Anonymous
08/14/2022 18:23
Subject: DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s interesting how deep intensive parenting Stockholm Syndrome is when parents would rather advocate faking it than questioning the tenets of intensive parenting. Or advocate for only a select few to have children. I mean, really?
She said he sighs and mopes after more than 10 min. with his kid. That’s hardly “intensive parenting.” Also, the little kid stage doesn’t last that long. He needs to be a grownup and make some sacrifices for a few years while his kids are little. It’s not a life sentence. He’ll be able to have adult conversations and whatever on the not too distant future when he no longer has a toddler. He shouldn’t make his unrealistic expectations of parenthood his kids’ problem.
In what realm is 5-7 years not a long time? That’s a sentence for manslaughter. With two kids going through different stages that’s what your looking at.
Cutting back on hobbies and having adult time once the kids go to bed/scheduling a sitter for 5-7 year of your life so that you can invest in your relationship with your kids is just not that big of a sacrifice. We’re not talking about kids with profound lifelong needs here. Also I don’t see why he can’t still have interactions with adults. My DH is friends with other dads and they plan father-son outings together (hikes, pickup sports games, park play dates, etc.). When the kids are entertained with friends it’s easier for the dads to hang out. That is easier when the kids are a bit older (like at least 4), but before then he used to put on a podcast and take them out on long walks in the stroller. Just incorporate your kids into your life, it’s not that hard. Or get a gym membership that has childcare.
It is that hard for some people. Smugness is just mean.
Not liking parenting might not be depression, but if he never has a good time with them, there may be more going on. I have three and my oldest has special needs, but we have good moments and periods every day.
Anonymous
08/14/2022 18:18
Subject: DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I literally can’t believe anyone is defending this man.
This type of behavior is so so harmful to children.
Let this be a lesson to people that pressure their spouses to have more kids. There are consequences to burdening someone with a kid(s) they never wanted.
Sounds like he agreed to a second child from reading the OP. It’s really a lesson not to marry or be a selfish, emotionally immature partner. The OP’s husband is a sulking child and he needs to get over it. The kids are here and they deserve a decent father.
Anonymous
08/14/2022 18:16
Subject: DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
The kids needs a nice early bedtime (like 7pm) so that there is plenty of adult time. We spent 2-3 hours alone every evening from the time each baby was about 6 months old.
Anonymous
08/14/2022 18:09
Subject: DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s interesting how deep intensive parenting Stockholm Syndrome is when parents would rather advocate faking it than questioning the tenets of intensive parenting. Or advocate for only a select few to have children. I mean, really?
She said he sighs and mopes after more than 10 min. with his kid. That’s hardly “intensive parenting.” Also, the little kid stage doesn’t last that long. He needs to be a grownup and make some sacrifices for a few years while his kids are little. It’s not a life sentence. He’ll be able to have adult conversations and whatever on the not too distant future when he no longer has a toddler. He shouldn’t make his unrealistic expectations of parenthood his kids’ problem.
In what realm is 5-7 years not a long time? That’s a sentence for manslaughter. With two kids going through different stages that’s what your looking at.
Cutting back on hobbies and having adult time once the kids go to bed/scheduling a sitter for 5-7 year of your life so that you can invest in your relationship with your kids is just not that big of a sacrifice. We’re not talking about kids with profound lifelong needs here. Also I don’t see why he can’t still have interactions with adults. My DH is friends with other dads and they plan father-son outings together (hikes, pickup sports games, park play dates, etc.). When the kids are entertained with friends it’s easier for the dads to hang out. That is easier when the kids are a bit older (like at least 4), but before then he used to put on a podcast and take them out on long walks in the stroller. Just incorporate your kids into your life, it’s not that hard. Or get a gym membership that has childcare.
Anonymous
08/14/2022 18:06
Subject: DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
Two thoughts - first, it gets easier way before the youngest turns 2. Second, get him screened for depression and if positive, he gets treated, if not, he needs to suck it up. He sounds like he needs more individual attention than parents of young kids can reasonably expect. That’s a maturity thing.
Anonymous
08/14/2022 17:59
Subject: DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s interesting how deep intensive parenting Stockholm Syndrome is when parents would rather advocate faking it than questioning the tenets of intensive parenting. Or advocate for only a select few to have children. I mean, really?
She said he sighs and mopes after more than 10 min. with his kid. That’s hardly “intensive parenting.” Also, the little kid stage doesn’t last that long. He needs to be a grownup and make some sacrifices for a few years while his kids are little. It’s not a life sentence. He’ll be able to have adult conversations and whatever on the not too distant future when he no longer has a toddler. He shouldn’t make his unrealistic expectations of parenthood his kids’ problem.
