Anonymous wrote:When did this picky stuff become a thing? Was this a thing when you all were growing up? I don't remember it being a thing when I was growing up, we just ate what was there or went hungry and that was pretty much it. One of my grandmothers did the short order cook thing but she liked doing that for us kids and it made staying at her house fun.

+1

Personally, I think all of this is made up hype - textural this, sensory that... We've created a generation where it's ok for things to be *disgusting* and to be refused - by constantly serving instead/carrying along the *most palatable foods* (some combo of fat/sugar carbs that lights up the - goldfish, crackers, cheerios, buttered noodles, chicken tenders).

On a totally unrelated note, it seems to me that, if we've got so many kids who have sensory, add, adhd, on the spectrum, etc. issues - and it's not about parenting - I think we need to rethink what are doing environmentally that is causing such a high percentage of our population to have so many issues.

You should have left your kid at home with a sitter. You do not take your own food to restaurants nor to other peoples homes.

What I’m getting from this is

If:

1) Your friends don’t warn you in advance of serious pickiness and

2) You make a meal that includes lots of things that almost everyone likes (at LEAST one or two of the things) and

3) You don’t keep certain other foods at the house “just in case”

Then

4) You are a bad host

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Having hot dogs and kabobs is not forcing a child to starve. You probably would think I’m a bad host then. I don’t have a huge supply of other food to whip up for your picky eater. No bread for pbj. I have a set menu I make and just buy those items. Frankly I didn’t care if the kid ate or if he just ate fruit or my other side dishes.

I do think you are a bad host! I would be horrified if a child left my house hungry after being served a meal.

I don't think you are a bad person but yes I think you are a bad host!

NP but what a bizarre response. Hot dogs, chicken kabobs, fruit, and presumably palatable side dishes and if I kid goes home without eating any of that, she’s a bad host? I’m an extremely generous host (I always have vegetarian options, my kid’s birthdays are 100% nut free— and none of us has allergies, I make a huge variety and tons of food always, etc.) But where does it end?!? We are not short order cooks, nor should we have to be to be considered good hosts!

If a kid went home hungry after all that, I’d think it was unfortunate and I certainly wouldn’t judge, but there’s no way I’d accept that was on me! My fault for being a bad host! Omfg

I think you are a bad host if you know that you are inviting a child who only eats a few foods, and you fail to provide those foods and fail to be gracious in allowing the parent to bring those foods.

If all the child eats is obscure food, no I don't think a good host needs to run out and provide that obscure food. But if a child does eat a common food like noodles, crackers or bread, and you do have noodles, crackers or bread... I think a good host would provide some noodles, crackers or bread for the child they have invited for a meal.

If you have invited a family you know well, you know about the child's eating habits and you can easily provide one thing, or ask the parents to being something. If you do not know them well, then of course you cannot know a child's eating habits and in that case you are not being a bad host if you fail to feed them.

But... listen, I’m the PP you responded to here (I said “Where does it end???”) but the Hot Dog and Kabob poster I was defending said absolutely nothing about her friends giving any indication that their kids were severely picky. So she made a totally reasonable (to 99% of people) menu and didn’t have buttered noodles to whip up on the spot and you’re still saying she’s a bad host?

No.

The kids and their parents aren’t necessarily in the wrong either, but that PP is NOT a bad host. Just no.

I empathize with her (?) because I am also a PP who has tried to cater to picky/demanding kids, getting something I was told they liked, without actually cooking them an entirely separate and totally different meal and was still told I fell short. That’s just ridiculous.

I guess we need to define good host. To me a host is someone who cares about the comfort and pleasure of their guest. The PP we are referring to says “I buy ingredients for a set meal and that’s it.” She doesn’t even have bread for a pb sandwich... and seems proud of her stance.

To me, that’s a way to be, but it is not the attitude of a gracious host. It’s saying Eat it or Lump It. The definition of good host in my book is literally one who caters to reasonable known desires and preferences.

