Anonymous
Post 11/15/2021 09:50     Subject: If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Didn't you post about this last year? Why do you even plan to stay there? Go to the hotel a whole 20 minutes away, or stay home.


Look everybody gets to make the choice that works best for their family, but to me a hotel for this one thing seems like an overreaction.

You either get: to spend as much family time as possible during the holidays, let your kids see their grandparents (who by all accounts are perfectly fine in every other way), have the benefit of whatever food they have on hand or that you bring, plus a full kitchen to cook it in, save at least two trips of driving per day....and ignore a few annoying comments.

Or you: spend money on a few nights in a hotel, drive back and forth, and hurt some people's feelings.

To each their own, but it isn't like there is an objectively right answer here, based on what we know.

To me, I would resolve to ignore any "stares or looks" and develop one line to repeat one time, each time, a comment was made about food- and line not intended to antagonize. Maybe, "We are hungry so we're eating." and then just move the conversation along.


What say when MIL says, "how can you be hungry after that huge last meal we had? What is that you're making, a burrito or something?"


"We're having breakfast/lunch/dinner. We eat three meals a day. How 'bout them Cowboys?


I would probably get a hotel, because comments every time I ate or fed my kids would get really irritating. But as long as they don't throw away the food that you bring, just cook and eat whatever you want. When they comment, just say, "We are hungry so we are eating." Or "It's lunchtime, so we are eating." And then literally ignore and do not respond AT ALL to any follow up comments. Not a single word. Don't debate, justify, argue, nada. So what if it's rude? -- your in-laws are rude to comment on and criticize you eating.
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2021 09:30     Subject: If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Not specifically in this context, but I have success in looking narcissistic people directly in the eye and telling them “My life is not something for you to comment on. I did not invite your commentary. I don’t want it or need it, and I find it upsetting. It makes me feel like a thing and not a real person. Please cut it out.” I think some people have spent so much time commenting about other people that they really don’t realize that they shouldn’t do it.


How do you define narcissistic? Because nothing that OP described indicates that at all.

I'll admit, I am highly sensitive to people throwing around terms like "breaking boundaries" "narcissistic" and "passive aggressive" as though they are interchangeable with "some pattern or behavior that I don't like."


+1. If a person is really narcissistic, this speech would have no effect on him or her.
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2021 09:25     Subject: If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My aunt was like this too when we would visit. I never said anything but my cousin (her daughter) noticed and told her mom to have some snacks for the kids. Now she puts out an elaborate spread of thawed leftovers that she saved specifically for our visit. Like a couple slices of month-old pizza, one uneaten egg roll sliced into medallions... All I wanted was some crackers and peanut butter.


OMG this is worse than no food.


Of course it was and with people like that I'm betting it was intentional.

Anonymous
Post 11/15/2021 09:24     Subject: Re:If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
OP, this sounds exactly like my family. My mom is a closet anorexic and has been for years. I had tremendous food issues growing up and eventually had to get treated for an eating disorder.

AND YET I still didn't grasp why I was always cranky whenever I went to my parents' house as an adult. Finally realized...Oh yeah we aren't eating anything. Like it was just coffee, coffee, and more coffee. Maybe a slice of toast for breakfast. Mom would say that if you put milk in your coffee that was sufficient breakfast. No lunch. Dinner was always some small serving of chicken breast, a cooked vegetable, and a side salad of iceberg.

Nowadays with kids, I just make sure I have a car, and will leave and get food. It's funny that the parents will just eat everything I buy, so that just means I buy more.

Mom still comments on my eating. My kids, being boys, are spared, since boys are apparently allowed to eat everything.
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2021 09:11     Subject: If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
Anonymous wrote:My aunt was like this too when we would visit. I never said anything but my cousin (her daughter) noticed and told her mom to have some snacks for the kids. Now she puts out an elaborate spread of thawed leftovers that she saved specifically for our visit. Like a couple slices of month-old pizza, one uneaten egg roll sliced into medallions... All I wanted was some crackers and peanut butter.


