Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you do what you have to do, and if your 8 year old isn’t responsible enough to go to the bathroom alone, you take them to the women’s bathroom.

However, I really think boys over the age of 5 or so should not go into Women’s locker rooms. My daughter became really self conscious changing in front of a boy her age in the locker room at the pool once, and I thought it was crazy that mommy brought him in there (he, and my DD, were about 5).

Locker rooms usually have a rule right around 5 - like 5 and under okay, or 5 and up not okay. When my older ds hit that age at our swim facility, I switched to bundling the kids up in swim robes and took them to the car that way instead of having them change in a locker room. This is what I am talking about - moms of girls have so much less planning to do so the complaining about bathroom stuff (not the locker room, situation, which I get, but about public bathrooms with stalls) is annoying.

In the summer or warmer weather that is fine but in the winter, it doesn't work as well. These moms will find anything to complain about and don't care about other people's kids safety. If they don't complain about this it will be something else. When their kids are with Dad, would they send a 3-4-5 year old into the women's room alone. I hope not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you do what you have to do, and if your 8 year old isn’t responsible enough to go to the bathroom alone, you take them to the women’s bathroom.

However, I really think boys over the age of 5 or so should not go into Women’s locker rooms. My daughter became really self conscious changing in front of a boy her age in the locker room at the pool once, and I thought it was crazy that mommy brought him in there (he, and my DD, were about 5).

I don't understand why people even do this. I never even took my sons in the locker room at the pool. I would literally (even when they were well below the age to be allowed in there) enter at the shower end, use the showers closest to the entrance, and then just dress them super quickly in there. The one time we used the locker room to change (we weren't coming from home) there was a little girl from pre-school in the locker room. Yikes!

So facilities are all laid out differently. I don't know why I have to point this out. Locker rooms are not always separated. At our swim school, the "locker room" was really just a big room with benches, shelves overhead, and two stalls with toilets. The showering part was a room you had to go through the locker room to get to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some 9 yo girls already have their periods. They shouldn’t have to worry about running into a boy from school in a public bathroom.

How is this relevant? Everything happens IN the stall, with the exception of hand washing. I guess I don't get what the big deal is.

To answer OPs question, my sons would have rather peed their pants then come in the bathroom with be after 6 or so. I have two, so I send them in there together with a warning that they have 2 minutes (no fooling around, basically).

So from that perspective, there is no reason to excludes males of any age, right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By the way, it's not just children that get murdered in bathrooms.
Adults have also been murdered in public restrooms. You can't have every adult male going into women's rooms with their mommies for the rest of their lives.

There have also been little girls who were sent in to restaurant bathrooms alone who were assaulted. Just stay with your kids, people.

What should a single dad do with a girl of various ages? When -- if at all -- should he be taking her with him into the men's bathroom? Or should he be escorting her into the women's bathroom, since everything happens in the stalls anyway? Up to what age -- or is it up to him and his comfort level?

I trust the dad to make this call for his own child.

PP. I do, too. With more single dads out there, I expect we will see more adult men in the women's restrooms, if alternatives are not available. I'd be glad to read a consensus that this isn't objectionable to anyone posting in this thread. That would be great!

You never know what you are going to find in a public bathroom, and that's why moms of sons have the concerns we do in the first place.

Exactly. I am very glad you are understanding and respectful of the same concerns that dads of daughters have, too. I am surprised, and happily so.

Of course! We are all in the same boat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

family bathrooms should be required everywhere.

+1

And more than one of them would be nice. I know this is about bathrooms, but the "family" changing rooms at the community pools are great, but there is like one per facility. My 6.5 year old DS and I were standing outside of the changing room (our stuff was inside in one of the lockers) for about 20 minutes waiting for a dad and his toddler to shower and get dressed. And then when we do get in I feel super paranoid and rushed because I know what it's like to have to wait to get in.

Ugh. People at the pool are the worst. Nothing like waiting 20+ minutes for one with your opposite sex child(ren) for a mom and her 3 teenage daughters to come out. The last time a guy came out with his toddler son. Come on, dude - take him into the locker room.

In his defense, he has a little girl, so I kind of get it. But what made it extra awkward is that he's my co-worker, happened to realize he and his daughter do the free swim the same day my DS and I do (only one day per week after school) so now I'm hesitant to return to that pool because we'll be fighting over who gets in there first! I would love any other creative solutions on how to handle this, which don't include waiting 20 minutes for the changing room and which don't include sending my DS to the men's locker room alone (I'm just not going to do this when he's 6).

Can you say to him, "Hey, looks like we are taking the kids to the pool at the same time. We can be in and out of the changing room super quick -- do you mind if we go first next time?"

