Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He works to support you.

He works to support his family.

Which means that he works from 9 to 6, with two 15 minute breaks with the family and 1 hour-long lunch break with the family, so that he can provide the extra pair of hands that his family needs at the time. Since he is not going to office, he has to help before 9 am in the morning and after 6 pm in the evening.

OP works from 9 to 6 with the 3 kids that is infinitely more stressful than what her DH is doing (unless he is fighting hand to hand combat in Fallujah), and she gets some time off when it is lunch time and the companionship and helping hands of her husband, for 15 minutes, twice during the work day.

Before 9 am and after 6 pm - OP and her DH - need to take care of the house and kids - in an equitable manner, together. If they can't do this then they can kiss a happy and successful family goodbye!

What type of professional job do you have where your work hours after all your breaks is only 7.5 hours a day? And have you ever worked in sales? There’s no such thing as a “break”.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the logic of many women on this thread. If you work outside the house for a paycheck, or if you stay home to take care of the children or the running of the house - you are doing this for the benefit of your family. If you do any of these things for the benefit of YOU first, then there is some dissonance in your family. And if your spouse and you do not appreciate each others effort and help each other, then there is also a dissonance in your family.

I am a SAHM with teens. DH is working from home. I am making pretty fancy and imaginative lunches and dinners every single day. Mainly because I do not want my family to feel deprived that they are not eating out or they are lacking great choices. It is a small way to ease the sadness that this pandemic has brought on everyone, and also a way to stretch meals and prevent wastage.

DH, who makes a pretty high income (so that I can stay home), brings me tea in bed, takes care of breakfast for everyone, loads the dishes in the dishwasher, before his office starts at 9am. Throughout the day, whenever he takes a break and does something for himself he is caring enough to do it for all of us. He cuts a fruit for himself, he will cut fruits for all of us. He makes a cup of tea for himself, he will make a cup of tea for me too. My kids have also been raised to care for everyone in the family. So the person who is doing laundry will do the laundry for everyone. If one sets the dinner table, the other will take over putting the leftovers away.

I would be pissed if I was taking care of everyone without any help from DH and kids. Why? Because a household needs everyone's help. In a normal situation, I am not making hot lunches for them every day. They are taking a simple sandwich and some fruit for lunch. Ordinarily, my family does not have to help to clean the house because I have a cleaning lady who helps me to do that once a week. Most importantly, on normal days I am used to having an empty house, which is easier to clean because I am not being interrupted to cook every meal. It is hard to do cleaning, cooking, laundry etc when everyone is home and they need 3 hot and delicious meals a day, a few rounds of milk and cookies, a few rounds of tea/coffee, some snacks, some desserts. Thankfully, my DH has been a considerate and loving husband from the beginning of our relationship and a wonderful, loving father to our children. I have never had to ask him to give me a hand because he was there to give a hand to his family.

In a functional family, everyone is respected and everyone works together for the ultimate good. The ultimate good is always the FAMILY. You work and earn money to help your family succeed. You stay home with your kids to help your family succeed. I can understand that your husband has to work. He was working before the pandemic too. He normally had to wake up early, dress, commute to go to work. All of that load has been removed from his day. You on the other hand have seen your workload increase manyfold. If he cannot understand it then I am sorry for you and your children because you are married to a very low quality man.

For all the WOHMs who are crowing about the comeuppance this SAHM is getting - yes, it sucks because OP is facing this lack of help from her husband in a pandemic situation, whereas you seem to think this is the way things should be? Your head is your own, no doubt, but your ideas are those of misogynistic men. You live and function in this weird kind of selfish relationship with your spouse without a pandemic. Let me help you understand this - if the entire family is not helping out each other so that everyone succeeds, and if each member is not cognizant of the fact that they are being supported and helped - then you do not have a marriage or a relationship.

OP's DH can help after the day is over. He needs to help also during the day so that OP gets some time off for self care. He needs to do all of that because his day has become infinitely easier because he does not have to commute or get up early. He needs to help OP not just because he is her husband, but also the kids he has (including the SN kid with more needs) are not some charity case orphans that he has magnanimously decided to provide a roof for. They are his children and he should be equally invested in their well being and the well being of his wife.

