Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP--your post makes me sad.

I am reminded of visiting an immigrant cousin of DH. The wife, also an immigrant, offered to show me her hobby room. It was totally immaculate and there were shelves of dolls standing in elaborate and rather garish costumes she made for them.

As I took in all my perceived tackiness of the hobby, her husband came in and went on about how much he admired all her handicraft and all the donations she made to her church of the dolls for auctions etc.

He clearly was proud of something his wife did that was actually not at all a personal interest of his. I will add that his wife is obese, not mildly so, but really so. No matter, he was still proud.

Like most immigrants, he came over with very little. He built a business and was successful enough he could indulge his wife's hobby, which she used to give back to her community, and it was a source of pride to him.

It made me ashamed of my all too quick tacky assessment of her hobby.

This is a more beautiful and human sentiment than 99% of Internet content. Thank you.

Anonymous wrote:OP again. How is going to the gym a hobby? It’s for health and wellness. And yes, she is 20 lbs over than her usual weight and I’m not afraid to call her out on it. She knows I roll my eyes whenever she comes back with the crap and no, the craft room is where she stores the stuff. The completed crap gets put up on display and it’s just cheap and tacky AF. She crafted a little when we were dating but that was when we kept our finances separate and I don’t think she had the money then to go crazy at Hobby Lobby. Now, she does and I’m considering keeping our finances separate again because she has also max out her credit cards (Continual non-payments while racking up at Hobby Lobby and Michaels). She doesn’t think she spends too much money because she will point to so-and-so or another friend and say “But they spend twice as much as me on the same stuff” and I’ll tease her with “Well, I’m not surprised so-and-so and her husband are separating”. Not making this s*** up! She works from home part time now so that is why she has the free time to go and craft. But no, she won’t go and exercise at all, not even walking with me. I think it’s a combination of the crafts being expensive, stupid, waste of time and the opportunity costs of her crafting becoming a strain on our marriage.

Anonymous wrote:
It does not matter if you don’t “get” her hobby. You should each have an equal budget for enjoyment: be it golf, going to athletic events, buying music, etc. She does not have to justify to you how she spends her share.

It is likely her only escape. (Could be much much worse, or expensive)


PP, don't you think dropping $600-$800 a month on crafting supplies is expensive? Think how much they can save plus, the wife racks up her credit card and is late on paying her bills.

Anonymous wrote:It does not matter if you don’t “get” her hobby. You should each have an equal budget for enjoyment: be it golf, going to athletic events, buying music, etc. She does not have to justify to you how she spends her share.

It is likely her only escape. (Could be much much worse, or expensive)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that she buys from Hobby Lobby would be the most concerning part.

Before being married I would intentionally take girlfriends to shopping centers with a Michaels to see if they would take the bait.

I would love to hear more about your dating techniques

It started when I found out someone I really liked and had recently started dating had a crazy scrap booking setup. The long drawn out WTF rolled through my head for 10 minutes when I first saw it. Never again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP--your post makes me sad.

I am reminded of visiting an immigrant cousin of DH. The wife, also an immigrant, offered to show me her hobby room. It was totally immaculate and there were shelves of dolls standing in elaborate and rather garish costumes she made for them.

As I took in all my perceived tackiness of the hobby, her husband came in and went on about how much he admired all her handicraft and all the donations she made to her church of the dolls for auctions etc.

He clearly was proud of something his wife did that was actually not at all a personal interest of his. I will add that his wife is obese, not mildly so, but really so. No matter, he was still proud.

Like most immigrants, he came over with very little. He built a business and was successful enough he could indulge his wife's hobby, which she used to give back to her community, and it was a source of pride to him.

It made me ashamed of my all too quick tacky assessment of her hobby.

This thread was worth it for this post.

Anonymous wrote:OP--your post makes me sad.

I am reminded of visiting an immigrant cousin of DH. The wife, also an immigrant, offered to show me her hobby room. It was totally immaculate and there were shelves of dolls standing in elaborate and rather garish costumes she made for them.

As I took in all my perceived tackiness of the hobby, her husband came in and went on about how much he admired all her handicraft and all the donations she made to her church of the dolls for auctions etc.

