This all reeks that you are cheating as well and want to get our guilt-free.
Why do I say this? Cheaters see cheating in everything. You are nothing but a classic example.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ good cheaters will even leave their phone unattended or let u know their password..gives you even more of the illusion that they are decent. This allows them to not get caught for a very long time since suspicion is absent.

Lol what a loser way to live. Burner phone; burner email; room by the hour at the no-tell motel (or the back of the Esplanade as one PP indicated). I know married life can get a little boring. But boring means no drama, aka - your life is working! Why people feel compelled to risk throwing away stability in exchange for a burner-phone-and-car-sex double life is beyond my comprehension. Serious issues that the non-cheating spouse isn’t equipped and shouldn’t be expected to fix.

No wonder OP wants clarity on what he’s dealing with. I would want answers and would want out too if there were indicators my spouse was behaving like this.

Not a cheater but not all marriages = stability. I wish people would stop that assumption that all marriages are “good” or provide “stability”; some people are just trying to survive with that choice. It is not always what people assume. There can also be “drama” in marriage (family issues, fighting, lack of sex, emotional abuse, etc.)

OP needs to decide if he wants to be married. That is it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ good cheaters will even leave their phone unattended or let u know their password..gives you even more of the illusion that they are decent. This allows them to not get caught for a very long time since suspicion is absent.

Lol what a loser way to live. Burner phone; burner email; room by the hour at the no-tell motel (or the back of the Esplanade as one PP indicated). I know married life can get a little boring. But boring means no drama, aka - your life is working! Why people feel compelled to risk throwing away stability in exchange for a burner-phone-and-car-sex double life is beyond my comprehension. Serious issues that the non-cheating spouse isn’t equipped and shouldn’t be expected to fix.

No wonder OP wants clarity on what he’s dealing with. I would want answers and would want out too if there were indicators my spouse was behaving like this.

Yep. You aren't dealing with mentally healthy people, these manipulative liars/cheats.

Anonymous wrote:^ good cheaters will even leave their phone unattended or let u know their password..gives you even more of the illusion that they are decent. This allows them to not get caught for a very long time since suspicion is absent.

Lol what a loser way to live. Burner phone; burner email; room by the hour at the no-tell motel (or the back of the Esplanade as one PP indicated). I know married life can get a little boring. But boring means no drama, aka - your life is working! Why people feel compelled to risk throwing away stability in exchange for a burner-phone-and-car-sex double life is beyond my comprehension. Serious issues that the non-cheating spouse isn’t equipped and shouldn’t be expected to fix.

No wonder OP wants clarity on what he’s dealing with. I would want answers and would want out too if there were indicators my spouse was behaving like this.

Anonymous wrote:OP is clearly the problem.

Just read his posts, they are legit controlling.

I'm guessing she didn't cheat, but she did try to breathe because he is so controlling.

I disagree. OP had suspicion of cheating. It is perfectly reasonable to check out suspicions. It is also perfectly reasonable not to want to pay alimony to a spouse who violated vows/monogamy. It is not controlling to contract for monogamy and then want to leave the marriage if that is not the case.

Even if a spouse was controlling, that is no excuse for cheating. One spouse doesn’t cause the other to cheat - that is literally abusive thinking. Abusers can’t take responsibility for their own behavior and consequences thereof.

A cheater is like the man who hits his wife because “she made me angry”. A cheater says “you made me cheat by not giving me X”.

Anonymous wrote:^ good cheaters will even leave their phone unattended or let u know their password..gives you even more of the illusion that they are decent. This allows them to not get caught for a very long time since suspicion is absent.

Yep. Complete false sense of security.

^ good cheaters will even leave their phone unattended or let u know their password..gives you even more of the illusion that they are decent. This allows them to not get caught for a very long time since suspicion is absent.

Anonymous wrote:If there is cheating, evidence would be on her phone. But chances are good once OP gets a hold of her phone, it will have things like texts to her mother, an email reminder for a nail appointment and an expired coupon for Michael’s craft store.

Yes because a good cheater leaves no trace in their phone. Duh.

They use Skype messaging or other internet app and delete app after use—-zero trace on phone or phone Bill. They also use a burner email with no trace and delete.

Anyone that thinks a cheater in 2021 will have evidence on their phone (with the exception of those that don’t care about getting caught or are not bright/techno) is delusional.

If there is cheating, evidence would be on her phone. But chances are good once OP gets a hold of her phone, it will have things like texts to her mother, an email reminder for a nail appointment and an expired coupon for Michael’s craft store.

What evidence do you have that she’s cheating?

OP is clearly the problem.

Just read his posts, they are legit controlling.

I'm guessing she didn't cheat, but she did try to breathe because he is so controlling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the only reason you want a divorce is that you think she is cheating? Makes sense that you would be sure of that before you discuss splitting up.

yes we have a good marriage, no major arguments, some sex, etc but if she has cheated, no matter what she says/does to repent there will only be a divorce from my end immediately. i just want to know if its worth getting PI to document any illicit affair .. or do courts not give a shit and split assets 50/50 anyway?

You sound unhinged. See a therapist.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It will absolutely help. You won't have to pay her alimony. You'll still need to pay child support though if she ends up with primary residence of the children.

i'm OP and will absolutely take care of my kids and give child support. but i it helps, I do want to fight no alimony and why should the cheater get the house?

With absolutely no regard for how the animosity will affect the children. Got it.

Just like the cheater didn’t care how whoring himself/herself out would affect the family/children. Righto!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the only reason you want a divorce is that you think she is cheating? Makes sense that you would be sure of that before you discuss splitting up.

yes we have a good marriage, no major arguments, some sex, etc but if she has cheated, no matter what she says/does to repent there will only be a divorce from my end immediately. i just want to know if its worth getting PI to document any illicit affair .. or do courts not give a shit and split assets 50/50 anyway?

Courts don't care. No fault divorce. She's getting the money regardless, just like she would if you were the one cheating. Maybe spend your energy trying to figure out what's really going on rather than trying to cheat her out of money that is also rightfully hers. (hence the cheating being irrelevant)

Courts don’t care what your partner did in the marriage. Assets are assets without a prenup.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It will absolutely help. You won't have to pay her alimony. You'll still need to pay child support though if she ends up with primary residence of the children.

i'm OP and will absolutely take care of my kids and give child support. but i it helps, I do want to fight no alimony and why should the cheater get the house?

With absolutely no regard for how the animosity will affect the children. Got it.