Anonymous wrote:I don’t even know how it’s physically possible to take care of a 3yo, 5yo, and newborn with 0 help. What do you do when you are nursing the baby or putting him down for a nap? The other kids watch TV? This seems like a terrible lifestyle. You need help, like 2 months ago. Don’t get a random - ask a close friend or relative who’s been social distancing to help you.

A terrible lifestyle? Lol. DCUMs is the best. So out of touch with reality. How do you think the rest of the world raises kids? Their kids don’t need to be constantly stimulated. My mom raised 3 of us by herself. My dad was always at work. We were all 2 years apart. She didn’t have help. Only rich people think this is impossible to do alone. I have raised my teenage son by myself. Literally by myself. No babysitters or nannies. Heck, I was a nanny when he was younger.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can DH take more paternity leave? COVID leave? My guess is that he could take more time off he just feels pressure (internal or external) not to.

Another poster that doesn’t understand law firm culture.

Well, could someone explain? I mean the world has grinded to a halt so please tell me what these fancy schmancy overly priced law firms with a teeming army of paralegals, LAs, and top notch lawyers doing? And are all of them THAT busy to work 12+ a day? Every single one of them?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can DH take more paternity leave? COVID leave? My guess is that he could take more time off he just feels pressure (internal or external) not to.

Another poster that doesn’t understand law firm culture.

Actually I do get it. I am a lawyer. Admittedly not big law but know plenty. DH can pass stuff to associates or do whatever he has to to be there for his family. People don’t usually lie on their deathbeds and wish they had spent more time working. They usually regret not being there for their families.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can DH take more paternity leave? COVID leave? My guess is that he could take more time off he just feels pressure (internal or external) not to.

Another poster that doesn’t understand law firm culture.

I guess that I also don't understand this. His wife is depressed. Suicide is the second leading cause of death in women post partum, and, frankly, OP seems high risk. What is he going to do if she dies, and he has to take care of the kids? He really cannot possibly take any time off?

OP is way too accepting of her DH’s non parenting. Just claiming “big law” like that makes it perfectly ok is mind blowing. It’s hard to give advice because most of us don’t have uninvolved husbands and 3 kids 5 and under. That’s masochism.

I don’t even know how it’s physically possible to take care of a 3yo, 5yo, and newborn with 0 help. What do you do when you are nursing the baby or putting him down for a nap? The other kids watch TV? This seems like a terrible lifestyle. You need help, like 2 months ago. Don’t get a random - ask a close friend or relative who’s been social distancing to help you.

People like OP tend to not think about birth control at this time and end up pregnant again. Call your doctor about PPD and make sure you are on BC.

Anonymous wrote:Why do people have 3 kids so close in age if it’s universally acknowledged (on this thread at least) to be “hell.”?

I stopped at two. Why? Because two was hard enough. Did my heart want 3 or 4? Definitely. But I didn’t want to end up in OP’s current situation, even without the pandemic. My husband too works a lot (though not like OP’s husband) and I recognized the limits to our sanity, and also that I did not want to sacrifice the quality of care my first two children were receiving, which would have surely happens with a third.

I agree with you 100% but the train has left the station for the OP so not helpful...

Anonymous wrote:Can DH take more paternity leave? COVID leave? My guess is that he could take more time off he just feels pressure (internal or external) not to.

Another poster that doesn’t understand law firm culture.

Can DH take more paternity leave? COVID leave? My guess is that he could take more time off he just feels pressure (internal or external) not to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do many kids that you can’t handle? This is not healthy.

Op here - yes I realize that. I am trying to handle all of them by myself (terribly I might add) but my postpartum depression is making it worse fueled by the quarantine and global pandemic.

It sounds to me like your postpartum depression is blocking your mind from being willing to accept any solutions.

Outsource the older kids. Hire help; they don't need to be live-in. Who cares about the added risk at this point. What good is a covid-free family if it's miserable and not functioning?

And if the help needs to be live-in, just change the office bedroom situation. You can change that, you just don't want to. Yes you will need the office later but you don't need it now. Having help now is more important. You can work from your kitchen table if need be.

And if this is too daunting because you're overwhelmed at this point, call up your mom/sister/friend whoever is a doer type person and admit you need help and let them handle the logistics for you.

I see no problems with tv all day and eating snacks for meal. It isn't going to scar them. It isn't going to cause long term bad habits.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t have any more babies. Every additional kid is making it harder for you. Make sure your birth control is effective. Go outside. Leave the baby with him sometimes. He can watch a baby sleep just as much as you can. Your baby doesn’t need to be fed in the middle of the night at his/her age. Stop those feedings now.

Op here - the baby is not even 10 weeks old. I think babies tend to wake up and feed at that age.

By 12-14 pounds, babies don’t need night feedings. If your kid is at that point or nearly there, stop the night feedings. If you are breastfeeding, give the baby formula to supplement.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your spouse really have to work all those hours? I doubt it.

You must not have ever worked at a law firm.

Don’t worry. Lots of free time coming soon with law firm layoffs!

Anonymous wrote:Does your spouse really have to work all those hours? I doubt it.

You must not have ever worked at a law firm.