Anonymous
08/08/2021 07:28
Subject: Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:With all due respect, if you’re meeting men online that’s why. Of course you won’t have chemistry with people you pick out on the computer. Meet real men in real life.
As of 2019 40% of couples met online, the number is probably higher since the pandemic. Times have changed.
That doesn’t mean it’s good for everyone. How can you tell if you have chemistry with someone if you’re shopping through an online profile. You can’t properly see or smell or hear them or see the way they move through the world and interact with others. It’s so bizarre.
That's why you meet them and move on. When you're 35 and want a relationship you need to explore all avenues. It's not online dating that's OP's problem or most people's problem, it's her low self-esteem. If you noticed OP says she has the same problem no matter how she meets the guys.
Anonymous
08/08/2021 07:25
Subject: Re:Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
What races, OP?
I would put effort in hair, makeup, maybe lose the glasses for dates and lose a few pounds.
I’m 5’4” and gained weight during Covid. 135 was my absolute heaviest ever (besides when pregnant) and I felt fat. I’m back down to 125, trying to get to 120. I don’t see how 150 can be skinny with only 1 inch.
Multiracial can be exotic, sexy and beautiful. They can also sometimes look a bit awkward. With makeup and some hair effort, I’m sure you can be the sexy kind.
I would put effort in hair, makeup, maybe lose the glasses for dates and lose a few pounds.
I’m 5’4” and gained weight during Covid. 135 was my absolute heaviest ever (besides when pregnant) and I felt fat. I’m back down to 125, trying to get to 120. I don’t see how 150 can be skinny with only 1 inch.
Multiracial can be exotic, sexy and beautiful. They can also sometimes look a bit awkward. With makeup and some hair effort, I’m sure you can be the sexy kind.
Anonymous
08/08/2021 07:22
Subject: Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:With all due respect, if you’re meeting men online that’s why. Of course you won’t have chemistry with people you pick out on the computer. Meet real men in real life.
As of 2019 40% of couples met online, the number is probably higher since the pandemic. Times have changed.
That doesn’t mean it’s good for everyone. How can you tell if you have chemistry with someone if you’re shopping through an online profile. You can’t properly see or smell or hear them or see the way they move through the world and interact with others. It’s so bizarre.
Anonymous
08/08/2021 06:42
Subject: Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Are you going on dates with guys you are attracted to?
I'm usually at minimum moderately attracted to my dates. I know I'm average at best in the looks department and I can't picky.
One person's average is another person's hot. If hot is the type of guy who is on the Bachelorette, they can have him. OP, you need to figure out who works for you.
Anonymous
08/08/2021 06:37
Subject: Re:Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
The first impression is important. Do what you can to look and feel your best. Get a fresh haircut, mani/pedi, find makeup that works for you, appropriate jewelry and outfits. Wear clothes that are date appropriate and show that you are trying. You want to leave an impression on someone-“wow, she’s cute” or “wow, she’s stylish and down to earth
That's the thing, I feel so uncomfortable "dressing up". It feels unnatural to me. My version of this is likely an everyday look for the stereotypical woman.
That's the thing, I feel so uncomfortable "dressing up". It feels unnatural to me. My version of this is likely an everyday look for the stereotypical woman.
Anonymous
08/07/2021 23:03
Subject: Re:Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s a numbers game. When I was dating, between boyfriends, I would date at least 2-3 guys at one time (go on multiple dates with each of them) so if one turned me down, I wouldn’t be too hung up over that one guy. Have a rotation of multiple people.
The first impression is important. Do what you can to look and feel your best. Get a fresh haircut, mani/pedi, find makeup that works for you, appropriate jewelry and outfits. Wear clothes that are date appropriate and show that you are trying. You want to leave an impression on someone-“wow, she’s cute” or “wow, she’s stylish and down to earth”.
Steer the conversation towards them. People love talking about themselves. Ask them questions about themselves but not a laundry list of questions. Take their response and dig deeper into what they are sharing. Build on their response with your own experience but steer the conversation back to them.
Keep things light. Joke around and laugh at their jokes. It’s okay to be vulnerable and bring up heavy subjects but don’t dwell on them. End the date light.
Take the initiative to ask them out on the second date. Did they mention a hobby, a fav restaurant, a cool neighborhood during the date? Follow-up with them a few days later to ask them if they’d like to do X. If they are into you, they will appreciate it. If not, you’ve got 2 other guys in the rotation, don’t dwell on him.
Rinse, Repeat.
Also, if you do get asked out on a second date with someone you’re not sure you’re attracted to, go on that second date anyway. You never know, that guy might surprise you.
[/quote
I mostly agree with everything but your last sentence. No one is ambiguous about attraction you either are or you aren't. It's not something you want to convince yourself off and it nearly always ends up biting you in the ass when you do.. She doesn't owe a man a date.
