Viewing pornography is the same as having an affair.

I think all those walks for cancer - like the Avon walk - are stupid and a total waste of money. If you really wanted to cure cancer, you'd just donate money to a reputable place that is working on that issue instead of making yourself feel like you've made a huge sacrifice and struggled and therefore are a great person for participating in a 3 day walk. It costs a ton of money to put on one of those events! All that money could go to the actual cause instead of going towards making you feel like you did something noble and worthwhile!

Anonymous wrote:I despise military worship in this country. It's a job voluntarily taken. That's all.

+100 I can't tell you how many military people I know that take advantage of benefits "just cause they can". It is a choice. Most ones I know are ego maniacs that want to blow stuff up and kill people. They want college paid for and get mad when they have to deploy.

Anonymous wrote:Deciding to put someone into a facility isn't always a "how much do I hate my parent?" thing.

My grandmother is past the point of being able to be independent. She's broken multiple bones in just a couple months. Another fall could kill her. But her children cannot provide the round the clock supervision and care she needs. So it's either assisted living or a hired home health aide. Luckily they have the resources for this. But again - this isn't about hating their mother.

Just like having to place my late grandfather into a va facility many years ago was not about getting rid of him-it was what was best for everyone. He needed the care and supervision, as well-something our family had attempted to provide for several years.

I saw the stress my aging grandparents who were in poor health put on my mom when I was a teenager and I agree 100%. My grandmother had dementia, my grandfather had diabetes, heart disease, and was partially blind, and they were truly in no position to be living independently in their home. They couldn't drive, grandma couldn't be trusted in the kitchen due to her dementia, grandpa couldn't care for her himself due to his own health issues. And of their children (my mom, her 2 sisters and 1 brother), my mom and my one aunt lived about an hour away and of course, worked full time and had kids, my other aunt lived across the country, and my uncle is an unreliable drunk. Of course my mom and aunt stopped by whenever they possibly could, nearly every day before my grandparents were moved into assisted living, but there comes a point where "stopping by" for an hour or picking up groceries or making a meal simply isn't enough.

What is it with old people and crossword puzzles? Is it some kind of escapist hobby?

My 96-year-old grandmother still has a quick mind. She was a trailblazer WOHM in the 50s (first woman in her role). At 96 she's lost most verbal filters and talks cheerfully about the "vegetables" she sees. She absolutely connects her sharp mind to her work history. She says that she thinks the fact she had to (as she says it) "use her brain" every day has kept her sharp. She's somebody who has always used her mind (she has done the NYT crossword every day for 40-odd years now), so I think it's more complex than that, but she makes a direct connection herself. She's proud of her work history (justifiably, she was a rock star) and I love hearing her stories.

The whole family adores her, by the way. Amazingly her WOH did not somehow make her less beloved than her SAH contemporaries.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, there is no in between for moms who can't afford basic needs without working and healthy retirement savings?

I'm sure there's an in between. But the idea that your kids will "throw you in a home" because they went to daycare is ridiculous. Clearly there are nursing facilities full of working moms and SAHMs. There really isn't a correlation. I was just making the point that thanks to the fact I have kept working, I have a nice federal pension and retirement savings, so my kids won't be burdened with trying to pay for a facility and I'll be able to afford a nice high end one if that's what I choose to do.

That would be an interesting study, however, comparing the numbers of SAHPs in nursing homes to their once working counterparts. I wonder if there IS a correlation?

I've seen the opposite with people I've known - that more SAHs were in nursing homes. Of course, that could be generational, as most moms did stay home when I was a kid. But I also look at finances, and the mothers who worked were - of course - much more independent, especially if they were divorced.

So financial security has a lot to do with it.

As an anecdote -- my paternal grandmother was a SAHM. By her 70s she was mentally deteriorating and when my grandmother passed, she became a recluse. I loved her, but she was very helpless and relied on my parents for everything until she passed away in her 90s.

My other grandmother is in her early 90s and ran her own business from home until she sold it in her mid-80s. She still does consulting work, is very up to date on current events, has an active social life (her neighbors in their 30s and 40s invite her over for happy hours!). But my grandfather on that side is still alive, so I think that has helped her remain independent.

I don't think there's necessarily a SAH/WOH divide, but I do think women who foster relationships and interests outside the home stay mentally sharper once their kids leave the nest.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pregnant with my first and DH and I agree that while we want him to know we think he is wonderful and special to us, he is *not* a snowflake. While I plan to encourage him and will be proud of him for giving his best effort, I want him to know that real life does not involve participation rewards, he is not above others, and the rules do apply to him.

I'd like to think this isn't a minority opinion, but I see so many parents out there who let their children run around screaming and bumping into adults in public and they have this look on their face like "isn't my little Jimmy just *the* cutest ever." Seriously, I do not want to raise a child who thinks the world revolves around him and he can do whatever he wants/that mommy and daddy will bail him out of eberthing when he gets older.

We've all been there, done that. That is, take on this sanctimonious tone about how well do it differently. Get back to us when your kid tantrums in public and pregnant moms state you down. Yawn.

Nope. I see parents literally do nothing while their kids run around like banshees. I'm not saying my kid will never have a tantrum, but I would never just let my kid run off in a crowded place acting like a maniac while I just laugh about it. Guess we know what type of parent you are!

