Anonymous
12/20/2021 18:43
Subject: Job offer overseas vs 50% child custody
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:* two parent homes
Actually studies do say they need their fathers.
It depends on the quality of fathers. I am sure the assumption is not that the father would rather be doing something else than family. And that’s his permanent state of mind.
To be sure, we don’t know that OP is a good mother. She doesn’t sound like one.
A good mother doesn't uproot her kids and move to another country to follow her dreams. Its one thing if her career forced the move and the family was going but she doesn't have a job picked out or even a plan. She demanded at one point her husband come and he probably cannot get a job where ever she dreams of going. Its not as simple as just dreaming. She needs a plan, job, work permits, housing, insurance in that country, etc. She has put zero thought into anyones needs.
Anonymous
12/20/2021 18:40
Subject: Job offer overseas vs 50% child custody
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:* two parent homes
Actually studies do say they need their fathers.
It depends on the quality of fathers. I am sure the assumption is not that the father would rather be doing something else than family. And that’s his permanent state of mind.
To be sure, we don’t know that OP is a good mother. She doesn’t sound like one.
Anonymous
12/19/2021 19:33
Subject: Re:Job offer overseas vs 50% child custody
Anonymous wrote:I’m just tired and typing on iPhone which keeps autocorrecting and with deteriorating eyesight — results in too many typos. That’s all.
I really don’t want to go into unpacking his unstableness for good reasons. Towards me or kids.
As for why I stayed so long in this abusive relationship, it’s because I hoped we can work it out. But he never agrees to therapy… and gets angry and yelling and on the verge of hitting almost, when I attempt to discuss issues. I’m just out of steam to keep going and living a lie.
Even if I’m unstable right now, it is in a different way… it is in a way of looking at various options and not yet knowing which one I’m going to pursue.
You sound pretty unstable to want to uproot your family, move across the world just for your dreams. You don't care at all about your kids needs or wishes or your spouses. I can see why he gets upset and angry as you aren't reasonable.
Anonymous
12/19/2021 13:24
Subject: Job offer overseas vs 50% child custody
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:* two parent homes
Actually studies do say they need their fathers.
It depends on the quality of fathers. I am sure the assumption is not that the father would rather be doing something else than family. And that’s his permanent state of mind.
Anecdotally and scientifically, children do better with 100 percent custody with dad than with 100 percent custody with mom.
Anonymous
12/16/2021 00:48
Subject: Re:Job offer overseas vs 50% child custody
I’m just tired and typing on iPhone which keeps autocorrecting and with deteriorating eyesight — results in too many typos. That’s all.
I really don’t want to go into unpacking his unstableness for good reasons. Towards me or kids.
As for why I stayed so long in this abusive relationship, it’s because I hoped we can work it out. But he never agrees to therapy… and gets angry and yelling and on the verge of hitting almost, when I attempt to discuss issues. I’m just out of steam to keep going and living a lie.
Even if I’m unstable right now, it is in a different way… it is in a way of looking at various options and not yet knowing which one I’m going to pursue.
I really don’t want to go into unpacking his unstableness for good reasons. Towards me or kids.
As for why I stayed so long in this abusive relationship, it’s because I hoped we can work it out. But he never agrees to therapy… and gets angry and yelling and on the verge of hitting almost, when I attempt to discuss issues. I’m just out of steam to keep going and living a lie.
Even if I’m unstable right now, it is in a different way… it is in a way of looking at various options and not yet knowing which one I’m going to pursue.
Anonymous
12/15/2021 23:18
Subject: Re:Job offer overseas vs 50% child custody
Anonymous wrote:Sorry - posted in the wrong spot…
——-
He won’t let me me if gets unstable. Any overseas travel with kids while married requires his permission letter.
Plus I would never just take off like that.
You sound unstable.
Anonymous
12/15/2021 23:18
Subject: Job offer overseas vs 50% child custody
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:100 percent this. You go Dad.
