Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry OP but being blindsided by a cheating spouse means you are completely oblivious with your head in the sand!! There’s noway in hell I could ever be blindsided because I’m too astute to my relationship and my DH. The only way he could get away with anything would be if he was meeting someone during the day M thru F briefly but zero contact after 5 when he gets home and on weekends. I’m sure your Spouse was MIA, sneaking off for phone calls or lots of others unexplained habits. My gf told me one time her DH didn’t come home cause he got a flat tire and she just laughed it off I can’t even handle that kind of oblivion.

Ha. May you be so lucky never to be deceived in such a way.

Nope. He was always at work when he said he would be. I work full-time from home. We did everything together and were still having sex regularly. Zero warning signs.

He never had overnight work trips or went out with boys. We even worked out together and often drive the kids to practices together. He threw a blowout bday party for me 2 months ago, thoughtfully planned.

They met on Fridays during his work hours. In her house. He used a burner email account something I had never heard of.

If you asked neighbors, friends, families or my children if they ever would suspect this—hell no. 22 years of what seemed a happy marriage/family.

Btw, my dad was terminally ill from cancer when he started this up and died last year. So, yeah, I guess you could say I was preoccupied. But, he was a champ watching the kids and talking to them about their beloved grandpa and helping my mom too.

So—yeah—blindsided is pretty apt.

I’m sorry OP but being blindsided by a cheating spouse means you are completely oblivious with your head in the sand!! There’s noway in hell I could ever be blindsided because I’m too astute to my relationship and my DH. The only way he could get away with anything would be if he was meeting someone during the day M thru F briefly but zero contact after 5 when he gets home and on weekends. I’m sure your Spouse was MIA, sneaking off for phone calls or lots of others unexplained habits. My gf told me one time her DH didn’t come home cause he got a flat tire and she just laughed it off I can’t even handle that kind of oblivion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the woman that found out Friday... read this

https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/

NP. 33 lengthy rules/homework/changes to make because someone else cheated? No thanks. This is part of the problem- the cheater's life goes on, the person cheated on has a totally changed life and is now supposed to also follow these rules, not show emotion, etc? Not cool.

I know, right?

Kick him out of the house. That will give him time to think.

Actions have consequences. You don’t get to cheat and have life as usual.

You can't kick someone out of the house if it's jointly owned.

you can in md

I did yesterday in VA

congrats!

It feels great! Happiest I’ve been in a long time. Him—not so much.

So I'm not the pp. I don't know what the spouse after the affair divorce looks like but wouldn't the dating partner ask about previous reason for divorce? I would think that many people wouldn't accept a person who cheated on previous spouse and so this might limit the potential pool of candidates for the person who cheated and also limit overall whom they can attract (looks, financial ability, parenting skills, social skills, etc.). I don't have any data to back it up but just the rationale.

Liars lie. They probably tell new partners the same lies they told their affair partners - the marriage was already over, they were only staying together for the kids, they "had an understanding."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the woman that found out Friday... read this

https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/

NP. 33 lengthy rules/homework/changes to make because someone else cheated? No thanks. This is part of the problem- the cheater's life goes on, the person cheated on has a totally changed life and is now supposed to also follow these rules, not show emotion, etc? Not cool.

I know, right?

Kick him out of the house. That will give him time to think.

Actions have consequences. You don’t get to cheat and have life as usual.

You can't kick someone out of the house if it's jointly owned.

you can in md

I did yesterday in VA

congrats!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did any of you ever have contact with the person they were cheating with?

I’m the pregnant lady.

The 1st one no.

The 2nd was a coworker and I saw her at work events, I never actually suspected her specifically she literally looks like a man... like Pat from Saturday night live. My son actually caught them and he was like is dad gay. I was like no that’s a woman. That took a bit of counseling for him.

Oh no! Your poor son.

That is pretty fun about SNL Pat though- thanks for the laugh. I could use one now.

That is funny! Goes to show that people "affair down" in terms of looks.

If that was true people's 2nd and 3rd spouses would be uglier and older than the first. In most cases that is not what happens...at all.

Not really.

People that date and marry are very different than people that have affairs with married people.

Good looking, intelligent and self confident people don’t settle for crumbs.

That's funny. You think intelligent, attractive and confident people don't have affairs with married people or when they're married? Whatever makes you feel better, I guess...

Why would I feel better to know my friends ruined the children's lives?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did any of you ever have contact with the person they were cheating with?

I’m the pregnant lady.

The 1st one no.

The 2nd was a coworker and I saw her at work events, I never actually suspected her specifically she literally looks like a man... like Pat from Saturday night live. My son actually caught them and he was like is dad gay. I was like no that’s a woman. That took a bit of counseling for him.

Oh no! Your poor son.

That is pretty fun about SNL Pat though- thanks for the laugh. I could use one now.

That is funny! Goes to show that people "affair down" in terms of looks.

If that was true people's 2nd and 3rd spouses would be uglier and older than the first. In most cases that is not what happens...at all.

Not really.

People that date and marry are very different than people that have affairs with married people.

Good looking, intelligent and self confident people don’t settle for crumbs.

That's funny. You think intelligent, attractive and confident people don't have affairs with married people or when they're married? Whatever makes you feel better, I guess...