I agree that you should not go on a date with someone you’re straight up not attracted to. But the reality is we can’t all date the hottest guys. And there’s a spectrum of attractiveness. What I’m saying is if you think this guy is not your type but there is potential the attraction can grow, I would go on that second or third date to be sure. For me at least, someone becomes more attractive to me the more I get to know them.
OP sounds like she had a great personality, is kind, has hobbies and interests, and a great career. It’s really a numbers game and sometimes that also means giving another similarly kind person (you don’t spark with immediately, but has potential) a second date.
I said nothing about dating only the hottest guys. OP should stick with the guys she's attracted to and who are attracted to her. Dating for potential is a bad idea, OP is already doing this and unsurprisingly it's not working.
Anonymous
08/07/2021 22:58
Subject: Re:Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s a numbers game. When I was dating, between boyfriends, I would date at least 2-3 guys at one time (go on multiple dates with each of them) so if one turned me down, I wouldn’t be too hung up over that one guy. Have a rotation of multiple people.
The first impression is important. Do what you can to look and feel your best. Get a fresh haircut, mani/pedi, find makeup that works for you, appropriate jewelry and outfits. Wear clothes that are date appropriate and show that you are trying. You want to leave an impression on someone-“wow, she’s cute” or “wow, she’s stylish and down to earth”.
Steer the conversation towards them. People love talking about themselves. Ask them questions about themselves but not a laundry list of questions. Take their response and dig deeper into what they are sharing. Build on their response with your own experience but steer the conversation back to them.
Keep things light. Joke around and laugh at their jokes. It’s okay to be vulnerable and bring up heavy subjects but don’t dwell on them. End the date light.
Take the initiative to ask them out on the second date. Did they mention a hobby, a fav restaurant, a cool neighborhood during the date? Follow-up with them a few days later to ask them if they’d like to do X. If they are into you, they will appreciate it. If not, you’ve got 2 other guys in the rotation, don’t dwell on him.
Rinse, Repeat.
Also, if you do get asked out on a second date with someone you’re not sure you’re attracted to, go on that second date anyway. You never know, that guy might surprise you.
[/quote
I mostly agree with everything but your last sentence. No one is ambiguous about attraction you either are or you aren't. It's not something you want to convince yourself off and it nearly always ends up biting you in the ass when you do.. She doesn't owe a man a date.
I agree that you should not go on a date with someone you’re straight up not attracted to. But the reality is we can’t all date the hottest guys. And there’s a spectrum of attractiveness. What I’m saying is if you think this guy is not your type but there is potential the attraction can grow, I would go on that second or third date to be sure. For me at least, someone becomes more attractive to me the more I get to know them.
OP sounds like she had a great personality, is kind, has hobbies and interests, and a great career. It’s really a numbers game and sometimes that also means giving another similarly kind person (you don’t spark with immediately, but has potential) a second date.
Anonymous
08/07/2021 22:57
Subject: Re:Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So 150 lbs is size 6? That doesn’t seem quite right. Don’t try to sell yourself as something you are not. If you are listing yourself as size 6 and the date sees a 150 lb woman, they will wonder in what other areas you are being misleading...
Go away!
+1000 I have the same measurements and am a size 6. PP is clueless.
But OP said she is a size small, size 6, 150 lbs and 5ft 5. Something sounds off….
The only thing that is off is your fixation on OP's weight
Anonymous
08/07/2021 22:55
Subject: Re:Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So 150 lbs is size 6? That doesn’t seem quite right. Don’t try to sell yourself as something you are not. If you are listing yourself as size 6 and the date sees a 150 lb woman, they will wonder in what other areas you are being misleading...
Go away!
+1000 I have the same measurements and am a size 6. PP is clueless.
But OP said she is a size small, size 6, 150 lbs and 5ft 5. Something sounds off….
Anonymous
08/07/2021 22:42
Subject: Re:Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
Anonymous wrote:It’s a numbers game. When I was dating, between boyfriends, I would date at least 2-3 guys at one time (go on multiple dates with each of them) so if one turned me down, I wouldn’t be too hung up over that one guy. Have a rotation of multiple people.
The first impression is important. Do what you can to look and feel your best. Get a fresh haircut, mani/pedi, find makeup that works for you, appropriate jewelry and outfits. Wear clothes that are date appropriate and show that you are trying. You want to leave an impression on someone-“wow, she’s cute” or “wow, she’s stylish and down to earth”.
Steer the conversation towards them. People love talking about themselves. Ask them questions about themselves but not a laundry list of questions. Take their response and dig deeper into what they are sharing. Build on their response with your own experience but steer the conversation back to them.
Keep things light. Joke around and laugh at their jokes. It’s okay to be vulnerable and bring up heavy subjects but don’t dwell on them. End the date light.
