Anonymous
11/17/2020 15:00
Subject: Leaving Husband With Baby For A Week
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. This is not a debate on whether I should go. It's for tips on how to make the week easier for my husband and the baby.
If you can, stock the freezer with some easy-to-prepare meals. Casseroles, lasagna, frozen waffles, frozen convenience stuff from Trader Joe's, etc. Fill the fridge with eggs, sandwich materials (bread, lunch meat, sliced cheese, condiments, lettuce, and tomatoes) and whatever fruits and veggies he likes. A box of granola/energy bars, trail mix, and other easy-to-eat snacks. It doesn't have to be fancy or gourmet, just stuff to make eating easier. Make sure the delivery menus from a few local restaurants are in a handy place. Have laundry done before you go. Sounds like he's a very capable dad.
She has an 8-week old baby!! She's supposed to take care of her 8 week old baby AND stock a freezer with food for her husband?????? And have all the laundry done???? That is so ridiculous I can't even handle it.
She asked, you freakin' nitwit. She is looking, and I quote, "for tips on how to make the week easier for my husband and the baby."
Your response (don't do anything, in the name of equality!) is just as ridiculous as the people on the other end of the spectrum who are aghast that she'd leave the baby with its father.
Anonymous
11/17/2020 15:00
Subject: Leaving Husband With Baby For A Week
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:At 8 weeks I would not do this. If YOU needed life-saving surgery I would do it, otherwise no. If somebody is dying, they are going to die. Your baby's life has JUST started. They don't have vaccines, they only have the immunity they got from being inside your baby and maybe if you've been nursing. Somebody else can help with the family emergency. You have to prioritize your newborn.
Sorry. I know this sounds harsh and isn't what you want to hear. But it's absolutely what I would do.
I agree with the PP. At eight weeks I’m bringing baby with me, and if it’s an emergency that can’t be handled with a baby in tow, then I am not equipped to help either. Unless one of my other children were in dire circumstances I can’t imagine it.
I'd classify traveling during a pandemic as the bolded. OP you're not just leaving for a week, you're going to have to test and at least partially quarantine when you get back. Hire help for the family.
None of this is because a dad can't or shouldn't solo parent a newborn. It's because coronavirus is tearing through the US like never before. Prioritize your health and your immediate family's health, even if it feels bad to do so.
That may be your point, but it's most definitely not others. I can go back and point to literally dozens of posts that say this - that a mother should not leave her 8 week old baby. No mention of Covid at all. Seriously, just reread.
I don't need to re-read because it's not my place or desire to defend other commenters that I don't agree with. I said what I said. If you have something to respond to in my actual comment, that is attributable to me, feel free. But you cannot call me on the carpet over other people's opinions.
Anonymous
11/17/2020 14:58
Subject: Leaving Husband With Baby For A Week
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:At 8 weeks I would not do this. If YOU needed life-saving surgery I would do it, otherwise no. If somebody is dying, they are going to die. Your baby's life has JUST started. They don't have vaccines, they only have the immunity they got from being inside your baby and maybe if you've been nursing. Somebody else can help with the family emergency. You have to prioritize your newborn.
Sorry. I know this sounds harsh and isn't what you want to hear. But it's absolutely what I would do.
I agree with the PP. At eight weeks I’m bringing baby with me, and if it’s an emergency that can’t be handled with a baby in tow, then I am not equipped to help either. Unless one of my other children were in dire circumstances I can’t imagine it.
I'd classify traveling during a pandemic as the bolded. OP you're not just leaving for a week, you're going to have to test and at least partially quarantine when you get back. Hire help for the family.
None of this is because a dad can't or shouldn't solo parent a newborn. It's because coronavirus is tearing through the US like never before. Prioritize your health and your immediate family's health, even if it feels bad to do so.
That may be your point, but it's most definitely not others. I can go back and point to literally dozens of posts that say this - that a mother should not leave her 8 week old baby. No mention of Covid at all. Seriously, just reread.
