One big pot.
Never even really think about it. We are in sales and income swings are wild. Sometimes 200k more or less one year to the next per person.

We have multiple properties, and many investments. I cant imagine.

I put my husband through school while working as an assistant on a low salary — we lived small. Ramen and a studio apartment in the outer burbs. Then he supported me when I wanted to stay home for a few years with our babies. When I wanted to change careers, he encouraged me to take on debt and bet on myself, even though it was for another low paying career. In the meantime, he built his career. He went from making about 60 to making ten times that over a period of years. That meant a lot of late nights, so I took on more of the home burden. Then my low paying career unexpectedly took me in a crazy direction and I suddenly found myself in demand as a consultant, which meant I had to travel more, work insane hours. My husband scaled back at work to make that happen, as he was more stable professionally at that point. He planned the play dates and did all the weekend activities for one long, hard, several month stretch. That wasn’t ideal, but he was investing in me and by extension us. Now my career has calmed down to a more ordinary rhythm and he is interested in a job that pays a fraction of his current salary, but that could lead to even better opportunities down the road if he takes the risk. I will support him through that. We are a team. Our money is joint. We support one another’s goals. We don’t always like it if one of us is too busy for as much family time as we’d like, but when you’re making these decisions, remember: you each should get a vote, but the relationship should get a vote too. You’ll have a stronger partnership and probably do better financially too if you think in terms of “us.” Been married 30-odd years, and give my own children the same advice to find a real partner for life.

Anonymous wrote:All our money goes into one pot and all our expenses do too. Our incomes have varied over the years. We consult each other on large purchases (cars, homes) but otherwise just make our own decisions about spending. On a daily basis this means I'll buy something like a living room rug (for $2k) without asking him (he has no interest) but we'd buy something like a TV together (we both have ideas of what we want).

I don't get married couples who keep their finances separate and pay percentages for things. it seems like they are structuring their entire lives to make a divorce easier.

How would it make divorce easier? Money earned during marriage is split 50-50

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get the point of being married if you keep finances separate. Property owned prior to marriage can be separate but money earned during a marriage should be shared. I’m willing to share everything I have with my spouse and wouldn’t want to be married if he didn’t feel the same way. Couples who are more concerned with keeping tabs on who earned and paid for what are doomed for failure.

Totally agree.

Anonymous wrote:I'm not married but live with and have kids with my partner and this frustrates me so much. Similar situation to OP, where my partner now literally makes close to 6-7x my salary but insists we each split everything equally. His reasoning is because I have some family money that evens out our overall net worth, but he saves much more than I do monthly. We have a joint account we put the same amount in each month for mortgage and kids. I know this is a first world problem but i find it very annoying.

If you have family money, did you pay more when you made the same amount? I'm a "one pot" family but this kind of reads like you were happy doing better than him but aren't happy doing worse.

I'm not married but live with and have kids with my partner and this frustrates me so much. Similar situation to OP, where my partner now literally makes close to 6-7x my salary but insists we each split everything equally. His reasoning is because I have some family money that evens out our overall net worth, but he saves much more than I do monthly. We have a joint account we put the same amount in each month for mortgage and kids. I know this is a first world problem but i find it very annoying.

I have secret accounts set up for my shady dealings. Keep it on the DL nobody has to know

Enjoy it!

It’s such a pain to split things. And seems really weird when married couples have kids. But whatever works for the two of you is fine.

I guess that should be “much more money than I do”

Our definition of marriage includes one financial pot. He makes much more money than me, but he believes this even more strongly than I do.

I don’t get the point of being married if you keep finances separate. Property owned prior to marriage can be separate but money earned during a marriage should be shared. I’m willing to share everything I have with my spouse and wouldn’t want to be married if he didn’t feel the same way. Couples who are more concerned with keeping tabs on who earned and paid for what are doomed for failure.

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I married 22 years. My wife has been a SAHM last 20 years. I have almost no clue what gets spent, I am not in charge of that. My wife also points out she does most of the work while I sip coffee in an office or traveled on business. I believe her, we have three kids and never had a maid or any form of childcare or even a babysitter.

Pretty much that is a normal arrangement for most of the history of Earth up till around 40 years ago.

But I do think stigma goes other way. My two sisters have husbands who can’t support their family and they both have three kids, so both juggling raising three kids and working.

Meanwhile my wife and my brothers wife have been SAHM mom whole marriage. The ironic part is at lunchtime you see SAHM moms in Chevy Chase and Bethesda driving range rovers and G - Wagons and during morning and evening commute working moms driving Camry’s and Accords.

I worked with a 50 year old women who was a big four Partner and SVP at a bank, she recalled at 27 her best friend made it to Senior manager and did a trading desk audit on Wall Street and married a rich 32 year old trader, had kids and stopped working and is now 50 a multimillionaire who lives in a mansion.

When she made a partner at 34 she thought the friend was a fool throwing away her career. At 50 she realizes maybe she is the fool. You never know.

The SAHM wife controls ALL the money while married and gets 1/2 upon divorce. The working mom gets only her half and upon divorce gets zero of his money as she only gets half and she put in half.

Unless.... he makes more than she does. She gets that half too. And she wins in the long run, because she has the option to continue with her career, not start over from scratch as an entry level employee. It is very unlikely any alimony will be allowed in most divorces. You will need health insurance, retirement etc etc. Not just half the current money at one single point in time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh and I have alway been partners. When we graduated law school he made $135k which seems like a fortune. I literally had no job. Today dh makes $100k in a job he loves and I make $3M+. The money is still all ours.

As a practical matter I pay for mortgages, vacations, credit cards etc. if his personal checking account gets lower than he is comfortable I just transfer money into. Most significant assets are held jointly although to keep liability from him a fair amount is now in just in my name. I’ve started funding assets titled in just his name to even it out a bit.

Wow he must be a dope. Lol

Not such a dope. He has it made. She’s quite generous and this trend could bite her later.

A lot of people thought the same when I had no job and he was making all of the money. I can’t imagine is ever divorcing but if we did we were partners during our marriage. Half of the assets would be his and rightfully so.

Assets should be titled in both names. It is much easier if one person dies.

Anonymous wrote:We do %. Each have personal savings, each contribute to the joint account based on income %.

The courts interpret personal savings as "joint savings" in times of divorce.