Anonymous
12/09/2020 19:27
Subject: Re:10 year old told me he thinks spouse is cheating on me -- advice?
Anonymous wrote:^ he’s bringing up a reminder that “cheater does not equal male”. Many, many wives are cheats in this day and age...and quite proficient on dating apps. They have the time too- pre-Covid when the spouse was at work and kids at school...that’s 6 hours to fit in a boning.
Most women aren't SAHM and according to nearly all statistics, men cheat way WAY more.
Anonymous
12/09/2020 16:37
Subject: Re:10 year old told me he thinks spouse is cheating on me -- advice?
^ he’s bringing up a reminder that “cheater does not equal male”. Many, many wives are cheats in this day and age...and quite proficient on dating apps. They have the time too- pre-Covid when the spouse was at work and kids at school...that’s 6 hours to fit in a boning.
Anonymous
12/09/2020 15:57
Subject: 10 year old told me he thinks spouse is cheating on me -- advice?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just spoke with DS again. He was looking at DH's phone without permission. He saw pictures/porn. He has begged me not to tell his father because he's not allowed to play with our phones without permission. I've told him over and over that he's not in trouble, no matter what.
But, he is afraid that his dad will be angry with him, he's afraid that the family will "blow apart" and it would be his fault, it's all just awful. He feels terrible. He said it was an app called kitkat (but he said it was not spelled with a ka? I'm not even sure what that means). He wants me to check DH's phone and see what's going on (should I tell him that's the same advice I got from DCUM? kidding....)
Added to that, I don't know exactly what my DH did. Was he looking at porn? I'm not going to divorce over that but I will still be extraordinarily pissed off that he allowed DS to see. Or is it more than that?
I don't know how to have DH reassure him somehow when he's begging me not to tell DH that he saw anything in the first place. Ugh.
You should thank you son for telling you. You should reassure him that you will not be telling his dad what he did or saw. You should also tell him that marriage is between two grown-ups, and now it is your job to figure out what to do with that information. Just like the information your son told you was private and will not be shared with dad, the conversation you have with dad will be private between dad and mom and not be shared with DS. Grown ups decide about the parameters of their relationships, and no matter what you and dad decide to do about staying married or not, you are both committed to being good parents to DS. Whether or not your family stays together, now or in the future, it will never be your DS's fault. Adults decide whether or not to stay married.
It's called KIK, it's a messaging app. This is used by men who cheat. You've been warned. Good luck.
^ and married women that cheat too.
Brother, your insecure ass needs help. Get over it. You keep bringing the same bag of stale dorito chips to the table. You should be eternally ignored because you (attempt to) derail everything thread like this. You must be an insufferable, miserable soul in real life.
Anonymous
12/09/2020 15:27
Subject: 10 year old told me he thinks spouse is cheating on me -- advice?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How is your marital sex life OP? All good: > 95% chance he is NOT cheating. Pretty bad: 100% chance he is on the prowl
It's all good: 50% he is cheating Pretty bad: 50% chance is cheating
I know you might WISH otherwise (and you might rightfully quibble a small bit with my numbers) but the overwhelming facts are men who are satisfied at home rarely cheat; while unsatisfied men very likely are cheating.
OP? Can you please answer this question?
Cheating is not always about being ‘satisfied’ at home. People often cheat because they are insecure and have other issues. How do you think spouses get STDs from cheaters?
Yep! 3-4 times per week with me (all variety of sex and horny/grab my @ss in the kitchen or jump me in the shower —high attraction)for 20-years and he managed to have an affair partner that he boned once or twice a month.
Guys with high sex drives can be getting lots of it at home and still find variety/different person enticing because it is an escape from reality/daily grind. Compartmentalizers.
OP- I don’t know why you would NOT snoop and get to the bottom of this. Is it because you are afraid you will find out he is cheating? What’s the alternative—risk STIs and your kid finding more nasty stuff or seeing naked photos of his lover?
Don’t bury your head in the sand...especially with your kid now harmed by it.
Right: a very small number of married men that have it "good" at home certainly do still cheat. That's the (100-95 ==) 5% that I referenced above. Your husband is in this elite 5% group due to the rare combination of: a) sex drive high enough to do the arduous work (as a married man) seeking even MORE than he already gets at home b) sufficient looks/game (despite being a married man) to attract an AP c) a wife at home wanting sex 4X per week.
Do you seriously think OP's husband too is in that 5% group? A and B are tough to ascertain but OP herself could easily answer C) are you now having sex 4X per week?
Your way of thinking is just flat out wrong.
Cheaters cheat no matter the circumstances of their marriage.
