Anonymous
08/11/2022 21:34
Subject: If your kid walked out of visitation, how would a judge see that?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This week, my kids' dad did some things that really pissed my teenager off. Based on what happened, I think his anger is pretty understandable.
Teen has announced his intention to walk out of visitation tomorrow.
I currently have temporary physical custody, but our permanent custody hearing is approaching. I am worried that this will look badly in court. That I'll be accused of alienation (something that is not happening). I think if I tell him that doing so increases the chances that he has to see his dad more than he does now, he'll back down and make some other plan.
What do people think?
I think it is your responsibility to deliver the kid to the appointed time/place where visitation occurs. After dropoff, all responsibility is with dad. If your kid is upset with something dad did, it's the father's responsibility to discuss it with the kid and sort it out. You can no longer mediate their relationship. It's up to the dad. Don't encourage son to walk out; encourage him to discuss with dad whatever is bothering him. Each of you will now have your own relationship with the child, and none of you is responsible for sorting out the relationship between the child and the other parent.
I'm not encouraging him to do anything. I was asking whether I needed to actively discourage this idea. In the end I told him I wasn't sure and that was enough and he chose to do something different.
My kids need to figure out how to have a relationship with him. I can't advise them on how to do that, given that I clearly failed at that task. And he needs to figure out how to have a relationship with them. Part of that might be getting feedback from them when he's really messed up, and bringing his anger at me into my children's home was a mistake.
In order for them to have a healthy relationship you need to support it. Of course its a bad idea to encourage that behavior and if you encourage it to happen to dad they will think its ok to do it to you. Your relationship with him is separate from his and the kids and you need to be appropriate and keep boundaries. Your kids are not your friends. Having them give feedback to complain about him to stop visitation speaks volumes.
Shockingly, I thought that a locked door was a boundary. I'm not sure how it's my fault that that boundary wasn't kept.
I have no idea what you are talking about with the bolded. When I mentioned feedback, I meant that telling his Dad "right now I don't want to be with you" is feedback to Dad that what Dad did hurt the kids.
Anonymous
08/11/2022 21:25
Subject: If your kid walked out of visitation, how would a judge see that?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This week, my kids' dad did some things that really pissed my teenager off. Based on what happened, I think his anger is pretty understandable.
Teen has announced his intention to walk out of visitation tomorrow.
I currently have temporary physical custody, but our permanent custody hearing is approaching. I am worried that this will look badly in court. That I'll be accused of alienation (something that is not happening). I think if I tell him that doing so increases the chances that he has to see his dad more than he does now, he'll back down and make some other plan.
What do people think?
I think it is your responsibility to deliver the kid to the appointed time/place where visitation occurs. After dropoff, all responsibility is with dad. If your kid is upset with something dad did, it's the father's responsibility to discuss it with the kid and sort it out. You can no longer mediate their relationship. It's up to the dad. Don't encourage son to walk out; encourage him to discuss with dad whatever is bothering him. Each of you will now have your own relationship with the child, and none of you is responsible for sorting out the relationship between the child and the other parent.
I'm not encouraging him to do anything. I was asking whether I needed to actively discourage this idea. In the end I told him I wasn't sure and that was enough and he chose to do something different.
My kids need to figure out how to have a relationship with him. I can't advise them on how to do that, given that I clearly failed at that task. And he needs to figure out how to have a relationship with them. Part of that might be getting feedback from them when he's really messed up, and bringing his anger at me into my children's home was a mistake.
In order for them to have a healthy relationship you need to support it. Of course its a bad idea to encourage that behavior and if you encourage it to happen to dad they will think its ok to do it to you. Your relationship with him is separate from his and the kids and you need to be appropriate and keep boundaries. Your kids are not your friends. Having them give feedback to complain about him to stop visitation speaks volumes.
This is completely unnatural and unhealthy advice. People who compartmentalize are not healthy. it's not true that a kid should watch his father scream at his mother and then say, eh, it's not about me. That's just not normal. Putting his response to what he say in a little cubbie in the back of his mind, separate from what he experiences with his dad is what seriously troubled people do to survive.
Anonymous
08/11/2022 21:06
Subject: If your kid walked out of visitation, how would a judge see that?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This week, my kids' dad did some things that really pissed my teenager off. Based on what happened, I think his anger is pretty understandable.
Teen has announced his intention to walk out of visitation tomorrow.
I currently have temporary physical custody, but our permanent custody hearing is approaching. I am worried that this will look badly in court. That I'll be accused of alienation (something that is not happening). I think if I tell him that doing so increases the chances that he has to see his dad more than he does now, he'll back down and make some other plan.
What do people think?
I think it is your responsibility to deliver the kid to the appointed time/place where visitation occurs. After dropoff, all responsibility is with dad. If your kid is upset with something dad did, it's the father's responsibility to discuss it with the kid and sort it out. You can no longer mediate their relationship. It's up to the dad. Don't encourage son to walk out; encourage him to discuss with dad whatever is bothering him. Each of you will now have your own relationship with the child, and none of you is responsible for sorting out the relationship between the child and the other parent.
