suggestions. thank you.

It’s hard to say without knowing more about the event. The presentation at my sorority was in the evening and was formal. Some may do it in the daytime and be much less so. I would think the sorority will tell the girls what dress is expected, but if not, your daughter should have a “Big Sister” at the sorority that’s an older girl who’s supposed to help guide her through pledgeship. I’d have her ask her “Big Sister” this question.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really am enjoying the posters who were never in a sorority tell me about how rush really works. Lots of active imaginations here.

Some of us were in sororities. And guess what your experience 20+ years ago is not necessarily true today. I posted about my DD having just finished rush without individual voting and without judging people on their family wealth. I was in a large National sorority in the late 80/early 90s and also had the same experience. We both were in “mid” type houses, not full of rich kids, just normal girls like most of our daughters.

You just described my daughter’s experience four years ago: photo on the screen and voting. So yes, very much true today. Just not at YOUR kid’s school.

There is nothing wrong with photo on the screen and voting. The photo is there so people can place a face with the name, not for evaluative purposes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really am enjoying the posters who were never in a sorority tell me about how rush really works. Lots of active imaginations here.

Some of us were in sororities. And guess what your experience 20+ years ago is not necessarily true today. I posted about my DD having just finished rush without individual voting and without judging people on their family wealth. I was in a large National sorority in the late 80/early 90s and also had the same experience. We both were in “mid” type houses, not full of rich kids, just normal girls like most of our daughters.

You just described my daughter’s experience four years ago: photo on the screen and voting. So yes, very much true today. Just not at YOUR kid’s school.

Not just not at my kids sorority, others on campus Do do that, I am not saying it doesn't happen, just that you can't say that everyone does. Find one that has better, more equitable processes which actually base their sisterhood on friendship and commonalities (that are not where you summered) and perhaps your DDs will have a better experience. Its well established that parents on this board (and by extension their kids) are obsessed with prestige in their kids colleges and apparently in their greek houses as well. How DARE you say my precious princess can only go to a mid or god forbid a low tier house??!! How will I explain THAT to the neighbors?

You’re making a ton of assumptions and you sound super judgmental yourself.

If you’re saying I judge girls who only want the “top house”, yep you’re right I do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really am enjoying the posters who were never in a sorority tell me about how rush really works. Lots of active imaginations here.

Some of us were in sororities. And guess what your experience 20+ years ago is not necessarily true today. I posted about my DD having just finished rush without individual voting and without judging people on their family wealth. I was in a large National sorority in the late 80/early 90s and also had the same experience. We both were in “mid” type houses, not full of rich kids, just normal girls like most of our daughters.

Your daughter shouldn’t be sharing membership selection information with you.

Oh ok, well guess I better report her. But those of you who say what your DDs experienced are just fine?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really am enjoying the posters who were never in a sorority tell me about how rush really works. Lots of active imaginations here.

Some of us were in sororities. And guess what your experience 20+ years ago is not necessarily true today. I posted about my DD having just finished rush without individual voting and without judging people on their family wealth. I was in a large National sorority in the late 80/early 90s and also had the same experience. We both were in “mid” type houses, not full of rich kids, just normal girls like most of our daughters.

Your daughter shouldn’t be sharing membership selection information with you.

Why not? Genuinely curious.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really am enjoying the posters who were never in a sorority tell me about how rush really works. Lots of active imaginations here.

Some of us were in sororities. And guess what your experience 20+ years ago is not necessarily true today. I posted about my DD having just finished rush without individual voting and without judging people on their family wealth. I was in a large National sorority in the late 80/early 90s and also had the same experience. We both were in “mid” type houses, not full of rich kids, just normal girls like most of our daughters.

Your daughter shouldn’t be sharing membership selection information with you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really am enjoying the posters who were never in a sorority tell me about how rush really works. Lots of active imaginations here.

Some of us were in sororities. And guess what your experience 20+ years ago is not necessarily true today. I posted about my DD having just finished rush without individual voting and without judging people on their family wealth. I was in a large National sorority in the late 80/early 90s and also had the same experience. We both were in “mid” type houses, not full of rich kids, just normal girls like most of our daughters.

You just described my daughter’s experience four years ago: photo on the screen and voting. So yes, very much true today. Just not at YOUR kid’s school.

Not just not at my kids sorority, others on campus Do do that, I am not saying it doesn't happen, just that you can't say that everyone does. Find one that has better, more equitable processes which actually base their sisterhood on friendship and commonalities (that are not where you summered) and perhaps your DDs will have a better experience. Its well established that parents on this board (and by extension their kids) are obsessed with prestige in their kids colleges and apparently in their greek houses as well. How DARE you say my precious princess can only go to a mid or god forbid a low tier house??!! How will I explain THAT to the neighbors?

You’re making a ton of assumptions and you sound super judgmental yourself.