Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these people saying they're not friends with their bridesmaids 20 years later are telling on themselves.

I think it depends on what age you get married. I got married before I was 25, my bridesmaids were my college roommates and my best friend in DC. Fast forward to age 43, I am the only one of my college roommates who lives in this area, everyone has their own lives and their own families, and often the person you are at 25 is not the person you are at 43. I will always love those girls but they aren’t my inner circle anymore. That’s just life.

+1. I married at 25 and we made our lives in a different state from where we grew up and where we met. I adored my friends at the age we married and value the friendships that we had, but life has taken us all in various directions. I also value the friend group I have now in my early 40s.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these people saying they're not friends with their bridesmaids 20 years later are telling on themselves.

I think it depends on what age you get married. I got married before I was 25, my bridesmaids were my college roommates and my best friend in DC. Fast forward to age 43, I am the only one of my college roommates who lives in this area, everyone has their own lives and their own families, and often the person you are at 25 is not the person you are at 43. I will always love those girls but they aren’t my inner circle anymore. That’s just life.

That's not just life. That's you not putting effort into female friendships.

NP> This is crazy. I value old friendships, but I was 21 when I was married and I am 47 now. Over 25 years, we have all moved, grown apart, changed. I am still close with one person from my party: my sister. No one works harder at female friendships than I do, and I have a wonderful core group now. I even have some old friends who are far away I have known for over a decade whom I still work to keep in touch with and see once or twice a year.

But 21 year old me is not almost 50 me. It's not a character flaw to grow apart.

I had two brothers, both married.

One SIL asked me to be a bridesmaid. It led to me being involved and helping her in ways that helped us get to know each other, and we’re good friends today.

My other SIL did not ask me to be a bridesmaid, and my brother didn’t ask me to do anything else in the wedding, either. They had my female cousin, who is my age exactly, do a reading, but not me. I felt horrible about it and didn’t understand, though I didn’t say anything to either of them. It eventually became clear that this SIL just didn’t like me. At one point, she confided this in my cousin when they were on a trip together. The cousin told me she didn’t understand it and the SIL had told her that she disliked me from the start because I “seem haughty.” I haven’t been accused of that by anyone else, so I conclude it was just her. But I’m still kind of hurt my brother didn’t try to include me in some way.

Anonymous wrote:Is there a big age gap between you and her? Would you stand out like a sore thumb against the other bridesmaids and she wants a certain look, as shallow as that is? Such as they are heavily made up and stylish and you are the opposite?

Gross.

Op, you're 35 years old you really shouldn't care about this at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, dear. Your BROTHER doesn’t want you in the wedding, and that’s why you are not in the wedding. You could have stood with him or been assigned a reading. Stop blaming his bride.

This is it, right here.

+1
There is no reason that your brother couldn't have you as one of his attendants. Or do a reading or something else. Putting it on your future SIL to include you just because she's a girl and you're a girl is silly. Heck, if your brother cared, he could have asked his fiancee to include you as a bridesmaid. He doesn't. Not fair to put it on her.

This. Blaming your FSIL is just internalized misogyny. Do better.

Internalized misogyny is 100% . Correct! I bet Op will be blaming her SIL for not receiving Christmas cards

Anonymous wrote:All these people saying they're not friends with their bridesmaids 20 years later are telling on themselves.

+ 1. Could it be because the same narcissistic and entitled attitude that makes them think they deserve to be SILs bridesmaid makes them horrid friends

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, dear. Your BROTHER doesn’t want you in the wedding, and that’s why you are not in the wedding. You could have stood with him or been assigned a reading. Stop blaming his bride.

This is it, right here.

+1
There is no reason that your brother couldn't have you as one of his attendants. Or do a reading or something else. Putting it on your future SIL to include you just because she's a girl and you're a girl is silly. Heck, if your brother cared, he could have asked his fiancee to include you as a bridesmaid. He doesn't. Not fair to put it on her.

This. Blaming your FSIL is just internalized misogyny. Do better.

I agree 100%!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, dear. Your BROTHER doesn’t want you in the wedding, and that’s why you are not in the wedding. You could have stood with him or been assigned a reading. Stop blaming his bride.

This is it, right here.

+1
There is no reason that your brother couldn't have you as one of his attendants. Or do a reading or something else. Putting it on your future SIL to include you just because she's a girl and you're a girl is silly. Heck, if your brother cared, he could have asked his fiancee to include you as a bridesmaid. He doesn't. Not fair to put it on her.

This. Blaming your FSIL is just internalized misogyny. Do better.

Not weird at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, dear. Your BROTHER doesn’t want you in the wedding, and that’s why you are not in the wedding. You could have stood with him or been assigned a reading. Stop blaming his bride.

This is it, right here.

+1
There is no reason that your brother couldn't have you as one of his attendants. Or do a reading or something else. Putting it on your future SIL to include you just because she's a girl and you're a girl is silly. Heck, if your brother cared, he could have asked his fiancee to include you as a bridesmaid. He doesn't. Not fair to put it on her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these people saying they're not friends with their bridesmaids 20 years later are telling on themselves.

I think it depends on what age you get married. I got married before I was 25, my bridesmaids were my college roommates and my best friend in DC. Fast forward to age 43, I am the only one of my college roommates who lives in this area, everyone has their own lives and their own families, and often the person you are at 25 is not the person you are at 43. I will always love those girls but they aren’t my inner circle anymore. That’s just life.

That's not just life. That's you not putting effort into female friendships.

Which is also life. When you have young children, a job, a spouse, a local network of friends, etc., maintaining best friendships with 6 people who have the same demands on their time and leave no where nearby is difficult. It is what it is.

Anonymous wrote:No, dear. Your BROTHER doesn’t want you in the wedding, and that’s why you are not in the wedding. You could have stood with him or been assigned a reading. Stop blaming his bride.

This is it, right here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these people saying they're not friends with their bridesmaids 20 years later are telling on themselves.

I think it depends on what age you get married. I got married before I was 25, my bridesmaids were my college roommates and my best friend in DC. Fast forward to age 43, I am the only one of my college roommates who lives in this area, everyone has their own lives and their own families, and often the person you are at 25 is not the person you are at 43. I will always love those girls but they aren’t my inner circle anymore. That’s just life.

That's not just life. That's you not putting effort into female friendships.

Anonymous wrote:All these people saying they're not friends with their bridesmaids 20 years later are telling on themselves.

I think it depends on what age you get married. I got married before I was 25, my bridesmaids were my college roommates and my best friend in DC. Fast forward to age 43, I am the only one of my college roommates who lives in this area, everyone has their own lives and their own families, and often the person you are at 25 is not the person you are at 43. I will always love those girls but they aren’t my inner circle anymore. That’s just life.