Anonymous
11/17/2020 14:52
Subject: Leaving Husband With Baby For A Week
Anonymous wrote:OP - did I miss it? Can you explain why you feel so compelled to visit your Dad at this very particular moment in time? Newborn at home and Pandemic numbers spiking?
And if you do decide to forge onward with your visit - what exactly will you do? Somehow you will magically make your Dad feel better, make life easier for a mere 6 nights/7days, and then, poof!, return to the land of the living?
...risking your health and everyone else's around you in the mean time??
If your dad "needs" you so much as you perceive/he claims, then maybe you and your siblings need to hire help, set him up with a case worker, ask for recommendations from his gereontologist or the like.
Are you able to read? Her dad requires a caregiver and the caregiver injured her back. OP is the only option to care for her dad. This is a family emergency. A short term family emergency and OP needs to go help and she didn't ask for everyone's opinion on it, but for ideas for how to support her husband. Her husband is clearly very capable of taking care of their baby.
OP i'm sorry you all are going through this stressful event while you have a newborn, you sound like a wonderful daughter and mother, in a great marriage. Your baby and husband will be fine. It will likely be harder on you. I don't have any great ideas for things that would help. Some pre-prepped meals makes sense, maybe ask some friends to drop off a meal or two? I would be more than happy to do this for a friend if they were going through something like this! And you can also just buy easy meals he can heat up. Otherwise they'll enjoy lots of cuddling and be happy to see you when you return.
Anonymous
11/17/2020 14:46
Subject: Re:Leaving Husband With Baby For A Week
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. The rude poster that commented my dad must be a miserable old man and no wants to be around him is messed up. We have a great relationship with my father and he is a lovely man. My siblings live far away and them flying will increase his risk. I live 2 hours away and can drive to/from without any issues. It will just be us and exposure risk is very low. I will be going straight there. He will need help with cooking, cleaning, medications, etc. Nothing too crazy and no heavy lifting or anything strenuous.
My dad has multiple high risk health issues. We are not willing to hire someone to help because we have no idea if that person is following proper protocol. He loves his caretaker and we want to keep her job. We are looking into temp workers if she needs to be out longer, but I want to properly screen them first. This was last minute and I couldn't line someone up in 2-3 days without properly screening them.
My dads place is really small. It's a one bed and a small den. There wouldn't be space to sleep on a couch for me and my husband.
My husband is a great dad and capable of caring for our son. He is an easy baby and sleeps an 8 hour stretch at night. My MiL will be available to help him and give him a break. We split everything 50/50. He did everything the first 4 weeks after birth, and I have helped prep things for him as some suggested - laundry, food, and restock supplies for baby, etc.
I'm fine giving up breastfeeding if that happens. I don't make much milk anyway and planned to stop when I go back to work at the end of the year anyway
I am going to ask AGAIN OP- HAVE you talked to your pediatrician about whether you need to quarantine and/or get tested before you go back to your family? Has your MIL been quarantined and been tested or will get tested? Are you interviewing replacements remotely? Have you been tested prior to seeing your father?
This is not about your husband. This is about risk assessment. Please contact your ped to get the correct information and stop messing around with your kids life.
OP here. I have not talked to the pediatrician but we are all social distancing and I will be driving to/from. His caretaker has been following proper guidelines this whole time and lives alone. I will screening people via phone or video call. My MIL and FIL live alone and are social distancing. We have seen them multiple times since he was born. They live very close.
Anonymous
11/17/2020 14:46
Subject: Leaving Husband With Baby For A Week
You are doing the right thing, OP. The projection is some of these comments is astounding. Your father needs you now and your husband and baby will get some really great bonding time together. All will be well. Sending good health wishes to your dad (and his caretaker).
Anonymous
11/17/2020 14:45
Subject: Leaving Husband With Baby For A Week
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You all will be fine. Don't worry about the naysayers-- even in this day and age, people can be very sexist (possibly because there are still a lot of crappy dads out there), but I'm willing to bet that if you were a dad leaving the kid with a mom, or a mom leaving the kid with their other mom, almost none of these people would be freaking out like this.
