If you're able to have 5+ kids, that probably means you started having kids younger than other people, and that would make you kind of "different" by default. Most people I know started having kids around 30 after going to college, having a job, doing some travelling, etc., and probably the most you can have after that is 4.

I do know a lot of kids from 5 and 6 kid families that spent a lot of time while they were growing up at other people's houses.

I start wondering about your finances and religion at 4, think for sure you’re catholic at 5, and Mormon at 6+. Over 6 and I assume you have no inner life and being mom is your identity/addiction.

4 is weirdo territory

Anonymous wrote:I am pregnant with #4 (my oldest just turned 5). I don’t work anymore and we have a lot of help (nanny + part-time housekeeper, and I’ll have a night nurse for the first 12 or so weeks). It’s not uncommon in my circle to have 3 or 4, but I definitely have gotten a few “whoa!” comments. All of our children were planned, but I get a lot of assumptions that we couldn’t possibly want 4 under age 5. We always set out to have a big family and I’d rather get the baby stage finished! Plus it’s so lovely to have them near in age. My oldest two are 17 months apart and they are very close.

I can’t even tell you how many people freely and vocally assumed or asked if my third was an “accident” when I was pregnant just because I already had one boy and one girl and then looked at me like I had multiple heads when I told them the third was very much planned. It was very strange. And rude.

Once a family hits 4, I start to secretly wonder if they don't understand how birth control works.

But I know several lovely families of 7 or more (very conservative Catholics). The answer for them is obviously that they might know how birth control works but choose not to use it.

My dad was one of 18 siblings. None of the 18 has more than 2 kids and quite a few don't have any. They were basically raised by elder siblings by the time my dad came around (#14).

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Anonymous wrote:OP, just be advised that you're going to get a lot of answers here from people who are secretly envious of you. They wanted more kids but most likely waited too late and then couldn't have as many as they would have liked.

Um no it just drives me bonkers when people have 4+ kids and then complain that daycare, college, etc is too expensive and that they are “donut hole.” Huge eye roll re: parents who have that many kids applying for FA for college. And kids get annoyed by their siblings.

Thankfully financial aid officers/policies don’t discriminate against innocent children who didn’t have a say in how many siblings they would have. I’m guessing that kids from big families of modest means have always been and will always be prime beneficiaries of financial aid, and rightly so.

Ugh don’t have that many kids if you can’t afford to.

Your parents don't owe you a college tuition.

Good luck “working your way through college” and not drowning in debt in 2020 and beyond. It’s not possible anymore.

It’s always possible. I worked and paid my way through undergrad and law school (including housing, food etc et ) - way over $250k all in and graduated with $180k in loans. Paid it all off in less than ten years, plus also bought a house, two cars, and had a few kids during those same 10 years. Where there is a strong will and intelligence, adaptability, and creativity, there is a way.

OP - I think 6 or more is a bit weird. I have 3 and am on the fence about a 4th, though it will be several years if I go for another. I also had a few year gap between 2 and 3. I actually am more likely to be curious and raise an inquisitive eyebrow when people have 4 or more super close in age. But when they are spread out, I don’t find it as weird until 6+

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Anonymous wrote:Weirdest are families with 1. They agonize and obsess over everything precious Larla does. Not all parents. But many.

+1

We are having our fourth and are more laid back than people we know with only one. Like the freaks at the park who follow their kid around the whole time. It’s straight up weird. I’m seeing more and more friends have 4 while still having a career and happy marriage and full life. Already the saying was “three is the new two.” Now that that study found that 4 is the ideal number, will it be 4?

+2. We have a relative with one kid and EVERYBODY asks her why she only has 1. The tone of these questions range from mild curiosity to extremely judgey and rude, treating her like she’s a freak. When I used to have 2 kids, I’ve had a couple of women say things like “you only have the two? No more?” Most people in our circle have 3+ kids, send all to private school and colleges, have nannies, family money probably, etc. It’s way less common and weird for umc/uc to have fewer kids nowadays.

I NEVER ask anyone why they only have 1-that is so rude and insensitive. As a mom of many, I don't want to be asked questions like that and I don't ask them of others.