What kind of loser man-child is he? What kind of relationships are these many posters are in, that they think this is ok?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My DH normally teleworks and travels 2x a month. He’s obviously not traveling now, but he’s starting much earlier in the day than he used to. They were also in the process of hiring someone to help him, and that’s now on hold. I’ve been trying to figure out why this feels harder than summer. We are over 4 weeks into our quarantine, and we’ve had 2 weeks of online learning. The online stuff is challenging to get done. My autistic son does not want to work at home. He is smart, but extremely strong willed. He’s also missing all of the therapies he receives at school (OT, PT, ST). In the summer, he only has 4 weeks off of school & camp, and those are broken up... and we’re going to extra private therapies during those breaks. While he’s at camp, I am out with the other boys doing normal warm weather things, plus the library, museums, playdates etc. I did not choose the SAHM life, and it’s tough financially, but I couldn’t keep my teaching job with therapies & specialist appointments. I love being around my boys, but all of this is stressful. My son has a team of people for a reason. Me replacing all of them on top of taking care of the others is just really hard. My husband is stressed as well, but any time I mention having some ‘me time’ to decompress, he says he doesn’t get any. We tag team bedtimes so each boy can get some one on one parent time. We’ve been muddling through the weekends, but I’ve been getting behind on housework, and then spend time trying to catch up. I don’t think DH is a bad father by any stretch, but I do feel like he could better manage his day to not work so many hours. He’s the only one in his office with young kids - the only other two dads have high school/college age kids and their wives still SAH.

So what does DH do?? Sounds like sales or customer facing??

Software sales. Most of his day is conference calls.

Haven't read the other posts but absolutley your DH can give you more help. A 15 minute or half hour mental break a couple of times a day and help with dinner a few times a week. Something! My DH also remote works and some days he is stressed/swamped but usually he has a lot of flexibilty to help around the house/kids.

Why do you think he can just take a break now? I’m sure sales are incredibly hard right now, and if really has managed to schedule sequential conference calls he should be prepping for them not playing tag.

For sure. And as someone who has been both SAHM and WAHM I can tell you day has a million more breaks in it than when I had three neurotypical kids under 4.

As a sales person- your husband is either too of the top of the chain so actually busy- or he’s full of crap. There is NO ONE to sell new product to- no one is buying and very little is getting a giant green purchasing option right now unless he’s selling med or debt relief. Sales are hard because no ones buying, not because it’s such a crazy job when America is 80% shuttered and seeking relief from payments- not looking for ways to buy more.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the logic of many women on this thread. If you work outside the house for a paycheck, or if you stay home to take care of the children or the running of the house - you are doing this for the benefit of your family. If you do any of these things for the benefit of YOU first, then there is some dissonance in your family. And if your spouse and you do not appreciate each others effort and help each other, then there is also a dissonance in your family.

I am a SAHM with teens. DH is working from home. I am making pretty fancy and imaginative lunches and dinners every single day. Mainly because I do not want my family to feel deprived that they are not eating out or they are lacking great choices. It is a small way to ease the sadness that this pandemic has brought on everyone, and also a way to stretch meals and prevent wastage.

DH, who makes a pretty high income (so that I can stay home), brings me tea in bed, takes care of breakfast for everyone, loads the dishes in the dishwasher, before his office starts at 9am. Throughout the day, whenever he takes a break and does something for himself he is caring enough to do it for all of us. He cuts a fruit for himself, he will cut fruits for all of us. He makes a cup of tea for himself, he will make a cup of tea for me too. My kids have also been raised to care for everyone in the family. So the person who is doing laundry will do the laundry for everyone. If one sets the dinner table, the other will take over putting the leftovers away.

