Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And I would learn to get comfortable being alone. It may then improve your judgment and make you less hungry for male companionship and a serious relationship.

This. It’s a huge red flag that you jumped from your marriage to this without taking a break from relationships. You need to learn how to be alone before you can have any healthy partnership. You know this won’t work, or you wouldn’t have asked. You know what you need to do, but you’re scared to break it off because then you’ll be alone.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And I would learn to get comfortable being alone. It may then improve your judgment and make you less hungry for male companionship and a serious relationship.

This. It’s a huge red flag that you jumped from your marriage to this without taking a break from relationships. You need to learn how to be alone before you can have any healthy partnership. You know this won’t work, or you wouldn’t have asked. You know what you need to do, but you’re scared to break it off because then you’ll be alone.

Sounds like OP has never been alone before and has never even worked a day in her life.

Anonymous wrote:And I would learn to get comfortable being alone. It may then improve your judgment and make you less hungry for male companionship and a serious relationship.

This. It’s a huge red flag that you jumped from your marriage to this without taking a break from relationships. You need to learn how to be alone before you can have any healthy partnership. You know this won’t work, or you wouldn’t have asked. You know what you need to do, but you’re scared to break it off because then you’ll be alone.

Anonymous wrote:And I would learn to get comfortable being alone. It may then improve your judgment and make you less hungry for male companionship and a serious relationship.

While I don’t think op necessarily needs to work full time, I think doing something work wise will help her get a sense of independence, make connections, etc. She isn’t a SAHM who used to have a job, she’s a SAHM who never worked a day in her life—literally went straight from her parents supporting her to her ex supporting her.

Also, i think you are realizing that the way you will be "taken care of" is just that he produces income. He sucks however at managing it. So he is no great prize.

Well, OP could take a shot at the Harley and camping. OP could also work on sitting the guy down at the computer and teaching him about money management, she could make the Harley ride and camping trip contingent on that. She can start setting the framework and testing the relationship in those ways. It kinda sounds like both of them are skirting some of these things but it needs to be done to see if this is workable.

And I would learn to get comfortable being alone. It may then improve your judgment and make you less hungry for male companionship and a serious relationship.

OP, this is not going to work because it's been only 9 months and you already don't have hope and true excitement about this man's personality.

But the biggest problem going forward is that there isn't an objective view of your own position socially and on the dating market. You have to be real and think: why would a high status man, a democrat with a lot of money and single, want to be with a middle aged SAHM with a small child? There is a very few left in your age group that are not married and chances are they want someone else.

If your priority is to be taken care of you'll have to accept who ever wants to do exactly that, so your options will be limited, and quite possible these men will have some other limitations.

This man can be trained to use his accounts better, but you should never make him feel small or uneducated.

Going forward, think more carefully about getting more and more emotionally invested with someone where the red flags or doubts start turning up. You can save yourself some heartache. Live and learn.

And you don't have to label it either as educational, cultural, etc. You are just not likely compatible. It's obvious.

His likeability, the sex, the hope for stability and his treating you well (and probably your desire to be married no judgment) are making it hard to face that intellectually and emotionally the odds are high that you are not compatible long term. On some level you know, you were just hoping to hear it could work. You did not hear it, I'm sorry. But pretending or delaying won't change it. Just face it and let him go.

"Can he learn to handle his own accounts and take charge financially?"

Well, 15 year-olds with summer jobs can have checking accounts and ATM cards, so assuming he is within the range of average intelligence, then yes, I would think so.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is it even possible for this guy’s ex to steal more money? Does she have access to his accounts still? Huge red flag.

Right?! He should know enough to change his bank account or password. Sounds like a man-child, and not because of this job or education level.

Why do you and his ex-spouse have access to his account? Can't he be taught to go online and access his account, change the password, close the account, etc.? C'mon. That would be a no. He lets his ex "steal" his money and does nothing about it?

Also curious why you waited until your 40s to have kids and never worked for money in your 20s or 30s. Taking care of sick relatives for free really took all of your time?

Op = single mom in her forties from Deep South who has never held a job for a single day in her life despite having her only kid late. Yet, because she voted Democrat, she thinks McKinsey partners should be fighting each other to be a meal ticket for her and her son.

Anonymous wrote:How is it even possible for this guy’s ex to steal more money? Does she have access to his accounts still? Huge red flag.

Right?! He should know enough to change his bank account or password. Sounds like a man-child, and not because of this job or education level.