I'm not encouraging him to do anything. I was asking whether I needed to actively discourage this idea. In the end I told him I wasn't sure and that was enough and he chose to do something different.
My kids need to figure out how to have a relationship with him. I can't advise them on how to do that, given that I clearly failed at that task. And he needs to figure out how to have a relationship with them. Part of that might be getting feedback from them when he's really messed up, and bringing his anger at me into my children's home was a mistake.
In order for them to have a healthy relationship you need to support it. Of course its a bad idea to encourage that behavior and if you encourage it to happen to dad they will think its ok to do it to you. Your relationship with him is separate from his and the kids and you need to be appropriate and keep boundaries. Your kids are not your friends. Having them give feedback to complain about him to stop visitation speaks volumes.
Anonymous
08/11/2022 20:09
Subject: If your kid walked out of visitation, how would a judge see that?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This week, my kids' dad did some things that really pissed my teenager off. Based on what happened, I think his anger is pretty understandable.
Teen has announced his intention to walk out of visitation tomorrow.
I currently have temporary physical custody, but our permanent custody hearing is approaching. I am worried that this will look badly in court. That I'll be accused of alienation (something that is not happening). I think if I tell him that doing so increases the chances that he has to see his dad more than he does now, he'll back down and make some other plan.
What do people think?
I think it is your responsibility to deliver the kid to the appointed time/place where visitation occurs. After dropoff, all responsibility is with dad. If your kid is upset with something dad did, it's the father's responsibility to discuss it with the kid and sort it out. You can no longer mediate their relationship. It's up to the dad. Don't encourage son to walk out; encourage him to discuss with dad whatever is bothering him. Each of you will now have your own relationship with the child, and none of you is responsible for sorting out the relationship between the child and the other parent.
I'm not encouraging him to do anything. I was asking whether I needed to actively discourage this idea. In the end I told him I wasn't sure and that was enough and he chose to do something different.
My kids need to figure out how to have a relationship with him. I can't advise them on how to do that, given that I clearly failed at that task. And he needs to figure out how to have a relationship with them. Part of that might be getting feedback from them when he's really messed up, and bringing his anger at me into my children's home was a mistake.
Anonymous
08/11/2022 14:39
Subject: If your kid walked out of visitation, how would a judge see that?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Your son should see a therapist for coping skills. Look at DBT.
Have your son talk directly to the judge. See if he can do it in private.
My kid is in therapy. Choosing to take a break from someone who has traumatized you, and using healthy things like physical exercise to manage stress are coping skills.
They did talk to the judge last time. In MD, 16 is the age when the judge needs to take their wishes into account though.
Traumatized. How was that? Sounds like the judge thought visits were best. He can exercise on your time and not the few hours with dad, aunt and cousins.
It seems he is going on these runs to get away from his dad so doing it on his moms time would undermine the reason for doing it.
He runs pretty seriously, but the point in leaving would be to get away from and make a statement to his dad. Otherwise he’d go before or after.
He didn’t end up leaving, he ended up separating himself but not leaving the house.
He sounds like a spoiled brat. Call an emergency court hearing and stop visits. Or, offer no visits for no child support.
Dad sounds like someone who hasn't built a relationship with his son and is paying the price for it. As soon as son is 18, bye bye, visits to Dad!
Its pretty hard to have a relationship when the other parent is sabotaging you. At 18, say goodbye to child support and helping to pay for college. OP should be fine with no child support if Dad is that bad and it gets Dad out of their lives. Seems pretty simple to me.
It sounds like the split is recent so the father should have already had a solid relationship with his son.
They are separated. Now managing the relationship with his son is the father's job. He should not rely on the mother to manage it in any way. If the son is upset with the father, it's up to the father to sort it out. He should not rely on his ex wife to clean up his mess. His son, his relationship, his job.
It’s impossible with a mother like this. Dad cannot clean up her mess.
Dad forces his way into my home, and screams at me in front of the kid, and the mess he made of his relationship with the kids is MY mess? How do you figure that? I'm not the one who dragged the kids into it.
DP. I am not blaming you for what his father did. It sounds really traumatic.
If your son wants this to be productive, especially if he wants visitation readdressed, then he can contact his father and express what he is feeling about the incident. Document that conversation. Bring it up with the judge. Just acting out is not going to make the point he wants to make, not really. But it can be made by being thoughtful and clear about what he wants and feels, and following up on that.
I would judge you for not encouraging him to handle this with care and thoughtfulness about what he wants, IF you failed to do that. You are his mother. Lead him.
What 14 year old behaves like that?
Especially to make a point about how he felt traumatized by how that person reacted last time they got mad.
Traumatized. This kid needs serious mental health treatment. Terminate these visits asap. Oh wait, you tried and judge said no.
He is in therapy, and no I have never asked the judge to terminate visitation, nor do I intend to. I asked for, and would like to keep custody.
You are very clear that you don't want visitation. So, just be honest about it. Sounds like you are doing everything possible to set this up so you can win regardless of the impact on others. Ask for full custody, no visitation or visitation at your choice, which will be none and waive child support. If he is that bad, get him 100% out of your life. Simple.
