Anonymous wrote:I’ma SAHM. My husband and I both have the same “allowance “, but we call it a budget. We each have $300 a month that we can spend on anything—no questions asked. It doesn’t feel icky if you’re both doing it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have two problems that are related, but definitely separate:
(1) Your wife spends too much and does not want to stop or even talk about stopping
(2) Your income cannot support your spending now that you have a kid.

Those expenses you've listed? Even when our HH income was 2x yours, I didn't spend as much on my own personal grooming in a year as your wife spends in a month. She clearly values these highly, as that's where the money goes. But your income cannot support it, even without a kid, if she isn't working. You need to create an income/expenses chart, with or without her. It'll become apparent that this spending cannot continue with a kid(s) in the picture.

Also, I'm going to tell you that you're going to outgrow that condo, unless it's a big one, once baby #2 arrives. Two sets of friends who had 3br condos (1200-1500 sq ft) and very young kids have gone to the suburbs. One of them thought they'd be in the city much longer, but they weren't happy when they just ran out of space. We're in a 3br condo (half of a Victorian rowhouse) with two little kids and it's tight, but doable. You need to spend less/save more just for the move to a SFH that you plan.

But all of this is a moot point until your wife gets on board. I'd delay baby #2 until she does.

Eh, maybe/maybe not about housing. We lived in a 700 sq ft 2 br apartment with 2 kids. We have friends with 3 elementary aged kids who live in a 2 br apartment & have for years. Many people in NYC do as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hello Fresh
Freshly
Daily Harvest
Butcher Box

She gets weekly massages + facials, nails done every two weeks, hair every 6 weeks, and a gym membership that she hasn’t gone to since she gave birth.
^^
Let's just look at the budget for her self care:
Massages - $80/week >>$4160/year
Facials - $80/week >> $4160/year (conservative - many facials are a lot more than this)
Nails - $40/every 2 weeks >>$1040/year
Hair (probably color/cut) >> $150/6 weeks >>$1300/year (this might be very conservative guess)
Gym Membersip >$90/month >> $1080/year
TOTAL: $11,740 a year.

I'm sorry but this is INSANE. This doesn't include her clothes, purses, shoes, make-up, etc that are probably high end. I would not let someone who spends like this quit working, and I would absolutely look at a budget going forward.

Agree. I’m a SAHM, HHI is 900k. We don’t even have a house cleaner or outsource yard work. I do all the cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping.
I don’t get massages or nails done at all. We do belong to a gym as a family but we all use membership. My only large self care expenses are dying hair every 6 weeks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems to me OP wants a SAHW but also wants to use this opportunity to squeeze concessions out of her.

As he should. His wife isn't a partner, she's a leech.

Anonymous wrote:Hello Fresh
Freshly
Daily Harvest
Butcher Box

She gets weekly massages + facials, nails done every two weeks, hair every 6 weeks, and a gym membership that she hasn’t gone to since she gave birth.
^^
Let's just look at the budget for her self care:
Massages - $80/week >>$4160/year
Facials - $80/week >> $4160/year (conservative - many facials are a lot more than this)
Nails - $40/every 2 weeks >>$1040/year
Hair (probably color/cut) >> $150/6 weeks >>$1300/year (this might be very conservative guess)
Gym Membersip >$90/month >> $1080/year
TOTAL: $11,740 a year.

I'm sorry but this is INSANE. This doesn't include her clothes, purses, shoes, make-up, etc that are probably high end. I would not let someone who spends like this quit working, and I would absolutely look at a budget going forward.

Anonymous wrote:1. Btdt: she should work part-time to keep foot in the door
2. I thought nanny share was where nanny would work for you 2 days and someone else 3 days. You paid her for your two days and they paid for their 3 days and you didn’t necessarily have to interact. At end of year you gave her W2 for amount you paid and other family gives W2 for amount they paid. Each family is responsible for the taxes, etc. on the amount they pay. Am I wrong? You aren’t one joint employer.
3. To have the discussion, you need to look at ALL expenses (including yours) and decide what are necessities and what can be given up. You said you are older parents. Do you have sufficient life insurance on both of you? Does she get health insurance through her job or yours? Have you planned for college?
4. Sounds like you both would like to move to a house soon. Interest rates have almost doubled so your buying power is less unless you can pay in cash. You may need to stay in your condo much longer than anticipated. Are you comfortable with the schools?
5. You said you cook. Do you cook the items from the meal services? If not, who does and when do they get eaten? It seems like if you cook (and are willing to grocery shop), this is something you can mutually agree to drop.

Anonymous wrote:You have two problems that are related, but definitely separate:
(1) Your wife spends too much and does not want to stop or even talk about stopping
(2) Your income cannot support your spending now that you have a kid.

Those expenses you've listed? Even when our HH income was 2x yours, I didn't spend as much on my own personal grooming in a year as your wife spends in a month. She clearly values these highly, as that's where the money goes. But your income cannot support it, even without a kid, if she isn't working. You need to create an income/expenses chart, with or without her. It'll become apparent that this spending cannot continue with a kid(s) in the picture.

Also, I'm going to tell you that you're going to outgrow that condo, unless it's a big one, once baby #2 arrives. Two sets of friends who had 3br condos (1200-1500 sq ft) and very young kids have gone to the suburbs. One of them thought they'd be in the city much longer, but they weren't happy when they just ran out of space. We're in a 3br condo (half of a Victorian rowhouse) with two little kids and it's tight, but doable. You need to spend less/save more just for the move to a SFH that you plan.

But all of this is a moot point until your wife gets on board. I'd delay baby #2 until she does.

Anonymous wrote:OP, there is a section on the Mr Money Mustache website on how to get your spouse on board with a budget. You'll have to look around a bit on the website but it is there.

If she wants to be a SAHM it is doable but ya'll have to drastically cut expenses.

Sell a car. Buy clothes at thrift shops. Get food at grocery stores etc. Do nails at home. Massage once a year as a birthday gift.

Anonymous wrote:Seems to me OP wants a SAHW but also wants to use this opportunity to squeeze concessions out of her.