Now if my friend comes for dinner and all her kid eats is baby carrots and I know that? I’ll try to have some baby carrots on hand. That’s reasonable.

I all he eats is lemon infused liverwurst on rice crackers made by an Italian company... I’ll apologize I couldn’t find his food and ask her to bring something he can eat.

Providing a set menu and refusing to deviate for known reasonable preferences with simple easily obtainable foods is not being hospitable.

DP. Look, it doesn't sound like dinner parties are your jam. It's ok, you can opt out for a few years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Having hot dogs and kabobs is not forcing a child to starve. You probably would think I’m a bad host then. I don’t have a huge supply of other food to whip up for your picky eater. No bread for pbj. I have a set menu I make and just buy those items. Frankly I didn’t care if the kid ate or if he just ate fruit or my other side dishes.

I do think you are a bad host! I would be horrified if a child left my house hungry after being served a meal.

I don't think you are a bad person but yes I think you are a bad host!

NP but what a bizarre response. Hot dogs, chicken kabobs, fruit, and presumably palatable side dishes and if I kid goes home without eating any of that, she’s a bad host? I’m an extremely generous host (I always have vegetarian options, my kid’s birthdays are 100% nut free— and none of us has allergies, I make a huge variety and tons of food always, etc.) But where does it end?!? We are not short order cooks, nor should we have to be to be considered good hosts!

If a kid went home hungry after all that, I’d think it was unfortunate and I certainly wouldn’t judge, but there’s no way I’d accept that was on me! My fault for being a bad host! Omfg

I think you are a bad host if you know that you are inviting a child who only eats a few foods, and you fail to provide those foods and fail to be gracious in allowing the parent to bring those foods.

If all the child eats is obscure food, no I don't think a good host needs to run out and provide that obscure food. But if a child does eat a common food like noodles, crackers or bread, and you do have noodles, crackers or bread... I think a good host would provide some noodles, crackers or bread for the child they have invited for a meal.

If you have invited a family you know well, you know about the child's eating habits and you can easily provide one thing, or ask the parents to being something. If you do not know them well, then of course you cannot know a child's eating habits and in that case you are not being a bad host if you fail to feed them.

But... listen, I’m the PP you responded to here (I said “Where does it end???”) but the Hot Dog and Kabob poster I was defending said absolutely nothing about her friends giving any indication that their kids were severely picky. So she made a totally reasonable (to 99% of people) menu and didn’t have buttered noodles to whip up on the spot and you’re still saying she’s a bad host?

No.

The kids and their parents aren’t necessarily in the wrong either, but that PP is NOT a bad host. Just no.

I empathize with her (?) because I am also a PP who has tried to cater to picky/demanding kids, getting something I was told they liked, without actually cooking them an entirely separate and totally different meal and was still told I fell short. That’s just ridiculous.

I guess we need to define good host. To me a host is someone who cares about the comfort and pleasure of their guest. The PP we are referring to says “I buy ingredients for a set meal and that’s it.” She doesn’t even have bread for a pb sandwich... and seems proud of her stance.

To me, that’s a way to be, but it is not the attitude of a gracious host. It’s saying Eat it or Lump It. The definition of good host in my book is literally one who caters to reasonable known desires and preferences.

Now if my friend comes for dinner and all her kid eats is baby carrots and I know that? I’ll try to have some baby carrots on hand. That’s reasonable.

I all he eats is lemon infused liverwurst on rice crackers made by an Italian company... I’ll apologize I couldn’t find his food and ask her to bring something he can eat.

Providing a set menu and refusing to deviate for known reasonable preferences with simple easily obtainable foods is not being hospitable.

Well, that’s just not how I interpreted her post. I saw it as more “I don’t keep a ton of food in the house so if my very very reasonable set menu is not going to work for someone, I’m sorry, but I guess they are out of luck.” I didn’t see her as refusing to accommodate her friends’ kids beforehand. She at least didn’t indicate that her friends had told her their kids very specific likes and dislikes at all. In fact, she seemed to have purposefully served a meal that would at least have many broadly acceptable elements.