Could you quote anywhere on the thread where I said I don’t want visitation?
Don't engage with the troll. He comes into every thread with the same set of talking points.
Y3s. He has an issue with mothers and custody/visitation. Maybe his ex alienated his kids. That doesn't mean everyone will.
I'm sure he alienated them himself and is blaming "mommy." What a man.
Anonymous
08/11/2022 14:34
Subject: If your kid walked out of visitation, how would a judge see that?
Anonymous wrote:This week, my kids' dad did some things that really pissed my teenager off. Based on what happened, I think his anger is pretty understandable.
Teen has announced his intention to walk out of visitation tomorrow.
I currently have temporary physical custody, but our permanent custody hearing is approaching. I am worried that this will look badly in court. That I'll be accused of alienation (something that is not happening). I think if I tell him that doing so increases the chances that he has to see his dad more than he does now, he'll back down and make some other plan.
What do people think?
I think it is your responsibility to deliver the kid to the appointed time/place where visitation occurs. After dropoff, all responsibility is with dad. If your kid is upset with something dad did, it's the father's responsibility to discuss it with the kid and sort it out. You can no longer mediate their relationship. It's up to the dad. Don't encourage son to walk out; encourage him to discuss with dad whatever is bothering him. Each of you will now have your own relationship with the child, and none of you is responsible for sorting out the relationship between the child and the other parent.
Anonymous
08/11/2022 11:32
Subject: If your kid walked out of visitation, how would a judge see that?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Your son should see a therapist for coping skills. Look at DBT.
Have your son talk directly to the judge. See if he can do it in private.
My kid is in therapy. Choosing to take a break from someone who has traumatized you, and using healthy things like physical exercise to manage stress are coping skills.
They did talk to the judge last time. In MD, 16 is the age when the judge needs to take their wishes into account though.
Traumatized. How was that? Sounds like the judge thought visits were best. He can exercise on your time and not the few hours with dad, aunt and cousins.
It seems he is going on these runs to get away from his dad so doing it on his moms time would undermine the reason for doing it.
He runs pretty seriously, but the point in leaving would be to get away from and make a statement to his dad. Otherwise he’d go before or after.
He didn’t end up leaving, he ended up separating himself but not leaving the house.
He sounds like a spoiled brat. Call an emergency court hearing and stop visits. Or, offer no visits for no child support.
Dad sounds like someone who hasn't built a relationship with his son and is paying the price for it. As soon as son is 18, bye bye, visits to Dad!
Its pretty hard to have a relationship when the other parent is sabotaging you. At 18, say goodbye to child support and helping to pay for college. OP should be fine with no child support if Dad is that bad and it gets Dad out of their lives. Seems pretty simple to me.
It sounds like the split is recent so the father should have already had a solid relationship with his son.
They are separated. Now managing the relationship with his son is the father's job. He should not rely on the mother to manage it in any way. If the son is upset with the father, it's up to the father to sort it out. He should not rely on his ex wife to clean up his mess. His son, his relationship, his job.
It’s impossible with a mother like this. Dad cannot clean up her mess.
Dad forces his way into my home, and screams at me in front of the kid, and the mess he made of his relationship with the kids is MY mess? How do you figure that? I'm not the one who dragged the kids into it.
DP. I am not blaming you for what his father did. It sounds really traumatic.
If your son wants this to be productive, especially if he wants visitation readdressed, then he can contact his father and express what he is feeling about the incident. Document that conversation. Bring it up with the judge. Just acting out is not going to make the point he wants to make, not really. But it can be made by being thoughtful and clear about what he wants and feels, and following up on that.
I would judge you for not encouraging him to handle this with care and thoughtfulness about what he wants, IF you failed to do that. You are his mother. Lead him.
What 14 year old behaves like that?
Especially to make a point about how he felt traumatized by how that person reacted last time they got mad.
Traumatized. This kid needs serious mental health treatment. Terminate these visits asap. Oh wait, you tried and judge said no.
He is in therapy, and no I have never asked the judge to terminate visitation, nor do I intend to. I asked for, and would like to keep custody.
You are very clear that you don't want visitation. So, just be honest about it. Sounds like you are doing everything possible to set this up so you can win regardless of the impact on others. Ask for full custody, no visitation or visitation at your choice, which will be none and waive child support. If he is that bad, get him 100% out of your life. Simple.
Could you quote anywhere on the thread where I said I don’t want visitation?
Don't engage with the troll. He comes into every thread with the same set of talking points.
Y3s. He has an issue with mothers and custody/visitation. Maybe his ex alienated his kids. That doesn't mean everyone will.
Op is. She’s encouraging him to run out of visits and wants full custody.
You have comprehension problems.
Anonymous
08/11/2022 10:38
Subject: If your kid walked out of visitation, how would a judge see that?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Your son should see a therapist for coping skills. Look at DBT.
Have your son talk directly to the judge. See if he can do it in private.
My kid is in therapy. Choosing to take a break from someone who has traumatized you, and using healthy things like physical exercise to manage stress are coping skills.
