Anonymous
Post 05/25/2021 07:14     Subject: "I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
Anonymous wrote:Lot of people saying the fiancé is wrong and trying to make themselves feel better since they are the children of divorce or justifying the fact their children are now products of divorce.

+1.

Sidebar, my father's parents divorced in the 60s. He was the youngest of 3 and traumatized by the experience, thus making the conscious decision that he was never going to do that to his own children. We had a great childhood and now great adult relationships, and "home" is always there to go back to which is awesome. Having divorced parents isn't a death sentence, but the takeaway that the person receives from it is really what matters. I know a few adult children of divorced parents who have happy stable marriages who also made the same decision as my father.
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2021 04:38     Subject: Re:"I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
OP, let me fast forward this...

He will hold you responsible for your future kids’ mistakes.

That is a lot of pressure being judged for someone else’s actions. If it were me, he would very quickly become my ex-boyfriend.
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2021 00:47     Subject: "I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Lot of people saying the fiancé is wrong and trying to make themselves feel better since they are the children of divorce or justifying the fact their children are now products of divorce.


+1

I am happily married for 30 yrs and most of my friends are also happily married. We all have come from intact marriages and our life is drama free as far as broken families are concerned. I would never want my kids to marry children of broken families. However, what can you do if they find a person who is a product of such a home? No one knows what happens in the future. I keep telling my kids to not rush into having kids. Marry a person and really evaluate them for a few years to determine if they will be good parents. Don't bring kids into the world and then divorce. You cannot get along with a person then you should divorce them before having kids.

I followed all of this advice. Our two sets of parents are both still together after more than 50 years. My husband was a real family man and a very devoted father until his midlife crisis. Then it was like a switch flipped. He decided that having a career and kids and only one sexual partner was boring. He left so he could live like a 20 something, childless bachelor. Sometimes you do everything right and still end up with a spouse who just doesn’t want to be married anymore. You should do everything in your power to have a happy marriage — but also know that some things are beyond your control.
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2021 00:31     Subject: "I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I feel it does make you more likely to. You definitely inherited some personality traits from both parents who agreed to give up on their marriage.

My parents have been together 50 yrs. My brother wanted to stay with his wife and go to therapy and work things out but she didn't want to. Even while having a toddler son. That woman was ice cold and she wasn't a Christian either. We are Latino Christians. She was of another race and religion.

My longest relationship was 7 yrs. Both our parents are still married. But my ex cheated and wasn't stable. He just wanted someone to marry so he met a fat chick whose into poly and as freedom loving as her divorced daddy is.


Oh, hi, you are the scorned woman who keeps posting about being dumped for a heavier woman? You never mentioned your nasty judgemental personality before.


I haven't posted since the pandemic began but I am guessing you are a scorned fat woman?
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2021 00:06     Subject: Re:"I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
Anonymous wrote:Husband's parents were divorced mine still married. The only real drawback was I think, not enough father in law presence (he is estranged from father) contributed to too much mother in law presence. Basically she raised him solo when he was an adolescent and she basically babies him and had trouble letting him go. This made her a pia in the beginning and boundaryless. I have the idea that if she had a good partner she could have let him go more easily. This may or may not be true but having no partner made her needier but maybe she woukd have been that way anyway who knows? This was the biggest drawback of divorced parents in my experience.


This is exactly my situation. I actually like her but she is overbearing. It’s gotten much better with time, though.

My parents are amicably divorced and are both happily remarried. I’ve never found divorce to be a red flag. I’d much prefer kind and we’ll adjusted in laws to toxic and unhappy married in laws.
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2021 23:46     Subject: Re:"I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When my DC is dating someone I ask (and hopefully it is natural to do so?) - what do the parents do? And Are they still together? If I’m asking I guess it does matter to me. I’d prefer if the parents were still married, as I think it speaks to the values with which a person was raised (and I’m saying this dully aware of the hardships that I know many family and friends have had to resolve or overcome in order to stay in their marriages)


Ugh...you don't get it. I had no choice in my divorce. He left for.a midlife affair. Unresolved childhood issues. I had no idea that unresolved childhood issues would maniifest later in life in a destructive way. All I knew was that I loved him and I believed that with enough loveI could fix him. That might make me naive, but it doesn' mean ai have no values.I was in for life! Shame on you for insinuating that people in similar situations don't have the values to raise kids to make good decisions in the future about marriage.