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Anonymous wrote:I’m pregnant with #4. DH and I were discussing how many kids you have to have before people think you’re a weirdo with a lot of kids. One of us says 4 does it, maybe even 3 in the DMV; the other one says you need to get to at least 5 before people think “whoa weird that’s a lot of kids.” What say you, DCUM?

3 or more, unless second pregnancy was twins. Or unless there are some adoptions.

you must have 1 or 2.

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Anonymous wrote:Weirdest are families with 1. They agonize and obsess over everything precious Larla does. Not all parents. But many.

+1

We are having our fourth and are more laid back than people we know with only one. Like the freaks at the park who follow their kid around the whole time. It’s straight up weird. I’m seeing more and more friends have 4 while still having a career and happy marriage and full life. Already the saying was “three is the new two.” Now that that study found that 4 is the ideal number, will it be 4?

I came from a family of 4 and all of us grew up starved for attention. I have to say we are weird as grown ups. my beat friend, who was an only child, is normal. She has one kid, who is kind, well.spoken and independent. neither me. nor my siblings have kids and we feel it is due to the chaos of growing up in chaos and being ignored. Not to mention. by considering yourselves laid back, and others as freaks says a whole lot of your bitter, angry personality. 4 may work for some but definitely not in our family with "laid back" hands.off parents. I wish my parents followed me around sometimes and showed some interest.

DP- Like you said, it depends on the family. I’m a helicopter mom even with my 4 kids and if I had only 1, the poor kid might have gone insane.

I will say something positive of people with a lot of siblings — they seem more likely to get along with and accept different personalities. I think it’s because if you grew up with 3 different personalities and had to share, you’re going to be more accepting.

- from a small family

5-6 kids raised eyebrows, but 7 and up is weird.

Anonymous wrote:I am pregnant with #4 (my oldest just turned 5). I don’t work anymore and we have a lot of help (nanny + part-time housekeeper, and I’ll have a night nurse for the first 12 or so weeks). It’s not uncommon in my circle to have 3 or 4, but I definitely have gotten a few “whoa!” comments. All of our children were planned, but I get a lot of assumptions that we couldn’t possibly want 4 under age 5. We always set out to have a big family and I’d rather get the baby stage finished! Plus it’s so lovely to have them near in age. My oldest two are 17 months apart and they are very close.

Also, the earlier comment that all families with lots of children are relying on government handouts and scholarships is so inaccurate in my experience. Everyone I know with lots of kids is able to have lots of kids because they are financially capable of doing so. I would have never had so many children if we couldn’t easily swing it financially without cutting out the extras. We don’t have enough bedrooms to give each kid their own room, but that’s about the only sacrifice. We live in a large city in Europe so that’s not an unusual “problem”.

Anonymous wrote:I’m pregnant with #4. DH and I were discussing how many kids you have to have before people think you’re a weirdo with a lot of kids. One of us says 4 does it, maybe even 3 in the DMV; the other one says you need to get to at least 5 before people think “whoa weird that’s a lot of kids.” What say you, DCUM?

3 or more, unless second pregnancy was twins. Or unless there are some adoptions.

4 is gray area, 5 and up will do it

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weirdest are families with 1. They agonize and obsess over everything precious Larla does. Not all parents. But many.

+1

We are having our fourth and are more laid back than people we know with only one. Like the freaks at the park who follow their kid around the whole time. It’s straight up weird. I’m seeing more and more friends have 4 while still having a career and happy marriage and full life. Already the saying was “three is the new two.” Now that that study found that 4 is the ideal number, will it be 4?

I came from a family of 4 and all of us grew up starved for attention. I have to say we are weird as grown ups. my beat friend, who was an only child, is normal. She has one kid, who is kind, well.spoken and independent. neither me. nor my siblings have kids and we feel it is due to the chaos of growing up in chaos and being ignored. Not to mention. by considering yourselves laid back, and others as freaks says a whole lot of your bitter, angry personality. 4 may work for some but definitely not in our family with "laid back" hands.off parents. I wish my parents followed me around sometimes and showed some interest.