They did talk to the judge last time. In MD, 16 is the age when the judge needs to take their wishes into account though.
Traumatized. How was that? Sounds like the judge thought visits were best. He can exercise on your time and not the few hours with dad, aunt and cousins.
It seems he is going on these runs to get away from his dad so doing it on his moms time would undermine the reason for doing it.
He runs pretty seriously, but the point in leaving would be to get away from and make a statement to his dad. Otherwise he’d go before or after.
He didn’t end up leaving, he ended up separating himself but not leaving the house.
He sounds like a spoiled brat. Call an emergency court hearing and stop visits. Or, offer no visits for no child support.
Dad sounds like someone who hasn't built a relationship with his son and is paying the price for it. As soon as son is 18, bye bye, visits to Dad!
Its pretty hard to have a relationship when the other parent is sabotaging you. At 18, say goodbye to child support and helping to pay for college. OP should be fine with no child support if Dad is that bad and it gets Dad out of their lives. Seems pretty simple to me.
It sounds like the split is recent so the father should have already had a solid relationship with his son.
They are separated. Now managing the relationship with his son is the father's job. He should not rely on the mother to manage it in any way. If the son is upset with the father, it's up to the father to sort it out. He should not rely on his ex wife to clean up his mess. His son, his relationship, his job.
It’s impossible with a mother like this. Dad cannot clean up her mess.
Dad forces his way into my home, and screams at me in front of the kid, and the mess he made of his relationship with the kids is MY mess? How do you figure that? I'm not the one who dragged the kids into it.
DP. I am not blaming you for what his father did. It sounds really traumatic.
If your son wants this to be productive, especially if he wants visitation readdressed, then he can contact his father and express what he is feeling about the incident. Document that conversation. Bring it up with the judge. Just acting out is not going to make the point he wants to make, not really. But it can be made by being thoughtful and clear about what he wants and feels, and following up on that.
I would judge you for not encouraging him to handle this with care and thoughtfulness about what he wants, IF you failed to do that. You are his mother. Lead him.
What 14 year old behaves like that?
Especially to make a point about how he felt traumatized by how that person reacted last time they got mad.
Traumatized. This kid needs serious mental health treatment. Terminate these visits asap. Oh wait, you tried and judge said no.
He is in therapy, and no I have never asked the judge to terminate visitation, nor do I intend to. I asked for, and would like to keep custody.
You are very clear that you don't want visitation. So, just be honest about it. Sounds like you are doing everything possible to set this up so you can win regardless of the impact on others. Ask for full custody, no visitation or visitation at your choice, which will be none and waive child support. If he is that bad, get him 100% out of your life. Simple.
Could you quote anywhere on the thread where I said I don’t want visitation?
Don't engage with the troll. He comes into every thread with the same set of talking points.
Y3s. He has an issue with mothers and custody/visitation. Maybe his ex alienated his kids. That doesn't mean everyone will.
Op is. She’s encouraging him to run out of visits and wants full custody.
Anonymous
08/11/2022 10:37
Subject: If your kid walked out of visitation, how would a judge see that?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Your son should see a therapist for coping skills. Look at DBT.
Have your son talk directly to the judge. See if he can do it in private.
My kid is in therapy. Choosing to take a break from someone who has traumatized you, and using healthy things like physical exercise to manage stress are coping skills.
They did talk to the judge last time. In MD, 16 is the age when the judge needs to take their wishes into account though.
Traumatized. How was that? Sounds like the judge thought visits were best. He can exercise on your time and not the few hours with dad, aunt and cousins.
It seems he is going on these runs to get away from his dad so doing it on his moms time would undermine the reason for doing it.
He runs pretty seriously, but the point in leaving would be to get away from and make a statement to his dad. Otherwise he’d go before or after.
He didn’t end up leaving, he ended up separating himself but not leaving the house.
He sounds like a spoiled brat. Call an emergency court hearing and stop visits. Or, offer no visits for no child support.
Dad sounds like someone who hasn't built a relationship with his son and is paying the price for it. As soon as son is 18, bye bye, visits to Dad!
Its pretty hard to have a relationship when the other parent is sabotaging you. At 18, say goodbye to child support and helping to pay for college. OP should be fine with no child support if Dad is that bad and it gets Dad out of their lives. Seems pretty simple to me.
It sounds like the split is recent so the father should have already had a solid relationship with his son.
They are separated. Now managing the relationship with his son is the father's job. He should not rely on the mother to manage it in any way. If the son is upset with the father, it's up to the father to sort it out. He should not rely on his ex wife to clean up his mess. His son, his relationship, his job.
It’s impossible with a mother like this. Dad cannot clean up her mess.
Dad forces his way into my home, and screams at me in front of the kid, and the mess he made of his relationship with the kids is MY mess? How do you figure that? I'm not the one who dragged the kids into it.
DP. I am not blaming you for what his father did. It sounds really traumatic.
If your son wants this to be productive, especially if he wants visitation readdressed, then he can contact his father and express what he is feeling about the incident. Document that conversation. Bring it up with the judge. Just acting out is not going to make the point he wants to make, not really. But it can be made by being thoughtful and clear about what he wants and feels, and following up on that.
