Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:yup, my father. Left my mother after 25 years, married the woman, and were together another 30'ish years until he passed.

How old were they when they go together/he died?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The ones who remarry IMMEDIATELY amaze me. I have an AP, we are planning a life together, and we are going to great lengths to cover our tracks. Yes it's definitely selfish, but it's also better for the kids' wellbeing to not have that extra bitterness infect their lives. These people who jump into a new marriage with no shame fascinate me. Do they think others will forget with time? Do they not realize they'll wear a scarlet letter for life? Do they realize it but don't care??

Wow you lack self-awareness. Do you think you are somehow better than the cheaters who rush into marriage? Also, let’s be real here - your concern is not that it’s better for your kids, it’s all about what’s best for you. The rest of your post and concern about others forgetting makes that abundantly clear. Your real motivator is you don’t want other people to know because you know what you are doing is sh!tty and you don’t want other people to look at you differently. That would force you to have to deal with your cognitive dissonance and you don’t want to have to self-reflect like that. What’s really fascinating is that you deign to be appalled by other cheaters while somehow not realizing you are worse.

I mean, everything I wrote is consistent. Correct I don't want people to know. But also correct it's better for the kids' psyches that they don't know. And also correct that there are levels of audacity. So yes I do think I'm better and smarter than someone who remarries instantly. You're the one with cognitive dissonance. You can't process that a cheater can make wise decisions.

Lol. Narcissists are entertaining as all heck!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I did.
I wad with my ex since I was 19 years old.
I had "dated" other guys before him, but nothing long term or serious.
My ex was very insecure, jealous, a really proficient gaslighter and controlling.

I worked with my now DH and he showed me that's not how a woman should be treated.
It started out as an emotional affair as we got closer, but we didn't do anything sexually or even a kiss until after a year of him being an incredible support system.

During that year of him building me up and making me realize how a relationship should be, I tried everything with my ex because I didn't want to be a failure... we even went to therapy & marriage counseling, but he was so set in his ways (he was 8 years older than me) so rigid, he wouldn't open up in therapy, he just kind of ran through the motions to appease the therapist.
It was incredibly frustrating.

After that first kiss with my now DH, I went home, packed a bag, went to my parents house and filled for separation 2 days later.

We've been married for 18 years, 3 awesome teens, my DH is an incredible husband & an even better father, and I have never been happier in my entire life.

I do still have guilt over the way we started our relationship, but after being treated the way my ex did & how my DH treats me, even if it didn't work out with my now DH & we hypothetically ended up breaking up, I would have STILL left my ex, because my DH showed me that I deserved better.

I am so envious. I had the same experience and left my DH but AP did not leave his wife and kids which I understand but I will look for him in other people all my life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I did.
I wad with my ex since I was 19 years old.
I had "dated" other guys before him, but nothing long term or serious.
My ex was very insecure, jealous, a really proficient gaslighter and controlling.

I worked with my now DH and he showed me that's not how a woman should be treated.
It started out as an emotional affair as we got closer, but we didn't do anything sexually or even a kiss until after a year of him being an incredible support system.

During that year of him building me up and making me realize how a relationship should be, I tried everything with my ex because I didn't want to be a failure... we even went to therapy & marriage counseling, but he was so set in his ways (he was 8 years older than me) so rigid, he wouldn't open up in therapy, he just kind of ran through the motions to appease the therapist.
It was incredibly frustrating.

After that first kiss with my now DH, I went home, packed a bag, went to my parents house and filled for separation 2 days later.

We've been married for 18 years, 3 awesome teens, my DH is an incredible husband & an even better father, and I have never been happier in my entire life.

I do still have guilt over the way we started our relationship, but after being treated the way my ex did & how my DH treats me, even if it didn't work out with my now DH & we hypothetically ended up breaking up, I would have STILL left my ex, because my DH showed me that I deserved better.

I am so envious. I had the same experience and left my DH but AP did not leave his wife and kids which I understand but I will look for him in other people all my life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I did.
I wad with my ex since I was 19 years old.
I had "dated" other guys before him, but nothing long term or serious.
My ex was very insecure, jealous, a really proficient gaslighter and controlling.

