Anonymous
10/28/2021 22:48
Subject: When did your sex drive plummet?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:42M on a low dose SSRI. No drop off. Fly solo pretty much every day or multiple times.
43F wife completed her sexual life at 36. She has no interest in ever having sex again and resents when I bring it up as a problem in counseling sessions.
What does the counselor say?
New poster, same situation but mid 40s. Counselor basically says this is the price of admission to be married. That women usually lose desire and to focus on non sexual intimacy.
Anonymous
10/28/2021 18:33
Subject: Re:When did your sex drive plummet?
Plummet? Late 60's male and it has always been very high and has dipped slightly but not nearly enough to call it a plummet. At this rate it will plummet when I am dead or hit my 90s.
Anonymous
10/28/2021 18:26
Subject: When did your sex drive plummet?
Anonymous wrote:42M on a low dose SSRI. No drop off. Fly solo pretty much every day or multiple times.
43F wife completed her sexual life at 36. She has no interest in ever having sex again and resents when I bring it up as a problem in counseling sessions.
What does the counselor say?
Anonymous
10/28/2021 18:13
Subject: When did your sex drive plummet?
42M on a low dose SSRI. No drop off. Fly solo pretty much every day or multiple times.
43F wife completed her sexual life at 36. She has no interest in ever having sex again and resents when I bring it up as a problem in counseling sessions.
43F wife completed her sexual life at 36. She has no interest in ever having sex again and resents when I bring it up as a problem in counseling sessions.
Anonymous
10/28/2021 16:46
Subject: When did your sex drive plummet?
When I was dating (late 20s) and with my ex-husband (entire 30s). He was the problem.
Anonymous
10/28/2021 16:39
Subject: When did your sex drive plummet?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Most depressing thread ever. I'll never get married again.
Marriage is a wonderful institution to raise children and accumulate finances, but yes, if you look at it as a vehicle for sexual exploration, marriage is about the worst place in the world for that. Point being, he don't want to have kids, and sex is important to you, marriage is a terrible bet
An unhappy marriage. Plenty of people are in good marriages, having sex lives better than when they were single.
While I am sure this is true for someone, I don't have one friend who would say their married sex life is better now than when single. We are mid 40s. Maybe some would say yes at the start of their marriage.
I’m in my mid-40s and it’s way better now than when I was single or at the beginning. Definitely sowed my wild oats, so it has nothing to do with holding back while single. I just am even more comfortable with myself now and still very attracted to DH. I think men this age are better, more experienced and less in a hurry.
Anonymous
10/28/2021 16:36
Subject: When did your sex drive plummet?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Most depressing thread ever. I'll never get married again.
Marriage is a wonderful institution to raise children and accumulate finances, but yes, if you look at it as a vehicle for sexual exploration, marriage is about the worst place in the world for that. Point being, he don't want to have kids, and sex is important to you, marriage is a terrible bet
An unhappy marriage. Plenty of people are in good marriages, having sex lives better than when they were single.
While I am sure this is true for someone, I don't have one friend who would say their married sex life is better now than when single. We are mid 40s. Maybe some would say yes at the start of their marriage.
My sex life was certainly way better even in abusive marriage which I left eventually, vs changing boyfriends in my 20s. I am not able to get pleasure with someone I just met and dont trust yet to relax. Sex with my exH was certainly better than with all these boyfriends.
Anonymous
10/28/2021 15:49
Subject: When did your sex drive plummet?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Most depressing thread ever. I'll never get married again.
Marriage is a wonderful institution to raise children and accumulate finances, but yes, if you look at it as a vehicle for sexual exploration, marriage is about the worst place in the world for that. Point being, he don't want to have kids, and sex is important to you, marriage is a terrible bet
An unhappy marriage. Plenty of people are in good marriages, having sex lives better than when they were single.
While I am sure this is true for someone, I don't have one friend who would say their married sex life is better now than when single. We are mid 40s. Maybe some would say yes at the start of their marriage.
Anonymous
10/28/2021 15:35
Subject: When did your sex drive plummet?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Most depressing thread ever. I'll never get married again.
Marriage is a wonderful institution to raise children and accumulate finances, but yes, if you look at it as a vehicle for sexual exploration, marriage is about the worst place in the world for that. Point being, he don't want to have kids, and sex is important to you, marriage is a terrible bet
An unhappy marriage. Plenty of people are in good marriages, having sex lives better than when they were single.
Anonymous
10/28/2021 15:25
Subject: When did your sex drive plummet?
Anonymous wrote:Most depressing thread ever. I'll never get married again.
Marriage is a wonderful institution to raise children and accumulate finances, but yes, if you look at it as a vehicle for sexual exploration, marriage is about the worst place in the world for that. Point being, he don't want to have kids, and sex is important to you, marriage is a terrible bet
Anonymous
10/28/2021 15:14
Subject: When did your sex drive plummet?