I would judge you for not encouraging him to handle this with care and thoughtfulness about what he wants, IF you failed to do that. You are his mother. Lead him.
What 14 year old behaves like that?
Especially to make a point about how he felt traumatized by how that person reacted last time they got mad.
Traumatized. This kid needs serious mental health treatment. Terminate these visits asap. Oh wait, you tried and judge said no.
He is in therapy, and no I have never asked the judge to terminate visitation, nor do I intend to. I asked for, and would like to keep custody.
You are very clear that you don't want visitation. So, just be honest about it. Sounds like you are doing everything possible to set this up so you can win regardless of the impact on others. Ask for full custody, no visitation or visitation at your choice, which will be none and waive child support. If he is that bad, get him 100% out of your life. Simple.
Could you quote anywhere on the thread where I said I don’t want visitation?
Read your posts. You want full custody and are complaining about visits and encouraging your son to walk or run home.
I want to keep custody. I don't want to stop visitation. Custody and visitation are two totally different things.
I specifically said he wouldn't come home, that I would drop him at his aunt's, and pick him up at his aunt's.
If you support visitation then you need to step up as a parent and stop these games. He is trying to please you and in the middle of a messy divorce. You are best terminating the visits. You clearly don’t want dad in your life and your child is caught up in all this mess. So, sever the ties so he’s not in the middle any more. And get him a better therapist since they are not working with you to see how your choices impact things.
Anonymous
08/10/2022 15:10
Subject: If your kid walked out of visitation, how would a judge see that?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Your son should see a therapist for coping skills. Look at DBT.
Have your son talk directly to the judge. See if he can do it in private.
My kid is in therapy. Choosing to take a break from someone who has traumatized you, and using healthy things like physical exercise to manage stress are coping skills.
They did talk to the judge last time. In MD, 16 is the age when the judge needs to take their wishes into account though.
Traumatized. How was that? Sounds like the judge thought visits were best. He can exercise on your time and not the few hours with dad, aunt and cousins.
It seems he is going on these runs to get away from his dad so doing it on his moms time would undermine the reason for doing it.
He runs pretty seriously, but the point in leaving would be to get away from and make a statement to his dad. Otherwise he’d go before or after.
He didn’t end up leaving, he ended up separating himself but not leaving the house.
He sounds like a spoiled brat. Call an emergency court hearing and stop visits. Or, offer no visits for no child support.
Dad sounds like someone who hasn't built a relationship with his son and is paying the price for it. As soon as son is 18, bye bye, visits to Dad!
Its pretty hard to have a relationship when the other parent is sabotaging you. At 18, say goodbye to child support and helping to pay for college. OP should be fine with no child support if Dad is that bad and it gets Dad out of their lives. Seems pretty simple to me.
It sounds like the split is recent so the father should have already had a solid relationship with his son.
They are separated. Now managing the relationship with his son is the father's job. He should not rely on the mother to manage it in any way. If the son is upset with the father, it's up to the father to sort it out. He should not rely on his ex wife to clean up his mess. His son, his relationship, his job.
It’s impossible with a mother like this. Dad cannot clean up her mess.
Dad forces his way into my home, and screams at me in front of the kid, and the mess he made of his relationship with the kids is MY mess? How do you figure that? I'm not the one who dragged the kids into it.
DP. I am not blaming you for what his father did. It sounds really traumatic.
If your son wants this to be productive, especially if he wants visitation readdressed, then he can contact his father and express what he is feeling about the incident. Document that conversation. Bring it up with the judge. Just acting out is not going to make the point he wants to make, not really. But it can be made by being thoughtful and clear about what he wants and feels, and following up on that.
I would judge you for not encouraging him to handle this with care and thoughtfulness about what he wants, IF you failed to do that. You are his mother. Lead him.
What 14 year old behaves like that?
Especially to make a point about how he felt traumatized by how that person reacted last time they got mad.
Traumatized. This kid needs serious mental health treatment. Terminate these visits asap. Oh wait, you tried and judge said no.
He is in therapy, and no I have never asked the judge to terminate visitation, nor do I intend to. I asked for, and would like to keep custody.
You are very clear that you don't want visitation. So, just be honest about it. Sounds like you are doing everything possible to set this up so you can win regardless of the impact on others. Ask for full custody, no visitation or visitation at your choice, which will be none and waive child support. If he is that bad, get him 100% out of your life. Simple.
Could you quote anywhere on the thread where I said I don’t want visitation?
Read your posts. You want full custody and are complaining about visits and encouraging your son to walk or run home.
I want to keep custody. I don't want to stop visitation. Custody and visitation are two totally different things.
I specifically said he wouldn't come home, that I would drop him at his aunt's, and pick him up at his aunt's.
Anonymous
08/10/2022 13:50
Subject: If your kid walked out of visitation, how would a judge see that?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Your son should see a therapist for coping skills. Look at DBT.
Have your son talk directly to the judge. See if he can do it in private.
