Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 09:34     Subject: How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP is obviously a troll. I can't believe you all fell for it. "The government never relaxes restrictions once they're in place" was the tell.


You guys can't be this dumb. They relaxed the lockdown and made us wear masks. First they were requiring them on planes, now it's at airports. First it was when you couldn't social distance, now it's all the time in public. That's not lifting restrictions. It's actually increasing them.

But this isn’t forever, and if it is forever, people will just stop following strict precautions maybe aside from wearing a mask in stores.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 09:34     Subject: How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
Won't ever go back? Really? You should be asking how do I seek help so my anxiety does not impact my child as it already has.
Your kid is more adaptable than you are, that is clear. She does not ocd about a hug or things not going back to normal. Seek help, you nut case before you scar your child for life.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 09:31     Subject: How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
Seems weird that the person having this issue is a military spouse. In our military family we talked a lot about how we didn't know exactly when daddy would be home because he was busy helping people but we would all have fun when he did. It's about teaching delayed gratification. We never counted Dow til daddy got home or made calendars because his orders were frequently changed, tours were extended, etc. It's also about you and your kids learning how to live with uncertainty, how to realize you don't control everything and that's okay. Think about what you can control, i.e. we can still have taco tuesday and learn how to swim, etc.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 09:31     Subject: How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
She's 6. She isn't attached to "life as she knew it" in a world-historical sense. She is attached to people she knows and life rituals she has enjoyed.

You, as her parents, are in control of what resources you offer her to adapt to those things changing. Telling her that you don't think virtual interaction is "healthy" is doing the opposite. It's not relevant to her in any way, since none of you can change it. And thinking about the psychic health or lack thereof of this interval is way above her pay grade. She is six.

You can say you don't like it either; it's also hard for you, here is how you are making sense of it. I also strongly recommend the PEP Webinar series on parenting in the pandemic:

https://pepparentonline.org/courses/category/Coronavirus
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 09:30     Subject: How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are paranoid. There is very little enforcement of quarantine and outdoor masking restrictions. Honestly sounds like you are less worried about the virus and more worried about government encroachment on lives during a public health crisis. Move to Georgia if you don’t like it—no worries about masks there and lots of stuff open.


You're right. I didn't want to say this because it's not really relevant, but lots of therapy (EMDR) after years of violent sexual abuse means I don't worry much about the virus, but I do still panic when I'm forced to do things. And without getting into details, I'll just say as someone with CI's, my ex used face coverings as part of his abuse. I can personally wear one, but I can't see everyone else doing it. I'm back in therapy, but even the psych admits this is just a really bad thing for me.

So DH takes DD to do things. But there's still lots I and we can't do. And likely won't be able to. So maybe don't judge and make Georgia jokes if you don't know the whole story.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 09:30     Subject: How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
Anonymous wrote:DD (6) thinks things will go back to normal soon. She obviously can't grasp the full impact of the situation yet, and thinks that one day she'll be able to see her grandparents, not a wear a mask, travel, hug friends, attend school. I've been very non-committal about the future because I don't want to negatively affect her mental health, but at some point she'll need to understand that things are different now and won't ever go back. I'm actually wondering if I'm doing her a disservice by putting it off, but I'm dreading it.

Anyway, how and when do you plan on having this conversation?


OP...you sound like you could stand to talk to a friend or a therapist. This will end. All pandemics do - and this one will end quicker than most because scientists and medical experts are developing vaccines and treatments.

You hang in there - and tell your daughter the truth - that she may have to wait a bit, but soon enough she will be able to do all the things she used to do. We are on pause, not on stop.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 09:25     Subject: How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Our girls spent the first 5 years of their lives with us on assignments abroad in the developing world. They understood about washing food and not eating street food, hand washing, hand sanitizer, etc. Didn't see their grandparents much. Hid in the safe room during the riots. They're fine.

Foreign service families talk about raising resilient kids who are adaptable and flexible. It is seen as an opportunity to develop kids with these stre7. Your kids aren't fragile. They're not made of glass.


Strange to compare something voluntary to something...not.


NP here. I find the analogy pretty good, actually. Even though foreign service families choose that life, it's a reminder that there are many different ways to live life and that the loss of a specific kind of UMC white, suburban lifestyle is not the end of the world.

I have a close friend and a sister-in-law who both spent their early childhood in the Peacecorp with their parents and those experiences were very positive and formative for them. They have greater empathy and sense of civic responsibility than the average person. I would love to instill those same things in my kids. I wouldn't say that covid is an opportunity -- the thousands who have died and the families that miss them are not a learning opportunity anymore than poverty in a foreign country is. But that doesn't mean the virus doesn't have things to teach us. Hardship can be useful.


We are not UMC (DH is military) so that comparison doesn't hold water - we're hardly coddled, and we know about resilience. I realize everyone in DC thinks DD is on a fast-track to fascism because of this, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have a sense of civic responsibility. And right now she just wants to know when she can see the family and friends she loves.


And saying "well you will NEVER see them again" isnt the appropriate answer. We also live in a ruralish area but cases have gone way down so DS is engaging in some of this normal activities again (camp 2 days a week and jiu jitsu 4 days a week). But for the past few months whenever he asks the answer has always been "we don't know when those things will come back" and explained why we don't know and how that determination may be made. Acting like her life is over and she will never get to do any of those things is completely selfish on your part. Don't let your anxiety control the narrative. I think it's best that your husband handles the conversations, since at least he seems to be more rational.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 09:21     Subject: How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Our girls spent the first 5 years of their lives with us on assignments abroad in the developing world. They understood about washing food and not eating street food, hand washing, hand sanitizer, etc. Didn't see their grandparents much. Hid in the safe room during the riots. They're fine.

