Shockingly, this thread seems to show that different people have different views about what is attractive! Embrace yourself and you'll find the lid for your pot

Anonymous wrote:Here's one that everyone knows, but no one will admit. Dye your hair blonde. It makes a huge difference. For example, the same actress playing Daenerys in GOT vs her with her actual hair color.

My MIL has been dying her hair blonde since she went gray in her 30s. She was a dark, dark brunette before that.

Apparently it's gone to her head and she identifies as a "blonde" now. She was bragging (?) about how she's the only blonde at her church. I said . . . "But, but anyone at your church could also dye their hair blonde?"

T/J over.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 43 and have very short gray hair. I am fit and dress well and no one is going to look at me and say “she gave up”.
Then again, I am also not at all interested in attracting men. I don’t need one.

Then why are you in this thread?

DP. This is what DCUM is about. Opinions from all different kinds of people on all kinds of different topics.

Reponses like yours add nothing to the conversation and just waste space.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:If women have any gray hair - keep it colored.

Nothing screams “I do not care how bad I look now - I am just O-L-D!!” than a woman who is letting her gray roots grow in or has that dull, gray dishwater colored hair.

Keeping your grays properly colored (even if it has to be done every ten days or so) shows a man that you care.
It keeps you looking polished and shows that you are not ready yet to let your old age take over you.

However after 65+, you can let your grays show.
Because at that stage of life, everyone and their Mother know that you likely are 💯% gray and that even if you color your mane, your skin will contradict it.

Said no man, ever.



This is written by a woman, as, I suspect, most of these comments.

I doubt it. I'm a man, and I agree with it. Gray hair is how women over 35 say, "I've given up".

I know a guy who told me that he knew it was shallow, but hated that the woman he was dating didn't color her grey hair. She was in late 40s. I said. "yeah, don't ever say that out loud again."

It's not shallow because any woman who has stopped caring about her appearance is guaranteed to have much deeper problems than just her uncared-for appearance. And if she doesn't care about her appearance, how much do you think she will care about you?

Quite the contrary. They're choosing to spend more time on the meaningful things.

+1. I cared about my appearance when I was younger, because I had no meaning or direction in life. Just trying to be pretty. Now I have children, a big job, investments, hobbies, responsibilities, reflection. The appearance thing seems so insignificant in comparison.

Even if you twist yourself into what you think a man wants - thin, fit, feminine, demure, agreeable, not too quiet or outspoken, educated without opinions - is that even you or some false persona?

I don’t think having pride in your appearance and taking good care of yourself and your body is shallow. I have a career, investments, children, etc., but I like to look my best and I don’t judge women who wear more makeup than me, or less. To each his own. Some women are thin, fit, and agreeable, and maybe that’s just what they are! Good for them. It takes all kinds.

NP and I agree. I don't mind women who prioritize their fitness and their clothes as long as they are nice people who don't expect others to want the same things they do. The key is that you are comfortable in your own skin and prioritizing what is important to *you*. AND that you don't judge other women for having different priorities. Taking care of yourself is about taking care of your own physical and mental health. Eat decently, get some exercise, bathe regularly. That's it. We should all prioritize that kind of taking care of ourselves. But hair color, makeup, fashion etc. are not required for being a healthy person. You don't have to eat a super strict diet or run a marathon to be healthy. It's just basic stuff.

Anonymous wrote:I am 43 and have very short gray hair. I am fit and dress well and no one is going to look at me and say “she gave up”.
Then again, I am also not at all interested in attracting men. I don’t need one.

Then why are you in this thread?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It's not shallow because any woman who has stopped caring about her appearance is guaranteed to have much deeper problems than just her uncared-for appearance. And if she doesn't care about her appearance, how much do you think she will care about you?

The fundamental problem with this argument is that someone leaving their natural color is "stopping caring" about her appearance. There is a point where it looks ridiculous for someone to have blond or black hair.

That point is nowhere before the age of 60. But you commonly see it in women who are not even 40 or 50. It does not require much effort to color your hair. They simply stopped caring.

I am one of those women, and no, I didn't stop caring. I just never cared about what you think to begin with.

This is easy. No tattoos, no weird piercings like septum/tongue/nipple. No unnatural hair colors. I’m in my late 20’s btw.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If women have any gray hair - keep it colored.

Nothing screams “I do not care how bad I look now - I am just O-L-D!!” than a woman who is letting her gray roots grow in or has that dull, gray dishwater colored hair.

Keeping your grays properly colored (even if it has to be done every ten days or so) shows a man that you care.
It keeps you looking polished and shows that you are not ready yet to let your old age take over you.

However after 65+, you can let your grays show.
Because at that stage of life, everyone and their Mother know that you likely are 💯% gray and that even if you color your mane, your skin will contradict it.

Said no man, ever.



This is written by a woman, as, I suspect, most of these comments.

I doubt it. I'm a man, and I agree with it. Gray hair is how women over 35 say, "I've given up".

I know a guy who told me that he knew it was shallow, but hated that the woman he was dating didn't color her grey hair. She was in late 40s. I said. "yeah, don't ever say that out loud again."