DP but.... your children were also raised by their father who sounds like he sucks. All else held equal I’d rather my kids not marry the kid of a man who didn’t have enough impulse control not to blow up his life.


+1
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2021 23:39     Subject: Re:"I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You and your partner sound stupid and close-minded OP. My DH had a terribly abusive childhood and divorced parents. He is literally the world’s best father.


Again, what is with all the cursing? You sound uneducated.

- DP here.


There’s not a single curse word in that post.

Anonymous
Post 05/24/2021 23:20     Subject: "I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
I think it's a weird flex because in previous generations a lot of women stayed married because they had no money and no agency to divorce from an abusive or otherwise terrible husband. And now that women can do that rather than stay shackled to some piece of trash, the kids are undateable and unmarriageable?
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2021 23:18     Subject: "I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
Anonymous wrote:Lot of people saying the fiancé is wrong and trying to make themselves feel better since they are the children of divorce or justifying the fact their children are now products of divorce.


+1

I am happily married for 30 yrs and most of my friends are also happily married. We all have come from intact marriages and our life is drama free as far as broken families are concerned. I would never want my kids to marry children of broken families. However, what can you do if they find a person who is a product of such a home? No one knows what happens in the future. I keep telling my kids to not rush into having kids. Marry a person and really evaluate them for a few years to determine if they will be good parents. Don't bring kids into the world and then divorce. You cannot get along with a person then you should divorce them before having kids.
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2021 23:18     Subject: Re:"I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When my DC is dating someone I ask (and hopefully it is natural to do so?) - what do the parents do? And Are they still together? If I’m asking I guess it does matter to me. I’d prefer if the parents were still married, as I think it speaks to the values with which a person was raised (and I’m saying this dully aware of the hardships that I know many family and friends have had to resolve or overcome in order to stay in their marriages)


Ugh...you don't get it. I had no choice in my divorce. He left for.a midlife affair. Unresolved childhood issues. I had no idea that unresolved childhood issues would maniifest later in life in a destructive way. All I knew was that I loved him and I believed that with enough loveI could fix him. That might make me naive, but it doesn' mean ai have no values.I was in for life! Shame on you for insinuating that people in similar situations don't have the values to raise kids to make good decisions in the future about marriage.


Same here. My husband decided he didn't want to be married anymore and cheated with multiple women, not me. My children should be penalized for that on top of having a dad who was a shitty husband and didn't honor his vows?
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2021 23:16     Subject: "I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
Anonymous wrote:Lot of people saying the fiancé is wrong and trying to make themselves feel better since they are the children of divorce or justifying the fact their children are now products of divorce.


I am neither a child of divorce or divorced myself, I wanted to note in marrying a man from a divorced family, you can still make it work and build something really great.
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2021 23:13     Subject: Re:"I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
I'm glad I married my husband of twenty years but his family was small, divorced and not educated. We found our way and have created our own hopefully healthier family but yes sometimes I wish the role modeling had been better. But it has worked out well so far. People have messy lives and flaws and limitations. It's just how it is, we can only work on ourselves. I woukd still pick my husband, it's not his fault his family was limited. Many people grow beyond their families.
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2021 23:10     Subject: "I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
Lot of people saying the fiancé is wrong and trying to make themselves feel better since they are the children of divorce or justifying the fact their children are now products of divorce.
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2021 23:05     Subject: Re:"I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
Husband's parents were divorced mine still married. The only real drawback was I think, not enough father in law presence (he is estranged from father) contributed to too much mother in law presence. Basically she raised him solo when he was an adolescent and she basically babies him and had trouble letting him go. This made her a pia in the beginning and boundaryless. I have the idea that if she had a good partner she could have let him go more easily. This may or may not be true but having no partner made her needier but maybe she woukd have been that way anyway who knows? This was the biggest drawback of divorced parents in my experience.
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2021 22:50     Subject: "I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
Anonymous wrote:It’s the same as not dating someone who has a history of mental illness in their family.


Uh not really.

But I did divorce someone after confirming his mental disorders and then his family abroad had it as well.