Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s interesting to me is that a lot of SAHMs don’t seem to realize they aren’t contributing to retirement. They will often say their husband is saving in other accounts, but they don’t recognize how the benefit of a 401k is bankruptcy, tax deferred etc. They also don’t seem to understand that their husband’s 401k is only in his name. My own mother stayed home and I have power of attorney for my dad. She can’t even call up the brokerage firm to make a transaction since her name isn’t on the account. SAHms are truly screwed on the retirement front.

SAHM can contribute to IRAs and should. I stopped working 16 years ago but still have more money in my 401ks and IRAs than my husband because I contributed more in my 20s and 30s.

It’s limited to what, 7k a year? Sorry but that’s hardly going to fund retirement for most women.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s interesting to me is that a lot of SAHMs don’t seem to realize they aren’t contributing to retirement. They will often say their husband is saving in other accounts, but they don’t recognize how the benefit of a 401k is bankruptcy, tax deferred etc. They also don’t seem to understand that their husband’s 401k is only in his name. My own mother stayed home and I have power of attorney for my dad. She can’t even call up the brokerage firm to make a transaction since her name isn’t on the account. SAHms are truly screwed on the retirement front.

SAHM can contribute to IRAs and should. I stopped working 16 years ago but still have more money in my 401ks and IRAs than my husband because I contributed more in my 20s and 30s.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ll, people just prioritize different things. Your friend prioritizes being home with kids over paying for college. I don’t think it’s selfish or not. I definitely don’t personally find any good reason why a woman would stay home bar a child with severe disabilities (even the ones w 7 figure husbands, but it doesn’t matter what I think. Every person gets to make their own life choices and set their own priorities.

Perhaps she has a “silent disease” like anxiety, depression, ADHD, or a rare disorder. That’s why I stay home; I can manage better that way, I am mentally healthier without the stress and conflicting demands of the workplace. Granted, I had a high level job, so maybe I would do better in a simpler job, but honestly, having two teens is still a lot of work - making sure they have proper meals, all that they need for school, ferrying them places, and keeping up with the house and other responsibilities is a big job in and of itself. Some superstars, well organized people can do it all - but in reality, few can.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not a SAHM but I work PT even though I only have one kid who is school age. My take is that people often overestimate how easy it is for middle class people to find reliable childcare when they both work, if they don’t have nearby family or other resources. It’s really challenging and right now we make it work by me being PT. It would be great for us financially if I could go FT, plus obviously very good for my retirement fund. But it would come at a major cost to family stability. I probably am still going to do it, but I dread what it will mean for our day-to-day. My current schedule makes everything so much easier. We never feel hectic. Our relationship are all really solid.

When you are wealthy and can always afford the extra help you need, or to pay for conveniences that make things easier, you may not realize how valuable that is to family stability and well being. But as a family that has had to sacrifice income to get that peace of mind, I realize how valuable it is. Yes, when I am FT we’ll be putting away way more for college/retirement than now. But that will be the only financial shift. It’s not like my FT salary will enable us to do that AND pay for housecleaners, meal prep, household admin, vacation planning, childcare on school sick days and in the summer, and all the other stuff I currently do. We’ll have to do all that, plus work, in order to get the extra savings. Probably worth it in the end but still: not fun. Which is why we’ve put it off a bit, accepting a few extra years of lower savings in exchange for an easier like during a pandemic.

So maybe before judging a SAHM whose household income is a fraction of yours, you should step back and be grateful that’s not a trade off you ever have to navigate.

High school students don't need childcare. At that age they should be making some contribution to the family they are a part of, be in charge of a meal one night a week, do their own laundry, some simple household tasks. There seems to be a real fear in the middle class that asking 15 or 16 year old kids to take on some responsibility is somehow harmful. It's not. Raising entitled children benefits no one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're a troll, but I'l answer why I probably won't go back to work even though I might not even be able to pay for tuition at a state school.

I have applied to many, many jobs, and I can't get any that will work with a flexible-ish schedule that would actually make a decent amount of money. I am being picky, I know, but I would like medical and maybe 60K. The only thing I can think of that would get me some marketable skills are going back to school (which would require money upfront) or doing something very low-paying in the hopes that it would eventually lead to something more. I'm not sure I'd be better off doing that than I would be focusing on saving money at home.

Right now, I like being able to do all my home tasks while the kids are at school so we can all just chill on the weekends, and I like spending after-school time with my kids since they are going to be gone so soon. At this point I'm not going to get a job that wouldn't let me do those things so they can go to a more expensive school. That is just my choice.

Also, some people don't realize just how expensive college has become. They think that the way to afford college is pretty much the same as what it was when they went, and that every single person complaining about student loans is just an idiot who went to a college that can change lives for a degree in gender studies.

Going to an expensive private college is not worth it for 80% of people. Just attend in state college. If my parents saved 300k for me for college, I would ask them to give me 200k of that for a down payment on a first house. Forget paying 50-70k a year for college, that is BS.

Totally agree. It always amazes me how parents are sending their kids to college far away to study most of the time for degrees like sociology, biology or so that could easily be finished in the nearest town for 80% less. I am an immigrant who went to community college, then in-state college while working around the clock and paid cash for each semester. I was debt free and got a job that pays me 100K annually. I had no help from my parents whatsoever.