I’m not addicting anyone, guys. Come on. I will stay civil and please remember this is all my research. If kids freak out — that’s the end of my overseas career dreams. I’ll go back to jobs forum and research how to get back on my feet here.
* I’m not abducting
Your are a parent. Your kids needs come before yours. You leave the kids and go work overseas. You don’t disrupt their lives and take them from their dad when he cannot probably get a good job and follow. And, given how much he does do, how will you manage alone? If you cannot do activities now, who will do them. Or, will you just stop them? What is your visitation plan? Are you willing to pay and fly them back a few times a year?
Anonymous
12/15/2021 23:14
Subject: Job offer overseas vs 50% child custody
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:100 percent this. You go Dad.
I’m not addicting anyone, guys. Come on. I will stay civil and please remember this is all my research. If kids freak out — that’s the end of my overseas career dreams. I’ll go back to jobs forum and research how to get back on my feet here.
* I’m not abducting
Anonymous
12/15/2021 23:12
Subject: Job offer overseas vs 50% child custody
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:* two parent homes
Actually studies do say they need their fathers.
It depends on the quality of fathers. I am sure the assumption is not that the father would rather be doing something else than family. And that’s his permanent state of mind.
Anonymous
12/15/2021 23:10
Subject: Re:Job offer overseas vs 50% child custody
Too many typos - obviously I’m tired and need to get zz. Good night
Anonymous
12/15/2021 23:08
Subject: Re:Job offer overseas vs 50% child custody
Sorry - posted in the wrong spot…
——-
He won’t let me me if gets unstable. Any overseas travel with kids while married requires his permission letter.
Plus I would never just take off like that.
——-
He won’t let me me if gets unstable. Any overseas travel with kids while married requires his permission letter.
Plus I would never just take off like that.
Anonymous
12/15/2021 23:07
Subject: Job offer overseas vs 50% child custody
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Basically, OP just wants to go back to her home country. Take her kids with her find a man from her culture he can pretend is the dad and act like her American husband never existed.
She's a woman so DCUM will automatically take her side no matter how sick she is. Fortunately, the courts don't go along for this, and pathetic excuses like he doesn't pick the kids up from school enough or sacrifice enough for my liking don't permit a parent to move away with the children and alienate the other parent.
Try it OP, the court system will not fall for your crocodile tears and you may even end up with less than 50% custody for your BS.
You want a divorce go ahead and get one, get yourself a little apartment or house, and travel with a job, but forget about running away back home and pretending your American life never existed.
He won’t let me me if gets unstable. Any overseas travel with kids while married requires his permission letter.
Plus I would never just take off like that.
OP, it appears you not Foreign Service or military needing to take an assignment overseas, but either a U.S. permanent resident or naturalized citizen with dual citizenship in another country. Am I correct? Speaking as a father, I would be concerned about the potential for international child abduction. If your home country is not a signatory to the International Convention on Child Abduction, I would be extremely reluctant to let you take the children out of the country. And I would be discussing this with my lawyer.
You should go before you get divorced and he has a lawyer, OP.
Anonymous
12/15/2021 23:03
Subject: Job offer overseas vs 50% child custody
Anonymous wrote:100 percent this. You go Dad.
I’m not addicting anyone, guys. Come on. I will stay civil and please remember this is all my research. If kids freak out — that’s the end of my overseas career dreams. I’ll go back to jobs forum and research how to get back on my feet here.
Anonymous
12/15/2021 23:00
Subject: Re:Job offer overseas vs 50% child custody
Anonymous wrote:Yeah. You’re stuck. You can’t take the job or get back your autonomy no matter what you do, and he can make your life and your kids’ lives hell if you try. It’s not any better if you are divorced.
You might as well just stay married, spend most of your time out of the house with the kids, and keep all of the social and financial perks of marriage.
Is not this a very sad advice?
Anonymous
12/15/2021 22:52
Subject: Job offer overseas vs 50% child custody
Anonymous wrote:* two parent homes
Actually studies do say they need their fathers.