He clearly was proud of something his wife did that was actually not at all a personal interest of his. I will add that his wife is obese, not mildly so, but really so. No matter, he was still proud.

Like most immigrants, he came over with very little. He built a business and was successful enough he could indulge his wife's hobby, which she used to give back to her community, and it was a source of pride to him.

It made me ashamed of my all too quick tacky assessment of her hobby.

Anonymous wrote:OP--your post makes me sad.

I am reminded of visiting an immigrant cousin of DH. The wife, also an immigrant, offered to show me her hobby room. It was totally immaculate and there were shelves of dolls standing in elaborate and rather garish costumes she made for them.

As I took in all my perceived tackiness of the hobby, her husband came in and went on about how much he admired all her handicraft and all the donations she made to her church of the dolls for auctions etc.

He clearly was proud of something his wife did that was actually not at all a personal interest of his. I will add that his wife is obese, not mildly so, but really so. No matter, he was still proud.

Like most immigrants, he came over with very little. He built a business and was successful enough he could indulge his wife's hobby, which she used to give back to her community, and it was a source of pride to him.

It made me ashamed of my all too quick tacky assessment of her hobby.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. How is going to the gym a hobby? It’s for health and wellness. And yes, she is 20 lbs over than her usual weight and I’m not afraid to call her out on it. She knows I roll my eyes whenever she comes back with the crap and no, the craft room is where she stores the stuff. The completed crap gets put up on display and it’s just cheap and tacky AF. She crafted a little when we were dating but that was when we kept our finances separate and I don’t think she had the money then to go crazy at Hobby Lobby. Now, she does and I’m considering keeping our finances separate again because she has also max out her credit cards (Continual non-payments while racking up at Hobby Lobby and Michaels). She doesn’t think she spends too much money because she will point to so-and-so or another friend and say “But they spend twice as much as me on the same stuff” and I’ll tease her with “Well, I’m not surprised so-and-so and her husband are separating”. Not making this s*** up! She works from home part time now so that is why she has the free time to go and craft. But no, she won’t go and exercise at all, not even walking with me. I think it’s a combination of the crafts being expensive, stupid, waste of time and the opportunity costs of her crafting becoming a strain on our marriage.

Going to the gym makes you feel good. Crafting makes her feel good.


She works part time. So separate your finances if the money bothers you so much. I'm more disturbed by your attitude. You sound contemptuous of her hobby and tastes. It has nothing to do with the 20 lbs. That's a separate issue, don't mix it up with her hobby.

I may not appreciate my husband's craft beer or woodworking, but if it's not making us unable to afford other things, I am polite, respectful, and don't get involved.

You don't need to love the stuff she makes. Just say something nice. Maybe try doing some crafting together. You're not superior to her because your interest is gym.

Team OP. The wife sounds quite stupid to begin with and I’m a wife myself. Who spends hundreds of dollars on worthless paper and glitter? Just shows she’s ditzy and has nothing valuable to contribute to society.

OP again. How is going to the gym a hobby? It’s for health and wellness. And yes, she is 20 lbs over than her usual weight and I’m not afraid to call her out on it. She knows I roll my eyes whenever she comes back with the crap and no, the craft room is where she stores the stuff. The completed crap gets put up on display and it’s just cheap and tacky AF. She crafted a little when we were dating but that was when we kept our finances separate and I don’t think she had the money then to go crazy at Hobby Lobby. Now, she does and I’m considering keeping our finances separate again because she has also max out her credit cards (Continual non-payments while racking up at Hobby Lobby and Michaels). She doesn’t think she spends too much money because she will point to so-and-so or another friend and say “But they spend twice as much as me on the same stuff” and I’ll tease her with “Well, I’m not surprised so-and-so and her husband are separating”. Not making this s*** up! She works from home part time now so that is why she has the free time to go and craft. But no, she won’t go and exercise at all, not even walking with me. I think it’s a combination of the crafts being expensive, stupid, waste of time and the opportunity costs of her crafting becoming a strain on our marriage.