I was friends with a guy once who was in the same social circle in a small town - his family had an insurance agency or real estate, I can’t recall which. He dated a colleague attorney from my social set and I spent lots of time in his company in various settings - he was very likable, funny, nice. He’d been married and had shared custody of his kids and everyone thought him to be a great dad.

One day I learned he had blown his head off out on some land adjacent to his home - polite to the end, he didn’t do it inside where someone would have to clean the mess.

The church was overflowing with townspeople wanting to honor his life and needing the comfort of shared grief over the shocking circumstances of his passing.


Later it went around town that FBI agents had quietly served a warrant on his office and taken his computer the day before he suicided. I was absolutely stunned knowing it meant only one thing and explained entirely why this charming young man would suddenly end his life - that kind of thing is unsurvivable in a small town, and his family would have been destroyed by it. Because his death closed the investigation his suicide was a kind of warped gift to them.

As a former prosecutor and public defender I agree that pedophiles are not usually made from thin air, but I would also point out that abused kids aren’t always abused in the home and many times parents don’t know because their children don’t tell. We shouldn’t automatically assume the perpetrator was damaged in the home when it could just as easily have been a coach, teacher, pastor, scoutmaster, neighbor or family friend.

Anonymous wrote:You are providing way too much identifying information about a situation that doesn't even involve you. Despite the crime possibly committed these people deserve confidentiality. From what you have provided most people could easily figure out who they are, at least anyone who happens to know them could.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At a risk of being attacked, what is so wrong about bailing him out? He is under surveillance, so he cannot do any harm. This is the chance for the family to talk, get his side of the story, have closures, or just simply be together before he gets locked up, probably for a very long time. He is still her son and I am sure she still loves him. As long as he is no longer threat to society, I think she has all the moral right to bail him out.

The problem is if he still wants to access CP he can and will figure out a way to do so. And he very well might do it while living under her roof. So he CAN still do harm and he CAN STILL be a threat as an on-line predator.

No, he can't- being under surveillance means they are tracking his computer/internet usage, too.

You are so naive. Yes, they are tracking HIS computer & internet usage. He's got 2 parents, and who knows what excuses he might give them for wanting access to someone else's computer and then doing more harm. OP already says they struggled with holding him accountable when he was a kid, now he's a MAN. Who knows what he'll try to do while home.

All that said, I DO agree with you that I understand them bailing him out. I would want to try to figure out how best to protect him from being killed in jail. But he did what he did, and I would never stand in the way of justice. Bail is legal, and I'd want to try to get him some psychiatric help between being charged & trial.

But based on all OP said, I have no doubt he's guilty and I bet he's NOT crazy. So he may well be competent to stand trial and be in jail for a very long time, and he should be if he's proven guilty.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has every right to bail her kid out. HE will be torn to shreds in jail. Don't think less of her for that.

In your shoes, I would support a real friend. I would set boundaries, though. Not talk about the son. In the sense she should not seek validation from you that he's a good person. But can you be a shoulder to lean on? She's more a victim than an enabler, IMO. He had that **** in her house.

This 100%

You have absolutely ZERO EVIDENCE that the mom was not an enabler. You have no idea what she observed, thought about, and then suppressed or denied or ignored. Maybe she didn't see any signs... or maybe she saw a LOT. Or maybe she found some of his "materials" at some point and was so in denial she didn't even confront him.

The guy was an adult living in their house and peddling this stuff for YEARS. You are in no position to decide or proclaim the mom or both parents victims and not at all enablers. None of us know HOW he got to the place he got to and who knew what when.

In the meantime, OP is totally right to be confused and unsure of how to support or if she even wants to support. Their son has ruined lives with his abuse or his particpation in an industry that ruins childhoods. Even if they knew nothing about it, no one who is disgusted and wants to distance can be blamed. It's possibly the most disgusting crime ever, along with murder.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is extremely disturbing how many 32 yo men were recently arrested for CP. It seems to be a way more common crime than I ever imagined.

They've linked Pedophilia to brain damage in the past - some perfectly normal guy hits his head hard or gets in a car accident and then all of a sudden has these crazy urges. They need to do more research and maybe there is a fix for it. One of the most harmful crimes and there is nothing to do but hope you find them before they act on their urges. These men are also probably scared to go to the doctor and say I have this problem, can you help - but we should be encouraging them to identify themselves and seek help.

The majority of pedophilia is linked to the perpetrator having been abused as a child OR being raised with very little in the way of accountability for impulse control. Head injuries are in no way a factor in some major % of perpetrators. If you're saying it is, please link to a respected scientific source, otherwise stop spreading MISinformation.