I would be pissed if I was taking care of everyone without any help from DH and kids. Why? Because a household needs everyone's help. In a normal situation, I am not making hot lunches for them every day. They are taking a simple sandwich and some fruit for lunch. Ordinarily, my family does not have to help to clean the house because I have a cleaning lady who helps me to do that once a week. Most importantly, on normal days I am used to having an empty house, which is easier to clean because I am not being interrupted to cook every meal. It is hard to do cleaning, cooking, laundry etc when everyone is home and they need 3 hot and delicious meals a day, a few rounds of milk and cookies, a few rounds of tea/coffee, some snacks, some desserts. Thankfully, my DH has been a considerate and loving husband from the beginning of our relationship and a wonderful, loving father to our children. I have never had to ask him to give me a hand because he was there to give a hand to his family.

In a functional family, everyone is respected and everyone works together for the ultimate good. The ultimate good is always the FAMILY. You work and earn money to help your family succeed. You stay home with your kids to help your family succeed. I can understand that your husband has to work. He was working before the pandemic too. He normally had to wake up early, dress, commute to go to work. All of that load has been removed from his day. You on the other hand have seen your workload increase manyfold. If he cannot understand it then I am sorry for you and your children because you are married to a very low quality man.

For all the WOHMs who are crowing about the comeuppance this SAHM is getting - yes, it sucks because OP is facing this lack of help from her husband in a pandemic situation, whereas you seem to think this is the way things should be? Your head is your own, no doubt, but your ideas are those of misogynistic men. You live and function in this weird kind of selfish relationship with your spouse without a pandemic. Let me help you understand this - if the entire family is not helping out each other so that everyone succeeds, and if each member is not cognizant of the fact that they are being supported and helped - then you do not have a marriage or a relationship.

OP's DH can help after the day is over. He needs to help also during the day so that OP gets some time off for self care. He needs to do all of that because his day has become infinitely easier because he does not have to commute or get up early. He needs to help OP not just because he is her husband, but also the kids he has (including the SN kid with more needs) are not some charity case orphans that he has magnanimously decided to provide a roof for. They are his children and he should be equally invested in their well being and the well being of his wife.

What kind of loser man-child is he? What kind of relationships are these many posters are in, that they think this is ok?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My DH normally teleworks and travels 2x a month. He’s obviously not traveling now, but he’s starting much earlier in the day than he used to. They were also in the process of hiring someone to help him, and that’s now on hold. I’ve been trying to figure out why this feels harder than summer. We are over 4 weeks into our quarantine, and we’ve had 2 weeks of online learning. The online stuff is challenging to get done. My autistic son does not want to work at home. He is smart, but extremely strong willed. He’s also missing all of the therapies he receives at school (OT, PT, ST). In the summer, he only has 4 weeks off of school & camp, and those are broken up... and we’re going to extra private therapies during those breaks. While he’s at camp, I am out with the other boys doing normal warm weather things, plus the library, museums, playdates etc. I did not choose the SAHM life, and it’s tough financially, but I couldn’t keep my teaching job with therapies & specialist appointments. I love being around my boys, but all of this is stressful. My son has a team of people for a reason. Me replacing all of them on top of taking care of the others is just really hard. My husband is stressed as well, but any time I mention having some ‘me time’ to decompress, he says he doesn’t get any. We tag team bedtimes so each boy can get some one on one parent time. We’ve been muddling through the weekends, but I’ve been getting behind on housework, and then spend time trying to catch up. I don’t think DH is a bad father by any stretch, but I do feel like he could better manage his day to not work so many hours. He’s the only one in his office with young kids - the only other two dads have high school/college age kids and their wives still SAH.

So what does DH do?? Sounds like sales or customer facing??

Software sales. Most of his day is conference calls.

Haven't read the other posts but absolutley your DH can give you more help. A 15 minute or half hour mental break a couple of times a day and help with dinner a few times a week. Something! My DH also remote works and some days he is stressed/swamped but usually he has a lot of flexibilty to help around the house/kids.

Why do you think he can just take a break now? I’m sure sales are incredibly hard right now, and if really has managed to schedule sequential conference calls he should be prepping for them not playing tag.

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t wives respect that men are working when they telework?

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the logic of many women on this thread. If you work outside the house for a paycheck, or if you stay home to take care of the children or the running of the house - you are doing this for the benefit of your family. If you do any of these things for the benefit of YOU first, then there is some dissonance in your family. And if your spouse and you do not appreciate each others effort and help each other, then there is also a dissonance in your family.