It's good of you to be thoughtful about your husband, though-- he and baby will be fine but it's definitely stressful to be the only caretaker 24/7 on your own for a week. Make sure he's stocked on easy/no-prep foods, maybe buy some disposable plates/silverware so he doesn't have to worry about dishes, do the laundry before you go. Consider getting a baby swing if you don't have one already (not safe for sleep, but good for keeping an awake baby calm so he can take a break), and/or a carrier to wear baby, and/or other things that might help him keep baby entertained/calm so he can have some time to do his own thing rather than constantly focusing on baby. If there's anything you can do to improve baby naps/nighttime sleep that you're not already doing (like blackout curtains/paper, white noise, etc) that would be good too.
Um, yes, I would be freaking out if I had an 8-week-old baby and my husband had to leave for a week. That's a sucky situation and it should be avoided at all costs.
THat's pretty pathetic. Tons of mothers are able to do this. See: Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corp, Single, and many others.
Anonymous
11/17/2020 14:40
Subject: Re:Leaving Husband With Baby For A Week
Anonymous wrote:OP here. The rude poster that commented my dad must be a miserable old man and no wants to be around him is messed up. We have a great relationship with my father and he is a lovely man. My siblings live far away and them flying will increase his risk. I live 2 hours away and can drive to/from without any issues. It will just be us and exposure risk is very low. I will be going straight there. He will need help with cooking, cleaning, medications, etc. Nothing too crazy and no heavy lifting or anything strenuous.
My dad has multiple high risk health issues. We are not willing to hire someone to help because we have no idea if that person is following proper protocol. He loves his caretaker and we want to keep her job. We are looking into temp workers if she needs to be out longer, but I want to properly screen them first. This was last minute and I couldn't line someone up in 2-3 days without properly screening them.
My dads place is really small. It's a one bed and a small den. There wouldn't be space to sleep on a couch for me and my husband.
My husband is a great dad and capable of caring for our son. He is an easy baby and sleeps an 8 hour stretch at night. My MiL will be available to help him and give him a break. We split everything 50/50. He did everything the first 4 weeks after birth, and I have helped prep things for him as some suggested - laundry, food, and restock supplies for baby, etc.
I'm fine giving up breastfeeding if that happens. I don't make much milk anyway and planned to stop when I go back to work at the end of the year anyway
I am going to ask AGAIN OP- HAVE you talked to your pediatrician about whether you need to quarantine and/or get tested before you go back to your family? Has your MIL been quarantined and been tested or will get tested? Are you interviewing replacements remotely? Have you been tested prior to seeing your father?
This is not about your husband. This is about risk assessment. Please contact your ped to get the correct information and stop messing around with your kids life.
Anonymous
11/17/2020 14:35
Subject: Re:Leaving Husband With Baby For A Week
OP here. The rude poster that commented my dad must be a miserable old man and no wants to be around him is messed up. We have a great relationship with my father and he is a lovely man. My siblings live far away and them flying will increase his risk. I live 2 hours away and can drive to/from without any issues. It will just be us and exposure risk is very low. I will be going straight there. He will need help with cooking, cleaning, medications, etc. Nothing too crazy and no heavy lifting or anything strenuous.
My dad has multiple high risk health issues. We are not willing to hire someone to help because we have no idea if that person is following proper protocol. He loves his caretaker and we want to keep her job. We are looking into temp workers if she needs to be out longer, but I want to properly screen them first. This was last minute and I couldn't line someone up in 2-3 days without properly screening them.
My dads place is really small. It's a one bed and a small den. There wouldn't be space to sleep on a couch for me and my husband.
My husband is a great dad and capable of caring for our son. He is an easy baby and sleeps an 8 hour stretch at night. My MiL will be available to help him and give him a break. We split everything 50/50. He did everything the first 4 weeks after birth, and I have helped prep things for him as some suggested - laundry, food, and restock supplies for baby, etc.