It's like saying if you were a better wife your H would not drink or most people that are alcoholics is because their spouse sucks.
The fact is the reason people cheat is because of bipolar disorder, untreated anxiety, survivor of childhood rape, and pure selfishness.
SOME cheaters cheat no matter the circumstances. SOME people cheat over mental issues. That's the 5%!!!
But the large MAJORITY of men who cheat do so because THEY JUST NEED REGULAR SEX ... and aren't getting that at home.
Many women struggle to grasp this simple concept: a normal healthy man needs sex, and he will do whatever it takes to find that, if not at home, then elsewhere.
Your opinion of this as a moral failure is irrelevant, and does not at all contradict my statement that men in sexless marriages cheat in large numbers, meanwhile other men do not.
Google "why do married men cheat" and the top hits literally say "dissatisfaction with the marriage either emotionally or sexually"
You are wrong... stop using google as a research tool .., find peer reviewed research.
Many men struggle to take ownership and need to blame their cheating in “lack of sex” but even if they had “regular sex” they would find another reason why they cheat, “starfish sex”. The 5% is men that just admit, I cheated because there was an opportunity and I took it with no thought of my wife/kids/family. It was just an act because I’m selfish.
Anonymous
12/09/2020 15:08
Subject: 10 year old told me he thinks spouse is cheating on me -- advice?
I'd start looking for a good family therapist. Your son may need a safe place to talk about his feelings. And you and your husband may want couples counseling.
Anonymous
12/09/2020 14:49
Subject: 10 year old told me he thinks spouse is cheating on me -- advice?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How is your marital sex life OP? All good: > 95% chance he is NOT cheating. Pretty bad: 100% chance he is on the prowl
It's all good: 50% he is cheating Pretty bad: 50% chance is cheating
I know you might WISH otherwise (and you might rightfully quibble a small bit with my numbers) but the overwhelming facts are men who are satisfied at home rarely cheat; while unsatisfied men very likely are cheating.
OP? Can you please answer this question?
Cheating is not always about being ‘satisfied’ at home. People often cheat because they are insecure and have other issues. How do you think spouses get STDs from cheaters?
Yep! 3-4 times per week with me (all variety of sex and horny/grab my @ss in the kitchen or jump me in the shower —high attraction)for 20-years and he managed to have an affair partner that he boned once or twice a month.
Guys with high sex drives can be getting lots of it at home and still find variety/different person enticing because it is an escape from reality/daily grind. Compartmentalizers.
OP- I don’t know why you would NOT snoop and get to the bottom of this. Is it because you are afraid you will find out he is cheating? What’s the alternative—risk STIs and your kid finding more nasty stuff or seeing naked photos of his lover?
Don’t bury your head in the sand...especially with your kid now harmed by it.
Right: a very small number of married men that have it "good" at home certainly do still cheat. That's the (100-95 ==) 5% that I referenced above. Your husband is in this elite 5% group due to the rare combination of: a) sex drive high enough to do the arduous work (as a married man) seeking even MORE than he already gets at home b) sufficient looks/game (despite being a married man) to attract an AP c) a wife at home wanting sex 4X per week.
Do you seriously think OP's husband too is in that 5% group? A and B are tough to ascertain but OP herself could easily answer C) are you now having sex 4X per week?
Your way of thinking is just flat out wrong.
Cheaters cheat no matter the circumstances of their marriage.
It's like saying if you were a better wife your H would not drink or most people that are alcoholics is because their spouse sucks.
The fact is the reason people cheat is because of bipolar disorder, untreated anxiety, survivor of childhood rape, and pure selfishness.
SOME cheaters cheat no matter the circumstances. SOME people cheat over mental issues. That's the 5%!!!
But the large MAJORITY of men who cheat do so because THEY JUST NEED REGULAR SEX ... and aren't getting that at home.
Many women struggle to grasp this simple concept: a normal healthy man needs sex, and he will do whatever it takes to find that, if not at home, then elsewhere.
Your opinion of this as a moral failure is irrelevant, and does not at all contradict my statement that men in sexless marriages cheat in large numbers, meanwhile other men do not.
Google "why do married men cheat" and the top hits literally say "dissatisfaction with the marriage either emotionally or sexually"
Anonymous
12/09/2020 14:20
Subject: 10 year old told me he thinks spouse is cheating on me -- advice?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ways to find out if he’s on Kik
https://www.google.com/amp/s/socialcatfish.com/blog/kik-search/amp/
Nobody uses their real address. They set up a fake burner email account. Duh
Nobody uses their real birth dates either. Even for retail and gym websites I use “fake Bday” do to possibility of identity theft/hacking.