I guess I empathize not only for the reasons I mentioned, but because I don’t keep bread in the house either! When I do, we can’t use up half of it before it goes bad. And I further empathize because I am comfortable enough now, but have been much closer to broke for long periods of time— and could have swung a small basic dinner party but at times wouldn’t have had a huge range of additional food in the house. Plus, we are not a white American family— a lot of what we have in the house isn’t crackers and bread or whatever. What we do have of that sort of thing is limited.

If this happened at my house, I wouldn’t have bread or crackers... literally trying to think of what I could dig up for one of these kids— frozen corn? Maybe a little cereal? But I would be kind of nonplussed because I’d have made a bunch of stuff that the vast majority of people would be able to at least partially partake in.

I don’t think a “good host” has to have PB&J on hand at all times. That’s such a culturally specific and classed idea to me. And I do make tons of accommodations and ask preferences beforehand! I just don’t have every eventuality covered, and I do further feel a little put out if I’m asked to actually make (cook!) something separate AFTER my guests are already in my house. I guess buttered noodles aren’t a huge deal but yeah I think it’s kind of rude to expect, especially without having made explicit one’s kids’ rather extreme requirements. And yeah, I think it’s a bit extreme (if maybe not unheard of in the USA) to not like hot dogs, chicken, fruit or sides that were probably mostly things like grilled vegetables and rice and beans or whatever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Having hot dogs and kabobs is not forcing a child to starve. You probably would think I’m a bad host then. I don’t have a huge supply of other food to whip up for your picky eater. No bread for pbj. I have a set menu I make and just buy those items. Frankly I didn’t care if the kid ate or if he just ate fruit or my other side dishes.

I do think you are a bad host! I would be horrified if a child left my house hungry after being served a meal.

I don't think you are a bad person but yes I think you are a bad host!

NP but what a bizarre response. Hot dogs, chicken kabobs, fruit, and presumably palatable side dishes and if I kid goes home without eating any of that, she’s a bad host? I’m an extremely generous host (I always have vegetarian options, my kid’s birthdays are 100% nut free— and none of us has allergies, I make a huge variety and tons of food always, etc.) But where does it end?!? We are not short order cooks, nor should we have to be to be considered good hosts!

If a kid went home hungry after all that, I’d think it was unfortunate and I certainly wouldn’t judge, but there’s no way I’d accept that was on me! My fault for being a bad host! Omfg

I think you are a bad host if you know that you are inviting a child who only eats a few foods, and you fail to provide those foods and fail to be gracious in allowing the parent to bring those foods.

If all the child eats is obscure food, no I don't think a good host needs to run out and provide that obscure food. But if a child does eat a common food like noodles, crackers or bread, and you do have noodles, crackers or bread... I think a good host would provide some noodles, crackers or bread for the child they have invited for a meal.

If you have invited a family you know well, you know about the child's eating habits and you can easily provide one thing, or ask the parents to being something. If you do not know them well, then of course you cannot know a child's eating habits and in that case you are not being a bad host if you fail to feed them.

But... listen, I’m the PP you responded to here (I said “Where does it end???”) but the Hot Dog and Kabob poster I was defending said absolutely nothing about her friends giving any indication that their kids were severely picky. So she made a totally reasonable (to 99% of people) menu and didn’t have buttered noodles to whip up on the spot and you’re still saying she’s a bad host?

No.

The kids and their parents aren’t necessarily in the wrong either, but that PP is NOT a bad host. Just no.

I empathize with her (?) because I am also a PP who has tried to cater to picky/demanding kids, getting something I was told they liked, without actually cooking them an entirely separate and totally different meal and was still told I fell short. That’s just ridiculous.

I guess we need to define good host. To me a host is someone who cares about the comfort and pleasure of their guest. The PP we are referring to says “I buy ingredients for a set meal and that’s it.” She doesn’t even have bread for a pb sandwich... and seems proud of her stance.