So if he is ready to get changed, but you aren't yet, he is going to awkwardly stand there for 5 minutes not going into the stall? Don't make it weird. Whoever gets there first goes first, be polite about it, and if it's really a big deal in the end- like he always rushes right in and takes 30 min- then honestly just put up a towel block and let your kid change behind the towel on the pool deck if you don't want to bring him in the womens.

I don't find it's weird to talk to people. If I were in this situation and had that conversation, I'd make sure I was there first or at the same time as he -- if it was a set use time, and both kids' time would be up at the same time -- or I would never have asked for the consideration.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some 9 yo girls already have their periods. They shouldn’t have to worry about running into a boy from school in a public bathroom.

How is this relevant? Everything happens IN the stall, with the exception of hand washing. I guess I don't get what the big deal is.

To answer OPs question, my sons would have rather peed their pants then come in the bathroom with be after 6 or so. I have two, so I send them in there together with a warning that they have 2 minutes (no fooling around, basically).

So from that perspective, there is no reason to excludes males of any age, right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By the way, it's not just children that get murdered in bathrooms.
Adults have also been murdered in public restrooms. You can't have every adult male going into women's rooms with their mommies for the rest of their lives.

There have also been little girls who were sent in to restaurant bathrooms alone who were assaulted. Just stay with your kids, people.

What should a single dad do with a girl of various ages? When -- if at all -- should he be taking her with him into the men's bathroom? Or should he be escorting her into the women's bathroom, since everything happens in the stalls anyway? Up to what age -- or is it up to him and his comfort level?

I trust the dad to make this call for his own child.

PP. I do, too. With more single dads out there, I expect we will see more adult men in the women's restrooms, if alternatives are not available. I'd be glad to read a consensus that this isn't objectionable to anyone posting in this thread. That would be great!

You never know what you are going to find in a public bathroom, and that's why moms of sons have the concerns we do in the first place.

Exactly. I am very glad you are understanding and respectful of the same concerns that dads of daughters have, too. I am surprised, and happily so.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some 9 yo girls already have their periods. They shouldn’t have to worry about running into a boy from school in a public bathroom.

How is this relevant? Everything happens IN the stall, with the exception of hand washing. I guess I don't get what the big deal is.

To answer OPs question, my sons would have rather peed their pants then come in the bathroom with be after 6 or so. I have two, so I send them in there together with a warning that they have 2 minutes (no fooling around, basically).

So from that perspective, there is no reason to excludes males of any age, right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By the way, it's not just children that get murdered in bathrooms.
Adults have also been murdered in public restrooms. You can't have every adult male going into women's rooms with their mommies for the rest of their lives.

There have also been little girls who were sent in to restaurant bathrooms alone who were assaulted. Just stay with your kids, people.

What should a single dad do with a girl of various ages? When -- if at all -- should he be taking her with him into the men's bathroom? Or should he be escorting her into the women's bathroom, since everything happens in the stalls anyway? Up to what age -- or is it up to him and his comfort level?

I trust the dad to make this call for his own child.

PP. I do, too. With more single dads out there, I expect we will see more adult men in the women's restrooms, if alternatives are not available. I'd be glad to read a consensus that this isn't objectionable to anyone posting in this thread. That would be great!

You never know what you are going to find in a public bathroom, and that's why moms of sons have the concerns we do in the first place.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

family bathrooms should be required everywhere.

+1

And more than one of them would be nice. I know this is about bathrooms, but the "family" changing rooms at the community pools are great, but there is like one per facility. My 6.5 year old DS and I were standing outside of the changing room (our stuff was inside in one of the lockers) for about 20 minutes waiting for a dad and his toddler to shower and get dressed. And then when we do get in I feel super paranoid and rushed because I know what it's like to have to wait to get in.

Ugh. People at the pool are the worst. Nothing like waiting 20+ minutes for one with your opposite sex child(ren) for a mom and her 3 teenage daughters to come out. The last time a guy came out with his toddler son. Come on, dude - take him into the locker room.

In his defense, he has a little girl, so I kind of get it. But what made it extra awkward is that he's my co-worker, happened to realize he and his daughter do the free swim the same day my DS and I do (only one day per week after school) so now I'm hesitant to return to that pool because we'll be fighting over who gets in there first! I would love any other creative solutions on how to handle this, which don't include waiting 20 minutes for the changing room and which don't include sending my DS to the men's locker room alone (I'm just not going to do this when he's 6).

Can you say to him, "Hey, looks like we are taking the kids to the pool at the same time. We can be in and out of the changing room super quick -- do you mind if we go first next time?"

So if he is ready to get changed, but you aren't yet, he is going to awkwardly stand there for 5 minutes not going into the stall? Don't make it weird. Whoever gets there first goes first, be polite about it, and if it's really a big deal in the end- like he always rushes right in and takes 30 min- then honestly just put up a towel block and let your kid change behind the towel on the pool deck if you don't want to bring him in the womens.

