OP's attitude makes no sense. If there is so much resentment for providing for the children so they become successful I wonder why even have biological children with easy availability of birth control options?

I think the minimum one can go with a $200 HHI per yr. would be to provide 4 years of in-state for undergrad (tuition and room & board) for the DCUM donut-hole families and maybe 2 more years of masters/grad school too.

We have $350K HHI, in our 50s. We did 4 yrs of in-state prepaid tuition, 4 yrs of room and board for undergrad and then $70k for 4 years for grad school (medical, law, mba, phd) - we have 2 kids. Thankfully, DC1 got full tuition so we saved some money. DC2 will probably go OOS with some merit aid and we allocate some of the post grad funds for undergrad. We will not end up using all the money. Kids are slogging their butts off and want to earn merit money. We also don't pay college counselors or people who write essays etc.

Anonymous wrote:The recent thread about paying for college has me wondering. What do you think is your obligation to your children regarding secondary education? How much does it depend on your income/wealth?

Personally, we are striving for four years of in state tuition/room/board for our two kids. We'll probably get there, but just barely. Our HHI is 450K, but we just got there and our oldest is four years from college. But I honestly think that is all I would pay regardless of my ability... I'm not sure I see a guaranteed difference in outcomes between say UMD and Vassar that would justify the experiences we would forfeit to get there...

Just wondering what others' perspectives are on this?

I paid my way through college and law school. The debt was crippling in starting an adult life and dictated many choices for me (the job I had, where I lived, etc.) I worked multiple jobs through school (both) as well as after. I will not do that to my child.

I feel it is an obligation to set up our children for a successful start to life after HS and paying for college is part of that. So we will be doing so and have saved aggressively for it. We will likely also contribute or pay for grad school.

I also do not buy into the "they'll work harder" or "they'll learn the value of hard work" by footing the bill. That's BS. You're kid is either a hard worker or they aren't. I was. And I had a difficult path balancing everything to make it through and still be left with the debt. (I was first gen, from recent immigrant family, where no one went to college. School was my only option to "get out" and do other things. So, taking on the debt was my only choice.) I went to school, particularly law school, with lots of rich, trust fund kids who had school paid for, nice apartments, cars, never had to eat ramen noodles for dinner for weeks on end, etc. They were very fortunate. They also happened to be very hard workers who did well. By contrast, I knew students in my situation who failed out, did poorly. You either got it or you don't. Paying for college doesn't change that.

Our HHI is around $240K and we have two kids. Have been saving for college since they were born and will have enough to offer my kids the same deal as my parents offered to me--we will pay four years in-state or equivalent elsewhere. I will not pay for graduate school. I did that on my own and so can they (unless there is money left in their 529).

If they want to go to a trade school, that's fine too and I will give them the rest of the money as a down payment on a house. But I do want them to get an associates degree in business if they go that route.

As far as my obligation - I feel zero obligation to pay for graduate school. If you want to get a graduate degree, you better make sure it's worth it and figure out the cash on your own.

I feel an obligation to contribute enough so that my kids can go to a state school with a not-unreasonable amount of loans. I graduated with $20k in student loans, and that felt like just about the right amount. Enough that I had skin in the game, and a bill coming due, but the payments were less than $100 a month. Very manageable, and did not slow my ability to gain a foothold financially. Now a days, interest rates on student loans are higher, but inflation... probably $30k in loans would be a reasonable amount to me. I also had to work summers to pay for spending money, travel, books, etc.

If my income was high enough, I'd want to be able to send them to a private school if that were their preference, but I'm not sure if that will be feasible. Depends on where our income goes. Current HHI $185k, and college savings very minimal at this point (but we're in the pricey daycare years).

Anonymous wrote:My parents put 7 kids through private universities but that was before college inflation got out of control. We have been savings since our kids were born and we can afford either public or private but the decision will be based on the right and best school for them.

+1, except that we cannot afford private without merit aid. We do feel a responsibility to get our kids educated at least at the undergrad level.

We paid full tuition for both kids at the school of their choice, which in both instances were at top tuition levels. We saved for years and it honestly never occurred to me not to prioritize college education. My parents paid for my college, and DHs parents, who were very middle class paid for all 3 of their kids to go to private college. At our income level aid was out of the question so we were full pay. At $450k you can pay for college AND have these "experiences" you talk about. Maybe n state is the best option, and there is nothing wrong with that, but I wouldn't limit the choice to in-state.

Anonymous wrote:The recent thread about paying for college has me wondering. What do you think is your obligation to your children regarding secondary education? How much does it depend on your income/wealth?

Personally, we are striving for four years of in state tuition/room/board for our two kids. We'll probably get there, but just barely. Our HHI is 450K, but we just got there and our oldest is four years from college. But I honestly think that is all I would pay regardless of my ability... I'm not sure I see a guaranteed difference in outcomes between say UMD and Vassar that would justify the experiences we would forfeit to get there...

Just wondering what others' perspectives are on this?

We make half half what you do. I don’t feel obligated to pay for college but think it is great gift to give. My parents did for and starting left post college debt free was amazing. My husband was paying off student loans from small private college until
he was 35. That sucks. He thinks the that working through college was good for him.

Since we both disagree we agreed to pay for half of in state tuition. My husband did not end up any better because he went to an expensive private school.

That said, my oldest struggled academically and may not make it out of high school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We make 130 HHI and have three kids (admittedly, HHI was over 200k for some years before I became a SAHM). We’ve prepaid state (VA) schools for two and put in 80k so far for one. My goal is to pay all of college and grad school for all three.

For us, providing good education is like putting healthy food on the table.

