It's a red flag of a dysfunctional upbringing. Caution

^^also, points to PP for the sanctimonious MIL comment. Those are a nightmare to have.

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have a very happy marriage. My siblings are also happily married. My parents and ILs are also married. The one BIL who should have divorced as soon as he got married, is unhappily married.

I would want my children to marry people whose parents remain happily married. I would want my kids to marry happy people who had happy childhoods. Kids of divorced couples are so messed up and unhappy.

The operative words are HAPPILY MARRIED. My kids are without baggage and why should they be with people with such significant baggage?

You may be happily married, but damn, are you judgmental. I can't imagine someone truly being happy when they have so little insight or empathy. I guess ignorance is bliss?

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have a very happy marriage. My siblings are also happily married. My parents and ILs are also married. The one BIL who should have divorced as soon as he got married, is unhappily married.

I would want my children to marry people whose parents remain happily married. I would want my kids to marry happy people who had happy childhoods. Kids of divorced couples are so messed up and unhappy.

The operative words are HAPPILY MARRIED. My kids are without baggage and why should they be with people with such significant baggage?

How old are your kids? You may be jumping the gun here. Besides, having a sanctimonious MIL is a huge baggage.

Anonymous wrote:It would depend on the circumstances. Signing up for divorced in laws means an exponentially more complicated in-law relationship, more drama over holidays, potential acrimony at weddings and other events. Eldercare becomes more complicated with step-parents. Inheritances are messier.

If the divorced parents were amicable and self aware, if they understood their choice to divorce meant 1/3 vs 1/2 on holidays/grandchildren events, then I would not make it a dealbreaker, but I would not marry someone whose parents were messily divorced.

Not that it is likely to matter as my parents and in laws are still married, but it is how I would advise my children.

Agree with this. But it is more like they would get 1/4 holidays/grandchildren time since their half is split in half with exspouse.

Divorce complicates adult children’s life by a lot. IMO one or both of a divorced parent set tend be self and demanding by nature. Rarely do they understand why they get to see a lot less of you. Can divorced parents and their respective new spouses all play nice together? Something else to
Think about

Let's put it this way, it's not necessarily a point against them, but if their parents are still married, it is a point in their favor.

Sorry, above should be two kids under 5.

Thread is too long so I haven't read it. But wanted to say that my DH's parents are divorced (separated when he was in elementary school, legally divorced after he went off to college). And he is the most amazing supportive partner ever, always considerate of my feelings, pulls more than half of the housework and childcare. Responsible with finances. Compatible interests. We have been together for 11 years, married for 6, two kids under 2. I will note that his parents seem to at least now have an amicable relationship, and the probably a main factor to their divorce was that they married really young (in college) after having an oops pregnancy (DH). Subsequent to their separation, they have lived with long time partners for 20+ years ongoing now.

Anonymous wrote:I think we need to understand what marriage is and not the fantasy people make it out to be. To death dobus part is not reasonable for anyone. Marriage isn't what it was 30 years ago, or 50 years ago. It's a whole new paradigm.

Another best comment in this thread. A lot of people have issues with evolving.

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have a very happy marriage. My siblings are also happily married. My parents and ILs are also married. The one BIL who should have divorced as soon as he got married, is unhappily married.

I would want my children to marry people whose parents remain happily married. I would want my kids to marry happy people who had happy childhoods. Kids of divorced couples are so messed up and unhappy.

The operative words are HAPPILY MARRIED. My kids are without baggage and why should they be with people with such significant baggage?

You know, it's funny, I have met so many people who say things like this, and then end up divorced. I can't quite put my finger on a common thread across all of them, but in a few cases it seemed to me as though one of the spouses failed to live up to the other's idealized image. Meanwhile myself and all of my siblings from a "broken home" are happily married and successful and happy.

DH and I have a very happy marriage. My siblings are also happily married. My parents and ILs are also married. The one BIL who should have divorced as soon as he got married, is unhappily married.

I would want my children to marry people whose parents remain happily married. I would want my kids to marry happy people who had happy childhoods. Kids of divorced couples are so messed up and unhappy.

The operative words are HAPPILY MARRIED. My kids are without baggage and why should they be with people with such significant baggage?