I have a single mom friend and I try to be mindful of cost when we get together. We went out to eat and I just picked up the bill. She is newly divorced and was a SAHM so not working. DH has a very high income. I don’t care about her financial status if she doesn’t. When the weather gets nice, I hope to do more free outdoor activities together.

Speaking of NYC -- my best friend's husband was one of 6 kids raised in a 2-bedroom apt. 4 boys in one room, 2 girls in the other, the mom slept on the couch in the living room. All kids now educated and successful; mom was a nurse -- organized, strong, reliable. Dad was -- well, here and there, until one day he just left. I think this living arrangement is pretty normal in NYC. Kids are incredibly close, and protective of their mom.

My sister became a single mom when her daughter (my niece) was 18 months old. Dad rarely contributed. Until she left home after high school, the daughter and her mom shared various studio apartments and a king-sized bed. This was in an even more expensive area than DC. Some of those apartments were about 400 square ft, while others were the entire basement of a gorgeous single family home, but still just one large room. My sis and her daughter are very close, and she was raised to be very mature and independent -- no whining! My sister is a teacher and after 20 years still only made about 60K a year. My niece is now the most self-reliant young woman i know -- more so than my own daughter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound like a great mom. You've created great opportunities for your son and the hill is a wonderful place to be in. You should be proud of the decisions you're making. You're not saying that you can't afford the basics - I see no reason to move to some other COL where you don't have your village that you may have here. People act like it is easy to get up and move some place, and its not. We have a high HHI ($500K), 2 working parents, 2 kids, and often feel that we aren't keeping up with the Joneses as well. I think part of it is living in the DC area. But if it doesn't bother you and your son, then keep forging ahead.

If this is actually true you have severe mental issues.

DP. No it doesn’t mean they have mental issues. It’s a totally normal phenomenon. No shame in it.

And by that I don’t mean it is anything good, just that it’s normal. It’s just part of human nature that people have to grapple with, same as wanting to eat sugar all the time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound like a great mom. You've created great opportunities for your son and the hill is a wonderful place to be in. You should be proud of the decisions you're making. You're not saying that you can't afford the basics - I see no reason to move to some other COL where you don't have your village that you may have here. People act like it is easy to get up and move some place, and its not. We have a high HHI ($500K), 2 working parents, 2 kids, and often feel that we aren't keeping up with the Joneses as well. I think part of it is living in the DC area. But if it doesn't bother you and your son, then keep forging ahead.

If this is actually true you have severe mental issues.

DP. No it doesn’t mean they have mental issues. It’s a totally normal phenomenon. No shame in it.

OP, you are doing great and the best you can. I did not grow up with a single parent. however, we moved from a small town in the midwest to MoCo in middle school and I had never even seen guess jeans before (except in magazines). Our place was tiny, everyone had more money than us, and it did sting. The best you can do is acknowledge it, let your kid feel the feelings and work through them, and your kid won't grow up spoiled (which can be a good thing).

Sounds like you're doing great, OP. Some people are freaking out about the bedroom thing. It's really not that big of a deal at this stage. Seriously. In my wealthy NYC neighborhood I know families of 3 and even 4 making it work in one bedrooms, because the public schools are excellent and it's a great place to grow up. There's insecurity and doubt to be had regardless of income, it seems by some of the PPs. Stay confident, keep making smart financial decisions. You know in your heart and head what's best for you and your kid. Loving him and meeting his basic needs while prioritizing good schools and a safe home is the way to go.

I make an ok but not great salary for the area, and definitely feel poor around here pretty often! Most of my friends are either Dual Income/No Kids and have high salaries or Dual Income/Kids with high salaries. It's hard not to compare myself sometimes. Especially since we bought an older, smaller house in a neighborhood where new builds are now approaching $2M.

One way I try to make up for it is by staying at my flexible job that allows me time to coach and lead my daughter's activities. Others may be putting in more money but I'm putting in more time. She'll be able to look back and remember how much I did with her and her friends. And while we can't afford expensive overseas vacations like her friends (and mine) do, I plan creative road trips for us where we see US cities and make memories for about $2,000 for a week. (vs. a trip where that might just cover the airfare.)

But I hear you. It can be hard sometimes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound like a great mom. You've created great opportunities for your son and the hill is a wonderful place to be in. You should be proud of the decisions you're making. You're not saying that you can't afford the basics - I see no reason to move to some other COL where you don't have your village that you may have here. People act like it is easy to get up and move some place, and its not. We have a high HHI ($500K), 2 working parents, 2 kids, and often feel that we aren't keeping up with the Joneses as well. I think part of it is living in the DC area. But if it doesn't bother you and your son, then keep forging ahead.

If this is actually true you have severe mental issues.

DP but if PP lives in a high income neighborhood, they may well often feel this way. We make even more than PP but I felt I couldn't keep up in some DC neighborhoods, so I chose to live in a more moderate income one, where I didn't feel that luxury cars and international vacations were "average." I just don't want to live like that, personally. And I didn't want my kids growing up with that skewed sense of normalcy either.

OP -- I think you are doing great!! As your son gets older - you can adjust if needed. But for now - I think you have a great situation. I became a single mother when I was making around 65k and while my income has increased - we have never really wanted for anything. Sure we didn't have the big single family house that some of her friends had. but we have other friends who are similar to us. So DD saw all kinds of living situations.

Oh and for the record - another single mother with no debt. (which does NOT mean no credit card). Unless you count my car payment and mortgage. Which I don't think is what that one poster meant by debt.

Anonymous wrote:What about looking into sub sized housing? You’ll get a bigger place. I’m friends with a number of single moms living in sub sized housing, and they’re great moms.

Please explain how you get subsidized housing on 75k. Some of you people are delusional. 75k isn't POOR.

OP, we are living similar lives. Same income & rent, no car or debt, 1BR, preschool kid, single parent with no other parent contribution.

I don't want my kid to take care of me when I am old, so living in a 1BR allows me to fully fund a 401K and HSA (~26k/yr).

At this age, my kid loves sharing a room with mom. Eventually that will change and we will adjust. My extended family has many different cultures through marriage, so my kids cousins are all room sharing with their parents. The US culture is definitely an outlier in having young kids sleep alone in their own rooms. So this is normal for us, and our extended family. But other people feel very free about telling me I need to move to a 2BR immediately!

So I get what you are saying about doubt creeping in and questioning yourself. We are at a private preschool with many high earner dual-income families living in big beautiful houses. My kid notices and comments, but I'm not sure it's yet about wishing to have that. We'll go to public school soon and I think that will be helpful for my kid to be among families with a wider range of "normal".

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound like a great mom. You've created great opportunities for your son and the hill is a wonderful place to be in. You should be proud of the decisions you're making. You're not saying that you can't afford the basics - I see no reason to move to some other COL where you don't have your village that you may have here. People act like it is easy to get up and move some place, and its not. We have a high HHI ($500K), 2 working parents, 2 kids, and often feel that we aren't keeping up with the Joneses as well. I think part of it is living in the DC area. But if it doesn't bother you and your son, then keep forging ahead.

If this is actually true you have severe mental issues.