I am a SAHM with teens. DH is working from home. I am making pretty fancy and imaginative lunches and dinners every single day. Mainly because I do not want my family to feel deprived that they are not eating out or they are lacking great choices. It is a small way to ease the sadness that this pandemic has brought on everyone, and also a way to stretch meals and prevent wastage.

DH, who makes a pretty high income (so that I can stay home), brings me tea in bed, takes care of breakfast for everyone, loads the dishes in the dishwasher, before his office starts at 9am. Throughout the day, whenever he takes a break and does something for himself he is caring enough to do it for all of us. He cuts a fruit for himself, he will cut fruits for all of us. He makes a cup of tea for himself, he will make a cup of tea for me too. My kids have also been raised to care for everyone in the family. So the person who is doing laundry will do the laundry for everyone. If one sets the dinner table, the other will take over putting the leftovers away.

I would be pissed if I was taking care of everyone without any help from DH and kids. Why? Because a household needs everyone's help. In a normal situation, I am not making hot lunches for them every day. They are taking a simple sandwich and some fruit for lunch. Ordinarily, my family does not have to help to clean the house because I have a cleaning lady who helps me to do that once a week. Most importantly, on normal days I am used to having an empty house, which is easier to clean because I am not being interrupted to cook every meal. It is hard to do cleaning, cooking, laundry etc when everyone is home and they need 3 hot and delicious meals a day, a few rounds of milk and cookies, a few rounds of tea/coffee, some snacks, some desserts. Thankfully, my DH has been a considerate and loving husband from the beginning of our relationship and a wonderful, loving father to our children. I have never had to ask him to give me a hand because he was there to give a hand to his family.

In a functional family, everyone is respected and everyone works together for the ultimate good. The ultimate good is always the FAMILY. You work and earn money to help your family succeed. You stay home with your kids to help your family succeed. I can understand that your husband has to work. He was working before the pandemic too. He normally had to wake up early, dress, commute to go to work. All of that load has been removed from his day. You on the other hand have seen your workload increase manyfold. If he cannot understand it then I am sorry for you and your children because you are married to a very low quality man.

For all the WOHMs who are crowing about the comeuppance this SAHM is getting - yes, it sucks because OP is facing this lack of help from her husband in a pandemic situation, whereas you seem to think this is the way things should be? Your head is your own, no doubt, but your ideas are those of misogynistic men. You live and function in this weird kind of selfish relationship with your spouse without a pandemic. Let me help you understand this - if the entire family is not helping out each other so that everyone succeeds, and if each member is not cognizant of the fact that they are being supported and helped - then you do not have a marriage or a relationship.

OP's DH can help after the day is over. He needs to help also during the day so that OP gets some time off for self care. He needs to do all of that because his day has become infinitely easier because he does not have to commute or get up early. He needs to help OP not just because he is her husband, but also the kids he has (including the SN kid with more needs) are not some charity case orphans that he has magnanimously decided to provide a roof for. They are his children and he should be equally invested in their well being and the well being of his wife.

What kind of loser man-child is he? What kind of relationships are these many posters are in, that they think this is ok?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He works to support you.

He works to support his family.

Which means that he works from 9 to 6, with two 15 minute breaks with the family and 1 hour-long lunch break with the family, so that he can provide the extra pair of hands that his family needs at the time. Since he is not going to office, he has to help before 9 am in the morning and after 6 pm in the evening.

OP works from 9 to 6 with the 3 kids that is infinitely more stressful than what her DH is doing (unless he is fighting hand to hand combat in Fallujah), and she gets some time off when it is lunch time and the companionship and helping hands of her husband, for 15 minutes, twice during the work day.

Before 9 am and after 6 pm - OP and her DH - need to take care of the house and kids - in an equitable manner, together. If they can't do this then they can kiss a happy and successful family goodbye!

Anonymous wrote:Look, I know you’re stressed... but this is coming across as SAHM doesn’t like doing the “mom” part.

Anonymous wrote:He works to support you.