To me, that’s a way to be, but it is not the attitude of a gracious host. It’s saying Eat it or Lump It. The definition of good host in my book is literally one who caters to reasonable known desires and preferences.

Now if my friend comes for dinner and all her kid eats is baby carrots and I know that? I’ll try to have some baby carrots on hand. That’s reasonable.

I all he eats is lemon infused liverwurst on rice crackers made by an Italian company... I’ll apologize I couldn’t find his food and ask her to bring something he can eat.

Providing a set menu and refusing to deviate for known reasonable preferences with simple easily obtainable foods is not being hospitable.

Your friend is a nasty b. I have zero qualms about bringing food for my child to any house/restaurant/event. Part of my job as a parent is to advocate for my kids, and that includes making sure they have something healthy and enjoyable to eat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Having hot dogs and kabobs is not forcing a child to starve. You probably would think I’m a bad host then. I don’t have a huge supply of other food to whip up for your picky eater. No bread for pbj. I have a set menu I make and just buy those items. Frankly I didn’t care if the kid ate or if he just ate fruit or my other side dishes.

I do think you are a bad host! I would be horrified if a child left my house hungry after being served a meal.

I don't think you are a bad person but yes I think you are a bad host!

NP but what a bizarre response. Hot dogs, chicken kabobs, fruit, and presumably palatable side dishes and if I kid goes home without eating any of that, she’s a bad host? I’m an extremely generous host (I always have vegetarian options, my kid’s birthdays are 100% nut free— and none of us has allergies, I make a huge variety and tons of food always, etc.) But where does it end?!? We are not short order cooks, nor should we have to be to be considered good hosts!

If a kid went home hungry after all that, I’d think it was unfortunate and I certainly wouldn’t judge, but there’s no way I’d accept that was on me! My fault for being a bad host! Omfg

I think you are a bad host if you know that you are inviting a child who only eats a few foods, and you fail to provide those foods and fail to be gracious in allowing the parent to bring those foods.

If all the child eats is obscure food, no I don't think a good host needs to run out and provide that obscure food. But if a child does eat a common food like noodles, crackers or bread, and you do have noodles, crackers or bread... I think a good host would provide some noodles, crackers or bread for the child they have invited for a meal.

If you have invited a family you know well, you know about the child's eating habits and you can easily provide one thing, or ask the parents to being something. If you do not know them well, then of course you cannot know a child's eating habits and in that case you are not being a bad host if you fail to feed them.

But... listen, I’m the PP you responded to here (I said “Where does it end???”) but the Hot Dog and Kabob poster I was defending said absolutely nothing about her friends giving any indication that their kids were severely picky. So she made a totally reasonable (to 99% of people) menu and didn’t have buttered noodles to whip up on the spot and you’re still saying she’s a bad host?

No.

The kids and their parents aren’t necessarily in the wrong either, but that PP is NOT a bad host. Just no.

I empathize with her (?) because I am also a PP who has tried to cater to picky/demanding kids, getting something I was told they liked, without actually cooking them an entirely separate and totally different meal and was still told I fell short. That’s just ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Having hot dogs and kabobs is not forcing a child to starve. You probably would think I’m a bad host then. I don’t have a huge supply of other food to whip up for your picky eater. No bread for pbj. I have a set menu I make and just buy those items. Frankly I didn’t care if the kid ate or if he just ate fruit or my other side dishes.

I do think you are a bad host! I would be horrified if a child left my house hungry after being served a meal.

I don't think you are a bad person but yes I think you are a bad host!

NP but what a bizarre response. Hot dogs, chicken kabobs, fruit, and presumably palatable side dishes and if I kid goes home without eating any of that, she’s a bad host? I’m an extremely generous host (I always have vegetarian options, my kid’s birthdays are 100% nut free— and none of us has allergies, I make a huge variety and tons of food always, etc.) But where does it end?!? We are not short order cooks, nor should we have to be to be considered good hosts!