It's not shallow because any woman who has stopped caring about her appearance is guaranteed to have much deeper problems than just her uncared-for appearance. And if she doesn't care about her appearance, how much do you think she will care about you?

Quite the contrary. They're choosing to spend more time on the meaningful things.

+1. I cared about my appearance when I was younger, because I had no meaning or direction in life. Just trying to be pretty. Now I have children, a big job, investments, hobbies, responsibilities, reflection. The appearance thing seems so insignificant in comparison.

Even if you twist yourself into what you think a man wants - thin, fit, feminine, demure, agreeable, not too quiet or outspoken, educated without opinions - is that even you or some false persona?

This entire question is centered on men’s perspective of womens attractiveness, not womens self actualization. While I agree with you that those other things (job, kids, interests, hobbies) are more important for women, they are typically not for mens attraction to women. In reality the importance men place on physical attraction outweighs those things (which are also considerations) most of the time. Do you think that the father of your children would have chosen to be with you had you been 50 pounds heavier? Perhaps a few, but not many.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If women have any gray hair - keep it colored.

Nothing screams “I do not care how bad I look now - I am just O-L-D!!” than a woman who is letting her gray roots grow in or has that dull, gray dishwater colored hair.

Keeping your grays properly colored (even if it has to be done every ten days or so) shows a man that you care.
It keeps you looking polished and shows that you are not ready yet to let your old age take over you.

However after 65+, you can let your grays show.
Because at that stage of life, everyone and their Mother know that you likely are 💯% gray and that even if you color your mane, your skin will contradict it.

Said no man, ever.

This is written by a woman, as, I suspect, most of these comments.

I doubt it. I'm a man, and I agree with it. Gray hair is how women over 35 say, "I've given up".

Wow you all are unbelievably mean. I’ve had grey hair since I was 25. I haven’t given up. I just don’t want to saturate my skin, scalp, and hair in ammonia and other noxious chemicals and vapors. You are such unintelligent, unenlightened dumba$$es. You require women to wear helmets of chemically altered hair for your pleasure…? Insanity. Do you get hair transplants for your ugly bald heads?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If women have any gray hair - keep it colored.

Nothing screams “I do not care how bad I look now - I am just O-L-D!!” than a woman who is letting her gray roots grow in or has that dull, gray dishwater colored hair.

Keeping your grays properly colored (even if it has to be done every ten days or so) shows a man that you care.
It keeps you looking polished and shows that you are not ready yet to let your old age take over you.

However after 65+, you can let your grays show.
Because at that stage of life, everyone and their Mother know that you likely are 💯% gray and that even if you color your mane, your skin will contradict it.

Said no man, ever.



This is written by a woman, as, I suspect, most of these comments.

I doubt it. I'm a man, and I agree with it. Gray hair is how women over 35 say, "I've given up".

I know a guy who told me that he knew it was shallow, but hated that the woman he was dating didn't color her grey hair. She was in late 40s. I said. "yeah, don't ever say that out loud again."

It's not shallow because any woman who has stopped caring about her appearance is guaranteed to have much deeper problems than just her uncared-for appearance. And if she doesn't care about her appearance, how much do you think she will care about you?

Quite the contrary. They're choosing to spend more time on the meaningful things.

+1. I cared about my appearance when I was younger, because I had no meaning or direction in life. Just trying to be pretty. Now I have children, a big job, investments, hobbies, responsibilities, reflection. The appearance thing seems so insignificant in comparison.

Even if you twist yourself into what you think a man wants - thin, fit, feminine, demure, agreeable, not too quiet or outspoken, educated without opinions - is that even you or some false persona?

I don’t think having pride in your appearance and taking good care of yourself and your body is shallow. I have a career, investments, children, etc., but I like to look my best and I don’t judge women who wear more makeup than me, or less. To each his own. Some women are thin, fit, and agreeable, and maybe that’s just what they are! Good for them. It takes all kinds.

Here's one that everyone knows, but no one will admit. Dye your hair blonde. It makes a huge difference. For example, the same actress playing Daenerys in GOT vs her with her actual hair color.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If women have any gray hair - keep it colored.

Nothing screams “I do not care how bad I look now - I am just O-L-D!!” than a woman who is letting her gray roots grow in or has that dull, gray dishwater colored hair.

Keeping your grays properly colored (even if it has to be done every ten days or so) shows a man that you care.
It keeps you looking polished and shows that you are not ready yet to let your old age take over you.

However after 65+, you can let your grays show.
Because at that stage of life, everyone and their Mother know that you likely are 💯% gray and that even if you color your mane, your skin will contradict it.

Said no man, ever.



This is written by a woman, as, I suspect, most of these comments.

I doubt it. I'm a man, and I agree with it. Gray hair is how women over 35 say, "I've given up".

I know a guy who told me that he knew it was shallow, but hated that the woman he was dating didn't color her grey hair. She was in late 40s. I said. "yeah, don't ever say that out loud again."