I worked with my now DH and he showed me that's not how a woman should be treated.
It started out as an emotional affair as we got closer, but we didn't do anything sexually or even a kiss until after a year of him being an incredible support system.

During that year of him building me up and making me realize how a relationship should be, I tried everything with my ex because I didn't want to be a failure... we even went to therapy & marriage counseling, but he was so set in his ways (he was 8 years older than me) so rigid, he wouldn't open up in therapy, he just kind of ran through the motions to appease the therapist.
It was incredibly frustrating.

After that first kiss with my now DH, I went home, packed a bag, went to my parents house and filled for separation 2 days later.

We've been married for 18 years, 3 awesome teens, my DH is an incredible husband & an even better father, and I have never been happier in my entire life.

I do still have guilt over the way we started our relationship, but after being treated the way my ex did & how my DH treats me, even if it didn't work out with my now DH & we hypothetically ended up breaking up, I would have STILL left my ex, because my DH showed me that I deserved better.

Was he married?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say affair love isn't real. Because any love - as pointed out here many many times - is a choice. I'm choosing to love somebody and do loving things, whether that be my spouse or my AP, right?

We all had that kind of sexy limerence at the start of a relationship, and it is just as real in an affair as it is in a non-affair.

Ah no. My spouse and I can still get that feeling back at certain times. AP fizzled out and ended badly. Nothing left there.

Well, that's fine. Are you also saying because love fizzles out it isn't real? Many folks are still married to people where the love fizzled out - does it mean their previous love wasn't real? I don't think so.

Anonymous wrote:

I did.
I wad with my ex since I was 19 years old.
I had "dated" other guys before him, but nothing long term or serious.
My ex was very insecure, jealous, a really proficient gaslighter and controlling.

I worked with my now DH and he showed me that's not how a woman should be treated.
It started out as an emotional affair as we got closer, but we didn't do anything sexually or even a kiss until after a year of him being an incredible support system.

During that year of him building me up and making me realize how a relationship should be, I tried everything with my ex because I didn't want to be a failure... we even went to therapy & marriage counseling, but he was so set in his ways (he was 8 years older than me) so rigid, he wouldn't open up in therapy, he just kind of ran through the motions to appease the therapist.
It was incredibly frustrating.

After that first kiss with my now DH, I went home, packed a bag, went to my parents house and filled for separation 2 days later.

We've been married for 18 years, 3 awesome teens, my DH is an incredible husband & an even better father, and I have never been happier in my entire life.

I do still have guilt over the way we started our relationship, but after being treated the way my ex did & how my DH treats me, even if it didn't work out with my now DH & we hypothetically ended up breaking up, I would have STILL left my ex, because my DH showed me that I deserved better.

Anonymous wrote:

I did.
I wad with my ex since I was 19 years old.
I had "dated" other guys before him, but nothing long term or serious.
My ex was very insecure, jealous, a really proficient gaslighter and controlling.

I worked with my now DH and he showed me that's not how a woman should be treated.
It started out as an emotional affair as we got closer, but we didn't do anything sexually or even a kiss until after a year of him being an incredible support system.

During that year of him building me up and making me realize how a relationship should be, I tried everything with my ex because I didn't want to be a failure... we even went to therapy & marriage counseling, but he was so set in his ways (he was 8 years older than me) so rigid, he wouldn't open up in therapy, he just kind of ran through the motions to appease the therapist.
It was incredibly frustrating.

After that first kiss with my now DH, I went home, packed a bag, went to my parents house and filled for separation 2 days later.

We've been married for 18 years, 3 awesome teens, my DH is an incredible husband & an even better father, and I have never been happier in my entire life.

I do still have guilt over the way we started our relationship, but after being treated the way my ex did & how my DH treats me, even if it didn't work out with my now DH & we hypothetically ended up breaking up, I would have STILL left my ex, because my DH showed me that I deserved better.