If a kid went home hungry after all that, I’d think it was unfortunate and I certainly wouldn’t judge, but there’s no way I’d accept that was on me! My fault for being a bad host! Omfg

I think you are a bad host if you know that you are inviting a child who only eats a few foods, and you fail to provide those foods and fail to be gracious in allowing the parent to bring those foods.

If all the child eats is obscure food, no I don't think a good host needs to run out and provide that obscure food. But if a child does eat a common food like noodles, crackers or bread, and you do have noodles, crackers or bread... I think a good host would provide some noodles, crackers or bread for the child they have invited for a meal.

If you have invited a family you know well, you know about the child's eating habits and you can easily provide one thing, or ask the parents to being something. If you do not know them well, then of course you cannot know a child's eating habits and in that case you are not being a bad host if you fail to feed them.

Anonymous wrote:When did this picky stuff become a thing? Was this a thing when you all were growing up? I don't remember it being a thing when I was growing up, we just ate what was there or went hungry and that was pretty much it. One of my grandmothers did the short order cook thing but she liked doing that for us kids and it made staying at her house fun.

Yeah, my brother who is now 46 was a severe picky eater, and he still is a picky eater.

He was pretty skinny growing up, but he was allowed to make himself food or get cereal or eat bread or noodles or mashed potatoes.

When we went out to eat dinner (rarely) he ate french fries.

When did this picky stuff become a thing? Was this a thing when you all were growing up? I don't remember it being a thing when I was growing up, we just ate what was there or went hungry and that was pretty much it. One of my grandmothers did the short order cook thing but she liked doing that for us kids and it made staying at her house fun.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sick of picky eater (the adult ones). I think picky eating is a personal failure.

We do ellyn satter too. No special meals. If my kids don’t eat it, nothing else appears. They eat what we eat. I’m willing to deconstruct the meal (chicken separate from pasta) but no more.

I wouldn’t be upset if someone brought their kid special food. I made chicken kabobs and hot dogs on the grill a few months ago. My friends kids refused either and I thought both were kid friendly.

My mashed potatoes hating child would not eat hot dogs (slimy), but would eat kabobs. She eats Sushi, Indian, Thai, Vietnamese, Italian, Mexican, etc., but not hot dogs or mashed potatoes. IThat’s the thing with food aversion; there is no predicting it.

There is no earthly way that telling someone else’s child ‘It’s my way or you starve’ would be remotely acceptable. Maybe to an older child, but I’d still consider them terrible hosts.

Having hot dogs and kabobs is not forcing a child to starve. You probably would think I’m a bad host then. I don’t have a huge supply of other food to whip up for your picky eater. No bread for pbj. I have a set menu I make and just buy those items. Frankly I didn’t care if the kid ate or if he just ate fruit or my other side dishes.

Didn’t say it was. You didn’t just serve 2 things to a bunch of little kids. And apparently don’t have a problem with the parents of picky eaters bringing their own food. Not at all analogous time the OP’s situation.

You guys should see how I cater to my dog's eating habits!

^ Ugh, you can't win! Should have bought your kid's meal then if they're that picky.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Having hot dogs and kabobs is not forcing a child to starve. You probably would think I’m a bad host then. I don’t have a huge supply of other food to whip up for your picky eater. No bread for pbj. I have a set menu I make and just buy those items. Frankly I didn’t care if the kid ate or if he just ate fruit or my other side dishes.

I do think you are a bad host! I would be horrified if a child left my house hungry after being served a meal.

I don't think you are a bad person but yes I think you are a bad host!

NP but what a bizarre response. Hot dogs, chicken kabobs, fruit, and presumably palatable side dishes and if I kid goes home without eating any of that, she’s a bad host? I’m an extremely generous host (I always have vegetarian options, my kid’s birthdays are 100% nut free— and none of us has allergies, I make a huge variety and tons of food always, etc.) But where does it end?!? We are not short order cooks, nor should we have to be to be considered good hosts!

If a kid went home hungry after all that, I’d think it was unfortunate and I certainly wouldn’t judge, but there’s no way I’d accept that was on me! My fault for being a bad host! Omfg