Anonymous
Post 02/01/2022 10:20     Subject: Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
Anonymous wrote:This question is constantly on my mind.

Husband is abusive planning to leave but need a couple more years and am fearful of how he will treat our girls, once divorced when they are in his care.

Seriously rack my brain on how to guide my girls to not marry a man who will turn into an emotionally and verbally abusive asshole. I have also started to tell them that they don’t have to get married.




Unless it’s a shotgun or arranged marriage, you picked that man. How long did you date? Why didn’t you try to get to know him before having children with him? These are the mistakes your girls need to know and avoid. Women doesn’t need men or marriage to be happy but your experiences, mistakes and misfortunes shouldn’t dictate their lives.
Anonymous
Post 01/31/2022 20:06     Subject: Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
This question is constantly on my mind.

Husband is abusive planning to leave but need a couple more years and am fearful of how he will treat our girls, once divorced when they are in his care.

Seriously rack my brain on how to guide my girls to not marry a man who will turn into an emotionally and verbally abusive asshole. I have also started to tell them that they don’t have to get married.


Anonymous
Post 01/31/2022 19:45     Subject: Re:Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
Anonymous wrote:I have boys currently 14 and 17. We have brought them up with the idea that finding a "nice girl," getting married and having kids is the key to real happiness. It needs to be a goal and one that is sadly overlooked by too many today, especially when they are in college/ grad school. There will never be as many opportunities as there are at that time!


Now did you also teach them that said “nice girl” is entitled to her own career and dreams beyond being a mother and housekeeper? Too many boys being raised to find “nice girls” yet expecting them to throw away their careers to support men’s careers, especially after children.
Anonymous
Post 01/31/2022 13:26     Subject: Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
My biggest fear is that my ASD/ADHD DS will be all alone. He is a sweet guy, lots of interests, but his social cues are just awful. I hope he finds someone kind and who won't abuse him.
Anonymous
Post 01/31/2022 11:30     Subject: Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DS is 17 and says he’d like to marry and have children some day. He has had a few GFs in high school, but none that lasted very long. He wants to be single now and in the foreseeable future.

He thinks women nag/order men around and try to control their lives. His general dating experience thus far has been girls trying to guilt or control his movements. One GF insisted he be friends with her friends. Another was very liberal and tried to change his viewpoint on everything. He thought she was exhausting. And another would complain if he hadn’t seen her enough.

For better or worse, he’s an attractive young man who doesn’t try to go after girls. Maybe it’s his aloofness, but all his dates have pursued him. DH thinks it’s odd, because DH was always dating in high school and had a serious GF.

Interestingly, he’d like to marry a woman who works. He doesn’t think it’s fair for a woman to stay home while he works. His father and I have both always worked, so I guess it’s what he knows. Who knows how his views will change as he gets older or falls in love.


I hope he doesn't have kids because he sounds like he wouldn't respect his wife once she did have kids. I bet he thinks taking care of the kids is mostly the woman's job? Doesn't sound like you are raising a good person, pp


+2. Hope the mom is also teaching the son that he also needs to contribute 50% to the household, childcare and social life management since he has so many expectations of his prospective wife/girlfriends. Where is your son getting his ideas? He found something wrong with all of his girlfriends and so my first thought is what is wrong with him.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2022 18:34     Subject: Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DS living with a lovely young woman who is working on her Ph.D. in neuroscience. She is smart, funny, kind, and thoughtful. I’d expect they will marry in a couple of years. They are both wonderful people.


Hope so. Unfortunately, without commitment there is always chance to drift away or find someone not nearly as good but excitement of newness.


*insert Debbie Downer sound*


It’s quite true though.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2022 17:29     Subject: Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DS living with a lovely young woman who is working on her Ph.D. in neuroscience. She is smart, funny, kind, and thoughtful. I’d expect they will marry in a couple of years. They are both wonderful people.


Hope so. Unfortunately, without commitment there is always chance to drift away or find someone not nearly as good but excitement of newness.


*insert Debbie Downer sound*
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2022 17:27     Subject: Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
Anonymous wrote:DS living with a lovely young woman who is working on her Ph.D. in neuroscience. She is smart, funny, kind, and thoughtful. I’d expect they will marry in a couple of years. They are both wonderful people.


Hope so. Unfortunately, without commitment there is always chance to drift away or find someone not nearly as good but excitement of newness.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2022 16:25     Subject: Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
DS living with a lovely young woman who is working on her Ph.D. in neuroscience. She is smart, funny, kind, and thoughtful. I’d expect they will marry in a couple of years. They are both wonderful people.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2022 14:47     Subject: Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
Well, marriage, monogamy and long term aren't really necessary for happy relationships. It looks like our society is moving towards short term and open relationships.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2022 14:12     Subject: Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
It’s just hard to find compatible long term partners. Whole online dating and hook up trend seems more like a hobby. I do see lots of 35+ people settling out of desperation then for love.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2022 12:07     Subject: Re:Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
I’m worried for them because I don’t think our marriage is a great model, due to my husband’s autism. We don’t have great communication or much warmth. But we’re good partners and good parents. Overall, I am blown away by the kindness and maturity of our kids and their friends, so I’m hopeful about their future relationships.
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2022 15:27     Subject: Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:All we can do is do our best to make our boys into empathetic, competent, resilient people so that if they have the luck/opportunity to meet a great partner, they are able to be a great partner.

I don't think I could have ever predicted I'd be so happily married (as a child of a nasty divorce) but I hope that my DH and I are demonstrating to our kids that respectful, loving, and fun marriages are possible and worth the effort! (and we've been together for 20 years, so it's not the honeymoon stage!)


I have discussions with my daughter about being a good partner, about fair ways to argue, about forgiveness and reconciliation and compromise. It’s not just a topic for our sons.


Why?


Because I believe it’s part of parenting. Not everything in a relationship (whether a friendship or romantic one) will go your way, and everyone makes mistakes. It’s important to say sorry when you hurt someone even if it’s a mistake, and forgiveness and moving on is something everyone has to work on - it doesn’t come easily. These are all lessons a parent teaches a child organically over time, and models as part of a marriage.


Sorry. I read, “not just a topic for our sons” as “not a topic for our sons”.


I'm the PP. I'm not saying it's not important for daughters too. I just don't have any...
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2022 15:26     Subject: Re:Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
I admit I am a little worried because I am seeing/hearing about so many unstable and mentally unhealthy parents these days. And if you're not stable or mentally healthy then it is hard to be a good parent, and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree as we all well know. I think my kids will have to work a little harder to vet their potential spouses than my husband and I did, or my sisters did.
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2022 12:58     Subject: Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
Anonymous wrote:I see less parents concerned about <25 kids going to war or driving drunk then early marriages.


I don't know...

I have a young sibling in the military, and I have an older sibling who is married to an abusive asshole.

I am more concerned about the safety of my sibling who is married to the violent asshole.