You sound very angry. And idiotic. Good luck....

Haha you're funny. I'm actually not angry at all. I just can't believe wanting to control my child from running around screaming and bumping into people in public is actually controversial. You seem very pro just letting kids run around and do whatever they want. I guess I should just completely give up on the idea that I should try to raise a well behaved child because some anonymous DCUM poster thinks it's sanctimonious? Clearly there are plenty of good parents out there who keep their kids under control, so it can be done.

Correct. I do it. Without judging others.

Deciding to put someone into a facility isn't always a "how much do I hate my parent?" thing.

My grandmother is past the point of being able to be independent. She's broken multiple bones in just a couple months. Another fall could kill her. But her children cannot provide the round the clock supervision and care she needs. So it's either assisted living or a hired home health aide. Luckily they have the resources for this. But again - this isn't about hating their mother.

Just like having to place my late grandfather into a va facility many years ago was not about getting rid of him-it was what was best for everyone. He needed the care and supervision, as well-something our family had attempted to provide for several years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pregnant with my first and DH and I agree that while we want him to know we think he is wonderful and special to us, he is *not* a snowflake. While I plan to encourage him and will be proud of him for giving his best effort, I want him to know that real life does not involve participation rewards, he is not above others, and the rules do apply to him.

I'd like to think this isn't a minority opinion, but I see so many parents out there who let their children run around screaming and bumping into adults in public and they have this look on their face like "isn't my little Jimmy just *the* cutest ever." Seriously, I do not want to raise a child who thinks the world revolves around him and he can do whatever he wants/that mommy and daddy will bail him out of eberthing when he gets older.

We've all been there, done that. That is, take on this sanctimonious tone about how well do it differently. Get back to us when your kid tantrums in public and pregnant moms state you down. Yawn.

Nope. I see parents literally do nothing while their kids run around like banshees. I'm not saying my kid will never have a tantrum, but I would never just let my kid run off in a crowded place acting like a maniac while I just laugh about it. Guess we know what type of parent you are!

You sound very angry. And idiotic. Good luck....

Haha you're funny. I'm actually not angry at all. I just can't believe wanting to control my child from running around screaming and bumping into people in public is actually controversial. You seem very pro just letting kids run around and do whatever they want. I guess I should just completely give up on the idea that I should try to raise a well behaved child because some anonymous DCUM poster thinks it's sanctimonious? Clearly there are plenty of good parents out there who keep their kids under control, so it can be done.

Hey, Pregnant OP, thank you for being this way. Just because other parents have caved (or never had any intention of actually parenting their kids) doesn't mean you will. I have 2 elementary school-aged kids -- BOYS, even -- and I can count on one hand the tantrums both of them have had. Because they learn really quickly not to have them when you don't give in. Like another poster, I've had to carry one screaming and kicking before. To this day, he is mortified to hear stories about it (because it's so unlike him). Don't let them run around, knocking into other people as if no one else matters. Teach them (un)common courtesy. You will feel like you're in a losing battle with the rest of society, but at least your home will be a nice, loving haven!

Today I learned there are only former working moms in nursing homes!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, there is no in between for moms who can't afford basic needs without working and healthy retirement savings?

I'm sure there's an in between. But the idea that your kids will "throw you in a home" because they went to daycare is ridiculous. Clearly there are nursing facilities full of working moms and SAHMs. There really isn't a correlation. I was just making the point that thanks to the fact I have kept working, I have a nice federal pension and retirement savings, so my kids won't be burdened with trying to pay for a facility and I'll be able to afford a nice high end one if that's what I choose to do.

That would be an interesting study, however, comparing the numbers of SAHPs in nursing homes to their once working counterparts. I wonder if there IS a correlation?

I've seen the opposite with people I've known - that more SAHs were in nursing homes. Of course, that could be generational, as most moms did stay home when I was a kid. But I also look at finances, and the mothers who worked were - of course - much more independent, especially if they were divorced.

So financial security has a lot to do with it.

Anonymous wrote:LOL at the mom pregnant with her first. Seriously, thanks for the laugh.

I'm 48 with two kids, and while my kids HAVE thrown tantrums in public, I never enabled that behavior. So while Pregnant First Time Mom PP may be shamed at some point b/c she can't control her kids 100%, it's still good to expect them TO behave.

I have put my kids in football holds and carried them out of stores. I frankly didn't care what others thought. They're great kids and know how to act in public now. But before kids come into their own and become cognizant of situational behavior, be prepared to develop a thick skin.

There is such a thing as a happy middle.

LOL at the mom pregnant with her first. Seriously, thanks for the laugh.

Anonymous wrote:So, there is no in between for moms who can't afford basic needs without working and healthy retirement savings?

I'm sure there's an in between. But the idea that your kids will "throw you in a home" because they went to daycare is ridiculous. Clearly there are nursing facilities full of working moms and SAHMs. There really isn't a correlation. I was just making the point that thanks to the fact I have kept working, I have a nice federal pension and retirement savings, so my kids won't be burdened with trying to pay for a facility and I'll be able to afford a nice high end one if that's what I choose to do.