I'm fine giving up breastfeeding if that happens. I don't make much milk anyway and planned to stop when I go back to work at the end of the year anyway.
My dad has multiple high risk health issues. We are not willing to hire someone to help because we have no idea if that person is following proper protocol. He loves his caretaker and we want to keep her job. We are looking into temp workers if she needs to be out longer, but I want to properly screen them first. This was last minute and I couldn't line someone up in 2-3 days without properly screening them.
My dads place is really small. It's a one bed and a small den. There wouldn't be space to sleep on a couch for me and my husband.
My husband is a great dad and capable of caring for our son. He is an easy baby and sleeps an 8 hour stretch at night. My MiL will be available to help him and give him a break. We split everything 50/50. He did everything the first 4 weeks after birth, and I have helped prep things for him as some suggested - laundry, food, and restock supplies for baby, etc.
I'm fine giving up breastfeeding if that happens. I don't make much milk anyway and planned to stop when I go back to work at the end of the year anyway.
Anonymous
11/17/2020 13:39
Subject: Leaving Husband With Baby For A Week
I call bulls**, op, I highly doubt that your father’s house is so small it can’t accommodate the only person on the planet who can help him, her loving and perfectly capable husband and old dad’s premobile grandson. You don’t need to bring a high chair at this point or toys, a playmat with stuff for the baby to look at is really all you need.
Your kid isn’t even on the ground at this point, so you don’t need to worry about him getting in the way of wheelchairs or old person walkers.
If this is the time to need to go help dad, then in many ways you’ve got a perfect setup for all three of you to go.
If we were talking about a mobile baby, an active toddler or elementary-aged kids who need to be in school, then I’d say the offspring can and should stay home.
That isn’t the case though.
Sounds like your dad really doesn’t like you (though is willing to leverage you) or your husband (might there be a reason?) or he is a miserable person that nobody wants to be around.
My vote is for him being a miserable person, no way is his house that small, and no way is he that compromised from a health perspective, you do know that no matter how careful you are in transit, you can pick up covid and bring it to him.
Far better for your dad to say “I need the help, all of you please come, I’d love to see my grandson even if I can’t stand the man who fathered him”.
Your kid isn’t even on the ground at this point, so you don’t need to worry about him getting in the way of wheelchairs or old person walkers.
If this is the time to need to go help dad, then in many ways you’ve got a perfect setup for all three of you to go.
If we were talking about a mobile baby, an active toddler or elementary-aged kids who need to be in school, then I’d say the offspring can and should stay home.
That isn’t the case though.
Sounds like your dad really doesn’t like you (though is willing to leverage you) or your husband (might there be a reason?) or he is a miserable person that nobody wants to be around.
My vote is for him being a miserable person, no way is his house that small, and no way is he that compromised from a health perspective, you do know that no matter how careful you are in transit, you can pick up covid and bring it to him.
Far better for your dad to say “I need the help, all of you please come, I’d love to see my grandson even if I can’t stand the man who fathered him”.
Anonymous
11/17/2020 13:02
Subject: Leaving Husband With Baby For A Week
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You all will be fine. Don't worry about the naysayers-- even in this day and age, people can be very sexist (possibly because there are still a lot of crappy dads out there), but I'm willing to bet that if you were a dad leaving the kid with a mom, or a mom leaving the kid with their other mom, almost none of these people would be freaking out like this.
It's good of you to be thoughtful about your husband, though-- he and baby will be fine but it's definitely stressful to be the only caretaker 24/7 on your own for a week. Make sure he's stocked on easy/no-prep foods, maybe buy some disposable plates/silverware so he doesn't have to worry about dishes, do the laundry before you go. Consider getting a baby swing if you don't have one already (not safe for sleep, but good for keeping an awake baby calm so he can take a break), and/or a carrier to wear baby, and/or other things that might help him keep baby entertained/calm so he can have some time to do his own thing rather than constantly focusing on baby. If there's anything you can do to improve baby naps/nighttime sleep that you're not already doing (like blackout curtains/paper, white noise, etc) that would be good too.