We're very similar on number of kids, HHI, and higher income before I became a SAHM. We have $130K between 529s and a brokerage account we're planning to use for college/grade school. The calculator I use says we can cover 4 years of college for each kid. I feel good about that. DH and I got through college on a combination of pell grants, scholarships, summer jobs, and work study. I borrowed $160K for grad school (DH had a stipend to cover his). The trade off we've ended up making of these college savings is that we are still renting. I do wonder if the college savings will be worth it to our kids who are missing the experience of living in a SFH and building community in a neighborhood. I guess we'll really never know.

I'd like to pay for grad school for our kids as well, but given the trade offs we've already made I'm less comfortable tying up more money for education now so plan to help as they go, take out loans, and help kids to repay loans as needed. If/when I return to work that will alter our financial planning, and make paying for grade school easier. It boggles my mind sometimes to think where we could be if I hadn't had $160K of grad school loans to repay, and that motivates me to help them get through school debt free.

$130 K is our peak and not likely to go much higher. Makes a difference. I’m also going to be paying $20 K per year in daycare costs soon. I’m comfortable with the way I plan to help my children.

Anonymous wrote:At your income level there is zero excuse not to pay for college and graduate school. I think it depends on the child of what school is best.

You have GOT to be kidding me.

Anonymous wrote:
We make 130 HHI and have three kids (admittedly, HHI was over 200k for some years before I became a SAHM). We’ve prepaid state (VA) schools for two and put in 80k so far for one. My goal is to pay all of college and grad school for all three.

For us, providing good education is like putting healthy food on the table.

We're very similar on number of kids, HHI, and higher income before I became a SAHM. We have $130K between 529s and a brokerage account we're planning to use for college/grade school. The calculator I use says we can cover 4 years of college for each kid. I feel good about that. DH and I got through college on a combination of pell grants, scholarships, summer jobs, and work study. I borrowed $160K for grad school (DH had a stipend to cover his). The trade off we've ended up making of these college savings is that we are still renting. I do wonder if the college savings will be worth it to our kids who are missing the experience of living in a SFH and building community in a neighborhood. I guess we'll really never know.

I'd like to pay for grad school for our kids as well, but given the trade offs we've already made I'm less comfortable tying up more money for education now so plan to help as they go, take out loans, and help kids to repay loans as needed. If/when I return to work that will alter our financial planning, and make paying for grade school easier. It boggles my mind sometimes to think where we could be if I hadn't had $160K of grad school loans to repay, and that motivates me to help them get through school debt free.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So let me ask this question that seems to be at a heart of a lot of this exchange:

Why do some people think that a state school is somehow inherently not as good as a more expensive school? What is the barometer that you are using?

I think some people think that more expensive is always better, or think that private is always more prestigious. I'd be totally fine with my kid attending a good state school, especially if it was because it was legit a better fit because of location, programs, etc.

I don't necessarily think that state schools are somehow not as good as a private school, and don't know anyone that does, either. I will give you an example, however. My niece got into UChicago for Economics, and GMU for Economics, with a full, free ride. She chose UChicago - her parents paid something like 250K for 4 years? Out of school, she got a job paying 6 figures, and about 3 years later, she's making about what her parents spent on her entire education. So yeah, that was a good investment, and I don't think any reasonable person would think that she would be where she is, without that education.

I absolutely think she'd have the same salary or close to it if she had gone to GMU for free and graduated at the top of her class. Also, if she had these 2 options, she definitely had a few middle options too that were less money than Chicago but more prestige than GMU. That's likely where I would have sent my child.

She probably wouldn't, but only because the companies that recruited her when she was in college do not recruit from more than a handful of top-tier schools (she was also an international student, so there were additional complications). She did have middle tier options, but none offered significant $, so it didn't make sense to her (or her parents, I guess) to pay a substantial amount of money for a school with fewer recruitment options. FWIW, I was in the GMU camp when she was going through the decision making process, but have come around to the idea that she did in fact make the right choice for the wall street career path she has chosen (my understanding is that Mason Economics specifically is of a libertarian bent, and better suited for think tank/lobbying/NGO).

Same young lady will likely go on to do her MBA, but only if she makes it to a top tier grad school once again. Wharton, maybe Harvard. That's pretty much it. And this time, she'll pay for it herself.

Here is the way I look at it. If my daughter gets into say MIT for engineering, I'm not going to be the one to tell her that I won't pay for it, *if I can afford it*. In that career path, it can make a substantial amount of difference. So, we have saved enough to afford that possibility. That may or may not leave enough for her to also go to a top grad school (or law/med), and if at that point we can afford to pay for that, we will.

I have seen first hand what going to top tier schools and the networking opportunities they afford can do for a young person. I have also seen what crippling debt coming out of college can do to a young person. If I can help it, I will set my daughter up to succeed, to the best of my ability.

I have told my daughter that the only thing we owe her, is an education. She has no expectation that we will leave her our wealth (which is fairly substantial at this point), but she won't go into the world, handicapped.

We make about $130 K per year with three kids. After retirement savings and funding a 6 month emergency fund, there isn’t much left over for college. My kids will attend non-flagship state schools or they will learn a trade.

My parents put 7 kids through private universities but that was before college inflation got out of control. We have been savings since our kids were born and we can afford either public or private but the decision will be based on the right and best school for them.

No one owes their kid college tuition, but with a HHI of $450k I’d be pissed if my parents demonstrated through their fiscal choices that their vacation/car/furniture was more important than my education.

If the income level is recent, why not maintain the lower income lifestyle until kids get out of college?

The only exception that doesn’t seem selfish to me is if you can’t fund college because your recent income boost came with significant debt (grad school, buying a business) or you have an urgent need to make up for lost time with retirement savings

No parent owes their kids college. But paying for college if you can is a nice way to launch your kids into their adult life making it more realistic they can support themselves in early adulthood.