My kid is in therapy. Choosing to take a break from someone who has traumatized you, and using healthy things like physical exercise to manage stress are coping skills.
They did talk to the judge last time. In MD, 16 is the age when the judge needs to take their wishes into account though.
Traumatized. How was that? Sounds like the judge thought visits were best. He can exercise on your time and not the few hours with dad, aunt and cousins.
It seems he is going on these runs to get away from his dad so doing it on his moms time would undermine the reason for doing it.
He runs pretty seriously, but the point in leaving would be to get away from and make a statement to his dad. Otherwise he’d go before or after.
He didn’t end up leaving, he ended up separating himself but not leaving the house.
He sounds like a spoiled brat. Call an emergency court hearing and stop visits. Or, offer no visits for no child support.
Dad sounds like someone who hasn't built a relationship with his son and is paying the price for it. As soon as son is 18, bye bye, visits to Dad!
Its pretty hard to have a relationship when the other parent is sabotaging you. At 18, say goodbye to child support and helping to pay for college. OP should be fine with no child support if Dad is that bad and it gets Dad out of their lives. Seems pretty simple to me.
It sounds like the split is recent so the father should have already had a solid relationship with his son.
They are separated. Now managing the relationship with his son is the father's job. He should not rely on the mother to manage it in any way. If the son is upset with the father, it's up to the father to sort it out. He should not rely on his ex wife to clean up his mess. His son, his relationship, his job.
It’s impossible with a mother like this. Dad cannot clean up her mess.
Dad forces his way into my home, and screams at me in front of the kid, and the mess he made of his relationship with the kids is MY mess? How do you figure that? I'm not the one who dragged the kids into it.
DP. I am not blaming you for what his father did. It sounds really traumatic.
If your son wants this to be productive, especially if he wants visitation readdressed, then he can contact his father and express what he is feeling about the incident. Document that conversation. Bring it up with the judge. Just acting out is not going to make the point he wants to make, not really. But it can be made by being thoughtful and clear about what he wants and feels, and following up on that.
I would judge you for not encouraging him to handle this with care and thoughtfulness about what he wants, IF you failed to do that. You are his mother. Lead him.
What 14 year old behaves like that?
Especially to make a point about how he felt traumatized by how that person reacted last time they got mad.
Traumatized. This kid needs serious mental health treatment. Terminate these visits asap. Oh wait, you tried and judge said no.
He is in therapy, and no I have never asked the judge to terminate visitation, nor do I intend to. I asked for, and would like to keep custody.
You are very clear that you don't want visitation. So, just be honest about it. Sounds like you are doing everything possible to set this up so you can win regardless of the impact on others. Ask for full custody, no visitation or visitation at your choice, which will be none and waive child support. If he is that bad, get him 100% out of your life. Simple.
Could you quote anywhere on the thread where I said I don’t want visitation?
Don't engage with the troll. He comes into every thread with the same set of talking points.
Y3s. He has an issue with mothers and custody/visitation. Maybe his ex alienated his kids. That doesn't mean everyone will.
Anonymous
08/10/2022 13:48
Subject: If your kid walked out of visitation, how would a judge see that?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Your son should see a therapist for coping skills. Look at DBT.
Have your son talk directly to the judge. See if he can do it in private.
My kid is in therapy. Choosing to take a break from someone who has traumatized you, and using healthy things like physical exercise to manage stress are coping skills.
They did talk to the judge last time. In MD, 16 is the age when the judge needs to take their wishes into account though.
Traumatized. How was that? Sounds like the judge thought visits were best. He can exercise on your time and not the few hours with dad, aunt and cousins.
It seems he is going on these runs to get away from his dad so doing it on his moms time would undermine the reason for doing it.
He runs pretty seriously, but the point in leaving would be to get away from and make a statement to his dad. Otherwise he’d go before or after.
He didn’t end up leaving, he ended up separating himself but not leaving the house.
He sounds like a spoiled brat. Call an emergency court hearing and stop visits. Or, offer no visits for no child support.
Dad sounds like someone who hasn't built a relationship with his son and is paying the price for it. As soon as son is 18, bye bye, visits to Dad!
Its pretty hard to have a relationship when the other parent is sabotaging you. At 18, say goodbye to child support and helping to pay for college. OP should be fine with no child support if Dad is that bad and it gets Dad out of their lives. Seems pretty simple to me.
It sounds like the split is recent so the father should have already had a solid relationship with his son.
They are separated. Now managing the relationship with his son is the father's job. He should not rely on the mother to manage it in any way. If the son is upset with the father, it's up to the father to sort it out. He should not rely on his ex wife to clean up his mess. His son, his relationship, his job.
It’s impossible with a mother like this. Dad cannot clean up her mess.
Dad forces his way into my home, and screams at me in front of the kid, and the mess he made of his relationship with the kids is MY mess? How do you figure that? I'm not the one who dragged the kids into it.
DP. I am not blaming you for what his father did. It sounds really traumatic.
If your son wants this to be productive, especially if he wants visitation readdressed, then he can contact his father and express what he is feeling about the incident. Document that conversation. Bring it up with the judge. Just acting out is not going to make the point he wants to make, not really. But it can be made by being thoughtful and clear about what he wants and feels, and following up on that.
