Anonymous
Post 09/07/2021 12:39     Subject: Teen son slapped my face, what should I do
What a shit show OP has created.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2021 12:36     Subject: Re:Teen son slapped my face, what should I do
Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you need some support to work on the dynamics of the entire family. You DS should not be hitting you or anyone else, but it sounds like he is being asked to continually put up with his brother's agression. It's not fair or sensible to expect that someone who is the victim of violent behavior is going to remain non reactive. I think you need to see this as a cry for help from your older son.


+1
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2021 12:30     Subject: Re:Teen son slapped my face, what should I do
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:For those of you saying that you would have hit the son back (or your husband would have), I'm curious. Are you saying that the violence is a sound parenting strategy, or that it would be instinct? If sound parenting strategy, how do you think it will help resolve the situation moving forward?

Seems one of the issues in this family is that people tend to react to violence with violence. How does perpetuating that help?


It’s a life lesson. If you assault someone weaker than you then what goes around comes around. If the kid slaps the wrong person in the real world of adults he may end up dead so he needs to learn this lesson early on.


Except that the son is being assaulted often while the mother excuses the abuser.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2021 11:14     Subject: Re:Teen son slapped my face, what should I do
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Stop making excuses. You were given a blueprint above. I would say, err on the side of forgiveness for your older son, for whom this is a first offense, but MAKE SURE he understands he can never do this again. If he's the type to bottle everything up because he's borderline Aspie and cannot communicate well, then you need to explain this to him, and tell him he cannot let it get to the point where he has a physical reaction against you. Explain the difference between a random attack, where he should use self-defense, and hitting someone who is not causing bodily harm.

It sounds like you have communication problems as well. My teen has ADHD and is borderline Asperger's, and I have had so many conversations about all these things since he was little.



Older son is borderline Aspie, he actually likes to talk, talk about how he feels. His thought can get stuck sometimes. I do feel I have a hard time to communicate with them sometimes. Any readings to recommend? Thanks.

There is no such thing as "borderline Aspie". All of you using this phrasing, please stop.


There is. It’s just a score.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2021 11:11     Subject: Re:Teen son slapped my face, what should I do
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:All of the people saying they would hit their child back really helps me understand why this country is in the state it’s in.


Let me tell you something, crazy lady. If your teenage son hits me, I’m going to knock him into next week. It’s self-defense. It’s why I spent 20 years studying martial arts. No one over the age of about 12 hits me without getting hit back. Much harder.


I think you're proving PP's point.


You think people should just allow teens to hit them? I would say you are what’s wrong with this country. My kids are adults. None of them ever raised a hand to me. We don’t tolerate that shi7.


How do you know you don’t tolerate it if it’s never happened?

Anonymous
Post 09/07/2021 11:10     Subject: Teen son slapped my face, what should I do
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the older boy is done with being physically abused by his younger sibling with mom excusing it. OP, how many times has your older son been hit or otherwise touched by his younger brother?


Yes this! I was the older sibling with a mentally ill younger sibling. My entire life was shaped and molded by the fact that everything was about younger sibling. Everything. Good bad and ugly it all came back to her needs and her holding the family hostage.


+1000000

OP, you’re disgusting!


Not op, but it’s clear you are the disgusting one.

Unless you have some prior exposure to high maintenance children, you don’t always have to tools or awareness to make the best decisions.

I feel for you op.

I knew someone whose family was what Pp described, and it was horrible for them. They were in constant terror mode from what the aggressive sibling would do.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2021 10:56     Subject: Teen son slapped my face, what should I do
There are a lot of problems happening in your house right now. The slap is just one thing. Everyone needs counseling. I’m guessing you are not from this country. If you don’t want to make a huuuuuge change in your family dynamics, including you and your husband, then just call your mom or MIL or sister and ask them what to do in your culture.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2021 10:23     Subject: Teen son slapped my face, what should I do
Why is the older son diagnosed with autism and yet the younger child, who provokes and angers all the time, is not??
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2021 10:15     Subject: Re:Teen son slapped my face, what should I do
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:In my house, this would result in full lock down. All privileges gone. Mandatory counseling and possibly some sort of domestic abuser program. I might go to school with him for a week, walk beside him in the hall, and sit beside him in class before escorting him home.


Don't be ridiculous.


I doubt the pp even has teenagers
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2021 10:11     Subject: Teen son slapped my face, what should I do
Sadly from a legal perspective retaliatory hits are called battery.

I’ve see an ASD man kick an ASD teen daughter during her meltdown, have the NT teen son then hit the ASD dad, the NT mom came downstairs to try to protect both teens and got hit by the dad.
He Nt son then called the police, they came and arrested the mom who by then had hit back at the asd husband and broke his eye glasses.
Police saw the broken eye glasses and went with Nt mom as the one out of control and she went to jail for the night. nt son was devastated. aSD dad and ASD daughter said NOtHING when the police showed up, and played the victim. The Nt son was accused of trying to defend his mom and thus not believed.

System is abusive too. Good luck.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2021 10:04     Subject: Re:Teen son slapped my face, what should I do
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:For those of you saying that you would have hit the son back (or your husband would have), I'm curious. Are you saying that the violence is a sound parenting strategy, or that it would be instinct? If sound parenting strategy, how do you think it will help resolve the situation moving forward?

Seems one of the issues in this family is that people tend to react to violence with violence. How does perpetuating that help?


It’s a life lesson. If you assault someone weaker than you then what goes around comes around. If the kid slaps the wrong person in the real world of adults he may end up dead so he needs to learn this lesson early on.


But retaliating with violence is exactly the type of behavior the older son engaged in that she was trying to address. How do you teach someone not to do something by doing it yourself?
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2021 09:55     Subject: Re:Teen son slapped my face, what should I do
Anonymous wrote:For those of you saying that you would have hit the son back (or your husband would have), I'm curious. Are you saying that the violence is a sound parenting strategy, or that it would be instinct? If sound parenting strategy, how do you think it will help resolve the situation moving forward?

Seems one of the issues in this family is that people tend to react to violence with violence. How does perpetuating that help?


I don’t think I would hit my kid in this situation, and my husband definitely wouldn’t, but yeah…if someone hits me in the face, my knee jerk reaction/instinct would be to hit them back.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2021 09:54     Subject: Re:Teen son slapped my face, what should I do
It sounds like you need some support to work on the dynamics of the entire family. You DS should not be hitting you or anyone else, but it sounds like he is being asked to continually put up with his brother's agression. It's not fair or sensible to expect that someone who is the victim of violent behavior is going to remain non reactive. I think you need to see this as a cry for help from your older son.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2021 09:51     Subject: Re:Teen son slapped my face, what should I do
Anonymous wrote:For those of you saying that you would have hit the son back (or your husband would have), I'm curious. Are you saying that the violence is a sound parenting strategy, or that it would be instinct? If sound parenting strategy, how do you think it will help resolve the situation moving forward?

Seems one of the issues in this family is that people tend to react to violence with violence. How does perpetuating that help?


It’s a life lesson. If you assault someone weaker than you then what goes around comes around. If the kid slaps the wrong person in the real world of adults he may end up dead so he needs to learn this lesson early on.
Anonymous
Post 09/07/2021 09:08     Subject: Teen son slapped my face, what should I do
Doubt it’s restraint from the H. More likely he’s high functioning autism and barely parents or disciplines his sons ever. He likely never knows what to say or do in any new social situation.