Anonymous
12/09/2022 18:55
Subject: DH WFH is a huge turn off
Jams at 4:30? Are we talking those flower shorts from 80s?
Anonymous
12/09/2022 18:54
Subject: DH WFH is a huge turn off
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You have found out what he likes to do, when he has more freedom to choose. This is likely the life he might opt for in retirement.
It is a little rich that you like working from home and now resent that he wants that same lifestyle (which you have enjoyed in the past). If you are unhappy with the current arrangement, why do you assume he should be the one to get out? Perhaps it is your turn to commute, be tied to strict hours, etc?
Who is he hurting by sleeping later and wearing comfy clothes...if he is getting his work done? Sad that you loved a stereotype instead of a person.
Mind you, if he is drinking too much, that could be a health issue. I would recommend he discuss that with his doctor (honestly). But your other complaints just sound judgy, shallow and selfish.
UMM you seem to have missed the post that OP has kids and has WFH to be the main caretaker. I wouldn't like my DH drinking and staying up until midnight, waking at 9am, jams at 4:30 for my kids to see on a daily basis. what kind of role model is that?
Hasn't OP been working from home for nearly 20 years? The statute of limitations on OP saying she is WFH for the kids has expired.
Anonymous
12/09/2022 18:42
Subject: Re:DH WFH is a huge turn off
Anonymous wrote:Much worse than WFH, my husband retired in 2021 and it's a nightmare. He literally leaves the house for 3-5 hours a week. I WFH three days but I might start going in more than two days a week. The sloth kills our marriage.
UGH!! This sounds miserable, especially since you are still working and he is not. He needs a hobby to get him some fresh air and outside. Maybe volunteer? golf? tennis? something!!
Anonymous
12/09/2022 18:38
Subject: Re:DH WFH is a huge turn off
Much worse than WFH, my husband retired in 2021 and it's a nightmare. He literally leaves the house for 3-5 hours a week. I WFH three days but I might start going in more than two days a week. The sloth kills our marriage.
Anonymous
12/09/2022 18:18
Subject: DH WFH is a huge turn off
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Are you still sleeping with him?
If you told him it’sa turn off and you stopped sleeping with him then that should have changed his behavior.
It's a chore that I give into occasionally. He knows I'm not interested.
Ladies, here is why this man is drinking a box of wine at night. A BOX!!
That’s his problem.
Anonymous
12/09/2022 18:07
Subject: DH WFH is a huge turn off
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, I relate to much of what you said except I work in an office. Before Covid, DH would shower, put on a suit and go into his office; now that he has no commute he lazes on the couch in sweatpants and plays on his phone until sometime after I leave for work, and by the time I get home from my commute he’s already back in sweatpants, loafing on the couch. So unattractive! One day a couple weeks ago there were some bigwigs visiting DH office so he reluctantly put on his suit and went in. I told him he looked hot (he did) and when he got home later I pounced on him - something I haven’t felt inclined to do much these last couple of years. Guess who’s decided to start going into the office a couple days a week? Men are really so simple.
Kudos on using sex to manipulate your desired outcome!
Shrug. DH is happy and I’m happy. I like having sex with a guy who puts on real clothes and leaves the freaking house occasionally. Sue me.
Anonymous
12/09/2022 17:48
Subject: DH WFH is a huge turn off
I am in the same boat, OP. It started in 2014 on and off (I worked from home even way back then). Now I am supposed to be in 3 days but it is not really steady of strictly enforced. At this point, he just won't leave the house. Occasionally he will go to the office and makes a huge deal about it saying it's so I can have the house to myself. It gets really old and I hear everything you are saying, from the flannel pjs to the loud talking to the just being here at all times.
Anonymous
12/09/2022 17:41
Subject: DH WFH is a huge turn off
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Are you still sleeping with him?
If you told him it’sa turn off and you stopped sleeping with him then that should have changed his behavior.
It's a chore that I give into occasionally. He knows I'm not interested.
Ladies, here is why this man is drinking a box of wine at night. A BOX!!
