Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure if OP is asking a legitimate question or just felt like it was time for another round of DCUM's favorite game: Bash families with more kids than you have. I'll give the benefit of the doubt and answer. I'd also encourage OP to ignore 90% of the responses, since they come from people who do not have 1st hand experience with large families.

Anyway, I am a mom of 5. My kids' ages are 13, 11, 9, 6, and 3. I'd say that age range is the key to what type of experience you have. The stresses I experience are different from the stresses of my cousin, who also has 5, ages 7, 5, 3, and 1 year old twins. I very briefly had 2 in diapers at the same time, but only for a few months. She had 3 in diapers for over almost two years. On the flip side, her kids are developmentally closer and are more likely to enjoy similar activities, books, movies, etc. She will not be the mom at high school orientation with a 3 year old in tow. So think about what your age spread would be and how that would impact your life.

Our logistics:
I worked part-time after the first 2, then went back to school after #3 to change careers and become a nurse. Between pre-reqs and nursing school, that took about 3 years. I worked full time night shift until #5 was about 8 months old. I mostly worked Fri-Sat-Sun nights so that one of us was always available to be here for the kids. It was not fun or easy, but we got through it. (We have a strong marriage, so that helped a lot!) Now I work part time, 1 night shift per week. Still often on the weekend, but not always. We have been able to minimize childcare costs this way and really only occasionally use sitters.

We live off of DH's income- always have- and my income is savings for college, emergencies, etc. We do not live in the DC area, so COL is much lower. Our state also offers full-tuition scholarships for state schools, so that will likely be where several or all of them go. But we would be able to help a decent amount with our savings / investments if they choose to go out of state. We do road trips for most of our vacations- to the Midwest to see DH's family, or to beach / mountain weekends. We love camping, hiking, biking, etc. However, I am originally from Europe and have 2 sisters plus extended family there. We go about 1x every 2-3 years, mostly on FF miles. It's still a lot for rental cars (we get 2) and lodging, but our kids have gotten to see a lot of Western Europe, and it's worth it to us.


We decided to leave the DC area after #3 to move back to my home state. We live about 45 minutes away from my parents, who both still work. They occasionally will take 1-2 kids for a night at their house on a weekend, or they'll come help with getting kids to soccer games or something on a weekend if the schedules totally overlap. They jumped in when I had to have emergency surgery a couple of years ago, so it's nice to have that back up / safety net.

Our kids do plenty of activities-- soccer, gymnastics, swim team, basketball, piano, etc. Not everyone does everything, and most of it is at the rec level, so no crazy travel or insane practice schedules. Oldest DD does a more competitive soccer league, with games up to 3 hours away on some weekends. We carpool with other families, so lining up driving schedules makes those logistics work out.

Our oldest DD is not "raising" her siblings, but we do leave her in charge during screen time once a week or so while we go on a walk around the neighborhood. Everyone has chores- emptying the dishwasher, taking out trash, cleaning a bathroom, helping with laundry, taking care of their pets (gerbils & fish), etc. Nothing too arduous, and it amounts to maybe 30-45 minutes at a time, 3-4 times a week. Our kids fight like any siblings, but they are mostly happy, healthy, and glad for a rotation of playmates. We love our family and are grateful.

That's just our experience. . . hope that helps answer some of your questions / allay some of your fears!

Good luck with your decision, OP!

Your oldest is probably helping more than you'd admit. And, its sad you aren't going to pay for college relying on the state to cover it and if the state does not, then what? And, you mention you spending time with your spouse, but not your kids 1-1.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The families i know with 5 kids are Orthodox Jews or Mormons.

I hope i never hear any woman who has birthed 3 or more kids ever call herself an environmentalist, because I will give her an earful.

I have three kids and consider myself an environmentalist. I didn’t intend to have 3. I got pregnant accidentally and struggled with whether to terminate but couldn’t bring myself to do it. I take public transportation, compost, avoid buying new things (and the third mostly uses hand me downs) and use a lot of vintage stuff to avoid buying new, have electric car for when public transportation is impractical, only eat meat occasionally and try to limit it to local free-range when we do, and donate a lot of money to environmental causes. I’m sorry that isn’t enough for you.
I got sterilized after the third if that makes you feel better.

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure if OP is asking a legitimate question or just felt like it was time for another round of DCUM's favorite game: Bash families with more kids than you have. I'll give the benefit of the doubt and answer. I'd also encourage OP to ignore 90% of the responses, since they come from people who do not have 1st hand experience with large families.

Anyway, I am a mom of 5. My kids' ages are 13, 11, 9, 6, and 3. I'd say that age range is the key to what type of experience you have. The stresses I experience are different from the stresses of my cousin, who also has 5, ages 7, 5, 3, and 1 year old twins. I very briefly had 2 in diapers at the same time, but only for a few months. She had 3 in diapers for over almost two years. On the flip side, her kids are developmentally closer and are more likely to enjoy similar activities, books, movies, etc. She will not be the mom at high school orientation with a 3 year old in tow. So think about what your age spread would be and how that would impact your life.