I would judge you for not encouraging him to handle this with care and thoughtfulness about what he wants, IF you failed to do that. You are his mother. Lead him.
What 14 year old behaves like that?
Especially to make a point about how he felt traumatized by how that person reacted last time they got mad.
Traumatized. This kid needs serious mental health treatment. Terminate these visits asap. Oh wait, you tried and judge said no.
He is in therapy, and no I have never asked the judge to terminate visitation, nor do I intend to. I asked for, and would like to keep custody.
You are very clear that you don't want visitation. So, just be honest about it. Sounds like you are doing everything possible to set this up so you can win regardless of the impact on others. Ask for full custody, no visitation or visitation at your choice, which will be none and waive child support. If he is that bad, get him 100% out of your life. Simple.
Could you quote anywhere on the thread where I said I don’t want visitation?
Read your posts. You want full custody and are complaining about visits and encouraging your son to walk or run home.
Anonymous
08/09/2022 13:03
Subject: If your kid walked out of visitation, how would a judge see that?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Your son should see a therapist for coping skills. Look at DBT.
Have your son talk directly to the judge. See if he can do it in private.
My kid is in therapy. Choosing to take a break from someone who has traumatized you, and using healthy things like physical exercise to manage stress are coping skills.
They did talk to the judge last time. In MD, 16 is the age when the judge needs to take their wishes into account though.
Traumatized. How was that? Sounds like the judge thought visits were best. He can exercise on your time and not the few hours with dad, aunt and cousins.
It seems he is going on these runs to get away from his dad so doing it on his moms time would undermine the reason for doing it.
He runs pretty seriously, but the point in leaving would be to get away from and make a statement to his dad. Otherwise he’d go before or after.
He didn’t end up leaving, he ended up separating himself but not leaving the house.
He sounds like a spoiled brat. Call an emergency court hearing and stop visits. Or, offer no visits for no child support.
Dad sounds like someone who hasn't built a relationship with his son and is paying the price for it. As soon as son is 18, bye bye, visits to Dad!
Its pretty hard to have a relationship when the other parent is sabotaging you. At 18, say goodbye to child support and helping to pay for college. OP should be fine with no child support if Dad is that bad and it gets Dad out of their lives. Seems pretty simple to me.
It sounds like the split is recent so the father should have already had a solid relationship with his son.
They are separated. Now managing the relationship with his son is the father's job. He should not rely on the mother to manage it in any way. If the son is upset with the father, it's up to the father to sort it out. He should not rely on his ex wife to clean up his mess. His son, his relationship, his job.
It’s impossible with a mother like this. Dad cannot clean up her mess.
Dad forces his way into my home, and screams at me in front of the kid, and the mess he made of his relationship with the kids is MY mess? How do you figure that? I'm not the one who dragged the kids into it.
DP. I am not blaming you for what his father did. It sounds really traumatic.
If your son wants this to be productive, especially if he wants visitation readdressed, then he can contact his father and express what he is feeling about the incident. Document that conversation. Bring it up with the judge. Just acting out is not going to make the point he wants to make, not really. But it can be made by being thoughtful and clear about what he wants and feels, and following up on that.
I would judge you for not encouraging him to handle this with care and thoughtfulness about what he wants, IF you failed to do that. You are his mother. Lead him.
What 14 year old behaves like that?
Especially to make a point about how he felt traumatized by how that person reacted last time they got mad.
Traumatized. This kid needs serious mental health treatment. Terminate these visits asap. Oh wait, you tried and judge said no.
He is in therapy, and no I have never asked the judge to terminate visitation, nor do I intend to. I asked for, and would like to keep custody.
You are very clear that you don't want visitation. So, just be honest about it. Sounds like you are doing everything possible to set this up so you can win regardless of the impact on others. Ask for full custody, no visitation or visitation at your choice, which will be none and waive child support. If he is that bad, get him 100% out of your life. Simple.
Could you quote anywhere on the thread where I said I don’t want visitation?
Don't engage with the troll. He comes into every thread with the same set of talking points.
Anonymous
08/09/2022 12:11
Subject: If your kid walked out of visitation, how would a judge see that?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Your son should see a therapist for coping skills. Look at DBT.
Have your son talk directly to the judge. See if he can do it in private.
My kid is in therapy. Choosing to take a break from someone who has traumatized you, and using healthy things like physical exercise to manage stress are coping skills.
They did talk to the judge last time. In MD, 16 is the age when the judge needs to take their wishes into account though.
Traumatized. How was that? Sounds like the judge thought visits were best. He can exercise on your time and not the few hours with dad, aunt and cousins.
It seems he is going on these runs to get away from his dad so doing it on his moms time would undermine the reason for doing it.
He runs pretty seriously, but the point in leaving would be to get away from and make a statement to his dad. Otherwise he’d go before or after.
He didn’t end up leaving, he ended up separating himself but not leaving the house.
He sounds like a spoiled brat. Call an emergency court hearing and stop visits. Or, offer no visits for no child support.
