Anonymous
Post 10/02/2022 12:52     Subject: Does it kind of suck to be an out of state student?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Unlike most DCUM posters, we don’t have piles of money to waste. We told our kiddos they can go anywhere - as long as it was in-state. Our neighbor let their son attend uni on the west coast — in a stunningly beautiful state. He transferred back to an instate school after a year.


I've seen this dozens of times as well. And why do they transfer back? Because they want to hang out with their high school friends again. Everyone in this thread pretending in-state universities aren't high school 2.0 -- and even more so in the last 10 years -- is lying.


Who said anything about lying. The fact is that in-state is a financially better decision when you have options like UMD, UVA, W&M, VA Tech, etc. I don’t care if there’s a little high school 2.0 as you call it. Not everyone has the luxury to use that rationale for going out of state.
Anonymous
Post 10/02/2022 12:50     Subject: Does it kind of suck to be an out of state student?
Anonymous wrote:My DD is a college senior and goes to school on the west coast. All of her old friends that attended VA schools are all still hanging out together- lived with each other for all 4 years and will graduate and live together in Arlington or DC. Very much a continuation of high school cliques. My DD has pretty much lost touch with all of them... I'm not criticizing the ones who hang with thier local friends- it actually seems nice- they have friends for life. My DD has new friends at school but who knows where DD and the rest will all end up after graduating.


I went to a state college with most of the same kids I had gone through 12 years of primary school with so it felt like an extension of that. I met and made friends with people from other places and then moved away from the state after graduation while most of my classmates moved back to our hometown and all are still friends, some married, divorced and remarried within those same circles. I am glad I moved away because it all seems very insular and boring when I am at home.
Anonymous
Post 10/02/2022 12:46     Subject: Does it kind of suck to be an out of state student?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My DC goes to a popular Virginia state school and I have been surprised by how Virginia-centric it is. My DC’s roommate is from several states away and feels like an outsider. I see many parents on the parent Facebook page complaining that their OOS child is having a hard time making friends.

Separately, I have heard that at big public’s like Michigan the NY/NJ kids basically stick together and there is, in general, a big social division between Michigan kids and the rest.

I ask because my other kid would like to go to a new state for college and likes some flagships but now wonders if that might be a bad idea.


I think it sucks to be a commuter student, out of state is mostly fun.




Congratulations on your privilege. A lot of parents can't afford $81K a year for private so have to find alternatives.
Anonymous
Post 10/02/2022 12:45     Subject: Re:Does it kind of suck to be an out of state student?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Attending an OOS school is not necessarily a good thing, in my particular case.  DS is attending an OOS school and suddenly he has all the freedom in the world.  His social activity is taking priority over his academics, and he plays the guitar so he naturally attracts so many ladies.  He texted his younger HS senior brother, who also plays the guitar, that he slept with so many women (yes, STD is a concern even with protection).  He also encourages his younger brother to go to OOS school so that the younger brother can experience it too.  For some kids, it is not a good thing without self-control.  YMMV.


This has nothing to do with an OOS school. Your son could be making the same choices 15 minutes from your house.




This is true
Anonymous
Post 10/02/2022 12:44     Subject: Re:Does it kind of suck to be an out of state student?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Certain frats won’t take kids from OOS.


In this day and age, who on earth wants to get into a frat or sorority?!?!



The ones who need an easy way to get vodka, beer, and weed so they can make it easier for themselves to socialize. Oh, and most importantly drink heavily and get wasted every weekend all under the cover of philanthopy. At least that is what I saw in my sorority days, and it appears it hasn't changed.



But your child can choose not to participate. My UVA DS never once set food on frat row/Rugby. If your student is going to drink and act irresponsibly, they are going to do it wherever you send them
Anonymous
Post 10/02/2022 12:42     Subject: Re:Does it kind of suck to be an out of state student?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:For those bringing up their experience years ago, please understand that this generation of college students is having trouble connecting for whatever reason. That's not to say that everyone is struggling, but many are.

My recommendation for anyone concerned about being OOS and out of place is to try to find a roommate who is also OOS. Several friends and my nephew were roommates with in-state students who maintained their social connections from high school ad did not include the OOS kids.



Nobody organically "starts fresh" and branches out anymore because social media and iPhones keeps everyone hyper-connected to their same high school cliques. And every new potential friend cyber-stalks your social media to see if you're "compatible." Joining a frat or sorority is a must.