Anonymous wrote:What’s interesting to me is that a lot of SAHMs don’t seem to realize they aren’t contributing to retirement. They will often say their husband is saving in other accounts, but they don’t recognize how the benefit of a 401k is bankruptcy, tax deferred etc. They also don’t seem to understand that their husband’s 401k is only in his name. My own mother stayed home and I have power of attorney for my dad. She can’t even call up the brokerage firm to make a transaction since her name isn’t on the account. SAHms are truly screwed on the retirement front.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom was like this. It was really annoying. They then refused to pay for college but I had to pick up their tab due to the expected family contribution and due to my dad's income, I could not get grants. My dad was not loaded but had enough that I was not grant eligible. I took out private loans at 9% and had 70k in debt from undergrad in 1999.

It really derailed my adult life. I did okay but I could have done better if I did not have that debt because I felt I could not consider professional school. It took all the joy out of my 20s...I worked 3 jobs until 33 to pay it off.

I felt my mom was lazy and had no excuse.

I will never every do that to my kids.

I work full time and have since they were born.

Similar here. My parents saved nothing. So they had or earned too much for me to get financial aid yet didn’t have any college savings.

As a result, I had no choice in colleges. It all worked out yet I’d been accepted to other schools I would have liked to attend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're a troll, but I'l answer why I probably won't go back to work even though I might not even be able to pay for tuition at a state school.

I have applied to many, many jobs, and I can't get any that will work with a flexible-ish schedule that would actually make a decent amount of money. I am being picky, I know, but I would like medical and maybe 60K. The only thing I can think of that would get me some marketable skills are going back to school (which would require money upfront) or doing something very low-paying in the hopes that it would eventually lead to something more. I'm not sure I'd be better off doing that than I would be focusing on saving money at home.

Right now, I like being able to do all my home tasks while the kids are at school so we can all just chill on the weekends, and I like spending after-school time with my kids since they are going to be gone so soon. At this point I'm not going to get a job that wouldn't let me do those things so they can go to a more expensive school. That is just my choice.

Also, some people don't realize just how expensive college has become. They think that the way to afford college is pretty much the same as what it was when they went, and that every single person complaining about student loans is just an idiot who went to a college that can change lives for a degree in gender studies.

Going to an expensive private college is not worth it for 80% of people. Just attend in state college. If my parents saved 300k for me for college, I would ask them to give me 200k of that for a down payment on a first house. Forget paying 50-70k a year for college, that is BS.

Anonymous wrote:I think you're a troll, but I'l answer why I probably won't go back to work even though I might not even be able to pay for tuition at a state school.

I have applied to many, many jobs, and I can't get any that will work with a flexible-ish schedule that would actually make a decent amount of money. I am being picky, I know, but I would like medical and maybe 60K. The only thing I can think of that would get me some marketable skills are going back to school (which would require money upfront) or doing something very low-paying in the hopes that it would eventually lead to something more. I'm not sure I'd be better off doing that than I would be focusing on saving money at home.

Right now, I like being able to do all my home tasks while the kids are at school so we can all just chill on the weekends, and I like spending after-school time with my kids since they are going to be gone so soon. At this point I'm not going to get a job that wouldn't let me do those things so they can go to a more expensive school. That is just my choice.

Also, some people don't realize just how expensive college has become. They think that the way to afford college is pretty much the same as what it was when they went, and that every single person complaining about student loans is just an idiot who went to a college that can change lives for a degree in gender studies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I swear you people are among the most gullible or the Internet. The OP is trolling. She made this up. Don’t people have better things to do with a Friday night?

Op here. I did not make this up. I would not talk about this to other people in real life so I posted here. I have young kids I put to bed at 8.

I’m a sahm so I meet a lot of other SAHMs. It is one thing to be a sahm when your spouse is a high earner or your child has special needs. I don’t understand why a mother would not go back to work if your family needed the money.

Anonymous wrote:most people do t save anything for college. i grew up lower middle class and my parents saved nothing.

i didn’t realize saving for college was a thing until i started working with affluent people.

my brother and i got scholarships and financial aid and graduated debt free.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom was like this. It was really annoying. They then refused to pay for college but I had to pick up their tab due to the expected family contribution and due to my dad's income, I could not get grants. My dad was not loaded but had enough that I was not grant eligible. I took out private loans at 9% and had 70k in debt from undergrad in 1999.

It really derailed my adult life. I did okay but I could have done better if I did not have that debt because I felt I could not consider professional school. It took all the joy out of my 20s...I worked 3 jobs until 33 to pay it off.

I felt my mom was lazy and had no excuse.

I will never every do that to my kids.

I work full time and have since they were born.

It is not your mom’s responsibility to pay for your college. She can live her life. I think this is incredibly selfish to expect your mom to work for years to serve you into adulthood.

Anonymous wrote:Why do you feel the need to judge others? Are you just insecure about the choices you have made for yourself? Maybe she is dealing with health issues of a parent or other family member. Especially in the area of mental health, people don’t always share that sort of thing. Maybe she felt like her mother didn’t spend enough time with her when she was growing up, and doesn’t want to make the same mistake with her own kids. Maybe she feels like her marriage will be more successful if both spouses aren’t stressed out all the time with work. Maybe, maybe, maybe…you have no idea why she has made the choices she has made, nor should you care.