That’s the thing though, idk about OP but I completely lost interest in sleeping with DH once he started drinking heavily. A sloppy drunk is NOT sexy
Anonymous
12/09/2022 17:17
Subject: DH WFH is a huge turn off
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I find this whole discussion a bit bizarre. I am SAH, and I loved having my DH home during COVID. Because I love him and want to be around him.
This idea that WFH causes lower t levels is very interesting though.
It’s because you’re a SAHM, I think?
Hell no. I SAH and do not want DH working from home.
Anonymous
12/09/2022 17:14
Subject: DH WFH is a huge turn off
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I find this whole discussion a bit bizarre. I am SAH, and I loved having my DH home during COVID. Because I love him and want to be around him.
This idea that WFH causes lower t levels is very interesting though.
Its BS. Notice how they don't think WFH negatively affects women. Only men. They just want him gone so they can do what they want alone in the house.
Remarks like this have to be someone who has not been responsible for raising children while simultaneously working..
Anonymous
12/09/2022 16:24
Subject: Re:DH WFH is a huge turn off
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sounds like it’s your turn to work from the office!
Right? Find a co-working space and get out of the house a few times a week. I don't understand how you're together all day if he's working in his home office. You shouldn't be bugging him during work hours anyway.
1) We can't afford a co-working space
2) He does not stay in his office during the day. He is constantly wanting to chat, etc. He needs social interaction.
I'm on your side here, OP. And there's a lot more going on than WFH with the staying up late, drinking too much, being in PJ's all day. And people will disagree, but I hear you when you say he needs to be entertained. Men can be really cavalier about sucking up someone else's time, and in my experience you are expected to be a sponge to every idea and feeling. And if you aren't, then you "aren't supportive."
It's ok for you to have needs too, and to have them based on the expectations set over your decades long marriage. You may need to compromise and give up something, but right now you're being asked to absorb some major disruptions.
Anonymous
12/09/2022 16:22
Subject: DH WFH is a huge turn off
Even if she goes to work somewhere she is still going to know how he is spending his days and that is still going to be a turnoff.
Anonymous
12/09/2022 15:52
Subject: DH WFH is a huge turn off
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You have found out what he likes to do, when he has more freedom to choose. This is likely the life he might opt for in retirement.
It is a little rich that you like working from home and now resent that he wants that same lifestyle (which you have enjoyed in the past). If you are unhappy with the current arrangement, why do you assume he should be the one to get out? Perhaps it is your turn to commute, be tied to strict hours, etc?
Who is he hurting by sleeping later and wearing comfy clothes...if he is getting his work done? Sad that you loved a stereotype instead of a person.
Mind you, if he is drinking too much, that could be a health issue. I would recommend he discuss that with his doctor (honestly). But your other complaints just sound judgy, shallow and selfish.
UMM you seem to have missed the post that OP has kids and has WFH to be the main caretaker. I wouldn't like my DH drinking and staying up until midnight, waking at 9am, jams at 4:30 for my kids to see on a daily basis. what kind of role model is that?
She used to be WFH because she did more with the kids. Now, if I am reading her right, she just likes it - and doesn't like her husband being all up in her space when she thinks the house should be hers alone.
I think she's not as attracted to him because he's changed so much since WFH.
Anonymous
12/09/2022 15:48
Subject: DH WFH is a huge turn off
Anonymous wrote:I find this whole discussion a bit bizarre. I am SAH, and I loved having my DH home during COVID. Because I love him and want to be around him.
This idea that WFH causes lower t levels is very interesting though.
Its BS. Notice how they don't think WFH negatively affects women. Only men. They just want him gone so they can do what they want alone in the house.
Anonymous
12/09/2022 15:48
Subject: DH WFH is a huge turn off
Anonymous wrote:I find this whole discussion a bit bizarre. I am SAH, and I loved having my DH home during COVID. Because I love him and want to be around him.
This idea that WFH causes lower t levels is very interesting though.
It’s because you’re a SAHM, I think?