Dad sounds like someone who hasn't built a relationship with his son and is paying the price for it. As soon as son is 18, bye bye, visits to Dad!
Its pretty hard to have a relationship when the other parent is sabotaging you. At 18, say goodbye to child support and helping to pay for college. OP should be fine with no child support if Dad is that bad and it gets Dad out of their lives. Seems pretty simple to me.
It sounds like the split is recent so the father should have already had a solid relationship with his son.
They are separated. Now managing the relationship with his son is the father's job. He should not rely on the mother to manage it in any way. If the son is upset with the father, it's up to the father to sort it out. He should not rely on his ex wife to clean up his mess. His son, his relationship, his job.
It’s impossible with a mother like this. Dad cannot clean up her mess.
Dad forces his way into my home, and screams at me in front of the kid, and the mess he made of his relationship with the kids is MY mess? How do you figure that? I'm not the one who dragged the kids into it.
DP. I am not blaming you for what his father did. It sounds really traumatic.
If your son wants this to be productive, especially if he wants visitation readdressed, then he can contact his father and express what he is feeling about the incident. Document that conversation. Bring it up with the judge. Just acting out is not going to make the point he wants to make, not really. But it can be made by being thoughtful and clear about what he wants and feels, and following up on that.
I would judge you for not encouraging him to handle this with care and thoughtfulness about what he wants, IF you failed to do that. You are his mother. Lead him.
What 14 year old behaves like that?
Especially to make a point about how he felt traumatized by how that person reacted last time they got mad.
Traumatized. This kid needs serious mental health treatment. Terminate these visits asap. Oh wait, you tried and judge said no.
He is in therapy, and no I have never asked the judge to terminate visitation, nor do I intend to. I asked for, and would like to keep custody.
You are very clear that you don't want visitation. So, just be honest about it. Sounds like you are doing everything possible to set this up so you can win regardless of the impact on others. Ask for full custody, no visitation or visitation at your choice, which will be none and waive child support. If he is that bad, get him 100% out of your life. Simple.
Could you quote anywhere on the thread where I said I don’t want visitation?
Anonymous
08/09/2022 12:08
Subject: If your kid walked out of visitation, how would a judge see that?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Your son should see a therapist for coping skills. Look at DBT.
Have your son talk directly to the judge. See if he can do it in private.
My kid is in therapy. Choosing to take a break from someone who has traumatized you, and using healthy things like physical exercise to manage stress are coping skills.
They did talk to the judge last time. In MD, 16 is the age when the judge needs to take their wishes into account though.
Traumatized. How was that? Sounds like the judge thought visits were best. He can exercise on your time and not the few hours with dad, aunt and cousins.
It seems he is going on these runs to get away from his dad so doing it on his moms time would undermine the reason for doing it.
He runs pretty seriously, but the point in leaving would be to get away from and make a statement to his dad. Otherwise he’d go before or after.
He didn’t end up leaving, he ended up separating himself but not leaving the house.
He sounds like a spoiled brat. Call an emergency court hearing and stop visits. Or, offer no visits for no child support.
Dad sounds like someone who hasn't built a relationship with his son and is paying the price for it. As soon as son is 18, bye bye, visits to Dad!
Its pretty hard to have a relationship when the other parent is sabotaging you. At 18, say goodbye to child support and helping to pay for college. OP should be fine with no child support if Dad is that bad and it gets Dad out of their lives. Seems pretty simple to me.
It sounds like the split is recent so the father should have already had a solid relationship with his son.
They are separated. Now managing the relationship with his son is the father's job. He should not rely on the mother to manage it in any way. If the son is upset with the father, it's up to the father to sort it out. He should not rely on his ex wife to clean up his mess. His son, his relationship, his job.
It’s impossible with a mother like this. Dad cannot clean up her mess.
Dad forces his way into my home, and screams at me in front of the kid, and the mess he made of his relationship with the kids is MY mess? How do you figure that? I'm not the one who dragged the kids into it.
DP. I am not blaming you for what his father did. It sounds really traumatic.
If your son wants this to be productive, especially if he wants visitation readdressed, then he can contact his father and express what he is feeling about the incident. Document that conversation. Bring it up with the judge. Just acting out is not going to make the point he wants to make, not really. But it can be made by being thoughtful and clear about what he wants and feels, and following up on that.
I would judge you for not encouraging him to handle this with care and thoughtfulness about what he wants, IF you failed to do that. You are his mother. Lead him.
What 14 year old behaves like that?
Especially to make a point about how he felt traumatized by how that person reacted last time they got mad.
Traumatized. This kid needs serious mental health treatment. Terminate these visits asap. Oh wait, you tried and judge said no.
He is in therapy, and no I have never asked the judge to terminate visitation, nor do I intend to. I asked for, and would like to keep custody.
You are very clear that you don't want visitation. So, just be honest about it. Sounds like you are doing everything possible to set this up so you can win regardless of the impact on others. Ask for full custody, no visitation or visitation at your choice, which will be none and waive child support. If he is that bad, get him 100% out of your life. Simple.