Anonymous
Post 01/20/2023 15:05     Subject: Re:Marrying a nice rich guy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m nice but not rich. Too bad for you that you’d never give me a chance.


Why is that too bad for her? Why isn’t it sufficient for you to find someone looking for a “nice guy who isn’t rich”?


Because I'm a catch.


Not for someone looking for financially successful partner you’re not. You’re only a catch for someone who wants you.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2023 12:53     Subject: Re:Marrying a nice rich guy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m nice but not rich. Too bad for you that you’d never give me a chance.


Why is that too bad for her? Why isn’t it sufficient for you to find someone looking for a “nice guy who isn’t rich”?


Seriously. You don’t want anything to do with OP.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2023 12:30     Subject: Re:Marrying a nice rich guy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m nice but not rich. Too bad for you that you’d never give me a chance.


Why is that too bad for her? Why isn’t it sufficient for you to find someone looking for a “nice guy who isn’t rich”?


Because I'm a catch.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2023 12:24     Subject: Re:Marrying a nice rich guy
I met now-DH when I was 30 and he was 37. We met at an alumni event.

I am fairly certain he was attracted to me because I was young enough to have kids, thin/fit, and went to good/prestigious schools. I didn’t have a lot of money, my family doesn’t have money, and I do fine with my job/salary but I’m not in a career that is ever going to be paid huge amounts of money.

I also think DH liked that I didn’t care that he had a lot of money - I actually am not focused on money, was surrounded by super wealthy people on college, so his money didn’t impress me. I insisted on paying for my share of things as we got more serious and started living together.

That being said, DH’s net worth at the time was like $2M, so not like he could stop working or was independently wealthy. However, we are now happily married, and 15 years later and DH has continued to be successful in his career, so we live a really nice lifestyle. And he actually does have family money, but it’s in a trust for education for the kids.

Anonymous
Post 01/20/2023 10:47     Subject: Re:Marrying a nice rich guy
Anonymous wrote:I’m nice but not rich. Too bad for you that you’d never give me a chance.


Why is that too bad for her? Why isn’t it sufficient for you to find someone looking for a “nice guy who isn’t rich”?
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2023 05:37     Subject: Re:Marrying a nice rich guy
I’m nice but not rich. Too bad for you that you’d never give me a chance.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2023 03:48     Subject: Marrying a nice rich guy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Signing up to be dependent sounds awful. I'm sure there are some couples who come together naturally and who work this out. I know a few. But the women almost always still make trade offs and need to "ask permission' to do things in ways that make my skin crawl.

My DH and I have discussions about what we want to do. I just took a weekend away with friends, and I ran it by him, but wasn't really looking for permission. I try to be responsible with our money and he knows that. He is now planning a golf weekend with some friends, and I have no problem with that. I know he'll spend where he needs to and be mindful where he needs to.

The difference is that we are a team on equal financial footing. It matters.


Meh, I have way more money than my DH because I inherited it and it’s fine. He doesn’t have to “ask my permission” for anything. He makes enough money to live a fine life but we spend more and if we divorced, he would count on the divorce settlement because we structure our retirement planning etc based on the money we have together. Also because of parenting, I assume he’d get support for whatever (and I would want to give it to him). When we got married, we joined forces.


I know women (and men) in dual income marriages that have to ask permission. Some couples just have this dynamic especially for larger purchases, and it works for them.


I’m a SAHM. My husband asks me if he needs/wants to purchase anything over $300. I do the same. It can be a sign of a healthy partnership if both parties have the same budget.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2023 19:33     Subject: Marrying a nice rich guy
Anonymous wrote:Anyone here marry a very well off man they met past the age of 28 who is also a truly nice guy. Or is the hope for this pretty much over if you didn't go to school together or something?


My friend met an independently wealthy guy who's crazy about her when she was about 33. Married a couple of years later. Still together fifteen years later.
It's not perfect though. He doesn't have a regular job (never needed one) and seems to feel a bit lost, always starting businesses that never go anywhere. She has a regular job that she loves. I think he feels kind of bored.

Almost all of my friends married in their mid-thirties and their husbands do very well. Maybe not rich, but perfectly comfortable.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2023 19:24     Subject: Re:Marrying a nice rich guy
This thread is just sad.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2023 13:17     Subject: Marrying a nice rich guy
Anonymous wrote:I don’t know why all the shade Op. You can fall in love with anyone, but falling in love with a nice man who make a high income is so much better than falling in love with a nice poor man. Money makes everything easier.