All of these stupid articles are 100 steps behind a cheater. They also use gift credit cards to pay for accounts so it can’t be traced to them.
This is why the pps said that having your spouse’s phone and email passwords is useless. You will not catch a cheater these days with outdated tactics.
Anonymous
12/09/2020 14:15
Subject: 10 year old told me he thinks spouse is cheating on me -- advice?
Anonymous wrote:Ways to find out if he’s on Kik
https://www.google.com/amp/s/socialcatfish.com/blog/kik-search/amp/
Nobody uses their real address. They set up a fake burner email account. Duh
Anonymous
12/09/2020 12:43
Subject: 10 year old told me he thinks spouse is cheating on me -- advice?
Anonymous
12/09/2020 07:36
Subject: 10 year old told me he thinks spouse is cheating on me -- advice?
Anonymous wrote:For women who feel self righteous to having access to their husband’s phones... I do too. I know his passwords but I recently found out that he’s able to hide apps on his phone so that I can’t see them. He mainly uses it for porn but still it’s a bit a false sense of security to have “access” to the phone and passwords.
Total false sense of security. I thought my spouse was completely transparent. I used his phone, had his password...which also meant his email account was up, etc. It’s part of the reason I assumed he wasn’t cheating.
There are so many hidden messaging apps that don’t show up on phone log or phone bills. They go in “private browser mode” so no history is there. They can even just Skype message. They can hack their own iPhone location.
In 2020, a cheater is always 3 steps ahead. It’s too easy
Anonymous
12/09/2020 07:07
Subject: 10 year old told me he thinks spouse is cheating on me -- advice?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How is your marital sex life OP? All good: > 95% chance he is NOT cheating. Pretty bad: 100% chance he is on the prowl
It's all good: 50% he is cheating Pretty bad: 50% chance is cheating
I know you might WISH otherwise (and you might rightfully quibble a small bit with my numbers) but the overwhelming facts are men who are satisfied at home rarely cheat; while unsatisfied men very likely are cheating.
OP? Can you please answer this question?
Cheating is not always about being ‘satisfied’ at home. People often cheat because they are insecure and have other issues. How do you think spouses get STDs from cheaters?
Yep! 3-4 times per week with me (all variety of sex and horny/grab my @ss in the kitchen or jump me in the shower —high attraction)for 20-years and he managed to have an affair partner that he boned once or twice a month.
Guys with high sex drives can be getting lots of it at home and still find variety/different person enticing because it is an escape from reality/daily grind. Compartmentalizers.
OP- I don’t know why you would NOT snoop and get to the bottom of this. Is it because you are afraid you will find out he is cheating? What’s the alternative—risk STIs and your kid finding more nasty stuff or seeing naked photos of his lover?
Don’t bury your head in the sand...especially with your kid now harmed by it.
Right: a very small number of married men that have it "good" at home certainly do still cheat. That's the (100-95 ==) 5% that I referenced above. Your husband is in this elite 5% group due to the rare combination of: a) sex drive high enough to do the arduous work (as a married man) seeking even MORE than he already gets at home b) sufficient looks/game (despite being a married man) to attract an AP c) a wife at home wanting sex 4X per week.
Do you seriously think OP's husband too is in that 5% group? A and B are tough to ascertain but OP herself could easily answer C) are you now having sex 4X per week?
Your way of thinking is just flat out wrong.
Cheaters cheat no matter the circumstances of their marriage.
It's like saying if you were a better wife your H would not drink or most people that are alcoholics is because their spouse sucks.
The fact is the reason people cheat is because of bipolar disorder, untreated anxiety, survivor of childhood rape, and pure selfishness.
True. Married to an alcoholic. Nothing I can do will change his behavior. Despite an unhappy marriage right now, I won't cheat. Because I'm not a cheater. I will find another solution to the problem, which likely means leaving. But what kind of person would I be if I cheated? Not one I respect. And not one that a good man would want to build a future with. That's for sure.
Anonymous
12/09/2020 07:03
Subject: 10 year old told me he thinks spouse is cheating on me -- advice?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How is your marital sex life OP? All good: > 95% chance he is NOT cheating. Pretty bad: 100% chance he is on the prowl
It's all good: 50% he is cheating Pretty bad: 50% chance is cheating
I know you might WISH otherwise (and you might rightfully quibble a small bit with my numbers) but the overwhelming facts are men who are satisfied at home rarely cheat; while unsatisfied men very likely are cheating.
OP? Can you please answer this question?
Cheating is not always about being ‘satisfied’ at home. People often cheat because they are insecure and have other issues. How do you think spouses get STDs from cheaters?
