Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Okay. Tell me what I’m doing wrong and how to fix it to attract a woman with these qualities

Age: 30-35. A little younger is fine but I do not want a woman younger than 28. I need to have things in common and need a mature woman who has a good amount of life experience. I want a woman who knows what she wants.

Career: A woman who wants to be a lifelong SAHM or out her career on hold at least PT to be home with the kids when they need FT care.

Wife: I want a true partner. An actual marriage with respect and love. I do not want a mail order bride.

A woman ideally willing to sign a prenup relinquishing any rights to my businesses. It’s not unreasonable for me to protect my assets.

I will be involved as I can. I plan to be an involved parent and spouse.

Most of the women I attract now either do not want to a SAHM or are gold diggers and get upset when I bring up a prenup.

This is going to be the sticking point. Flip this around and say a woman was looking for a SAHD because she works 70-80 a week and wanted you in your early 30’s (say you didn’t have the businesses and millions in assets) to give up working the raise kids for the next 20 years and sign a prenup. Assuming you are financially savvy that would need to be one heck of a prenup to make it with giving up 20 years of prime earning, not saving for retirement, giving up any investments you could have made with your own income, not purchasing your own real estate/home, and the hit your career would take if you tried to re-enter the workforce after being out of it for how ever long if the marriage didn’t work out.

What about someone that already has money and their own investments and would be looking for you to sign a prenup? Or someone that has a career that it easy to jump back into after years like teaching or maybe nursing who also wants to be a SAHM while kids are young. Or maybe a divorced mom that has been on the other side of working full time while being the default parent and would jump at the chance to be a SAHM with lots of help.

Anonymous wrote:OP— if she is a SAHM and there is a prenup, what does she do 20 yrs into the marriage if you have an affair or ask for a divorce? Or she finds you so horrible to live with that she wants a divorce?

By being a SAHM, she gives up skill retention and continuity of work—both very important when looking for a job. If there is a prenup, she will get very little from you especially if the children are grown and there is no child support.

Why would any person agree to such a precarious situation?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume you want someone who is smart? Here’s my advice. Find a mid-level associate at a large firm who wants to have kids right away and isn’t a total workaholic must make partner type. Once she has the baby and stays home for 6 months to a year she won’t want to go back if you hire a house cleaner and a part time sitter so she can get some me time. That would be a sweet deal that I would totally have taken. She’ll realize she likes staying home in yoga pants and wasn’t going to make partner anyway.

Hahaha

You seriously think a lawyer is going to sign OP’s prenup giving him control of all finances and relinquishing her rights to marital assets??? That’s cute.

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you cut back OP? You are apparently a super-wealthy owner of several busines, why can't you cut back a bit so your kids aren't with nannies all day? It's the modern millennial millionaire way to parent and partner.

Anonymous wrote:I’m 37 and single. I’ve been trying I find a certain type of woman and just haven’t. You can say I’m looking for a 1950’s housewife. I don’t expect a servant or anything like that, but I wanted a woman who wants to stay at home taking care of her kids and husband. I’m looking for a woman who wants to take care of raising the kids and responsibilities of the household, while I work and manage things like finances. Most of the women I meet want to be a SAHM only short-term, or want to be a SAHM but expect the man to be a 50/50 partner in childcare and household responsibilities. I’m looking for a woman who can handle the bulk of it. How do I find a woman like this?

Anonymous wrote:You need to find someone with family money or is already wealthy. Someone with their own assets so she is protected. Then you can each sign prenups for each other.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Okay. Tell me what I’m doing wrong and how to fix it to attract a woman with these qualities

Age: 30-35. A little younger is fine but I do not want a woman younger than 28. I need to have things in common and need a mature woman who has a good amount of life experience. I want a woman who knows what she wants.

Career: A woman who wants to be a lifelong SAHM or out her career on hold at least PT to be home with the kids when they need FT care.

Wife: I want a true partner. An actual marriage with respect and love. I do not want a mail order bride.

A woman ideally willing to sign a prenup relinquishing any rights to my businesses. It’s not unreasonable for me to protect my assets.

I will be involved as I can. I plan to be an involved parent and spouse.

Most of the women I attract now either do not want to a SAHM or are gold diggers and get upset when I bring up a prenup.

Anonymous wrote:I assume you want someone who is smart? Here’s my advice. Find a mid-level associate at a large firm who wants to have kids right away and isn’t a total workaholic must make partner type. Once she has the baby and stays home for 6 months to a year she won’t want to go back if you hire a house cleaner and a part time sitter so she can get some me time. That would be a sweet deal that I would totally have taken. She’ll realize she likes staying home in yoga pants and wasn’t going to make partner anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m a very high earner and work 70-80 hour weeks. I will be involved as I possibly can with kids, but she will be the default parent. We will hire help with childcare and housekeeping, but she will manage the day-to-day responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, shuffling kids to school, etc. My parents had the same setup and it worked. My dad was very involved in raising us, but my mom did the bulk of it.

OP, my husband and I have this set up. He is a law firm partner and I am a SAHM. I had our first at 37 after getting a PhD and having a career. My best friend is similar, the wife of a partner who formerly had a political job. We are both in happy marriages. For me (and a believe for my friend), I don’t mind taking on this role. I had almost two decades to work and now I am enjoying having little at home. We are not religious or conservative. Just regular, well educated suburban liberals.

Just out of curiosity, PP... do you also have a prenup and does your husband control the finances?

No. We don’t. I wouldn’t sign one and my DH would never ask. I am also pretty certain that we will not get divorced. It would be out of character for both of us since we are both low conflict people who communicate well and genuinely like each other.

I handle most of the day-to-day finances, but we make big decisions together. Being a SAHM was never a goal or plan of mine. My kids are still young (the youngest is 2), so I don’t know what I will do long term, but I won’t go back full time to an inflexible job. DH cannot pick up the slack at home because he is always working and I won’t handle everything at home by myself and also juggle a work schedule. DH is fine with that.

Anonymous wrote:I assume you want someone who is smart? Here’s my advice. Find a mid-level associate at a large firm who wants to have kids right away and isn’t a total workaholic must make partner type. Once she has the baby and stays home for 6 months to a year she won’t want to go back if you hire a house cleaner and a part time sitter so she can get some me time. That would be a sweet deal that I would totally have taken. She’ll realize she likes staying home in yoga pants and wasn’t going to make partner anyway.