It's not shallow because any woman who has stopped caring about her appearance is guaranteed to have much deeper problems than just her uncared-for appearance. And if she doesn't care about her appearance, how much do you think she will care about you?

Quite the contrary. They're choosing to spend more time on the meaningful things.

+1. I cared about my appearance when I was younger, because I had no meaning or direction in life. Just trying to be pretty. Now I have children, a big job, investments, hobbies, responsibilities, reflection. The appearance thing seems so insignificant in comparison.

Even if you twist yourself into what you think a man wants - thin, fit, feminine, demure, agreeable, not too quiet or outspoken, educated without opinions - is that even you or some false persona?

I’m guessing your sex life has suffered and your husband daydreams about sex with someone who is actually attractive.

I'm guessing you're either a red-pill-poppin' incel or a woman whose self-worth is entirely derived from her sexual attractiveness. Either one is a pretty sad thing to be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If women have any gray hair - keep it colored.

Nothing screams “I do not care how bad I look now - I am just O-L-D!!” than a woman who is letting her gray roots grow in or has that dull, gray dishwater colored hair.

Keeping your grays properly colored (even if it has to be done every ten days or so) shows a man that you care.
It keeps you looking polished and shows that you are not ready yet to let your old age take over you.

However after 65+, you can let your grays show.
Because at that stage of life, everyone and their Mother know that you likely are 💯% gray and that even if you color your mane, your skin will contradict it.

Said no man, ever.



This is written by a woman, as, I suspect, most of these comments.

I doubt it. I'm a man, and I agree with it. Gray hair is how women over 35 say, "I've given up".

I know a guy who told me that he knew it was shallow, but hated that the woman he was dating didn't color her grey hair. She was in late 40s. I said. "yeah, don't ever say that out loud again."

It's not shallow because any woman who has stopped caring about her appearance is guaranteed to have much deeper problems than just her uncared-for appearance. And if she doesn't care about her appearance, how much do you think she will care about you?

Quite the contrary. They're choosing to spend more time on the meaningful things.

+1. I cared about my appearance when I was younger, because I had no meaning or direction in life. Just trying to be pretty. Now I have children, a big job, investments, hobbies, responsibilities, reflection. The appearance thing seems so insignificant in comparison.

Even if you twist yourself into what you think a man wants - thin, fit, feminine, demure, agreeable, not too quiet or outspoken, educated without opinions - is that even you or some false persona?

I’m guessing your sex life has suffered and your husband daydreams about sex with someone who is actually attractive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If women have any gray hair - keep it colored.

Nothing screams “I do not care how bad I look now - I am just O-L-D!!” than a woman who is letting her gray roots grow in or has that dull, gray dishwater colored hair.

Keeping your grays properly colored (even if it has to be done every ten days or so) shows a man that you care.
It keeps you looking polished and shows that you are not ready yet to let your old age take over you.

However after 65+, you can let your grays show.
Because at that stage of life, everyone and their Mother know that you likely are 💯% gray and that even if you color your mane, your skin will contradict it.

Said no man, ever.



This is written by a woman, as, I suspect, most of these comments.

I doubt it. I'm a man, and I agree with it. Gray hair is how women over 35 say, "I've given up".

I know a guy who told me that he knew it was shallow, but hated that the woman he was dating didn't color her grey hair. She was in late 40s. I said. "yeah, don't ever say that out loud again."

It's not shallow because any woman who has stopped caring about her appearance is guaranteed to have much deeper problems than just her uncared-for appearance. And if she doesn't care about her appearance, how much do you think she will care about you?

Quite the contrary. They're choosing to spend more time on the meaningful things.

+1. I cared about my appearance when I was younger, because I had no meaning or direction in life. Just trying to be pretty. Now I have children, a big job, investments, hobbies, responsibilities, reflection. The appearance thing seems so insignificant in comparison.

Even if you twist yourself into what you think a man wants - thin, fit, feminine, demure, agreeable, not too quiet or outspoken, educated without opinions - is that even you or some false persona?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If women have any gray hair - keep it colored.

Nothing screams “I do not care how bad I look now - I am just O-L-D!!” than a woman who is letting her gray roots grow in or has that dull, gray dishwater colored hair.

Keeping your grays properly colored (even if it has to be done every ten days or so) shows a man that you care.
It keeps you looking polished and shows that you are not ready yet to let your old age take over you.

However after 65+, you can let your grays show.
Because at that stage of life, everyone and their Mother know that you likely are 💯% gray and that even if you color your mane, your skin will contradict it.

Said no man, ever.

This is written by a woman, as, I suspect, most of these comments.

I doubt it. I'm a man, and I agree with it. Gray hair is how women over 35 say, "I've given up".

I know a guy who told me that he knew it was shallow, but hated that the woman he was dating didn't color her grey hair. She was in late 40s. I said. "yeah, don't ever say that out loud again."

It's not shallow because any woman who has stopped caring about her appearance is guaranteed to have much deeper problems than just her uncared-for appearance. And if she doesn't care about her appearance, how much do you think she will care about you?

Quite the contrary. They're choosing to spend more time on the meaningful things.