So I'm not the pp. I don't know what the spouse after the affair divorce looks like but wouldn't the dating partner ask about previous reason for divorce? I would think that many people wouldn't accept a person who cheated on previous spouse and so this might limit the potential pool of candidates for the person who cheated and also limit overall whom they can attract (looks, financial ability, parenting skills, social skills, etc.). I don't have any data to back it up but just the rationale.

Cheaters are liars by definition—so they probably say it was their spouse that cheated not them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the woman that found out Friday... read this

https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/

NP. 33 lengthy rules/homework/changes to make because someone else cheated? No thanks. This is part of the problem- the cheater's life goes on, the person cheated on has a totally changed life and is now supposed to also follow these rules, not show emotion, etc? Not cool.

I know, right?

Kick him out of the house. That will give him time to think.

Actions have consequences. You don’t get to cheat and have life as usual.

You can't kick someone out of the house if it's jointly owned.

you can in md

I did yesterday in VA

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the woman that found out Friday... read this

https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/

NP. 33 lengthy rules/homework/changes to make because someone else cheated? No thanks. This is part of the problem- the cheater's life goes on, the person cheated on has a totally changed life and is now supposed to also follow these rules, not show emotion, etc? Not cool.

Says the cheater. Yes, there is 1 way to act when you have a loving honest partner and another way to act when you are being emotionally abused by a cheater.

It’s best to just dump the cheater as hard as that is.

if you follow the rules you will dump him/her

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the woman that found out Friday... read this

https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/

NP. 33 lengthy rules/homework/changes to make because someone else cheated? No thanks. This is part of the problem- the cheater's life goes on, the person cheated on has a totally changed life and is now supposed to also follow these rules, not show emotion, etc? Not cool.

I know, right?

Kick him out of the house. That will give him time to think.

Actions have consequences. You don’t get to cheat and have life as usual.

You can't kick someone out of the house if it's jointly owned.

you can in md

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did any of you ever have contact with the person they were cheating with?

I’m the pregnant lady.

The 1st one no.

The 2nd was a coworker and I saw her at work events, I never actually suspected her specifically she literally looks like a man... like Pat from Saturday night live. My son actually caught them and he was like is dad gay. I was like no that’s a woman. That took a bit of counseling for him.

Oh no! Your poor son.

That is pretty fun about SNL Pat though- thanks for the laugh. I could use one now.

That is funny! Goes to show that people "affair down" in terms of looks.

If that was true people's 2nd and 3rd spouses would be uglier and older than the first. In most cases that is not what happens...at all.

Not really.

People that date and marry are very different than people that have affairs with married people.

Good looking, intelligent and self confident people don’t settle for crumbs.

That's funny. You think intelligent, attractive and confident people don't have affairs with married people or when they're married? Whatever makes you feel better, I guess...

So I'm not the pp. I don't know what the spouse after the affair divorce looks like but wouldn't the dating partner ask about previous reason for divorce? I would think that many people wouldn't accept a person who cheated on previous spouse and so this might limit the potential pool of candidates for the person who cheated and also limit overall whom they can attract (looks, financial ability, parenting skills, social skills, etc.). I don't have any data to back it up but just the rationale.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did any of you ever have contact with the person they were cheating with?

I’m the pregnant lady.

The 1st one no.

The 2nd was a coworker and I saw her at work events, I never actually suspected her specifically she literally looks like a man... like Pat from Saturday night live. My son actually caught them and he was like is dad gay. I was like no that’s a woman. That took a bit of counseling for him.

Oh no! Your poor son.

That is pretty fun about SNL Pat though- thanks for the laugh. I could use one now.

That is funny! Goes to show that people "affair down" in terms of looks.

If that was true people's 2nd and 3rd spouses would be uglier and older than the first. In most cases that is not what happens...at all.

Not really.

People that date and marry are very different than people that have affairs with married people.

Good looking, intelligent and self confident people don’t settle for crumbs.

That's funny. You think intelligent, attractive and confident people don't have affairs with married people or when they're married? Whatever makes you feel better, I guess...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the woman that found out Friday... read this

https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/

NP. 33 lengthy rules/homework/changes to make because someone else cheated? No thanks. This is part of the problem- the cheater's life goes on, the person cheated on has a totally changed life and is now supposed to also follow these rules, not show emotion, etc? Not cool.

I know, right?

Kick him out of the house. That will give him time to think.

Actions have consequences. You don’t get to cheat and have life as usual.

You can't kick someone out of the house if it's jointly owned.

Sure you can. Let the cheater go to court over it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the woman that found out Friday... read this

https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/

NP. 33 lengthy rules/homework/changes to make because someone else cheated? No thanks. This is part of the problem- the cheater's life goes on, the person cheated on has a totally changed life and is now supposed to also follow these rules, not show emotion, etc? Not cool.

I know, right?

Kick him out of the house. That will give him time to think.

Actions have consequences. You don’t get to cheat and have life as usual.

You can't kick someone out of the house if it's jointly owned.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the woman that found out Friday... read this

https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/

NP. 33 lengthy rules/homework/changes to make because someone else cheated? No thanks. This is part of the problem- the cheater's life goes on, the person cheated on has a totally changed life and is now supposed to also follow these rules, not show emotion, etc? Not cool.

You are completely missing the point.

There's really one rule around the 180 concept - the cheater is the one that has to do the legwork. He/She has to want back in, win you back and do everything they can to right the marriage. To me, that's one "rule" that the cheater needs to follow for the 180.

And IMO, listing out the 33 steps on that site is kind of dumb.