Take the initiative to ask them out on the second date. Did they mention a hobby, a fav restaurant, a cool neighborhood during the date? Follow-up with them a few days later to ask them if they’d like to do X. If they are into you, they will appreciate it. If not, you’ve got 2 other guys in the rotation, don’t dwell on him.
Rinse, Repeat.
Also, if you do get asked out on a second date with someone you’re not sure you’re attracted to, go on that second date anyway. You never know, that guy might surprise you.
[/quote
I mostly agree with everything but your last sentence. No one is ambiguous about attraction you either are or you aren't. It's not something you want to convince yourself off and it nearly always ends up biting you in the ass when you do.. She doesn't owe a man a date.
Anonymous
08/07/2021 22:38
Subject: Re:Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
It’s a numbers game. When I was dating, between boyfriends, I would date at least 2-3 guys at one time (go on multiple dates with each of them) so if one turned me down, I wouldn’t be too hung up over that one guy. Have a rotation of multiple people.
The first impression is important. Do what you can to look and feel your best. Get a fresh haircut, mani/pedi, find makeup that works for you, appropriate jewelry and outfits. Wear clothes that are date appropriate and show that you are trying. You want to leave an impression on someone-“wow, she’s cute” or “wow, she’s stylish and down to earth”.
Steer the conversation towards them. People love talking about themselves. Ask them questions about themselves but not a laundry list of questions. Take their response and dig deeper into what they are sharing. Build on their response with your own experience but steer the conversation back to them.
Keep things light. Joke around and laugh at their jokes. It’s okay to be vulnerable and bring up heavy subjects but don’t dwell on them. End the date light.
Take the initiative to ask them out on the second date. Did they mention a hobby, a fav restaurant, a cool neighborhood during the date? Follow-up with them a few days later to ask them if they’d like to do X. If they are into you, they will appreciate it. If not, you’ve got 2 other guys in the rotation, don’t dwell on him.
Rinse, Repeat.
Also, if you do get asked out on a second date with someone you’re not sure you’re attracted to, go on that second date anyway. You never know, that guy might surprise you.
The first impression is important. Do what you can to look and feel your best. Get a fresh haircut, mani/pedi, find makeup that works for you, appropriate jewelry and outfits. Wear clothes that are date appropriate and show that you are trying. You want to leave an impression on someone-“wow, she’s cute” or “wow, she’s stylish and down to earth”.
Steer the conversation towards them. People love talking about themselves. Ask them questions about themselves but not a laundry list of questions. Take their response and dig deeper into what they are sharing. Build on their response with your own experience but steer the conversation back to them.
Keep things light. Joke around and laugh at their jokes. It’s okay to be vulnerable and bring up heavy subjects but don’t dwell on them. End the date light.
Take the initiative to ask them out on the second date. Did they mention a hobby, a fav restaurant, a cool neighborhood during the date? Follow-up with them a few days later to ask them if they’d like to do X. If they are into you, they will appreciate it. If not, you’ve got 2 other guys in the rotation, don’t dwell on him.
Rinse, Repeat.
Also, if you do get asked out on a second date with someone you’re not sure you’re attracted to, go on that second date anyway. You never know, that guy might surprise you.
Anonymous
08/07/2021 21:18
Subject: Re:Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So 150 lbs is size 6? That doesn’t seem quite right. Don’t try to sell yourself as something you are not. If you are listing yourself as size 6 and the date sees a 150 lb woman, they will wonder in what other areas you are being misleading...
Go away!
+1000 I have the same measurements and am a size 6. PP is clueless.
Anonymous
08/07/2021 20:51
Subject: Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Are you going on dates with guys you are attracted to?
I'm usually at minimum moderately attracted to my dates. I know I'm average at best in the looks department and I can't picky.
You have got to work on your self-esteem.
Go on dates with guys you are attracted to not lukewarm about that's part f your problem right there, it's hard to act interested in someone you're meh about, and these guys can feel that and don't want to waste their time.
Understandable, but I can't get the guys who I like interested in me, so I feel like I don't have a choice
There is your answer! You aren’t really romantically interested in the people you are dating and understandably they pick up on it and don’t ask you out on a second date. So what do YOU like?
Anonymous
08/07/2021 20:47
Subject: Re:Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
Anonymous wrote:So 150 lbs is size 6? That doesn’t seem quite right. Don’t try to sell yourself as something you are not. If you are listing yourself as size 6 and the date sees a 150 lb woman, they will wonder in what other areas you are being misleading...
Go away!
Anonymous
08/07/2021 20:42
Subject: Re:Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
So 150 lbs is size 6? That doesn’t seem quite right. Don’t try to sell yourself as something you are not. If you are listing yourself as size 6 and the date sees a 150 lb woman, they will wonder in what other areas you are being misleading...