Our logistics:
I worked part-time after the first 2, then went back to school after #3 to change careers and become a nurse. Between pre-reqs and nursing school, that took about 3 years. I worked full time night shift until #5 was about 8 months old. I mostly worked Fri-Sat-Sun nights so that one of us was always available to be here for the kids. It was not fun or easy, but we got through it. (We have a strong marriage, so that helped a lot!) Now I work part time, 1 night shift per week. Still often on the weekend, but not always. We have been able to minimize childcare costs this way and really only occasionally use sitters.

We live off of DH's income- always have- and my income is savings for college, emergencies, etc. We do not live in the DC area, so COL is much lower. Our state also offers full-tuition scholarships for state schools, so that will likely be where several or all of them go. But we would be able to help a decent amount with our savings / investments if they choose to go out of state. We do road trips for most of our vacations- to the Midwest to see DH's family, or to beach / mountain weekends. We love camping, hiking, biking, etc. However, I am originally from Europe and have 2 sisters plus extended family there. We go about 1x every 2-3 years, mostly on FF miles. It's still a lot for rental cars (we get 2) and lodging, but our kids have gotten to see a lot of Western Europe, and it's worth it to us.


We decided to leave the DC area after #3 to move back to my home state. We live about 45 minutes away from my parents, who both still work. They occasionally will take 1-2 kids for a night at their house on a weekend, or they'll come help with getting kids to soccer games or something on a weekend if the schedules totally overlap. They jumped in when I had to have emergency surgery a couple of years ago, so it's nice to have that back up / safety net.

Our kids do plenty of activities-- soccer, gymnastics, swim team, basketball, piano, etc. Not everyone does everything, and most of it is at the rec level, so no crazy travel or insane practice schedules. Oldest DD does a more competitive soccer league, with games up to 3 hours away on some weekends. We carpool with other families, so lining up driving schedules makes those logistics work out.

Our oldest DD is not "raising" her siblings, but we do leave her in charge during screen time once a week or so while we go on a walk around the neighborhood. Everyone has chores- emptying the dishwasher, taking out trash, cleaning a bathroom, helping with laundry, taking care of their pets (gerbils & fish), etc. Nothing too arduous, and it amounts to maybe 30-45 minutes at a time, 3-4 times a week. Our kids fight like any siblings, but they are mostly happy, healthy, and glad for a rotation of playmates. We love our family and are grateful.

That's just our experience. . . hope that helps answer some of your questions / allay some of your fears!

Good luck with your decision, OP!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People with five kids now are Mormons or catholic idiots.

I think the only families I know with 5 are Jews. I’m a Catholic and I think the biggest family I know is 4 (excepting blended families in case of remarriage).

The only families I personally know with that many kids are Muslim or fundamental Christians.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People with five kids now are Mormons or catholic idiots.

I think the only families I know with 5 are Jews. I’m a Catholic and I think the biggest family I know is 4 (excepting blended families in case of remarriage).

Anonymous wrote:I can't stand people who have more than 3 kids.

Anonymous wrote:I can't stand people who have more than 3 kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know two families with 4 and one family with five. Dads always work, moms have no energy. The kids are left to fend for themselves. Older ones become nannies for the little ones. They never have money, family members are never well groomed. They rely on handouts- state subsidized day care, free school lunches and breakfasts, etc.

This is definitely not true for the 4-5 kid families I know. Dads work, moms don't, but they're not out of energy. To the contrary, they seem more engaged and energetic than other moms I know. (I only have 2 kids so I am not talking about myself). Many of my friends who have 4-5 kids had them relatively close together so no one is taking care of the others. They are also all rich, always well-groomed and well-dressed, and don't get any kind of handouts.

Don't generalize. The other side also exists
I personally know of one family where the mother asked the oldest to drop out of high school and babysit so she could work
That teenager got married early, is 24 with 3 kids already and living on welfare, occasionally at her parents house because of domestic violence

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know two families with 4 and one family with five. Dads always work, moms have no energy. The kids are left to fend for themselves. Older ones become nannies for the little ones. They never have money, family members are never well groomed. They rely on handouts- state subsidized day care, free school lunches and breakfasts, etc.

This is definitely not true for the 4-5 kid families I know. Dads work, moms don't, but they're not out of energy. To the contrary, they seem more engaged and energetic than other moms I know. (I only have 2 kids so I am not talking about myself). Many of my friends who have 4-5 kids had them relatively close together so no one is taking care of the others. They are also all rich, always well-groomed and well-dressed, and don't get any kind of handouts.

Don't generalize. The other side also exists
I personally know of one family where the mother asked the oldest to drop out of high school and babysit so she could work
That teenager got married early, is 24 with 3 kids already and living on welfare, occasionally at her parents house because of domestic violence

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know two families with 4 and one family with five. Dads always work, moms have no energy. The kids are left to fend for themselves. Older ones become nannies for the little ones. They never have money, family members are never well groomed. They rely on handouts- state subsidized day care, free school lunches and breakfasts, etc.

This is definitely not true for the 4-5 kid families I know. Dads work, moms don't, but they're not out of energy. To the contrary, they seem more engaged and energetic than other moms I know. (I only have 2 kids so I am not talking about myself). Many of my friends who have 4-5 kids had them relatively close together so no one is taking care of the others. They are also all rich, always well-groomed and well-dressed, and don't get any kind of handouts.