OMG this is worse than no food.
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2021 09:01     Subject: If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
If you insist of subjecting yourself to anti-food in laws on Thanksgiving, a holiday centered around a feast, I'd book dinner reservation and leave early to go have a real meal.
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2021 08:58     Subject: If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
Do what another poster here did and bring a Harry & David basket that you "won in a work raffle" "for all of us to enjoy."
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2021 08:57     Subject: If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Didn't you post about this last year? Why do you even plan to stay there? Go to the hotel a whole 20 minutes away, or stay home.


Look everybody gets to make the choice that works best for their family, but to me a hotel for this one thing seems like an overreaction.

You either get: to spend as much family time as possible during the holidays, let your kids see their grandparents (who by all accounts are perfectly fine in every other way), have the benefit of whatever food they have on hand or that you bring, plus a full kitchen to cook it in, save at least two trips of driving per day....and ignore a few annoying comments.

Or you: spend money on a few nights in a hotel, drive back and forth, and hurt some people's feelings.

To each their own, but it isn't like there is an objectively right answer here, based on what we know.

To me, I would resolve to ignore any "stares or looks" and develop one line to repeat one time, each time, a comment was made about food- and line not intended to antagonize. Maybe, "We are hungry so we're eating." and then just move the conversation along.


What say when MIL says, "how can you be hungry after that huge last meal we had? What is that you're making, a burrito or something?"


"We're having breakfast/lunch/dinner. We eat three meals a day. How 'bout them Cowboys?
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2021 08:47     Subject: If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My mother was the opposite. She had a continuing buffet going 16 hours a day. You would have sneak to eat out as she had so much good food available the time. And no…family members were not overweight. She did this mostly only over the holidays.


Love your mom and I'm taking note of all of this. Still feeding teens, but sending my future self calendar reminders that kids are hungry. And they should be fed. Often. And without judgement.

Good luck to you OP.


I used to be annoyed at how my mom just wanted to feed and feed us. She loves cooking for others and enjoys watching others enjoy her food. When I was in my 20s and trying to lose weight, I remember being so annoyed when she kept urging me to have seconds and thirds…now I’m grateful that she’s still around to nurture her grandchildren.


Yes. A lot of inLaws are constant food pushers. Can’t win.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2021 20:54     Subject: If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
Anonymous wrote:I would stay in a hotel. If that's not possible, and you are driving, I'd fill the trunk with groceries (non perishable) and just literally go out to the driveway and eat and hopefully p!ss off your in-laws. They are nuts.

Actually, what I'd really do is stop going to their house altogether and invite them to your house instead.


I love this advice!
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2021 20:40     Subject: If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
Ignore the looks/glares. Respond to any comments with “we eat three meals a day” and then change the subject.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2021 20:37     Subject: If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
My aunt was like this too when we would visit. I never said anything but my cousin (her daughter) noticed and told her mom to have some snacks for the kids. Now she puts out an elaborate spread of thawed leftovers that she saved specifically for our visit. Like a couple slices of month-old pizza, one uneaten egg roll sliced into medallions... All I wanted was some crackers and peanut butter.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2021 19:02     Subject: If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
Anonymous wrote:Not specifically in this context, but I have success in looking narcissistic people directly in the eye and telling them “My life is not something for you to comment on. I did not invite your commentary. I don’t want it or need it, and I find it upsetting. It makes me feel like a thing and not a real person. Please cut it out.” I think some people have spent so much time commenting about other people that they really don’t realize that they shouldn’t do it.


How do you define narcissistic? Because nothing that OP described indicates that at all.

I'll admit, I am highly sensitive to people throwing around terms like "breaking boundaries" "narcissistic" and "passive aggressive" as though they are interchangeable with "some pattern or behavior that I don't like."
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2021 18:55     Subject: If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
Anonymous wrote:I would stay in a hotel. If that's not possible, and you are driving, I'd fill the trunk with groceries (non perishable) and just literally go out to the driveway and eat and hopefully p!ss off your in-laws. They are nuts.

Actually, what I'd really do is stop going to their house altogether and invite them to your house instead.


Do this! Do a full picnic setup and be sure to wave and call greetings to the neighbors.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2021 18:52     Subject: If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
I would stay in a hotel. If that's not possible, and you are driving, I'd fill the trunk with groceries (non perishable) and just literally go out to the driveway and eat and hopefully p!ss off your in-laws. They are nuts.

Actually, what I'd really do is stop going to their house altogether and invite them to your house instead.