Um, yes, I would be freaking out if I had an 8-week-old baby and my husband had to leave for a week. That's a sucky situation and it should be avoided at all costs.
Good lord. It happens all the time and no one blinks an eye.
But if it can be avoided dont you yhink it should?
Anonymous
11/17/2020 12:59
Subject: Leaving Husband With Baby For A Week
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You all will be fine. Don't worry about the naysayers-- even in this day and age, people can be very sexist (possibly because there are still a lot of crappy dads out there), but I'm willing to bet that if you were a dad leaving the kid with a mom, or a mom leaving the kid with their other mom, almost none of these people would be freaking out like this.
It's good of you to be thoughtful about your husband, though-- he and baby will be fine but it's definitely stressful to be the only caretaker 24/7 on your own for a week. Make sure he's stocked on easy/no-prep foods, maybe buy some disposable plates/silverware so he doesn't have to worry about dishes, do the laundry before you go. Consider getting a baby swing if you don't have one already (not safe for sleep, but good for keeping an awake baby calm so he can take a break), and/or a carrier to wear baby, and/or other things that might help him keep baby entertained/calm so he can have some time to do his own thing rather than constantly focusing on baby. If there's anything you can do to improve baby naps/nighttime sleep that you're not already doing (like blackout curtains/paper, white noise, etc) that would be good too.
Um, yes, I would be freaking out if I had an 8-week-old baby and my husband had to leave for a week. That's a sucky situation and it should be avoided at all costs.
Good lord. It happens all the time and no one blinks an eye.
Anonymous
11/17/2020 12:58
Subject: Re:Leaving Husband With Baby For A Week
Anonymous wrote:OP I’m sorry everyone is being so harsh. Your DH and your baby will be just fine. I had to be on my own with a newborn for 3 days (obviously not a week, but I think I could have done that too!) It was hard but I napped when baby napped and it was just fine.
Seriously. People are absolutely insane.
Anonymous
11/17/2020 12:55
Subject: Leaving Husband With Baby For A Week
Anonymous wrote:You all will be fine. Don't worry about the naysayers-- even in this day and age, people can be very sexist (possibly because there are still a lot of crappy dads out there), but I'm willing to bet that if you were a dad leaving the kid with a mom, or a mom leaving the kid with their other mom, almost none of these people would be freaking out like this.
It's good of you to be thoughtful about your husband, though-- he and baby will be fine but it's definitely stressful to be the only caretaker 24/7 on your own for a week. Make sure he's stocked on easy/no-prep foods, maybe buy some disposable plates/silverware so he doesn't have to worry about dishes, do the laundry before you go. Consider getting a baby swing if you don't have one already (not safe for sleep, but good for keeping an awake baby calm so he can take a break), and/or a carrier to wear baby, and/or other things that might help him keep baby entertained/calm so he can have some time to do his own thing rather than constantly focusing on baby. If there's anything you can do to improve baby naps/nighttime sleep that you're not already doing (like blackout curtains/paper, white noise, etc) that would be good too.
Um, yes, I would be freaking out if I had an 8-week-old baby and my husband had to leave for a week. That's a sucky situation and it should be avoided at all costs.
Anonymous
11/17/2020 12:55
Subject: Re:Leaving Husband With Baby For A Week
Anonymous wrote:OP I’m sorry everyone is being so harsh. Your DH and your baby will be just fine. I had to be on my own with a newborn for 3 days (obviously not a week, but I think I could have done that too!) It was hard but I napped when baby napped and it was just fine.
It Isnt being harsh but realistic! She could get covid and die or at the very least be very sick or get her dad sick.
Hire help for your dad or get sibling without a newborn to step up.
These are not normal times and pp you are acting like it is wont make it so.