Definitely possible to still meet a good catch at 28. They aren’t all snapped up- though the herd has thinned


There is a lot between high income wealth and poor. Come on now, these are extremes. I think obviously, money is better for issues and problems that will arise in the marriage (and they will!) that can be fixed with money. For other issues, ie he becomes a cheater, he's prone to depression, he becomes addicted, he gets sick and copes poorly, he's a bore or self absorbed or a workaholic or a big insensitive clod as a father or worse, cruel. Those are problems that money does not simply fix. It doesn't make a man a family man, it doesn't make him empathic after you miscarry on the bathroom floor, it doesn't make him devoted, it doesn't make him take care care of you if you get very sick or present if you have tragedy. Just do a hard assessment of what money can and cannot do. Everything we have we built together as a partnership. Our foundation was Love, as corny as that sounds. And through nearly 30 years and our fair share of joy and tragedy too it was the Love that carried us through. I tell my daughter the same. I feel bad for you that you don't get this.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2023 13:01     Subject: Marrying a nice rich guy
Anonymous wrote:I don’t know why all the shade Op. You can fall in love with anyone, but falling in love with a nice man who make a high income is so much better than falling in love with a nice poor man. Money makes everything easier.

Definitely possible to still meet a good catch at 28. They aren’t all snapped up- though the herd has thinned
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2023 12:46     Subject: Re:Marrying a nice rich guy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is with the repeated threads in recent months about meeting and marrying wealthy people? Do that many of the posters on this site crave wealth and use it as a yardstick for measuring dates? Do people just hope to stop working as soon as possible in their lives and live off what a spouse brings to the marriage? How transactional and mercenary. Yeah, I'm judging and I own the fact I'm judging. It just screams "I want to be 'kept.'" And no amount of excuses like "But! I only desire for our kids to want for nothing!" or "I fear being poor because I was raised poor" or other supposed "reasons" could stop this thinking from being mercenary.


The bolded is your answers.

Also, it's a sign of the times. The growing divide between the haves and the have nots are forcing people (particularly) women to be strategic in who they marry and procreate with. Wealth begets wealth.

Also, successful people in the public eye keeping telling the masses "Who you marry is the most important decision you will make".

People have taken that statement and have turned it into a religion.

'
Then these women out to marry rich men had better pray for great pre-nups. They should read all the cheating posts, then all the divorce posts, on DCUM, and act accordingly, assuming their rich men will eventually cheat on them and possibly leave. Get pre-nups so you and the spawn will at least get some cash out of daddy when he trots off with his affair partner, or knocks her up and has another kid to pay for.

Cynical? Eh, only about as cynical as getting married so one can be a kept woman. Nice old-fashioned term, "kept woman," and DCUM is bringing the idea back, so we should just start using the term again.


They’re probably going to do much better with no pre-nup. Pre-nups are 95% about protecting the assets of the moneyed spouse, not the reverse.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2023 11:42     Subject: Re:Marrying a nice rich guy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think if this is your goal then you need to search for older guys. A) they're more established. B) you may have aged out of guys your age if they want a sweet young thing to start a big family with. It might need to be a widower or a divorcee (I suppose the latter is probably going to be less rich than the former).

And yeah, I married a poor young guy and then he turned rich. Perhaps that is easier, IDK. I was young and convinced we'd land on our feet no matter what. So far, so good.


+1

Agree you have to go for old men, and their baggage - ex wives and kids who hate you.

The women I know who "married rich" actually married around age 30, quite the opposite of rich, and the couple made their money together.

No smart guy is going to dump a good wife for a gold digger.


Oh, but they do all the time. The real question shouldn't be how to snag a rich husband, but, do you really want to put up with "ex wives and kids who hate you?" From what I've seen, that's the reality. My friend is going through this with a guy she met 5 years after he had been divorced. His ex wife and people in her circle still throw shade at my friend like she's a gold digger, even though she has her own family money and a big job. It's a perception she can't overcome and she's getting fed up with all of the drama from the older kids, ex wife and other older women in her now husband's circle.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2023 11:33     Subject: Re:Marrying a nice rich guy
Anonymous wrote:I think if this is your goal then you need to search for older guys. A) they're more established. B) you may have aged out of guys your age if they want a sweet young thing to start a big family with. It might need to be a widower or a divorcee (I suppose the latter is probably going to be less rich than the former).

And yeah, I married a poor young guy and then he turned rich. Perhaps that is easier, IDK. I was young and convinced we'd land on our feet no matter what. So far, so good.


+1

Agree you have to go for old men, and their baggage - ex wives and kids who hate you.

The women I know who "married rich" actually married around age 30, quite the opposite of rich, and the couple made their money together.

No smart guy is going to dump a good wife for a gold digger.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2023 11:28     Subject: Marrying a nice rich guy
Are you gorgeous? That certainly helps. I have a gorgeous, flirtatious friend who was basically a secretary at a hedge fund. She was always meeting and dating very wealthy men. Unfortunately none of them married her and saw her just as someone to sleep with. She's now mid40s and still single although still dating plenty of rich men. I also know of another woman who was a secretary at a recruiter for finance positions and met her now-rich husband there. She's no looker but somehow she snagged him.