Honestly, there should be mens and womens rooms and then a family bathroom/ changing room that is NOT A SINGLE STALL. I , too, am sick of waiting in line for the sole family bathroom at rest stops, or for the sole family changing room at the pool, just because i happen to have boys who are legitimately too young to navigate a public restroom alone but above the age where it's easy to bring them with me into the womens room (they are 4 and 6).

Really depends on the kid/parenting, but I would say around 7 is typical and completely okay (for bathrooms and pool change rooms).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

family bathrooms should be required everywhere.

+1

And more than one of them would be nice. I know this is about bathrooms, but the "family" changing rooms at the community pools are great, but there is like one per facility. My 6.5 year old DS and I were standing outside of the changing room (our stuff was inside in one of the lockers) for about 20 minutes waiting for a dad and his toddler to shower and get dressed. And then when we do get in I feel super paranoid and rushed because I know what it's like to have to wait to get in.

Ugh. People at the pool are the worst. Nothing like waiting 20+ minutes for one with your opposite sex child(ren) for a mom and her 3 teenage daughters to come out. The last time a guy came out with his toddler son. Come on, dude - take him into the locker room.

In his defense, he has a little girl, so I kind of get it. But what made it extra awkward is that he's my co-worker, happened to realize he and his daughter do the free swim the same day my DS and I do (only one day per week after school) so now I'm hesitant to return to that pool because we'll be fighting over who gets in there first! I would love any other creative solutions on how to handle this, which don't include waiting 20 minutes for the changing room and which don't include sending my DS to the men's locker room alone (I'm just not going to do this when he's 6).

Can you say to him, "Hey, looks like we are taking the kids to the pool at the same time. We can be in and out of the changing room super quick -- do you mind if we go first next time?"

Anonymous wrote:I stopped around age 8 if it was a place like a restaurant with multiple exits, Penn station, an airport etc. I really don't care about looks from other moms. No way I'd allow a 4 year old into a mens room alone.

+1. Since there are stalls in the women's room, I never encountered a"privacy" issue with DS in there.

Anonymous wrote:You are in a stall. Doesn’t matter who—what sex/gender person—-is in the stall next to you or who you see at the sink when washing your hands. Of course no one (Boys or girls) should be peering through cracks in the stalls or crawling on the floor under stalls, or opening stall doors when someone’s in there, or doing any other inappropriate or creepy behaviors, etc. I’ve never seen a child do any of the above in a public restroom. What are you all so worried about?

I agree with you that having gender-segregated bathrooms does not make sense in the first place.

You are in a stall. Doesn’t matter who—what sex/gender person—-is in the stall next to you or who you see at the sink when washing your hands. Of course no one (Boys or girls) should be peering through cracks in the stalls or crawling on the floor under stalls, or opening stall doors when someone’s in there, or doing any other inappropriate or creepy behaviors, etc. I’ve never seen a child do any of the above in a public restroom. What are you all so worried about?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

family bathrooms should be required everywhere.

+1

And more than one of them would be nice. I know this is about bathrooms, but the "family" changing rooms at the community pools are great, but there is like one per facility. My 6.5 year old DS and I were standing outside of the changing room (our stuff was inside in one of the lockers) for about 20 minutes waiting for a dad and his toddler to shower and get dressed. And then when we do get in I feel super paranoid and rushed because I know what it's like to have to wait to get in.

Ugh. People at the pool are the worst. Nothing like waiting 20+ minutes for one with your opposite sex child(ren) for a mom and her 3 teenage daughters to come out. The last time a guy came out with his toddler son. Come on, dude - take him into the locker room.

In his defense, he has a little girl, so I kind of get it. But what made it extra awkward is that he's my co-worker, happened to realize he and his daughter do the free swim the same day my DS and I do (only one day per week after school) so now I'm hesitant to return to that pool because we'll be fighting over who gets in there first! I would love any other creative solutions on how to handle this, which don't include waiting 20 minutes for the changing room and which don't include sending my DS to the men's locker room alone (I'm just not going to do this when he's 6).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're fine at least until 6 in my opinion, maybe up to 8.

Can't remember when we stopped saying potty-- maybe 5? 4 seems fine for this too.

Six
8 is way too old. You can stand outside men's room and wait for him. I did it with both of my sons. Also, please remember the age limit for dressing rooms at pools!

Honest question- how am I supposed to help my son get undressed/dressed from his wet pool clothes at age 4 when the changing room age limit is, in fact, 3 and under at our pool this summer? I certainly "remember the age limit" as you state I should. But there is no family changing room. And my 4 year old is going to need some help getting out of his swim suit, rinsing off, and putting on his dry clothes. Like... do moms of girls realize how ridiculous some of these changing room rules are? If there is a family changing room, great. But otherwise, moms of older preschool aged boys are basically F-ed.