Most depressing thread ever. I'll never get married again.
Anonymous
10/28/2021 15:14
Subject: Re:When did your sex drive plummet?
Multiorgasmic PP here and I don’t judge a man for it or consider it a reflection of skills, rather of stamina—I think he’s just feeling tired or maybe a little lazy. Missionary is one of my top faves though so I understand it’s tiring.
Anonymous
10/28/2021 15:05
Subject: Re:When did your sex drive plummet?
[[b]Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Early 50s with menopause plus going on an SSRI for depression.
SSRIs will generally kill libido and destroy your sex life; warn your spouse / partner before going on SSRIs.
Doctors do a terrible job of educating patients of this nearly universal side effect of SSRIs.
When my husband went on antidepressants his sex drive plummeted. He didn't think about sex at all. It also made it very difficult for him to finish. Good times
Sorry to hear that. Hugs, pp.
The “difficulty finishing” part hits home, since a couple of women I dated in the past were taking SSRIs and were unable to finish during; they even struggled, but usually could eventually finish with “electronic assistance” afterwards (which was fine). It seems to be a very common side effect.
It is a very common side effect of being a woman- with or without SSRIs. If vibrators were completely normalized as an expected part of intimacy(I realize they are for some couples ), an easy orgasm each time might increase a woman’s willingness to engage despite a lowered libido
Only time I’ve ever needed a vibrator was when DH was too tired for subsequent rounds. I thought that was normal.
Do you even talk to other women?
My DW gets the buzz treatment from me every single time.
“Vibrator normalcy” is on the increase: recently noticed
- CVS now carries at least 4 types of vibrators - rabbit, small wand, gentle air-suction, and internal/remote.
- even Giant supermarket carries a $9 vibrating ring alongside condoms; while not really a traditional vibrator, it’s clearly meant for couple use (worn by the male) and does use battery-operated vibration - meant for her.
I agree that this is probably a good way to make sex more appealing to women. Not just in cases where the man has ED, but to give a woman a reliable orgasm every time.
For a lot of women, orgasms are hit or miss and/or entail a lot of effort from her (directing spouse, manual stimulation, trying to get in the right mindset). If I knew sex would result in an easy orgasm every time, like it does for my husband (and most men), I would be more likely to do it.
[/b]So does that mean you haven’t taken responsibility for your own orgasms? Why not always have a reliable vibrator every time you have sex? That’s not always a man problem—more so you not taking responsibility of what gets you off. Men do it all the time and lucky for them, penetration is enough.
While I think women should take responsibility for their own orgasms, I empathize with the many that have been married forever and feel that suddenly introducing a vibrator would feel awkward. I think they should fight the cringe factor and buy a quality one. A surprising amount of men are uninformed and consider vibrator use a criticism of their skills/masculinity.
Anonymous
10/28/2021 14:58
Subject: When did your sex drive plummet?
Anonymous wrote:When my wife gained 80 pounds and decided in the span of eight years not to lose it.
Change wife to husband and 80 to 60, and I’m right there with you. (And to be clear, it’s not the weight—it’s the acceptance of it and general laziness that expands beyond pure looks. This is not a spouse who’s trying to stay attractive, or even a parent who’s trying to stay healthy for the kids.)
Anonymous
10/28/2021 14:55
Subject: Re:When did your sex drive plummet?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Early 50s with menopause plus going on an SSRI for depression.
SSRIs will generally kill libido and destroy your sex life; warn your spouse / partner before going on SSRIs.
Doctors do a terrible job of educating patients of this nearly universal side effect of SSRIs.
When my husband went on antidepressants his sex drive plummeted. He didn't think about sex at all. It also made it very difficult for him to finish. Good times
Sorry to hear that. Hugs, pp.
The “difficulty finishing” part hits home, since a couple of women I dated in the past were taking SSRIs and were unable to finish during; they even struggled, but usually could eventually finish with “electronic assistance” afterwards (which was fine). It seems to be a very common side effect.
It is a very common side effect of being a woman- with or without SSRIs. If vibrators were completely normalized as an expected part of intimacy(I realize they are for some couples ), an easy orgasm each time might increase a woman’s willingness to engage despite a lowered libido
Only time I’ve ever needed a vibrator was when DH was too tired for subsequent rounds. I thought that was normal.
Do you even talk to other women?
My DW gets the buzz treatment from me every single time.
You are a smart and confident man.
Thanks but it wasn’t always that way. The first time I introduced a vibrator to DW it did make me feel less confident. Quickly got over that though and realized that I provided her with her first orgasm. Fast forward years later, I’ve probably brought and have every single type of vibrator imaginable. It’s fun surprising her with new toys every once in a while.
More men should learn to be okay with toys and not take them as a blow to their egos.