In what realm is 5-7 years not a long time? That’s a sentence for manslaughter. With two kids going through different stages that’s what your looking at.
Anonymous
08/14/2022 17:56
Subject: DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
Anonymous wrote:It’s interesting how deep intensive parenting Stockholm Syndrome is when parents would rather advocate faking it than questioning the tenets of intensive parenting. Or advocate for only a select few to have children. I mean, really?
She said he sighs and mopes after more than 10 min. with his kid. That’s hardly “intensive parenting.” Also, the little kid stage doesn’t last that long. He needs to be a grownup and make some sacrifices for a few years while his kids are little. It’s not a life sentence. He’ll be able to have adult conversations and whatever on the not too distant future when he no longer has a toddler. He shouldn’t make his unrealistic expectations of parenthood his kids’ problem.
Anonymous
08/14/2022 17:32
Subject: Re:DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
Anonymous wrote:If my DH felt that way about my kids I think I would leave him as it is so damaging for them to be around someone like that.
Same
Anonymous
08/14/2022 16:57
Subject: DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
Anonymous wrote:I literally can’t believe anyone is defending this man.
This type of behavior is so so harmful to children.
Let this be a lesson to people that pressure their spouses to have more kids. There are consequences to burdening someone with a kid(s) they never wanted.
Anonymous
08/14/2022 16:38
Subject: DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s interesting how deep intensive parenting Stockholm Syndrome is when parents would rather advocate faking it than questioning the tenets of intensive parenting. Or advocate for only a select few to have children. I mean, really?
I agree.
Why can’t anyone have an adult conversation or have periods of time without interruption? The OP’s kids are 7 and 2. Make sure they are safe and go talk to your spouse for twenty minutes. You don’t have to be interacting with them all of the time.
absolutely, but I don't think he would be happy with "20min/day uninterrupted time".
Also, at that stage, kids should be in bed by 8. Do the parents go to bed at 8:30 or something? Why can't they have 8 to 10 as "their time"? That's what DH and I did, but if we were having a serious conversation during the day, and kids interrupted, we would tell them to "hold on till we are done".
But it doesn't sound like this is the issue. Seems like in general, he doesn't like that two kids = more work.
Someone once told me that having two kids is more than double the work because with one kid, you can trade off and the parent can get some downtime, and parenting one kid is easy. Trying to parent two kids is a lot harder, and you feel outnumbered.
Anonymous
08/14/2022 16:36
Subject: Re:DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
If my DH felt that way about my kids I think I would leave him as it is so damaging for them to be around someone like that.
Anonymous
08/14/2022 16:35
Subject: Re:DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's on you. He only wanted 1.
So he has zero responsibility and gets to whine and complain everyday because he went through with having unprotected sex with his wife. He gets to do all of this as much as he wants, and that’s it. OP should expect nothing of him with regards to this behavior.
Seriously?
Remember: it's never the man's fault.
Anonymous
08/14/2022 16:34
Subject: Re:DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
Anonymous wrote:It's on you. He only wanted 1.
So he has zero responsibility and gets to whine and complain everyday because he went through with having unprotected sex with his wife. He gets to do all of this as much as he wants, and that’s it. OP should expect nothing of him with regards to this behavior.
Seriously?
Anonymous
08/14/2022 16:34
Subject: DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:PSA again: most men just shouldn't have kids.
99% of men have kids because the women want the kids.
Probably, which is why I keep saying that most me shouldn't have kids. They need to grow a pair and put their foot down.
Either way, your wife will be unhappy, but it's better for just the wife to be unhappy than to foist the unhappiness on children that the dad doesn't want. That just leads to children growing up with mental health issues, feeling unloved by their father. We have enough kids who are fatherless, or have emotionally absentee fathers if not physically absent.
So yes, most men shouldn't have kids. They can't seem to handle it and think it's the woman's fault for pushing him into having another child even though he probably didn't complain while making that child.
Anonymous
08/14/2022 16:32
Subject: DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
Anonymous wrote:It’s interesting how deep intensive parenting Stockholm Syndrome is when parents would rather advocate faking it than questioning the tenets of intensive parenting. Or advocate for only a select few to have children. I mean, really?
I agree.
Why can’t anyone have an adult conversation or have periods of time without interruption? The OP’s kids are 7 and 2. Make sure they are safe and go talk to your spouse for twenty minutes. You don’t have to be interacting with them all of the time.