Foreign service families talk about raising resilient kids who are adaptable and flexible. It is seen as an opportunity to develop kids with these stre7. Your kids aren't fragile. They're not made of glass.


Strange to compare something voluntary to something...not.


NP here. I find the analogy pretty good, actually. Even though foreign service families choose that life, it's a reminder that there are many different ways to live life and that the loss of a specific kind of UMC white, suburban lifestyle is not the end of the world.

I have a close friend and a sister-in-law who both spent their early childhood in the Peacecorp with their parents and those experiences were very positive and formative for them. They have greater empathy and sense of civic responsibility than the average person. I would love to instill those same things in my kids. I wouldn't say that covid is an opportunity -- the thousands who have died and the families that miss them are not a learning opportunity anymore than poverty in a foreign country is. But that doesn't mean the virus doesn't have things to teach us. Hardship can be useful.


We are not UMC (DH is military) so that comparison doesn't hold water - we're hardly coddled, and we know about resilience. I realize everyone in DC thinks DD is on a fast-track to fascism because of this, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have a sense of civic responsibility. And right now she just wants to know when she can see the family and friends she loves.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 09:20     Subject: Re:How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
In two years you won't even know we ever changed our behavior. People have always gone back to normal after pandemics.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 09:20     Subject: How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So... mine is 6 too. We talk about it a lot, but in a certain way. Factual but light...we set the tone, they adopt it. "yeah this might be one really weird school year! but one out of life isnt that bad right? at least we get to hang out!" "Its so awesome we have zoom to talk to grandpa during the germ problem, imagine if we didnt!" and I tell them we do not know if a vaccine will come for years, but, the scientists are working and will probably find some good treatments and things will ease up in a year. We have sprinkled these comments throughout the last few months adn it has helped. At first they thought it would be better by summer, but now they know its taking longer and we all just float on.


Problem is, DH is telling her we can go see people next summer without masks. This is super irresponsible since we all know the restrictions won't ever be lifted, but I'm the one who'll get to comfort a crying child when she finds out he lied, so what does he care?


No, we don't "all know the restrictions won't EVER be lifted." If you know that, PP, you know something most people don't. Should we listen to you? Are you in some real position to know this or you just an everyday ninny who is scared of her own shadow?


Not scared. We moved to a rural area last year and I actually don't go out anymore now that masks are required, and I'd still be traveling once a week if it wasn't for state restrictions (even our church isn't allowed to open). My lifestyle has drastically changed, DD has noticed, and I don't know how to tell her it's permanent.


Just tell her. This is life. Suck it up buttercup!
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 09:19     Subject: How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
OP, you are paranoid. There is very little enforcement of quarantine and outdoor masking restrictions. Honestly sounds like you are less worried about the virus and more worried about government encroachment on lives during a public health crisis. Move to Georgia if you don’t like it—no worries about masks there and lots of stuff open.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 09:13     Subject: How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Our girls spent the first 5 years of their lives with us on assignments abroad in the developing world. They understood about washing food and not eating street food, hand washing, hand sanitizer, etc. Didn't see their grandparents much. Hid in the safe room during the riots. They're fine.

Foreign service families talk about raising resilient kids who are adaptable and flexible. It is seen as an opportunity to develop kids with these stre7. Your kids aren't fragile. They're not made of glass.


Strange to compare something voluntary to something...not.


NP here. I find the analogy pretty good, actually. Even though foreign service families choose that life, it's a reminder that there are many different ways to live life and that the loss of a specific kind of UMC white, suburban lifestyle is not the end of the world.

I have a close friend and a sister-in-law who both spent their early childhood in the Peacecorp with their parents and those experiences were very positive and formative for them. They have greater empathy and sense of civic responsibility than the average person. I would love to instill those same things in my kids. I wouldn't say that covid is an opportunity -- the thousands who have died and the families that miss them are not a learning opportunity anymore than poverty in a foreign country is. But that doesn't mean the virus doesn't have things to teach us. Hardship can be useful.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 08:58     Subject: Re:How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
Ugh I was preparing in February for this and I’m not even this doom and gloom.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 08:57     Subject: How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
Anonymous wrote:Our girls spent the first 5 years of their lives with us on assignments abroad in the developing world. They understood about washing food and not eating street food, hand washing, hand sanitizer, etc. Didn't see their grandparents much. Hid in the safe room during the riots. They're fine.

Foreign service families talk about raising resilient kids who are adaptable and flexible. It is seen as an opportunity to develop kids with these stre7. Your kids aren't fragile. They're not made of glass.


Strange to compare something voluntary to something...not.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 08:53     Subject: How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
Our girls spent the first 5 years of their lives with us on assignments abroad in the developing world. They understood about washing food and not eating street food, hand washing, hand sanitizer, etc. Didn't see their grandparents much. Hid in the safe room during the riots. They're fine.

Foreign service families talk about raising resilient kids who are adaptable and flexible. It is seen as an opportunity to develop kids with these stre7. Your kids aren't fragile. They're not made of glass.