Yep! 3-4 times per week with me (all variety of sex and horny/grab my @ss in the kitchen or jump me in the shower —high attraction)for 20-years and he managed to have an affair partner that he boned once or twice a month.
Guys with high sex drives can be getting lots of it at home and still find variety/different person enticing because it is an escape from reality/daily grind. Compartmentalizers.
OP- I don’t know why you would NOT snoop and get to the bottom of this. Is it because you are afraid you will find out he is cheating? What’s the alternative—risk STIs and your kid finding more nasty stuff or seeing naked photos of his lover?
Don’t bury your head in the sand...especially with your kid now harmed by it.
Right: a very small number of married men that have it "good" at home certainly do still cheat. That's the (100-95 ==) 5% that I referenced above. Your husband is in this elite 5% group due to the rare combination of: a) sex drive high enough to do the arduous work (as a married man) seeking even MORE than he already gets at home b) sufficient looks/game (despite being a married man) to attract an AP c) a wife at home wanting sex 4X per week.
Do you seriously think OP's husband too is in that 5% group? A and B are tough to ascertain but OP herself could easily answer C) are you now having sex 4X per week?
Your way of thinking is just flat out wrong.
Cheaters cheat no matter the circumstances of their marriage.
It's like saying if you were a better wife your H would not drink or most people that are alcoholics is because their spouse sucks.
The fact is the reason people cheat is because of bipolar disorder, untreated anxiety, survivor of childhood rape, and pure selfishness.
Anonymous
12/09/2020 07:00
Subject: 10 year old told me he thinks spouse is cheating on me -- advice?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How is your marital sex life OP? All good: > 95% chance he is NOT cheating. Pretty bad: 100% chance he is on the prowl
It's all good: 50% he is cheating Pretty bad: 50% chance is cheating
I know you might WISH otherwise (and you might rightfully quibble a small bit with my numbers) but the overwhelming facts are men who are satisfied at home rarely cheat; while unsatisfied men very likely are cheating.
OP? Can you please answer this question?
You are wrong. I know YOU wish that your actions can control other's actions and if you are just a "good spouse" you can be blessed with a faithful marriage. Unfortunately, the statistics and studies don't bear out.
For example if you marry somebody who is bipolar, you have a 90% chance of being cheated on no matter the circumstances of your marriage.
The fact is that 50% of miserable marriage are still faithful, possibly because of opportunity, but they are still faithful... and 50% of people in happy marriages cheat for various reasons.
People need to believe that if they "just work hard enough" they can ensure a faithful marriage otherwise life feels very out of control.
Anonymous
12/09/2020 06:43
Subject: 10 year old told me he thinks spouse is cheating on me -- advice?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How is your marital sex life OP? All good: > 95% chance he is NOT cheating. Pretty bad: 100% chance he is on the prowl
It's all good: 50% he is cheating Pretty bad: 50% chance is cheating
I know you might WISH otherwise (and you might rightfully quibble a small bit with my numbers) but the overwhelming facts are men who are satisfied at home rarely cheat; while unsatisfied men very likely are cheating.
OP? Can you please answer this question?
Cheating is not always about being ‘satisfied’ at home. People often cheat because they are insecure and have other issues. How do you think spouses get STDs from cheaters?
Yep! 3-4 times per week with me (all variety of sex and horny/grab my @ss in the kitchen or jump me in the shower —high attraction)for 20-years and he managed to have an affair partner that he boned once or twice a month.
Guys with high sex drives can be getting lots of it at home and still find variety/different person enticing because it is an escape from reality/daily grind. Compartmentalizers.
OP- I don’t know why you would NOT snoop and get to the bottom of this. Is it because you are afraid you will find out he is cheating? What’s the alternative—risk STIs and your kid finding more nasty stuff or seeing naked photos of his lover?
Don’t bury your head in the sand...especially with your kid now harmed by it.
Right: a very small number of married men that have it "good" at home certainly do still cheat. That's the (100-95 ==) 5% that I referenced above. Your husband is in this elite 5% group due to the rare combination of: a) sex drive high enough to do the arduous work (as a married man) seeking even MORE than he already gets at home b) sufficient looks/game (despite being a married man) to attract an AP c) a wife at home wanting sex 4X per week.
Do you seriously think OP's husband too is in that 5% group? A and B are tough to ascertain but OP herself could easily answer C) are you now having sex 4X per week?
Anonymous
12/09/2020 06:28
Subject: 10 year old told me he thinks spouse is cheating on me -- advice?
For women who feel self righteous to having access to their husband’s phones... I do too. I know his passwords but I recently found out that he’s able to hide apps on his phone so that I can’t see them. He mainly uses it for porn but still it’s a bit a false sense of security to have “access” to the phone and passwords.