Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Update -

I just spoke with my boss again who said I should call the facilitator and find out what is really going on here; let her know I am not understanding the healing circle process and how we arrived at this point from a pair of email message. I can share what we were expecting from a facilitated call and ask her if it is possible to proceed in that manner.

So that's what I am doing.

That's sounds like a good first step but you should also confirm with HR and your organizations lawyer if you have one.

I am surprised by so many people who say just go along with it. I work for an employer that works with a lot of nonprofits and NGOs,
If I received such a request, I would send it to my boss and stop any communication with them for the time being.
My boss would pass on the request to our HR and legal teams and they would formulate a response for my boss to send.

Anonymous wrote:OP Update -

I just spoke with my boss again who said I should call the facilitator and find out what is really going on here; let her know I am not understanding the healing circle process and how we arrived at this point from a pair of email message. I can share what we were expecting from a facilitated call and ask her if it is possible to proceed in that manner.

So that's what I am doing.

Anonymous wrote:Tell them that “healing circles” violate your religious beliefs. You can have a conversation or even a mediation, but no circles and no healings.

They will have to consult either their HR or an attorney on this and it will take a while, during which it will all die down.

Anonymous wrote:OP no one else seems to feel an entitlement lawsuit building up here but I certainly do. I’ve seen this turn right into a big messy lawsuit/ threat about how mean and racist you are ( whether you are or not).
Healing circle is outside the norm and seems like a fishing expedition to me.
The poster who said “I’m sorry you feel that way, it was unintentional...” is going the right way but stop there and don’t admit or be drawn in.
You may well need legal advice.

Anonymous wrote:OP no one else seems to feel an entitlement lawsuit building up here but I certainly do. I’ve seen this turn right into a big messy lawsuit/ threat about how mean and racist you are ( whether you are or not).
Healing circle is outside the norm and seems like a fishing expedition to me.
The poster who said “I’m sorry you feel that way, it was unintentional...” is going the right way but stop there and don’t admit or be drawn in.
You may well need legal advice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I don’t think people realize the construct of rank across organizations is really messy, especially in the non-profit world. The more “junior” person could have substantial expertise or local credibility that is important to her organization. The sister organization coming in and pulling rank is analogous to HQ dictating to local markets in a more traditional organization


So what? Every time someone has attitude at work, you're going to have a facilitated call and questionnarie? That sounds insufferable.


Let's be clear here. It was OP who had the attitude at work. And, apparently if you want to work in her industry, it is what you have to do.

I assumed it was here. What are you clarfiying? Or should we wait for a healing circle to get that straight?

This is OP. I didn't have an attitude, but I did pull rank. The successful implementation of the program is ultimately my responsibility. She was not in the right sending an email to people that I manage directing them to change client services based on solely on her opinions alone. Rather than owning her own arrogance and mistake, she is making this about me. And obviously having some success as we all bend over backwards to be sensitive to people's feelings. I bet men never have to deal with this.

Wow- look at all of the drama your putting her in her place has caused.

You could have just responded to the email in a positive and partnering way. If you had said something like”These are great ideas, let’s schedule some time to discuss between us. We will want to be sure everyone is on board before we take action.” Then you might have learned why she was acting with such a sense of urgency. Perhaps there are local stakeholders with a lot of passion about a few things. Or perhaps she didn’t realize what your work processes are. Since she “supports you on the ground” it is completely possible she has perspective you lack.

And the weird focus on position and power here makes me realize why younger people are so annoyed. Don’t you have the same goal- to support your project? I thought women were better than this. It is a p*ssing contest for you.

I responded that I was open to modifying next steps, but that there would need to be a process for deciding that - including hearing the voices of the clients - and once decided, I would communicate with my team myself.

Anonymous wrote:

I don’t see how op can be blamed for causing this drama. That’s the kind of interaction people have now and then and rarely does it end in a mandatory healing circle. Op may be brusque and maybe it will hold her back in her career but demanding a healing circle when a senior colleague gives direct feedback over a misstep seems like a bigger liability in the long run.

I think what makes this different is that OP and the person she dressed down are in two different organizations. They are required to collaborate in order to make the project successful. This is not the typical senior-junior colleague dynamic. I don't think that you have the luxury of being brusque to someone who works for another company. There are repercussions.

I don’t see how op can be blamed for causing this drama. That’s the kind of interaction people have now and then and rarely does it end in a mandatory healing circle. Op may be brusque and maybe it will hold her back in her career but demanding a healing circle when a senior colleague gives direct feedback over a misstep seems like a bigger liability in the long run.