Uggh, that’s just gross. I highly doubt everyone vets friends that way. Boys sure don’t.



What my DS did was make friends on Facebook. For every school someone starts a "Emory class of 2026" and people just start talking to one another. He made a life friend through that process. His first night at UVA was a meetup of about 20 people he had friended on the UVA site (and this is not a drinking, greek crowd)
Anonymous
Post 10/02/2022 08:16     Subject: Does it kind of suck to be an out of state student?
Some kids just don’t adjust well to being far from home. It took me a couple months to get comfortable at my school which was a day’s drive away. There were lots of people in my dorm who talked about maybe transferring those first couple months, but most found their groove and eventually stayed.
Anonymous
Post 10/02/2022 08:06     Subject: Does it kind of suck to be an out of state student?
Anonymous wrote:Unlike most DCUM posters, we don’t have piles of money to waste. We told our kiddos they can go anywhere - as long as it was in-state. Our neighbor let their son attend uni on the west coast — in a stunningly beautiful state. He transferred back to an instate school after a year.


I've seen this dozens of times as well. And why do they transfer back? Because they want to hang out with their high school friends again. Everyone in this thread pretending in-state universities aren't high school 2.0 -- and even more so in the last 10 years -- is lying.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2022 14:26     Subject: Does it kind of suck to be an out of state student?
That boy was just waiting to get out from under his parents’ roof
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2022 14:18     Subject: Re:Does it kind of suck to be an out of state student?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Attending an OOS school is not necessarily a good thing, in my particular case.  DS is attending an OOS school and suddenly he has all the freedom in the world.  His social activity is taking priority over his academics, and he plays the guitar so he naturally attracts so many ladies.  He texted his younger HS senior brother, who also plays the guitar, that he slept with so many women (yes, STD is a concern even with protection).  He also encourages his younger brother to go to OOS school so that the younger brother can experience it too.  For some kids, it is not a good thing without self-control.  YMMV.


This has nothing to do with an OOS school. Your son could be making the same choices 15 minutes from your house.


Yes. There are sluts and man-whores in every college and it is the character of these students not OOS or in-State.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2022 14:17     Subject: Does it kind of suck to be an out of state student?
Former in state Virginia college student: the NJ students stood out but eventually integrated fairly well within student life. I say this lovingly.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2022 14:14     Subject: Re:Does it kind of suck to be an out of state student?
Anonymous wrote:Certain frats won’t take kids from OOS.


Just learned this secondhand from my OOS nephew rushing at Ole Miss.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2022 14:12     Subject: Does it kind of suck to be an out of state student?
Anonymous wrote:I went to UVA from in state but didn’t hang out with anyone I knew from high school. Not once.


+1
My DD is at VT and doesn’t hang out with or see anyone from her HS. Her college friends come from all over the state and country.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2022 09:51     Subject: Re:Does it kind of suck to be an out of state student?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Certain frats won’t take kids from OOS.


At some schools, the OOSA kids are a hot commodity in Greek life.


Not at schools in the south


As someone who went to school in the south when there wree far less OOS students, this isn't true.

Everyone struggles to some extent to make their first friends in college. Some join Frats/Sororities for instant friends. Some have to work a little harder. But where you are from DOES NOT matter. It's how engaging you are with others and how much you put yourself out there. Friends take time and work to build. It may appear at times easier for students who are coming with a few classmates from high school just because they have people to hang with from day 1. But those high school circles break by the end of the first semester as people make friends for reasons other than geography.


This was a response Greek life not in general, you didn’t copy what the response was too. Kids should go in eyes wide open that being from the North out of state is a big disadvantage. My DDs friends were all shut out of sororities. This was at UGA, U of SC and UT Austin. These are women who are pretty, blond and out going that would think are a shoe in for greek. Don’t fool yourself to think it doesn’t matter. It does.


If they were at UVA, they'd have probably gotten into the "top" sororities, which are filled with private school kids from the northeast. My niece attends (from CT) and got into the top house. So it all depends on the school.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2022 09:49     Subject: Does it kind of suck to be an out of state student?
Anonymous wrote:I went to UVA from in state but didn’t hang out with anyone I knew from high school. Not once.


My kid is at UVA and has run into the handful of kids from his NoVA HS a few times walking across grounds but its a rare occurrence. His roommates are from Boston, and southern VA.